Tag Archives: nostalgia

  the good old days

Wingnuts Fondly Remember Simpler Time, When Americans Were Too Poor For Buttsex

Fancy a roll in the gay?
Back in my day, you didn’t just HAVE buttsex. You had to work for it, and each time you got it was a special treat. You had to walk uphill to get it, both ways, in the snow, and when you got there, your pecker was simply too frostbitten to get your reward. Ever tried to jam an icicle between a rock and a hard place? It breaks. And that was your pecker. Read more on Wingnuts Fondly Remember Simpler Time, When Americans Were Too Poor For Buttsex…
  You Got Your Jesus In My Gun Bill!

Arizona Wingnut Senator: We Can’t Make You People Go To Church, So Have Some Guns Instead

Jesus is actually registered in her district
Look, all you screamy liberals, Arizona state Sen. Sylvia Allen is NOT introducing legislation to make going to church on Sunday mandatory, so stop your exaggerating and whining. She just thinks that such a mandate would be an excellent idea, is all. Read more on Arizona Wingnut Senator: We Can’t Make You People Go To Church, So Have Some Guns Instead…
  pining for the bantustans

WND Smart Man Erik Rush Wishes People Would Remember Good Sides Of Apartheid Too

It’s maybe too late to stop people from getting all carried away, but wackaloon WND writer and frequent Fox News guest Erik Rush just wants to inject a note of caution into all this hoopla over the passing of Nelson Mandela. Oh, sure, people say he was a great man and all, but isn’t all this celebration of an old guy who wore colorful shirts overlooking a couple of key points? On his radio program last week, Rush suggested that what’s really needed is a strong dose of perspective: “You know I hate to rain on the parade here, but there really isn’t a whole lot to celebrate aside from this synthetic symbolism that is being made out of someone who, you know, didn’t do much,” Rush said. “Apartheid went away, great. There are South African blacks who have told friends of mine they wish it was back because the country was safer, if you can believe that.” Yeah, stupid South Africans, why do you insist on celebrating the life of one-man-crime-spree Nelson Mandela? Read more on WND Smart Man Erik Rush Wishes People Would Remember Good Sides Of Apartheid Too…
  nice nice very nice

It’s Not A Rerun, It’s A Tradition: Fine Here Is Your Bloody Kurt Vonnegut

When November 11 rolls around, this quote from Breakfast of Champions gets dragged out of storage and put on display for the occasion of Kurt Vonnegut’s birthday and Armistice/Veterans’ Day. God knows we’ve done it ourselves, too. But that’s what remembrance and ceremony are for, after all, as mile markers on our half-blind flatcar ride through time. And since it remains an awesome quote, and since Vonnegut never feared flirting with cliché, neither will we. Let’s have another nice rummage through the mental attic with Uncle Kurt: Read more on It’s Not A Rerun, It’s A Tradition: Fine Here Is Your Bloody Kurt Vonnegut…
  Department of Nostalgia

Fine Here Is Your Bloody Kurt Vonnegut

When November 11 rolls around, it’s pretty common to see this Kurt Vonnegut quote about the date trotted out, and god knows we’ve done it ourselves a few times in the past ourselves. But it’s an awesome quote anyway, and since Vonnegut was never afraid of flirting with cliché, neither will we. Let’s have a nice rummage through the mental attic with Uncle Kurt: Read more on Fine Here Is Your Bloody Kurt Vonnegut…
  i love the '00s

‘Macaca’ Legend George Allen Determined To Destroy Wonkette By Being Boring

“George Allen” is one of the names inscribed in gilded letters in Wonkette’s Book of Legends. For those of you too young to remember, he was a senator from Virginia and considered a viable candidate for the Republican nomination in 2008, but before he could become George W. Bush II: The Bushening, he had to win re-election in 2006. This went hilariously wrong, as it did for many Republicans that year, starting with him calling the Indian-American dude who was paid by the Democrats to follow the campaign around with a camcorder “macaca,” which is apparently a weird ethnic slur of some kind. It also came out that maybe he used some less hilarious racial epithets when he was in college, and also put a severed deer’s head in a black family’s mailbox. Next, it turned out his mother was a secret Jew, which he had a dumb freakout about. Then he didn’t get re-elected. BUT! Jim Webb, the Democrat and gun-crazed maniac who beat Allen, is now leaving the Senate in disgust, and Allen has decided to run for is old seat again. Which meant that this year should have been full of fun macaca times, and yet it … hasn’t been? WHOSE FAULT IS THIS? What evil spell have the Jews placed on George Allen, in a plot to reduce Wonkette’s pageviews? Read more on ‘Macaca’ Legend George Allen Determined To Destroy Wonkette By Being Boring…
  promises kept?

Obama Just Wants to Remind You That He Won Iowa In 2008

The Obama campaign released a web video Tuesday morning as a friendly reminder to America that the President already knows who won the Iowa caucuses — in 2008, when he was Man of That Distant Year. Looking at pieces of media like this, it’s remarkable to think that Obama has the so-huge-it-sounds-fake sum of $99 million in the bank. Where is it all going? So far, it’s funding a 4th-grade-level iMovie cut with a terrible rock soundtrack that sounds like the music at the end of America’s Next Top Model when the winner is jumping up and down, slapping a hand to each cheek and crying, I WONNNNN. Read more on Obama Just Wants to Remind You That He Won Iowa In 2008…
 

Rejoice, White America: There Is a Candidate Just For You!

Hey guys, did you hear about the Negro Menace? Apparently it’s a growing problem for White America. There was a time when Democrats used to stand for something (slavery), but what do they stand for today? Electing a scary woman or a half-black Muslim terrorist, that’s what! And Republicans may talk the talk, but when it comes down to it, the best of them will only deport Mexicans, who aren’t even black. Read more on Rejoice, White America: There Is a Candidate Just For You!…
 

Vanity Fair Reports Rumor We Already Knew

They have a big-ol Mark Foley story in the issue that drops this week — big revelation is that the White House knew about the Page-fucking, and convinced Foley to drop out of the Senate race before the rest of the world figured it out. Which we heard (and wrote something or other about) back in Cocktober. Read more on Vanity Fair Reports Rumor We Already Knew…
 

This Also Explains the Resurgence of Post-Punk and Cocaine

This CNN graph of gas prices over the last couple decades, adjusted for inflation, proves it conclusively: George W. Bush is four cents away from being as bad a President as Jimmy Carter. By the only standard the electorate applies consistently, anyway. Read more on This Also Explains the Resurgence of Post-Punk and Cocaine…
 

*BREAKING* WHITEWATER FINALLY OVER, CLINTONS THROWN IN JAIL FOREVER AND EVER, NEW WALLFLOWERS ALBUM SHOOTS TO TOP OF CHARTS

Our long national nightmare etc. etc. etc. The seven-year, $70 million Whitewater investigation that toppled an Arkansas governor and dogged Bill Clinton for most of his presidency officially drew to a close Monday when the U.S. Supreme Court declined to hear the last remaining appeal. Read more on *BREAKING* WHITEWATER FINALLY OVER, CLINTONS THROWN IN JAIL FOREVER AND EVER, NEW WALLFLOWERS ALBUM SHOOTS TO TOP OF CHARTS…