• TREASONOUS ‘TALKING’ WITH IRAN CLEARLY FURTHERS CASE FOR BOMBING IRAN: “GENEVA — Iran and the big powers opposed to its nuclear program appeared to make progress Thursday in talks that included the highest-level direct discussions with the United States in many years, with both sides agreeing to hold further negotiations and the Iranians pledging to allow foreign inspectors into a newly disclosed uranium enrichment factory.” Upcoming Washington Post column: Should America Arm the Inspectors With Suitcase Nukes To Drop Discreetly Across The Country, Or Some Other Cool 24-ish Death Thing? [NYT]

Obama, Sarkozy and Brown’s disclosure this morning of a secret “other” Iranian uranium-enrichment facility hidden under the ground (crafty!) will have one certain effect: an outpouring of Very Serious Centrism from the Washington Post’s stable of pundits. David Ignatius, as you can see, has already commenced the fappery for bombing and war. “It’s hard to see how this one will end short of military confrontation if the Iranians don’t start bargaining for real,” Ignatius writes, as though he knows what he’s talking about. He also compares the current situation to the Cuban Missile Crisis, which famously ended before people started bombing each other. [Washington Post]

By the Comics Curmudgeon
Most people think that bunnies are cute and fuzzy and cuddly and lovable (like beloved Wonkette commenter Naked Bunny With A Whip). Most people are wrong. Within the heart of your run-of-the-mill, carrot-munching rabbit lies a monstrous carnivore that wants nothing more than to tear off your flesh with its razor-sharp incisors and then trample your bones with its unusually large feet. This week in Cartoon Violence, you’ll learn the truth about the rabbits, aka “nature’s terrorists,” and also about nuclear AIDS. MORE »

Hey everyone, it’s September 9 today, meaning that in only two days it’ll be… what will it be?… uh oh, WE FORGOT. HA HA HA, boy howdy. But yes: in two days it will be the seven (7) year anniversary of the day Rudy Giuliani couldn’t protect his own city from being attacked by commercial airplanes. And so for the next few days the Main Stream Media will “celebrate” with a slew of op-eds that sound like they were written in October, 2001. In today’s New York Times, for example, the Atlantic’s Jeffrey Goldberg has written the most terrifying, apocalyptic piece so far this season: that we have a 50% chance of getting nuked by terrorists in the next 10 years, according to Experts. MORE »

Barack Obama is giving a speech about Iraq now, but we imagine it’s (a) a fancier version of this and (b) impossibly unfunny. Ugh, this guy. Jesus was a messiah too, you know, but at least he presented a mockable stereotype of himself — “God’s son,” ha ha. So instead we’ll tackle his new ad, in which he talks to a bunch of old white people about that time he worked with some old white man to prevent nuclear weapons from falling into the hands of browns. [YouTube]

• White House lawyers ask the CIA if there’s any way they can covertly kill the people who have found out about the tapes. The CIA tells them, “no.” [NY Times]

• Oh, and hey New York Times, could you like, report things in a less damaging way? We’re dying over here. [The Hill]
• Apparently it’s important that Iowans go out to vote. [Washington Post]
• Huckabee now has something to lose: you know, this whole election thing. [NY Times]
• Bush orders cuts in nuclear weapons, but we’re not sure if they count as cuts if get rid of them by dropping them on people. [Washington Post]
• John McCain has money and stuff again, demonstrating that he will never ever ever go away. [Politico]
• Jealous much? [Poltico]
  

I know I ain’t really wrote nuthin’ befer, but you gotsta know I was feelin all aukwerd like after that whole Axes of Evel thing I sed and I hope you knows I just sed that stuff because it was on the teleprompter thingie and didn’t reely mean it, ok? So, yeah, like, my girl Condee sed that I shuld rite you and ask all nice that you play fare and do what you told China you were gonna do about tellin all of us about yer nuculer weapons and stuff, ok? Cuz like I know you sed that you wood tell us yer secret stuff by the end of the yeer, but Condee sed that mabee you meant like yer yeer and not our yeer and I got confuzed but can you plees do it soon because I don’t reely like riting letters. Yers, George. [LA Times]

“The head of Iran’s elite Revolutionary Guards dismissed the possibility of U.S. military action against Iran and warned that his forces would respond with an ‘even more decisive’ strike if attacked, an Iranian news agency reported Friday.” [MSNBC]

• Bush began final campaign trip in Montana, and will travel to other historically Republican strongholds that are now under threat. [WP, NYT]

• Campaigns to end with ad blitz that “will boost spending on political and issue advertising past $2 billion in this campaign, or $400 million more than in the 2004 presidential campaign.” [WP]
• U.S. Government website releases Iraqi nuclear “cookbook.” Post is titled, “BREAKING! Must Credit Saddam!” [NYT]
• Conservative Christian leader Ted Haggard resigns amid allegations of whoring, gaying. [WP]
• A cost/benefit analysis of raising minimum wage shows it does cost business owners, does benefit workers. [WSJ]
• Economist bloggers believe “Democrats are better for growth than Republicans.” [WSJ]
• Report by House Ethics Committee on Pagefuckergate cover-up to be released to an apathetic post election world. [WP]
• Latest Military authorization bill eliminates the, “Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction,” as the reconstruction no longer needs inspecting, obv. [NYT]
• New web-based tool showing Metro train arrival times aims to allow passengers an extra few minutes to take care of blowjobs before heading to the station. [WP]

• Justice Scalia speaks out against “homosexual sodomy,” boy/girl buttlove still totally awesome. [Raw Story]

• That feeling of dying a little on the inside you get when you read about the latest thing the President has done? Yea, his father gets it too. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Iraq is now in full-scale civil war. American troops will be unaffected as their orders remain, “just shoot everybody.” [The Swamp]
• If Venezuela gets the open seat on the UN Security Council, they will, “cockblock John Bolton at every turn.” [The Corsair]
• Cindy Sheehan planted her surgically removed uterus in the ground in Crawford, TX. [Hot Air]
• Bush now mining the fertile fields of late ’80s Tom Cruise movies for talking points. [HuffPo]
• Japan reconsidering nuclear weapons — if created, the warheads would be stored in a 5-missle changer available in either black or silver. [Captain's Quarters]

Norman Mineta resigned as Transportation Secretary. This seems to be important to many of you. We’re guessing those of you who ride the bus. Eww. MORE »