Anyone who has ever been on an Amtrak train—especially during rush hour or the onset of holiday weekends—knows how much better things would be aboard that train if passengers were allowed to bring guns on it. Any and all conflicts would be basically pre-solved, because whoever wins is just whoever has a gun, see? Anyway, Congress is all for it, and they are willing to withhold $1.5 billion in funding from Amtrak—or shoot Amtrak with a gun concealed in its messenger bag—unless this is allowed by April. MORE »

A group of important politicians, including Senators Harry Reid and John Ensign and also the beloved waitress-assaulting alcoholic buffoon Governor Jim Gibbons, gathered ’round uncomfortably to dedicate a new 2900-acre shooting park in Clark County, Nevada yesterday. Ensign reportedly “gazed into his lap, fiddling with his wedding band, turning it this way and that, slipping it off and putting it on different fingers.” What a douche! MORE »

Yay, it’s Sarah Palin Tuesday! Anybody who reads that sentence and thinks, “Ugh who even cares about that woman, she is as boring as Meghan McCain” is welcome to just go slobber over Foreign Affairs if they thirst so deeply for knowledge. Everyone else can stick around for exciting Sarah Palin Memorial Gun News. MORE »

• The FBI invaded a dorm party thrown by the college sophomore who “hacked” Palin’s email, but he escaped, and is probably hiding out in the bedroom of any girl who watched him outrun the Feds. [Fresh Intelligence]
• Obama is stockpiling all America’s guns for himself, forcing this poor Bitter to go into the woods and find Obama and shoot him with the last remaining deer rifle. [Ben Smith]
• Use this Internet website to convince the government to buy all your dumb shit when you eventually move to the Dominican Republic, to live in Charlie Rangel’s illegal pleasure villa. [Matthew Yglesias]
• In the grand tradition of all people to have visited North Dakota, Obama has decided to get the hell out of there. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Looks like McCain’s plan to postpone all the Trooper-Gate business until after the election worked. This will be accomplished by hiding Palin from some tuff-guy named “Branchflower” until January.  [TPMMuckraker]

John McCain spoke to his Confederate friends at the N.R.A. convention last week, shortly after Mike Huckabee made a joke about killing Barry Obama. McCain uttered such horrible sentences as this: “Someone should tell Senator Obama that ducks are usually hunted with shotguns.” Ha ha, what was he even talking about? DUCKS? MORE »

Here he is, your favorite evangelical former Arkansas governor and failed GOP candidate Mike Huckabee, cracking up the NRA folks with the old “Hey the colored boy is a-scared of your rifles” line. Ha ha ha! [Daily Kos/Gawker]

John Hugya, Pennsylvania Representative Jack Murtha’s chief of staff, used Murtha campaign funds to buy a rifle and some knives and other gun-nut baubles at an auction held by the Friends of the National Rifle Association. And then Hugya counted the $2151 he spent as a gift from the Murtha campaign, even though the Murtha folks said the money was a payment to Friends of the NRA for “advertising.” Talk about a scandal! MORE »

Above, the now famous video of Rudy Giuliani taking a call from “his wife” in the middle of a capitulating speech to the NRA, who, understandably, hate him for supporting stricter gun control measures while mayor than just about any other politician in the country besides those who are or have been mayors of large cities. But maybe his wife wasn’t actually the one who was calling him! If you watch the video, and you’re a fan of either guns or the Constitution (or both!), you might notice that America’s Mayor is, in fact, in the middle of fundamentally misquoting our beloved Second Amendment when his wife calls. Our patriotic colleagues at FreeRepublic certainly noticed. MORE »

Tipster “Matt” writes: “C-SPAN is covering all the GOP candidates as they kiss the NRA’s ass. Anyway - Rudy’s cell phone just went off and he answered it in the middle of his speech about judges. He made a big show about how much he loves his wife on the phone etc. Anyway it was very awkward and the audience really hates him.”

A 10-month-old baby in Illinois was issued a Firearm Owner’s Identification Card last week, complete with an ID photograph of the infant. MORE »

* Fred Thompson loves getting paid to act like a Nazi. [Real Clear Politics]
* Karl Rove and Christopher Hitchens get high, light candles, paint pentagrams on the floor, each other. [Election Central]
* Dennis Kucinich is a space cadet. [PrezVid]
* Ron Paul debates himself. [Hit & Run]
* Most famous hirsute penis in the land to party in DC next week. [The Sleuth]
* Yea, but Sudan only terrorizes its own people, so it’s fine. [Think Progress]
* NRA wants you to pry legally purchased guns from the cold dead hands of terrorists too. [Intoxination]