north carolina

Thanks to the internet, anyone can be a journalist — this is one of the great things about the web, and so it was Big News when a plucky Citizen Journalist caught this video of the Feds busing in a bunch of illegal immigrants to a Walmart in Concord, North Carolina, where they then went […]

Are you a person of a duskier hue? Maybe one of our fellow Americans with a really “great tan”? Maybe, because of this variation in skin color from the sallow peachish color of many of us, your forebears actually had to “harvest” cotton, all forced-like. But did you know, friends of color, that according to […]

In a victory over the forces of Political Correctness and animal rights extremists, the North Carolina General Assembly has bravely legalized the annual Possum Drop in Brasstown, a New Year’s Eve “tradition” (since 1990) that some idiots who own a convenience store thought would be fun. The special exception to the state’s wildlife laws was […]

Patrick Cannon, the hotty (former, disgraced) mayor of Charlotte, North Carolina, pleads guilty today to the crime of loving too much, and also the crime of “bribery or whatever,” and also having some sort of fake feminine hygiene product that he wanted real money for? And something about a nightclub? Was unclear.

While the votes in the Democratic primary for North Carolina’s 2nd Congressional District were still being examined yesterday to determine whether a runoff would be necessary, the as-of-then second-place candidate, former state Commerce Secretary Keith Crisco, died in a fall at his home in Asheboro. The likely winner of the primary, former American Idol winner […]

The great pageant of democracy (or before our more excitable teabagger friends write in, “Our Constitutional Republic”) lurched forward yesterday and vomited forth a whole bunch of candidates for the fall general elections! Let’s wipe ‘em off and see what they look like — just don’t get too close. The big question on everybody’s mind: […]

Updated: see end of post Things may get a little awkward for North Carolina state Senate candidate Steve Wiles (R-Denial), who’s one of three candidates in tomorrow’s primary for his district. See, he’s been touting his support for the state’s ban on same-sex marriage, but then over the weekend, the manager of a gay nightclub […]

It is not often that we ask you terrible people to do much besides laugh at our jokes and give us all of your monies. But now we need your help, or at least the help of our readers who live in North Carolina, the (remarkably) less crazy Carolina. We need you to register as […]

There are about 70 challenges to anti-gay marriage laws making their way through the nation’s courts right now, thanks to the gays wanting to wreck marriages in every state. However, this latest challenge, a lawsuit challenging North Carolina’s Amendment One, a nice little piece of mob rule ballot initiative legislating that says that the state […]

Dear Hotty Charlotte Mayor Patrick Cannon, The Touch, the Sigh, the Moment when we wake at Night, in a cold sweat knowing it was just a dream and you are as far from us as you can be, because of how you will probably be going to prison. Our darling, how long must we be […]

Liberal lovegod Ronan Farrow and weird political freakshow Glenn Beck don’t agree on much of anything, but here’s a Kumbayah, We Are The World moment for you: both say bullying a 9-year-old boy who likes My Little Pony is bad, and if boys want to like a cartoon “for girls,” that’s actually just fine, thanks. […]

You all remember how the Republicans made a big show after Nobummer’s re-election of learning that maybe putting all their eggs in the ‘angry white man’ basket might not work in modern America? That lasted about 2.8 seconds, until Republicans started, you know, being Republican. But since the report that outlined that sincere push was […]

We aren’t even sure that it’s news any more when a Republican says that the President of the United States is the worstest most horrible person ever, because that is like printed on GOP letterhead by now, isn’t it? Still, this seems like maybe it’s a new click of the old “He’s not one of […]

So this funny thing happened: North Carolina’s dick governor, Pat McCrory, went with a bunch of aides to photo op at a grocery store or something (fanfare for the common man-styley) and the guy who went to help him realized who he was and was super-rude to him and got fired. The guy, Drew Swope, […]

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we scrape our browser tabs for the stories that are too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite worth a full post, stir in some weapons-grade snark, and serve it up to you. We recommend you add your own mental lubricant, but not right before you […]