Obama

In today’s latest example of why primary elections mean that we can’t have nice things, Georgia Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Waffle House) has decided that he is NOT losing his chance at Saxby Chambliss’s Senate seat just because he once said that there might be a way for research to guide public policy as it relates […]

Though it’s always nice to be right, we really wish we had been wrong about Edward Snowden. We wish that he truly had been the super-genius martyr for freedom depicted by his most fervent supporters — and, if we’re being honest, by Snowden himself, with his talk of “sacrificing himself” and “risking his life” and […]

For your Clipbait this morning we bring you this important Geopolitical Satire about the continuing crisis in Ukraine, which the Daily Caller hails as an unprecedented slam against Obamacare and a scathing attack on “Obama’s feckless handling of Ukraine.” Which is to say that there is a joke in the sketch about Obamacare being unpopular. […]

“Who is Pat Boone?” No, we are not misquoting Ayn Rand’s pulp philosophy novel; we sincerely asked this when this very important National Enquirer story came down the chute because we are young and have been spared too much exposure to the crap culture of bygone years by loving parents and role models. (A Pat Boone primer […]

Oh my God, you guys, get ready to pack up your sex toys and hobo beans and flee to the Mexican refugee camps, because Real America™ has had ENOUGH with this Marxo-Islamunist bull hockey in Washington, and is coming for your SOULLSSSS. Girt in the armor of righteousness, but not carrying the AR-15 of the […]

We don’t know much about Texas politics, and we don’t want to. But it strikes us as maybe a bit desperate of Republican gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott to be campaigning with Ted Nugent, the terminally conservative guitar man of “Obama is a sub-human mongrel” fame, and Hillary Clinton “should ride my machine gun” fame, and […]

Sorry, New York City strip club aficionados, but you are probably going to be shelling out a bit more coin to naked ladies who pretend to like you for a few moments, because the New York State Division of Tax Appeals recently ruled that lap dances are not artistic performances and are therefore taxable. Let’s […]

Maybe you missed that there’s a sporting competition/clash of nations going on, so the NYT will make sure you have one million Olympics words to read. You think you don’t need to read those words because you already saw everything on TV, but you misunderestimate the NYT for their ability to run quirky pieces that […]

Last year, Barack Obama began his unending quest to ram Florida’s tender throat with an openly gay black judge, but Marco Rubio intervened and saved all of Florida, hallelujah Jesus be praised, because if one of the Senators from the nominee’s state doesn’t like him, that’s a nomination killer. Rubio blocked state court judge William […]

Remember way back on Monday when we lawsplained to you how inveterate fabulist Stephen Glass did not get to be a lawyer in California because of the ceaseless lying (and racisms!), and you guys were all like OH YEAH WHAT ABOUT BIRTHER QUEEN ORLY TAITZ, HMMM? SHE IS STILL A LAWYER, HENNNGGHH? We do not […]

Sorry, were you feeling left out because we told you that Cathy McMorris Rodgers was America’s New Sweetheart, but your sweetheart tastes do not run towards ladies, thankyewverymuch? Never fear. We are all-inclusive in our sweetheart finding and loving and praising here at Wonkette, and we have found you a delightful male counterpart to Chatty […]

Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008 snuck back out and sucker-punched the GOP right in the nards with like a million awesome words at the […]

You already know that we are hoping HARD for some State of the Union drama tonight, but we were figuring that it would come from Michelle throat-ramming America with gay sportsthugs. That’s a fine start, but we are your fucking base, Obama. Give us some red meat we can tear apart and devour and come […]

Were you hoping for a complete wingnut implosion over this year’s State of the Union? Oh come on of course you were, because otherwise that thing is just so boring. You really need something like a “YOU LIE” or baby Scalia aka Sam Alito eye roll to make your night complete. This year, expect maximum […]

Oh hello there. Happy Sunday! Were you just chillin’ out maxin’ and relaxin’ or were you thinking “gosh, I would really like to read eleventy million words about Rand Paul”? If the latter, the Sunday New York Times has got your back, Jack. Did we read the complete history of Rand, son of Ron? Oh, […]