North Carolina Governor Joins Terrorist Fisting Cabal
Tuesday, June 10th, 2008North Carolina Governor Mike Easley, who supported Hillary Clinton when she was still alive and famously called Obama a “pansy,” which the media assumed meant “fag,” is suddenly in league with this same fag, as demonstrated by this terrorist fist jab they shared at a North Carolina rally yesterday. Look at the gal in the muu-muu, walking away. She knows what’s up. The rally was literally lined with dangerous roaster chickens. [YouTube]
This weekend, Mike Huckabee gave North Carolina lieutenant governor candidate Robert Pittenger a fried squirrel liver, knowing that it was tough, so when Pittenger choked, Huckabee came and hugged him from behind (as per the Heimlich Manuever), saving his life, making himself Vice President. Or, he was merely humping a man who was choking to death. [
NO RETREAT, BABY, NO SURRENDER: “Upon more questioning, the campaign advisers acknowledged some hard truths. Even if the Florida and Michigan delegations were seated, it would not be enough for a win. The financial health of the campaign appeared grim — Mrs. Clinton loaned herself $6 million last month, and she is prepared to donate more. And if there was good news to share about overnight on-line fund-raising totals, Mr. Wolfson did not mention it.” [
Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you’re like, “Oh, but the math.” This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [
Here is your Relief Editor, clocking in one million hours after the polls have closed, and all we know is that Barack Obama won North Carolina and Indiana is filthy with Hoosiers. That pretty much brings us up to speed, right? Let’s LIVEBLOG the speech Barack Obama is about to give, explaining why he does not have “a tone of condensation” (that is what Tom Brokaw called it) when he talks to the Little People. 
…And she’s single! Well maybe not, but Hillary Clinton will soon be single when Bill divorces her and becomes president again on his own terms. Because Hillary is losing her ass off in North Carolina, and will only win by like 5 points or whatever in Indiana (although they haven’t called), and Bill never loved her anyway. Then we can go back to liking Hillary ironically until she dies, in 2209 AD. More liveblogging? More liveblogging! 
“Decisive victory,” says sleepy-face Tim Russert. Decisive enough? Or, as sleepy-face Tim Russert says two minutes later, “status quo”? How big did Barry win North Carolina? Nobody will say, just yet, but they will, so … Begun, this live blog has. (Part Two 
After all, wasn’t the inventor of basketball, Al Gore, from Indiana anyway? These are two of the many questions surrounding tonight’s Indiana primary, which will be followed by a North Carolina primary like 30 minutes later. Results, that is. Is Chris Matthews punching Keith Olbermann yet, which is what he does to get off? Let’s liveblog more (part one 
Oh man, the polls are already closed in Indiana? What time zone are they on over there, 1952? Anyway, we’ve already learned that Obama’s got a double-digit win in North Carolina (doesn’t count because of blacks) and Hillary had a four-point lead in the Indiana polls, blah blah, he’s still handily winning as far as those delegates. Let’s see what the teevee tells us is the truth! 
IT’S JUST LIKE THEY PREDICTED: MATT DRUDGE IS SHOUTING ON HIS WEBSITE, “EXITS SHOW EASY OBAMA WIN IN NC,” SO THAT’S ONE FOR OBAMA SO FAR, HUMANS. [