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Posts Tagged ‘nro’

THAT DIDN'T TAKE LONG

Never Mind, National Review Is Birthers, Too

Thursday, July 30th, 2009

What beer will the Witch Doctor drink??????????Remember that weird day earlier this week when famous wingnut pamphlet National Review made that bold anti-birther stand, saying it was really time to distance the once-respected conservative mag from the retard-right “Nobama’s the illegal alien” trailer-park circus? Well, ha ha, whoops, never mind: “On reflection, I think this was an ill-considered assertion.” And blam, four pages of Errg, where’s the long-term certification I heard that’s considerable different from short-stop computer certificates? Blacks can’t be president! [National Review]


NOSTALGIA

Why Can’t GI Joe Kill Slants & Gooks Like He Used To, When He Was American?

Thursday, July 30th, 2009


You know who used to be American, when he killed fucking foreigners in “World War II or Korea or one of these places,” while wearing the proper green “Army duds,” before liberal Hollywood turned him into a cocksucking cross-dresser? GI JOE THAT IS WHO, come on. MORE »


REPUBLICANS IN THE NEWS

Wingnut National Review Enrages Wingnuts By Calling Birther Conspiracy a Bunch of Nonsense

Tuesday, July 28th, 2009

'Natural born' means in the butt, right?It’s a good thing National Review isn’t a Real American business that need to make money or anything, because otherwise it would go broke after the outrageous decision by its libtard editors to publish a long, detailed and sane deconstruction of the Birther Conspiracy. Of course, none of the NRO cowards would dare sign their actual name to such an outrage against Ron Paul’s Constitution, so it’s just signed by “The Editors” — French for “le pussies.” Really, look at what these socialist zeroes are writing about Nobama: “Like Bruce Springsteen, he has a lot of bad political ideas; but he was born in the U.S.A.” MORE »


IMPRISONED DUE TO LACK OF FECUNDITY

Tuesday, July 7th, 2009

The original hockey mom‘STARBURST’ LOWRY COINS GREATEST SARAH PALIN ANALOGY IN ENGLISH LANGUAGE: “Juneau had become to Palin almost what the Tower was to Anne Boleyn. ” Except that Anne Boleyn had one child and eleven fingers, while Palin has eleven children and one finger. TRUE FACT. [National Review Online]


LOVE HURTS

NRO Editor Can’t Get Himself To Mention Sarah Palin’s Tabloid Scandals

Wednesday, June 24th, 2009

If only David Letterman showed such gentlemanly restraint!
John Ensign, yep, he’s got the scandals. Oh and this Mark Sanford, yes, he is flying back and forth to Argentina to have sexytime with Ms. Not His Wife. Hmm, what other GOP 2012 name is plagued by “tabloid scandals” — the one who steals Neiman Marcus clothes and made a Sex Den for her teen-aged daughter and spends all her time yelling at a late-night talk show host? EXTRA HINT TO RICH “STARBURST” LOWRY: You cum in your slacks when you see her on the teevee. [The Corner]


GOOD JERB

NRO The Corner Posts Something Inoffensive

Thursday, June 4th, 2009

Where are the starbursts?
At least there’s some basic Internet incompetence we can laugh at, together, as a nation. But this is probably the first post on the National Review online comedy hour, The Corner, that doesn’t fail every basic test of intellect and reason. [The Corner]


DO NOT WANT

Jonah ‘K-Lo’ Goldberg Having LA Affair With Itself?

Tuesday, April 28th, 2009

There's some pornography in the In Box, all right ....
“Weird news,” indeed. Christ! Can’t you people keep your foul third-rate romance/low-rent rendezvous off the freakin’ Internet, which really doesn’t need more pornography, and certainly not the kind you two would create. Ugh. Thanks, Sadly, No!, for the year’s supply of Nightmare Fuel. [The Corner]


OVERSHARING

K-Lo Would Like Bristol Palin To Know It’s Not That Hard To Avoid Sex All Your Life

Thursday, March 12th, 2009

Happy Single Mom Halloween forever!America’s favorite humorist, National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez, would like Little Miss Hot Slut Bristol Palin to know that this whole “sex” and “hookee” (?) thing is irresponsible for us unmarried gals, because it’s super hard to remember to take those birth-control pills every day. And what if the condom breaks? Did you know that condom is likely filled with a boy’s spermlings? “So glamorous,” writes K-Lo. Yeah, she would know! Wait, she wouldn’t know at all, right? MORE »


AMERICA'S COMEDY WEBSITE

NRO Dildo Has Been Accurately Predicting President Obama’s Failures Since March ‘08

Wednesday, February 4th, 2009

In an effort to be “objective” and feel like “a big deal,” the Washington Political Press has decided Barack Obama’s 16-day presidency is in Crisis Mode, possibly collapsing exactly like Nixon, late in his second term, right now! The evidence, so far, consists of Obama doing pretty much everything he said would be done in the first days of his first four-year term, including signing several symbolic/significant bills and orders, appointing three actual Republicans to his Cabinet, and steamrolling an epic Economic Stimulus package through Congress that will (in whatever final form) be the most ambitious thing of its kind since the New Deal. So, uh, FAIL? MORE »


MATH AND NUMBERS

Friday, November 28th, 2008

K-LOAD: Mouth-breathing fart-sack Kathryn Jean Lopez has posted a confusing new Word Jumble, in which she claims that Prop. 8, the Mormons’ financial assault on California homosexuals, “won by the same margin as Barack Obama did in that state.” Obama crushed McCain 61%-37% in California, while Prop. 8 squeaked by with 52%. [Andrew Sullivan]


CIVIL WAR

Kathleen Parker Mocks the Wingnuts’ God

Wednesday, November 19th, 2008

I don’t believe in an interventionist God ...There were always two of them, at America’s favorite comedy blog, National Review Online. It was the Rule of the Two, as written by Dark Lord Reagan, on Dagoba. “Kathleen” would be a clever writer and kind of funny and attractive, although still a terrible Fascist, and “Kathryn” would be, well, “K-Lo.” Obviously, the smarter of the two would eventually be forced to admit that Sarah Palin is a dumb cretin. And now this one, Kathleen Parker, is touching herself in a tub of Holy Water, while smoking her last cigarette and laughing at the idiot bible-thumpers who ruined the Republican Party, forever. This is all in the Washington Post! MORE »