Wonkette

Our girlfriend Peggy Noonan has been more enjoyable than usual this year, as a tragically drawn-out Democratic primary battle provided her with endless opportunities to touch herself while Barack Obama spoke pretty things, and to then guiltily wash her hands and realize that Obama was, in fact, the Democrat and not Ronald Reagan and, indeed, kind of “multicultural,” if you get our drift. But all that tortured eloquence has vanished from Peggy’s column, because the oxycontin/vodka cocktail hit hard as soon as she finished typing the relatively sane setup of today’s “Declarations.” MORE »

The Oklahoma Republican who charmed her way into America’s heart by denouncing the Gay Menace is now getting angry emails from people who want her dead. But instead of just coming right out and saying it, letter-writers beat around the bush with a bunch of doublespeak. MORE »

The past several years have taught us all a valuable lesson: the nuttiness of a Republican legislator’s homophobic rantings is directly proportional to the secret gay shame of that legislator, and inversely correlated to the amount of time before that person gets busted doing the thing they professed to find so repugnant. By this math, Oklahoma State Representative Sally Kern will be discovered by week’s end trolling for muff in the ladies’ room of the World Golf Hall of Fame. MORE »

Indiana’s favorite perpetual Congressional candidate Tony Zirkle, the Republican crackpot who once proposed using the guillotine on “porn pimps,” has another innovative new idea for America: segregation! And his Congressional opponents have called his “fringe lunatic” antics “divisive, hateful, and uninformed,” because those opponents are boring people who fear exciting new ideas. MORE »