NO RETREAT, BABY, NO SURRENDER: "Upon more questioning, the campaign advisers acknowledged some hard truths. Even if the Florida and Michigan delegations were seated, it would not be enough for a win. The financial health of the campaign appeared grim — Mrs. Clinton loaned herself $6 million last month, and she is prepared to donate more. And if there was good news to share about overnight on-line fund-raising totals, Mr. Wolfson did not mention it." [New York Times]
Cable news anchors, you are all fired, except for Chuck Todd. You freak out for weeks about all the crazy doomsday scenarios in which Hillary Clinton might be able to WREST the nomination from Captain Hope, and finally at 2 a.m. you're like, "Oh, but the math." This is a photograph of Hillary Clinton also thinking about math. [New York Observer]
Here is your Relief Editor, clocking in one million hours after the polls have closed, and all we know is that Barack Obama won North Carolina and Indiana is filthy with Hoosiers. That pretty much brings us up to speed, right? Let's LIVEBLOG the speech Barack Obama is about to give, explaining why he does not have "a tone of condensation" (that is what Tom Brokaw called it) when he talks to the Little People.
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...And she's single! Well maybe not, but Hillary Clinton will soon be single when Bill divorces her and becomes president again on his own terms. Because Hillary is losing her ass off in North Carolina, and will only win by like 5 points or whatever in Indiana (although they haven't called), and Bill never loved her anyway. Then we can go back to liking Hillary ironically until she dies, in 2209 AD. More liveblogging? More liveblogging!
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"Decisive victory," says sleepy-face Tim Russert. Decisive enough? Or, as sleepy-face Tim Russert says two minutes later, "status quo"? How big did Barry win North Carolina? Nobody will say, just yet, but they will, so ... Begun, this live blog has. (Part Two is here, Part One is here, the Pre-Game Commentary is here.)
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After all, wasn't the inventor of basketball, Al Gore, from Indiana anyway? These are two of the many questions surrounding tonight's Indiana primary, which will be followed by a North Carolina primary like 30 minutes later. Results, that is. Is Chris Matthews punching Keith Olbermann yet, which is what he does to get off? Let's liveblog more (part one here) and hope that Hillary doesn't finally kill our souls forever.
Oh man, the polls are already closed in Indiana? What time zone are they on over there, 1952? Anyway, we've already learned that Obama's got a double-digit win in North Carolina (doesn't count because of blacks) and Hillary had a four-point lead in the Indiana polls, blah blah, he's still handily winning as far as those delegates. Let's see what the teevee tells us is the truth!
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IT'S JUST LIKE THEY PREDICTED: MATT DRUDGE IS SHOUTING ON HIS WEBSITE, "EXITS SHOW EASY OBAMA WIN IN NC," SO THAT'S ONE FOR OBAMA SO FAR, HUMANS. [Drudge Report]
LIVEBLOGGING THE BEST EVER PRIMARY: Oh hey, are they still doing those primary elections? Yes, yes they are! In North Carolina and Indiana, we hear. Join us at ... let's see, about 7 p.m. Eastern time? Sure, why not. Our reporters will be "on the ground" in North Carolina at Bob Jones University, and with John Cougar Mellencamp in the heartland of Indiana, and your editor will be in Guam doing "sex tourism." DON'T FORGET TO BUY EXTRA LIQUOR & GUNS ON THE WAY HOME.
Bill Clinton laughed and laughed at people who fainted during one of his interminable speeches in the fetid North Carolinian heat, and this is yet another reason he should not be elected president again. [AP]
Here is Hillary Clinton looking like a fool with a bunch of old gals around her, one of whom is going in for the kill. This cluster in North Carolina this morning is perhaps the most dangerous place for humans to be in the world, ever. After the jump, another comical picture of Hillary, this time stealing someone's child for a blood cocktail.
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Just a few months ago, Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey were such great friends that rumors flew about their torrid lesbian affair. But now that Barack needs Oprah to reel in the votes of bitter Indiana housewives, Oprah's suddenly so busy that, according to one media analyst, "it might be easier to rearrange George Bush's schedule than Oprah Winfrey's schedule." Is Oprah really busier than America's laziest president, or are more sinister forces at play?
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How adorable it was to see Barack Obama play basketball with the University of North Carolina men's basketball team this week. But was it maybe, HMMM, an NCAA violation?
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'THIS LADY RIGHT HERE MAKES ROCKY BALBOA LOOK LIKE A PANSY': Yes, that is what the governor of North Carolina just said about Hillary Clinton. [Political Ticker]
If you turn on the Internet and visit any of its websites, you'll find some guy or gal's analysis of the Pennsylvania primary results and the future of the election. While there only may be one or two ways to assess the question of "Does an ongoing primary hurt or help the Democrats?", the Internet's "Rule of 10 Million" means that there are somehow 10 or 20 million ways to assess it. We'd like to chip into the pot with three of our own, from readers.
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Say what you will about John McCain — for example, that he's mentally deranged old lobbyist whore with a Robert Jordan complex — but he actually means it when he talks about certain quaint old-fashioned notions like "honor." So when the North Carolina Republicans announced they were going to run this stupid race-baiting "Did you know Obama is black, and angry?" ad, John McCain fired off a furious email to the state party chairwoman lamenting the degradation of Our Civics and defending the honor of the Process. Read his honorable fulminations after the jump!
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