Obama

Are you an Ambitious Young Person With Big Political Dreams? Probably not, because you are reading this blog, which most likely means that you are a disgruntled middle age-ish sort of person, because we mock the fuck out of millennials; also too we are not really all that sunshine and unicorns about politics, now are […]

President Obama can’t do anything right, especially when it comes to kids. For some reason, he will not personally fly to Nigeria to rescue kidnapped schoolgirls, probably because he is lazy. Or maybe it’s because he is pro-child sex trafficking. What, you didn’t know that Obama was totes cool with child sex trafficking? ARE YOU […]

In today’s latest example of why primary elections mean that we can’t have nice things, Georgia Rep. Jack Kingston (R-Waffle House) has decided that he is NOT losing his chance at Saxby Chambliss’s Senate seat just because he once said that there might be a way for research to guide public policy as it relates […]

Though it’s always nice to be right, we really wish we had been wrong about Edward Snowden. We wish that he truly had been the super-genius martyr for freedom depicted by his most fervent supporters — and, if we’re being honest, by Snowden himself, with his talk of “sacrificing himself” and “risking his life” and […]

For your Clipbait this morning we bring you this important Geopolitical Satire about the continuing crisis in Ukraine, which the Daily Caller hails as an unprecedented slam against Obamacare and a scathing attack on “Obama’s feckless handling of Ukraine.” Which is to say that there is a joke in the sketch about Obamacare being unpopular. […]

“Who is Pat Boone?” No, we are not misquoting Ayn Rand’s pulp philosophy novel; we sincerely asked this when this very important National Enquirer story came down the chute because we are young and have been spared too much exposure to the crap culture of bygone years by loving parents and role models. (A Pat Boone primer […]

Oh my God, you guys, get ready to pack up your sex toys and hobo beans and flee to the Mexican refugee camps, because Real America™ has had ENOUGH with this Marxo-Islamunist bull hockey in Washington, and is coming for your SOULLSSSS. Girt in the armor of righteousness, but not carrying the AR-15 of the […]

We don’t know much about Texas politics, and we don’t want to. But it strikes us as maybe a bit desperate of Republican gubernatorial candidate Greg Abbott to be campaigning with Ted Nugent, the terminally conservative guitar man of “Obama is a sub-human mongrel” fame, and Hillary Clinton “should ride my machine gun” fame, and […]

Sorry, New York City strip club aficionados, but you are probably going to be shelling out a bit more coin to naked ladies who pretend to like you for a few moments, because the New York State Division of Tax Appeals recently ruled that lap dances are not artistic performances and are therefore taxable. Let’s […]

Maybe you missed that there’s a sporting competition/clash of nations going on, so the NYT will make sure you have one million Olympics words to read. You think you don’t need to read those words because you already saw everything on TV, but you misunderestimate the NYT for their ability to run quirky pieces that […]

Last year, Barack Obama began his unending quest to ram Florida’s tender throat with an openly gay black judge, but Marco Rubio intervened and saved all of Florida, hallelujah Jesus be praised, because if one of the Senators from the nominee’s state doesn’t like him, that’s a nomination killer. Rubio blocked state court judge William […]

Remember way back on Monday when we lawsplained to you how inveterate fabulist Stephen Glass did not get to be a lawyer in California because of the ceaseless lying (and racisms!), and you guys were all like OH YEAH WHAT ABOUT BIRTHER QUEEN ORLY TAITZ, HMMM? SHE IS STILL A LAWYER, HENNNGGHH? We do not […]

Sorry, were you feeling left out because we told you that Cathy McMorris Rodgers was America’s New Sweetheart, but your sweetheart tastes do not run towards ladies, thankyewverymuch? Never fear. We are all-inclusive in our sweetheart finding and loving and praising here at Wonkette, and we have found you a delightful male counterpart to Chatty […]

Gentlemen, did you wake up this morning with a little extra pep in your Mr. Peepers? We sure did, because WE FINALLY GOT OUR PRESIDENT BACK! It’s like that awesome hopey and changey guy from 2008 snuck back out and sucker-punched the GOP right in the nards with like a million awesome words at the […]

You already know that we are hoping HARD for some State of the Union drama tonight, but we were figuring that it would come from Michelle throat-ramming America with gay sportsthugs. That’s a fine start, but we are your fucking base, Obama. Give us some red meat we can tear apart and devour and come […]