Tag: nuns

SCOTUS Can’t Stop Making The Slut Pills Case More Complicated

Remember last week when we read the whole transcript of the "nuns don't want no slut pills" case, aka Zubik v. Burwell, aka Little Sisters of the Poor, and you were very grateful to us for our service to this...

We Read Today’s Entire SCOTUS Slut Pills Transcript So You Didn’t Have To

You may have forgotten that the Supreme Court of These Here Yoonited States actually hears cases, since for the last several weeks, its main functions seem to be (1) providing a rich source of material for conspiracy theorists who are pretty certain...
Professional cum-sock.

Gross Texas A.G. Ken Paxton Sure Hopes He Gets To Screw Some Ladies On Way To Prison

Let's see what our favorite indicted, maybe criminal Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is up to today, is he being a total dick just for the sake of being a dick? Yep, looks like it: Female employees of religious nonprofits...
Just sign it and shut up, sister

Federal Court Tells Nuns To Shove Paperwork Right Up Their Jesus Holes

There is this group of nuns in Colorado, and they are a bunch of dicks. No, seriously, They. Are. DICKS. The Little Sisters of the Poor Home for the Aged is ostensibly dedicated to doing good Jesus-y things, for old...
O'Reilly, you magnificent bastard, we'll never read your book

Truthful Newsman Bill O’Reilly Did Too See Those Nuns Shot Dead (No He Didn’t)

Oh hey guys, some shocking and unfathomable breaking news: Bill O’Reilly repeatedly said he was somewhere and saw something when he was not in fact there and did not in fact see that thing — to the fainting couch,...

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special NFL Crams Michael Sam Down America’s Throats Edition

You better believe that the St. Louis Rams drafting Michael Sam, the first openly gay football-flavored sportsball player, in the seventh round of the NFL draft, is one of the lead stories in today's New York Times. The Times...

Peggy Noonan Is So Sad Government She’s Been Working Her Whole Career To Break Is Now Broken

A new week broke in New York, but for Peggy Noonan, the depression that had invaded her soul like a column of Norman knights landing at Waterford kept her sluggish and listless as she moped about her chastely appointed...

Now It Is These Nuns Who Are Being Kind Of Dicks

Sonia Sotomayor singlehandedly stopped Obamacare in its tracks on New Year's Eve when she granted some nuns a temporary injunction from having to comply with a part of the Affordable Care Act while their lawsuit is being appealed. Except...

Pope Tells Priests And Nuns To Drive More Boring Cars

Oh, man, New Pope is doing that thing again, where he says stuff that makes us like him even if he is that head of a big corrupt institution that does evilnasty things. But we give him credit for...

Priest Booted For Failing To Be As Terrible As Pope

Happy Day-Before-Thanksgiving, Wonkette fans. Have you been making your list of what you are thankful for? We at Wonkette are deeply thankful that we haven't had to write about something awful the Catholic Church has done in, oh, minutes!...

Hero Congressman Defends America From Commie Socialist Nuns

Nuns are so sweet and all, trying to help others and whatnot, but they really should maybe think twice about all the barnstorming they are doing around the country lately until they take a class in civics, or math....

Mitt Romney Just Delighted To Wave Around His Blood-Soaked Death Squad Dollars

So, you know this picture? Wonkette editor Kris E. Benson likes to run it a lot. You've seen it 50 times maybe. Or 500, who knows? (Personally, our Romney-pic go-to is romneyapplauds.jpg.) So it turns out this picture is...

Iowa Congressman Cannot Even Breathe, He Is Laughing So Hard About Doing Violence To Nuns

What is the funniest joke you heard today? Did it have dicks in it? It probably had dicks in it. What is the best joke Iowa congressman Tom Latham has heard lately? "There's a bus-ful of nuns headed toward Washington...

Pope Yells at Nuns For Acting Too Much Like Jesus, Not Enough Like Pope

Nazi Pope Joseph Ratzinger is so proud of his image as the CEO of a lucrative club for child rapists who runs around modeling Prada shoes and phallic hats that he is going to celebrate, by scolding some nuns...

Stupak Throws Nice Nun Ladies Under The Bus

Now that all of the Catholic thingies, except the arch-pedophile Catholic Bishops, have endorsed passing the health care bill, mean old Bart Stupak is trying to show that, well, HE KNOWS MORE ABOUT CATHOLICISM THAN THEY DO SO SHUT...

59,000 Nuns Love ObamabortionCare

Don't know about you people, but we trust America's old virgin nuns much more than we do the Catholic Bishops, who just run an ancient kiddie-rape cult, since they can't have sex with the virgin nuns and are also...