Wonkette

Dear President Bush:

Thank you for your letter of December 3. The Supreme Leader of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and best natural golfer in the world asked me to write to inform you that he feels he has done a more than adequate job of revealing our nuclear resources. We will not be responding to further requests for clarification. Please remit further fuel, oil and steel payments to this address per our agreement, as we plan to continue to bolster our war-deterrent capabilities and don’t wish to have to buy those things ourselves while we’re spending our limited resources on our nuclear weapons program. Again, thank you for your concerns, but they are completely unfounded.

Sincerely,
Random Lackey.

North Korea Says It Has Said Enough [NYT]

I know I ain’t really wrote nuthin’ befer, but you gotsta know I was feelin all aukwerd like after that whole Axes of Evel thing I sed and I hope you knows I just sed that stuff because it was on the teleprompter thingie and didn’t reely mean it, ok? So, yeah, like, my girl Condee sed that I shuld rite you and ask all nice that you play fare and do what you told China you were gonna do about tellin all of us about yer nuculer weapons and stuff, ok? Cuz like I know you sed that you wood tell us yer secret stuff by the end of the yeer, but Condee sed that mabee you meant like yer yeer and not our yeer and I got confuzed but can you plees do it soon because I don’t reely like riting letters. Yers, George. [LA Times]

North and South Korea are close to finally ending their 57-year-old war. Of course the US will refuse to sign the peace treaty until Kim Jong Il officially gives up all of his nuclear ambitions, a goal we’ve assigned China to take care of. Also, if possible, can a “winner” be declared? It’s kinda depressing when wars end in 50-year stalemates! [WP]

Former Ambassador to the UN John Bolton received something called “The Bradley Award” at the Kennedy Center last night. Bolton started by thanking the Bradley Foundation and his current employers, the American Enterprise Institute, then got weird. MORE »

* Pat Leahy thinks Karl Rove needs to go under oath. Chuck Schumer thinks it’s “highly unlikely” that Alberto Gonzales will have a job after this week. [NYT]
* David Iglesias was the world’s greatest voter fraud prosecutor before he wasn’t. [WP]
* Carol Lam, on the other hand, got what she deserved for inconveniencing esteemed government officials like Duke Cunningham and Dusty Foggo. [WP, LAT]
* US Military is unprepared to begin new exciting wars. [WP]
* Patrick Kennedy tells Ted Kennedy to, “do it for the crazies dad, do it for me.” [NYT]
* State Department gives North Korea its drug money back. [NYT]
* What’s this “internet primary” all the kids are talking about these days? [WSJ]
* The Smithsonian: still free, thanks to tax-payers like you. [WP] MORE »

Remember 2002, when we were all flyin’ high on paranoia and dread? Those reassuring warpigs in the Bush Administration knew what we needed: more enemies with more firepower, to keep America on its toes. And so Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction and North Korea was enriching Uranium.

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Bush has to go to remote cowtowns in Northern Nevada to find a friendly crowd these days, but it seems he still has some “star power” on the international stage. MORE »

Each week, we invite the Comics Curmudgeon to explain Today’s Cartoons.

You may not believe this, but we here at Cartoon Violence would love to see an elevated political discourse in this country. You know, people clearly staking out their positions on the issues, debating each other on matters of substance, trusting voters to choose the candidate whose values and policy preferences match their own, yadda yadda yadda. But if there’s anything that hard experience has taught us, it’s that nobody else in America is interested in that kind of crap, and the major political parties are more than happy to go along with the prevailing political mood. The Republicans are all like THEY’LL LET TERRORISTS KILL YOU and the Democrats are all like THEY FUCKED UP THE WAR and Republicans are all like THEY’LL LET GAYS RUIN YOUR MARRIAGE and the Democrats are all like THEY’LL LET GAYS ELECTRONICALLY MOLEST YOUR SONS and Republicans are all like THEY EAT PUPPIES and Democrats are like THEY EAT KITTIES, AND DO SO INCOMPETENTLY.

Well, you know what? We can play at that game too. And so, on that note, we offer some cartoons that probably have some weighty point to make, but we’re just going to find something juvenile about them to make fun of.

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