Wonkette

Barack Obama is giving a speech about Iraq now, but we imagine it’s (a) a fancier version of this and (b) impossibly unfunny. Ugh, this guy. Jesus was a messiah too, you know, but at least he presented a mockable stereotype of himself — “God’s son,” ha ha. So instead we’ll tackle his new ad, in which he talks to a bunch of old white people about that time he worked with some old white man to prevent nuclear weapons from falling into the hands of browns. [YouTube]

• White House lawyers ask the CIA if there’s any way they can covertly kill the people who have found out about the tapes. The CIA tells them, “no.” [NY Times]

• Oh, and hey New York Times, could you like, report things in a less damaging way? We’re dying over here. [The Hill]
• Apparently it’s important that Iowans go out to vote. [Washington Post]
• Huckabee now has something to lose: you know, this whole election thing. [NY Times]
• Bush orders cuts in nuclear weapons, but we’re not sure if they count as cuts if get rid of them by dropping them on people. [Washington Post]
• John McCain has money and stuff again, demonstrating that he will never ever ever go away. [Politico]
• Jealous much? [Poltico]
  

I know I ain’t really wrote nuthin’ befer, but you gotsta know I was feelin all aukwerd like after that whole Axes of Evel thing I sed and I hope you knows I just sed that stuff because it was on the teleprompter thingie and didn’t reely mean it, ok? So, yeah, like, my girl Condee sed that I shuld rite you and ask all nice that you play fare and do what you told China you were gonna do about tellin all of us about yer nuculer weapons and stuff, ok? Cuz like I know you sed that you wood tell us yer secret stuff by the end of the yeer, but Condee sed that mabee you meant like yer yeer and not our yeer and I got confuzed but can you plees do it soon because I don’t reely like riting letters. Yers, George. [LA Times]

“The head of Iran’s elite Revolutionary Guards dismissed the possibility of U.S. military action against Iran and warned that his forces would respond with an ‘even more decisive’ strike if attacked, an Iranian news agency reported Friday.” [MSNBC]

• Bush began final campaign trip in Montana, and will travel to other historically Republican strongholds that are now under threat. [WP, NYT]

• Campaigns to end with ad blitz that “will boost spending on political and issue advertising past $2 billion in this campaign, or $400 million more than in the 2004 presidential campaign.” [WP]
• U.S. Government website releases Iraqi nuclear “cookbook.” Post is titled, “BREAKING! Must Credit Saddam!” [NYT]
• Conservative Christian leader Ted Haggard resigns amid allegations of whoring, gaying. [WP]
• A cost/benefit analysis of raising minimum wage shows it does cost business owners, does benefit workers. [WSJ]
• Economist bloggers believe “Democrats are better for growth than Republicans.” [WSJ]
• Report by House Ethics Committee on Pagefuckergate cover-up to be released to an apathetic post election world. [WP]
• Latest Military authorization bill eliminates the, “Office of the Special Inspector General for Iraq Reconstruction,” as the reconstruction no longer needs inspecting, obv. [NYT]
• New web-based tool showing Metro train arrival times aims to allow passengers an extra few minutes to take care of blowjobs before heading to the station. [WP]

• Justice Scalia speaks out against “homosexual sodomy,” boy/girl buttlove still totally awesome. [Raw Story]

• That feeling of dying a little on the inside you get when you read about the latest thing the President has done? Yea, his father gets it too. [The Carpetbagger Report]
• Iraq is now in full-scale civil war. American troops will be unaffected as their orders remain, “just shoot everybody.” [The Swamp]
• If Venezuela gets the open seat on the UN Security Council, they will, “cockblock John Bolton at every turn.” [The Corsair]
• Cindy Sheehan planted her surgically removed uterus in the ground in Crawford, TX. [Hot Air]
• Bush now mining the fertile fields of late ’80s Tom Cruise movies for talking points. [HuffPo]
• Japan reconsidering nuclear weapons — if created, the warheads would be stored in a 5-missle changer available in either black or silver. [Captain's Quarters]

Norman Mineta resigned as Transportation Secretary. This seems to be important to many of you. We’re guessing those of you who ride the bus. Eww. MORE »

* But we can’t pay our booze bills with “trendy,” can we? [CNN Money] MORE »

* Senate approves $2.8 trillion budget as the debt ceiling is raised to $9 trillion; House moves ahead on $92b for war and the Gulf
Coast. [WP, NYT, W$J]
* Discontent between White House and Republican lawmakers has been stewing for years. [WP]
* Republican proposal would allow warrantless eavesdropping with added oversight. [WP]
* Some Republicans worry that democracy-building has reduced the overall strength of America. [NYT]
* House approves $4.2b in hurricane relief for Louisiana. [NYT]
* Congressional leaders want to tweak nuclear agreement with India. [NYT]
* Bush selects Idaho governor to lead the Interior Department. [WP, NYT]
* Sen. Frist produces immigration bill without Bush’s guest worker program. [WP, NYT]
* Ashcroft is “setting himself up as something of an anti-Abramoff.” [NYT]

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