Famous dingbat Sarah Palin continues her exciting Publicity Tour of Middle America, and pretty soon she’ll be at the famous Giant Shopping Mall of Minnesota. Interested in covering her appearance? Well if you are, there’s a good chance you’re some kind of “reporter” or “communist.” What’s that? You speak the French? Then kindly go the fuck back to Russia because this is an AMERICAN event, for AMERICANS. Also, no questions or anything. Just watch her, quietly, for 10 minutes, and then get OUT come on this woman has books to sell! MORE »

From: vernon___@rocketmail.com
To: “ken@wonkette.com”
Date: Thu, Sep 10, 2009 at 4:00 PM
Subject: Fuck all You Asshole at Fox

You mutherfuckers are something else, I hope your organization crumbles. Your a racist organization, and if you work for Fox Then Fuck you & your family

Nutty Palin spokeslady Meg Stapleton was in New York when Nutty Palin suddenly resigned as governor of Alaska, the state that elected her as governor two-and-a-half years ago. Listen to Meg make NO SENSE as a baffled Anderson Cooper asks her again and again, “Lady why are you talking about basketball, and how does quitting equal leadership, and I don’t know who the hoop is, and who the ball is.” Cooper’s expressions around 4:40 are priceless. [CNN/YouTube]

America’s favorite doctor, Ron Paul, is struggling with demons we cannot even begin to comprehend. Here he is whining to an empty House of Representatives last night, about the night terrors he suffers and the horrifying intrusion of interdimensional orcs into his waking life. [YouTube]

It turns out that your Jake Tappers and Chuck Todds are in the minority when it comes to White House correspondents. Upwards of 98 percent of the people attending the White House’s daily press briefings are nutballs who don’t even write for news organizations and love to steal Politico’s chair. These insane people just like to hang out there, because it feels like “family” or “home” to them, spending hours in this cramped, low-ceilinged little bunker with Helen Thomas. MORE »

George Will was one of those Intellectual Conservatives who was championed by the Liberals for his courageous, journalistic act of questioning Sarah Palin’s ability to run the country, which she would have had to do when John McCain died on his third day in office. Will, naturally, was labeled a big city fairy who never would have had the courage to raise a Down Syndrome baby, except for the Down Syndrome baby that he did in fact raise. Well all that election nonsense is over, right, so Will was apparently trying to build back his conservative “base” points with yesterday’s bizarre wingnut rant about the fuckin’ liberals and their obvious plans to reinstate the Fairness Doctrine, which the liberals have no intention of reinstating. MORE »

For those of you at your very professional workplaces, here is the text of Sarah Palin’s latest verbal feat of derring-do: “What do they [The Liberals!] think? Do they think the terrorists have all the sudden become the good guys and changed their minds? No, the terrorists still seek to destroy America and her allies and all that it is that we stand for: freedom, tolerance, and equality. The terrorists have not changed their minds.” We at Wonkette do, in fact, believe that the terrorists have become the good guys. You can see Osama & Pals doing Habitat for Humanity work in the streets of any major American city. Planting new trees, picking up trash. Can’t anyone get a second chance, Sarah? [HuffPo]

KDKA in Pittsburgh reports this BREAKING NEWS item: “A Pittsburgh police commander says a volunteer for the McCain campaign who reported being robbed and attacked near a bank ATM in Bloomfield has confessed to making up the story. Police say charges will be filed.” Ah HA HA HA HAH HAH. Do not try to bullshit Wonkette, people! It might work on old Gullible McDrudge, but not here. Good work, cut-nut! [KDKA]

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Good gravy, this is the saddest act of “vandalism” we have ever seen. Some loser took a few printouts of paranoid AOL commenter-style talking points (big demerits for not using ALL CAPS, though, nut!) and carefully taped them to the windows of an Obama supporter’s minivan. This is how people brawl over politics in Silicon Valley, or what we call “America’s Canada.” Another photo after the jump. MORE »

The brave mayor of some little South Carolina suburb has been very busy forwarding everybody some emails (and probably this old Wonkette post) about whether that colored fellow Barack Obama is perhaps some creature sent by The Devil to have a mythological war with Dead Jesus — you know, the Anti-Christ! MORE »

Everybody in California’s 26th congressional district got this crazy-ass ALL CAPS hand-written freakout from beloved conservative bachelor David Dreier today. You can read the second page of ALL CAPS “MUST DRILL 4 OIL AT SEA WORLD OR ISLAMO FASCISTS WILL KILL KILL KILL” in the comments of basically all blogs everywhere.

One sad Oklahoma church won’t be giving away a very special semiautomatic assault rifle to one lucky boy or girl who loves the Lord. The Windsor Hills Baptist Church is holding a youth conference next week, which will feature “21 hours of preaching and teaching.” A shootin’ contest was also on the docket until the gentleman running the sacred event had to stay home because of “bone spurs on his foot” or somesuch (that is what they say in this video, here) so now the winner won’t get an AR-15 semiautomatic assault rifle, and Jesus weeps. [KOCO Oklahoma City]