Tag Archives: NRA

  counting down the weekly top stories

And Then Suddenly All Eyes Were On Charleston. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Beautiful souls, each and every one.
Well, Wonkers, it was a sad week, as we, and the nation, became transfixed on the gruesome murders that took the lives of 9 people attending a Bible study at a historic black church in Charleston, South Carolina. And wouldn’t you know it, even amidst such rage and sadness, wingnuts still managed to fuck it up more, by saying some of the grossest things imaginable. And surprise, some of those posts made this week’s top ten! Read more on And Then Suddenly All Eyes Were On Charleston. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Enraged about all of these things

Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M

What's left to say?
Dylann Storm Roof killed black people because he wanted to kill black people. Roof admitted this! But maybe it’s not about race. Let’s take another trip down Wingnut River to see why Roof’s nine victims — Rev. Clementa Pinckney, Tywanza Sanders, Susie Jackson, Cynthia Hurd, Sharonda Coleman-Singleton, DePayne Middleton-Doctor, Ethel Lee Lance, Myra Thompson, and Rev. Daniel Lee Simmons, Sr. REALLY died. Read more on Here Are 9 Wingnut Reasons For Charleston Murders That Aren’t Spelled R-A-C-I-S-M…
  Here's a fucked up thing

NRA Dude Identifies Real Charleston Shooter. Surprise, It Was The Black Pastor!

RIP
We have only begun to graze the tip of the iceberg when it comes to obscene, disgusting wingnut reactions to the Charleston mass murder that ended the lives of 9 black churchgoers, aged from 26 to 87, on Wednesday night. So we guess it’s time for NRA people to start saying words, and surprise, they are not good words. Charles Cotton is a member of the NRA’s board, and he knows who killed those people. No, not Dylann Storm Roof, the alleged gunman who has since confessed, silly! It was Rev. Clementa Pinckney, state senator and pastor at Emanuel AME Church, according to Cotton. How did Pinckney manage that? By voting against a bill that would have allowed people to carry concealed guns in church, of course! Read more on NRA Dude Identifies Real Charleston Shooter. Surprise, It Was The Black Pastor!…
  A Shot In the Derp

New Study: No, Dear, The Answer Isn’t More Guns

Not much of a deterrent to crime, but kawaii as anything
Writing for a politics blog is weird. Yr Dok Zoom had just finished saving an earlier version of this piece Wednesday night when he opened a beer and decided to look at Twitter before heading to bed. That wasn’t such a great idea, in terms of sleeping well. And so we shall reframe what had just been an interesting bit of research into a direct reply to the geniuses who know, deep in their hearts, that when two or more are gathered in God’s name, at least one must be carrying a gun, and then mass shootings would be even rarer than they actually are. Read more on New Study: No, Dear, The Answer Isn’t More Guns…
  An Armed Society is a Bullet-Riddled Society

After Waco Shootout, Know What Texas Needs? More Guns EVERYWHERE!

This is silly. The real Texas vending machines include some revolvers.
On Sunday, Waco, Texas played host to a guns-and-knives ballet performance by the Bandidos and Cossacks motorcycle clubs, leaving 9 dead, 18 injured, and 170 in jail. On Monday, the Texas Senate debated HB 910, a bill that would allow open carry of handguns just about everywhere in the state. Also up for consideration is SB 11, which would allow concealed carry of weapons on college campuses. There is no connection at all between the shootout and the pending legislation, because shut up is why. Read more on After Waco Shootout, Know What Texas Needs? More Guns EVERYWHERE!…
  Bang Bang My Baby Shot Me Down

NRA To Louisiana: Lady Beaters Are People Too, Should Have All The Guns

People Not To Date, #762 in a series
The National Rifle Association is doing what it does best, making sure that as many people have guns as possible, regardless of insignificant little details like the possibility that they might not be ideal Armed Citizens. Like, for instance, people found guilty of domestic violence. In Louisiana, where it’s already illegal for people convicted of domestic violence against a member of their household to own firearms, the NRA helped gut a bill that would have kept firearms out of the hands of those who committed violence against people they dated but don’t live with. Read more on NRA To Louisiana: Lady Beaters Are People Too, Should Have All The Guns…
  Let's See How They Blame This On Gay Marriage

9 Dead In Waco Biker Fight; Armed Society Not Quite So Polite

Almost certainly the fault of single mothers
Nine bikers were killed in a fight at a restaurant in Waco, Texas, Sunday, as rival motorcycle gangs fought each other over not much of anything. The violence has left observers wondering what it is about Texan people that leads them to such wanton violence; we’re waiting in vain for so-called “moderate Texans” to condemn the actions of the thugs within their midst. Read more on 9 Dead In Waco Biker Fight; Armed Society Not Quite So Polite…
  Bang bang liberty you're dead

NRA: President Hillary Clinton Is Already Murdering Freedom

She's coming for YOU. And YOU. And YOU.
The corpse that was America’s liberty until President Obama killed it is not even cold yet, but the National Rifle Association is already warning us of the extra-death of liberty that lies ahead, since Hillary Clinton “has formally declared her intention to assume the office of president of the United States.” (We assume she intends to do this by winning the presidential election, like she said, but maybe she’s just going to assume the office without the farce of democracy, so she can get right to extra-deathing our liberty. That’s probably the plan.) Read more on NRA: President Hillary Clinton Is Already Murdering Freedom…
  too bad there are no other guns in the Middle East :(

Ben Carson: The Only Way To Stop A Bad ISIS With A Gun Is A Good ISIS With A Gun

It's very hard to memorize all the NRA's talking points.
Ben Carson is revealing some of his secret campaign platform magic early, hurray! We thought we would have to wait until Monday, May 4, when Carson officially announces his failed presidential run, to learn how Carson would handle pressing things like ISIS, but the wait is over! Just give everybody guns, because there sure aren’t enough guns over in those Middle East parts! Read more on Ben Carson: The Only Way To Stop A Bad ISIS With A Gun Is A Good ISIS With A Gun…
  that's not racial transcendence

What If We Cut Off Food Stamps And Starve The Poors In Baltimore? That Might Work!

Baltimore’s citizens are as mad as hell and sick and tired of being sick and tired, and every jerkhole with a mouth has an opinion about what they really need to shut ’em up and make ’em stop being so mad and sick and tired and and protesting about it and getting themselves beaten up and killed by the police all the time. Read more on What If We Cut Off Food Stamps And Starve The Poors In Baltimore? That Might Work!…
  Just what everyone needs

NRA: Know What Baltimore Needs? More Guns, So Everybody Can Stand Their Ground!

This would fix everything
With all of those people marching and looting and hip-hopping in the streets again, the National Rifle Association’s social media experts have teamed up with Still Dead Andrew Breitbart’s Cyber Tickle Fest For Insecure Neckbeards to tell America the HARD TRUTH about the rampant thuggery in Baltimore: Read more on NRA: Know What Baltimore Needs? More Guns, So Everybody Can Stand Their Ground!…
  Just One More Reason To Abolish The IRS

The NRA Has Some Lessons For SarahPAC On How To Cheat At Campaign Finance

America, fuck yeah.
You will probably find this very difficult to believe, but it’s possible that the National Rifle Association is a big lying liar. No, not just about how guns are the only thing standing between freedom and tyranny, or about the how everyone needs a gun to safely get through breakfast, or even about how the Second Amendment was handed down from Jesus so that America would always be God’s favorite country. No, it seems that the NRA may also have lied a whole bunch, for years, to the IRS. And also may have violated several federal campaign finance laws, too. Fortunately, the NRA probably doesn’t have to worry too much — if there’s one organization that’s exempt from following piddly little laws, it’s the NRA, because your average charity doesn’t have a bunch of armed radicals ready to start shooting if they think the feds are going to take their guns away. Which is what making the NRA follow campaign and tax laws would be, you just know it. Read more on The NRA Has Some Lessons For SarahPAC On How To Cheat At Campaign Finance…
  Let's gossip about the week that was!

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People

It's the best day of the week!
Hola, Wonkers, we hope that your Sunday is treating you well. Pull up a chair, for we must now gossip about all the hilarious and CONTROVERSIAL stories that you clicked on the most this week! We thought you would all be super-excited about Marco Rubio running for president, but none of those stories made the top 10, :(. Guess Rubio will never be president now. Also never being President? Hillary Clinton, because none of her stories made the top 10 either! It’s all yours, Rand Paul! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People…
  I was just cleaning my "gun" and it went off

NRA Convention Is Jizz-Soaked Festival Of Guns, Fear, Hillary-Hate, More Jizz

Scenes from the hotel rooms at the convention, probably.
The 2015 NRA Convention concluded this weekend in Nashville, and despite the fact that attendees were not allowed to carry their guns every single place they wanted, even if they thought they saw an ISIS or a black person, the convention reportedly went off without a hitch! Or a safety! In fact, the convention seems to have gone off in the pants of many of the speakers and attendees, but in a good way! Let’s enjoy some jizz-soaked highlights, which are the natural product of what happens when so much gun-humping happens in one place. Read more on NRA Convention Is Jizz-Soaked Festival Of Guns, Fear, Hillary-Hate, More Jizz…
  Let's Call The Whole Thing Off

Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?

What's with the pinkie there? Does he always do that? We'd never noticed
Donald Trump was welcomed to the National Rifle Association’s annual meeting this weekend, and of all the minds analyzing the situation in the Middle East, the finely tuned think-organ of Donald Trump is definitely one of them. He has discovered the real reason  the terrorist group known in Arabic as الدولة الإسلامية في العراق والشام (ad-Dawlah al-Islāmiyah fīl-ʿIrāq wash-Shām ) is so darned much trouble: Because our so-called “president” uses the wrong danged acronym for it in English! Read more on Donald Trump: How Can We Win If Obama Keeps Saying ‘ISIL’?…
  But what if a bad guy with a gun gets in?

No Guns Allowed At NRA Convention, Now Everyone Will Get Mugged :(

But how can I get Sarah Palin to autograph my lady gun if I can't take it to the convention?
WHOA gun-humpers better put their right hands on their hearts and their left hands on the guns they put in their underpants to make their bulges look bigger, because the beloved National Rifle Association may have been infiltrated by Obama-loving anti-American liberals. They have announced that at their annual convention of donkey-fucking nutbags, to be held this weekend in Nashville, you aren’t even allowed to have loaded guns! How is this even safe? What if a bad guy with a gun somehow infiltrates the premises, like an Ay-rab or a black person? Read more on No Guns Allowed At NRA Convention, Now Everyone Will Get Mugged :(…
  from my cold wet hands

Tennessee Wants Only Real Guns Near Schools; Toy Ones Could Put An Eye Out

sorry rambo, thanks for playing
Not all guns are lethal weapons. And thanks to a new Tennessee law working its way through the Rocky Top Reason Mill, these poser firearms will have no place near the state’s schools. Real guns? They’re still totally cool and not just for field trips to Graceland. Read more on Tennessee Wants Only Real Guns Near Schools; Toy Ones Could Put An Eye Out…
  she can bring home the bullets

NRA Sad That Obama Hates Ladies Who Use AR-15 Ladyguns

pew! pew!
The Department of Alcohol Tobacco and Firearms is considering whether to ban the manufacture, import, and sale of a particular type of armor-piercing ammunition known as M855 or “green tip” bullets. These bullets are compatible with AR-15 assault rifles and are illegal except for sport shooting, mostly for when the deer are wearing body armor. SETTLE DOWN we are kidding, we know people shoot AR-15s with green tip ammo for gunfun at shooting ranges (but not all shooting ranges, including the NRA’s, because are you crazy, these bullets are really dangerous). Until recently, these bullets haven’t been compatible with handguns, but a fabulous new gun has come onto the market and it is an AR-15-style handgun that can shoot green tip cop-killer bullets! For some reason, the ATF doesn’t really want people to be able to use these bullets in handguns, but since they are widely available for sport shooting, ATF is thinking, huh, people might buy some and stick them in their handguns. And since there are many other fun bullets you can use for sport shooting with your AR-15, ATF wonders whether it might just be better to ban the armor-piercing ones. Read more on NRA Sad That Obama Hates Ladies Who Use AR-15 Ladyguns…
  Circular Firing Squad

NRA Will Drown Grover Norquist’s Islamic Terrorism In A Bathtub

Douche fight! Douche fight!
Better take cover, kids, because there’s a big ol’ Battle of the Rightwing True Believers a-brewin’, and there’s no telling where the stray rounds will hit. Seems that Grover Norquist is getting a little Politics of Personal Destruction thrown his way as he seeks reelection to the National Rifle Association’s Board of Directors. The whole ugly slapfight is covered in excruciating detail by Chaotic Evil Breitbart Horcrux Matthew Boyle, who chronicles the internecine dustup with all the enthusiasm of a junior high school girl telling all about the big cafeteria brawl that got That Bitch Melanie and That Other Bitch Breeanna a week of after-school detention. Read more on NRA Will Drown Grover Norquist’s Islamic Terrorism In A Bathtub…
  We're Fresh Out Of Kittens Sorry

Who Are We Shooting This Week? Oh, It’s Girl Scouts!

The problem isn't guns, of course. It's never guns.
So let’s get straight to the good-ish news: Nine-year-old Sinai (pronounced “sih-NYE”) Miller, who was hit by a stray bullet from a drive-by shooting Tuesday while selling Girl Scout Cookies in Indianapolis, is going to be fine. You know, as fine as a 9-year-old girl can be after a gunshot wound to the leg. Also, people are ordering cookies from her Girl Scout troop like crazy, because that dizzy optimist Anne Frank was right about most people being good at heart, and if you can’t make it so a nine-year-old girl becomes un-shot, at least you can buy some goddamned cookies. It’s a profoundly decent useless gesture, which is about what we’re reduced to when we can’t really be shocked by a kid in a poor neighborhood catching a bullet. Read more on Who Are We Shooting This Week? Oh, It’s Girl Scouts!…