Sucks for you, transgender kids!
Nancy Pelosi kicks all sorts of ass (in heels), Congress tries to avert another shutdown, and San Diego Rep. Duncan Hunter is in BIG TROUBLE MISTER, for which he's blaming his wife. Your morning news brief.
In case you've blocked out all of the horror over the past year, allow us to refresh your memory with Wonkette's top ten Trump-related posts!
What if they didn't hear Trump say 'shithole' because it just didn't register with them, BECAUSE THEY ARE ALSO RACISTS? Whoa if true!
LOOK HOW MANY STORIES WE WROTE ABOUT RUSSIA THIS YEAR, OH MY GOD.
Santa Mueller has a present for Paul Manafort, Trump's cabinet is hiding from the press, and Mike Huckabee goes to the movies. Your morning news brief.
Did Track Palin beat up his girlfriend again, allegedly? OR DID HE BEAT UP HIS DAD?
Listen to this man right now.
The howler monkeys WILL NOT STOP FUCKING HOWLING about how Robert Mueller, one of the most respected law enforcement officials in American history, IS A BIG GAY UNFAIR HILLARY LOVER.
Trump's trying to build his own secret Team America to run around and kidnap terrorists by using Iraq War and Iran-Contra rejects.
BREAKING: Donald Trump has lost his fucking marbles again.
STOP LAUGHING, THESE ARE VERY SERIOUS PEOPLE.
These people think they are morally superior to the rest of us.
Trump insults the US (again), Paul Ryan is losing tax reform, and Maria Bartiromo melts the fuck down. Your morning news brief!
Click to see how many jizz jokes we can make in one post. SPOILER IT IS A LOT.