Tag Archives: north carolina

  It's on his hat

Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again

It’s not just a hat — it’s a plan! Everyone knows the Demoncrat Party is the party of Latino vote frauding and election rigging — usually with mind control. So here’s a neat twist! This time, it’s Republicans who want to rig the next election in a certain way, and that way is to keep the name DONALD J. TRUMP off their primary ballots: Read more on Republicans Plotting To Take Away Your Freedom To Make America Great Again…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!

My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom
My Little Pony: Friendship is a Plot to Steal Your Guns and Destroy Freedom Our piece last week on the nice North Carolina dad who was an ardent Open Carry enthusiast (and whose Facebook page was full of pro-gun, anti-Obama, and anti-Muslim messages) who shot his two preschool-aged sons to death drew the usual bunch of Second Amendment defenders who gunsplained to us that the problem isn’t guns — it’s never guns — but it also received complaints from folks with a refreshingly new perspective, if by “refreshingly new” you mean “familiar clichés that we haven’t seen in at least a week or two.” You see, kids, as would-be commenter “Valerie Emmons” informs us, we are actually huge hypocrites for even being the least bit upset about a drunk man who shot his 3- and 4-year-old sons multiple times after assaulting his wife, because we also support a women’s right to choose a legal surgical procedure: Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Guy Who Murdered Kids Only A Distraction From Planned Parenthood’s Crimes!…
  Yes Again. And Again.

Open Carry Dude Assaults Wife, Kills Two Sons, Keeps Second Amendment Safe

Nothing funny to say. The boys were three and four years old when their dad killed them.
In what would, in a sane nation, be a national outrage, a responsible lover of the Second Amendment murdered his two little boys, aged three and four, before turning the gun on himself and not quite managing to commit suicide. In a sane nation, there might also be something shocking about this being the second time since December that a vocal open-carry advocate has shot family members to death. But we live in America, so it’s just one more story that we’ll read, shake our heads at, and perhaps wonder if it’s ever going to be time to talk about guns. Read more on Open Carry Dude Assaults Wife, Kills Two Sons, Keeps Second Amendment Safe…
  Could Someone Please Use A Stalin Analogy For Variety?

Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum

Don't assume the Iran deal is a Shoah thing
In the days since Mike Huckabee’s fascinating, totally new strategy of calling Barack Obama Hitler for negotiating a freeze on Iran’s nuclear arms program (which can never work because Iran is Nazi Germany), the Republican Party has rediscovered just how heady that metaphor is, with an enthusiasm not seen since the halcyon Teabag Summer of 2009, when Obama was Hitler for making people get health insurance. Only now, as Huckabee himself explained, it’s totally different, because there are Real Jews who will get Holocausted by Iran! And never mind whether actual Jews are offended by the comparison, because after all, the Jews went and let themselves get killed in 1939-1945 anyway, so they probably need a Baptist preacher to explain things for them. It should be no surprise that Republicans are running to jump on the bandwagon — or maybe it’s more of a Panzerkampfwagen — to sagely proclaim that yes indeed, Barack Obama is pretty much Hitler, Chamberlain, or maybe both of them plus Adolf Eichmann, just itching to send all the Jews to Auschwitz, now that he’s given Iran the Sudetenland and the Bomb. Which they were going to get if there hadn’t been a nuke deal, but somehow actually limiting their nuke program is worse. Read more on Auschwitz Museum To Rename Itself ‘Nothing Compared To Obama’s Iran Deal’ Museum…
  Why can't they just go somewhere else?

Stupid Fox News Idiots Confused Why Sharks Always Live In The Ocean So Much

Sharks is confusing!
Making fun of “Fox & Friends” twice in one day? SOLD! Here is your video of the dumbshit couch talking about a very scary shark attack that happened in South Africa to surfer Mick Fanning, and how it’s one thing when normal swimmers get attacked by sharks, but when big important surfers get attacked by sharks, then we have a problem, because don’t the sharks even know who they’re messing with? (They are messing with humans, who, even when they are badass surfers, are smaller and not as badass as sharks.) Read more on Stupid Fox News Idiots Confused Why Sharks Always Live In The Ocean So Much…
  Sweet Jesus look at this hot guy

Beached North Carolina Wingnuts Worry Only Gays Will Get Rescued From Drowning Now

Hi lifeguard. My name is Evan. You want to save my life? I'll pretend I'm drowning so it looks legit. Or I can just meet you after your shift and we can make out. Whatever you want
In the wake of the Supreme Court’s Gay Marriage Throat-Cram-A-Thon, wingnuts have had hilarious reactions and stupid reactions and melodramatic reactions, and all of the other reactions that are dumb and bad. But here is one that takes the cake (but not the gay wedding cake; wingnuts are not allowed to be within 50 feet of those). Some people in Carolina Beach, North Carolina, were just out sunning their beached bodies when they saw (oh no!) a rainbow flag flying from one of the lifeguard post of the dashing gentleman pictured above, and immediately knew that meant that only gays would be rescued from drowning on that beach: Read more on Beached North Carolina Wingnuts Worry Only Gays Will Get Rescued From Drowning Now…
  Civil Whites March

KKK Throwing Totally Non-Racist Confederate Flag Party At South Carolina Capitol

Hello KKKitty
In South Carolina, the Loyal White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan are planning to rally in support of the Confederate flag at the South Carolina Statehouse July 18. Yr Wonkette is wholly in favor of the event, since it will be the first completely honest show of support for the treason rag. We love Bree Newsome, the woman who climbed up and pulled the flag down Saturday, but the Klan’s support may actually be far more effective at getting the flag permanently removed from the Statehouse. Read more on KKK Throwing Totally Non-Racist Confederate Flag Party At South Carolina Capitol…
  Here Is The Church Here Is The Steeple...Damn!

African American Churches Sure Burning Down A Lot, Probably War on Christians

Yes, we know none of the churches were in Mississippi. But YOU try finding a movie called 'Georgia,Tennessee, Florida and Both Carolinas Burning'
This is a bad thing: Six African American churches have been burned, since the June 17 murders of nine people at Emanuel AME Church in Charleston, and arson is suspected in at least three of the fires. The FBI and Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives are investigating, and while there’s no evidence yet that the fires are connected (and accidental causes are suspected in two fires), four Southern black churches burning within a week of a racist murder seems statistically unlikely to be pure random chance. Read more on African American Churches Sure Burning Down A Lot, Probably War on Christians…
  Burn That Mother Down

Hero Shows Removing Confederate Flag Mostly A Matter Of Pulling The Damned Thing Down

Always wear a helmet when tearing down a symbol of oppression
Meet your new national hero, Bree Newsome, of Raleigh, North Carolina, who was arrested Saturday morning for climbing the flagpole outside the South Carolina Statehouse in Columbia and taking down the Confederate flag, taking a rather more direct approach to the problem than Nikki “Brave Sir Nikki” Haley has. The New York Times notes that Newsome was “nearly halfway up the pole when a State Capitol police officer on routine patrol ordered her to come down. The authorities said the woman, who was wearing climbing gear, had ignored the command.” In a remarkable show of restraint, the cops did not shoot her for ignoring their commands, which suggests that our law enforcement officers is learning. Read more on Hero Shows Removing Confederate Flag Mostly A Matter Of Pulling The Damned Thing Down…
  Empathy Has No Place In The Classroom

NC Teacher Resigns After Reading Kids Fairy Tale With The Queer Kind Of Fairies

Why is the little prince bringing flaming asparagus to a wedding?
Thanks to protests by easily-outraged parents, a teacher and an assistant principal at an elementary school in Efland, North Carolina, have resigned after the teacher read third-graders a perfectly innocuous book about a gay prince who finds love. The teacher, Omar Currie, read the story to his class after overhearing students taunting a boy in his class, calling him “gay” and saying he was acting like a girl. He’d borrowed the book from Assistant Principal Meg Goodhand, so she had to go, too — far too much gay propaganda thrown at innocent children who were simply exercising their constitutional right to bully a little homo. Read more on NC Teacher Resigns After Reading Kids Fairy Tale With The Queer Kind Of Fairies…
  Nobody Said The Law Has To Be Equal Did They?

Prosecutor Says Latino Wife-Beaters Are Cool, As Long As They Beat Their Own Kind

Because there really aren't any funny illustrations for this topic
Back in 2000, Congress did a good thing. It made it possible for undocumented immigrants who were victims of domestic violence to get a special visa — called “U visa” — to encourage victims to come forward and get help. It’s a pretty smart program, except it has one little problem: Local prosecutors decide whether to process the victim’s applications, and some local prosecutors are assholes, like the district attorney for Gaston County, North Carolina, who has the Ultimate Southern DA name of Locke Bell. Mr. Bell decided, all on his own, to reject a U visa application from a pregnant woman whose boyfriend punched her in the stomach, and he offered this flawless reason: He’s pretty sure the law “was never intended to protect Latinos from Latinos.” Why, that’s just silly — only commies think illegal immigrants are real people. Read more on Prosecutor Says Latino Wife-Beaters Are Cool, As Long As They Beat Their Own Kind…
  let's challenge her to a rap battle

Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten.

Don't hate the playa, hate the game.
WELL HELLO THERE, Wonketariat! It is Sunday, which means it’s time for us to go to brunch and also gossip with you about the week’s top stories, but before we get to that, we feel compelled to quickly discuss the picture above, which Ann Romney, wife of Mitt, shared on the Twitter after her husband’s charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield. Is Ann Romney in a gang now? PROBABLY, because she is so street. She told the Twitter that she was very excited to be part of “Mitt’s posse.” Anybody who coughs up a video of Romney (husband OR wife) twerking wins an “Obamaphone.” Read more on Ann Romney May Be In A Gang, Hide Your Kids! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  weep for the oppressed Christian majority

North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever

If you don't pray in Jesus's name, the big guy in the sky can't hear you.
North Carolina’s Lincoln County doesn’t have any Jewish, Muslim or Hindu houses of worship, but that does not mean the godless liberal Ay-rabs, with their San Francisco Sharia Law values, aren’t currently attacking the poor Christians who populate the rural county. This is why Carrol Mitchem, chairman of the Lincoln County Board of Commissioners, has chosen a particularly stupid passion in life, which is making sure all county meetings start with prayers to Jesus, only Jesus, and definitely none of them Funny Gods from Foreigner-ville: Read more on North Carolina Official Not About To Listen To Ay-Rabs Makin’ Prayers To Allah Or Whoever…
  Grrrrrl power

North Carolina Will Make You Wait For That Abortion Until You Realize You Don’t Want It

You're cool with this now, right?
Chicks, amirite? So hormonal and impulsive and never knowing what they really want. That’s why they are lucky to have the North Carolina General Assembly to protect them from making bad decisions, with HB 465 — a bill to extend the state’s 24-hour waiting period for abortions to 72 hours, which passed on Thursday. Because really, is one day enough time to realize you don’t want to kill your baby? Probably not. Read more on North Carolina Will Make You Wait For That Abortion Until You Realize You Don’t Want It…