North Carolinians, did you know your only national senator besides godless Kay Hagan is some guy who wanted his wife to withdraw his family’s entire savings from his local bank one ATM transaction at a time? If everyone had done this back in September, maybe we really could have had a good old-fashioned Depressiony bank run like in olden times. MORE »

South Carolina slaveholder Katon Dawson was this close to becoming the new RNC chairman, but the yankees rallied ’round Maryland black person Michael Steele, who has since brought disgrace to the white party by talking about hip hop and websites. THIS WON’T STAND. Dawson is now orchestrating a “no confidence” vote against this vaguely African fellow, Michael Steele, while Dawson’s North Carolina ally has demanded Steele stop talking about the rap music. MORE »

This video is magical: “Shawn Turschak of Chapel Hill was tired of someone stealing McCain-Palin campaign signs from his yard. Turschak, with a degree in electrical engineering, hooked up a third sign to a power source for an electric pet fence Monday and also put up a surveillance camera.” Look at the little Obama kid get ZAPPED like a ho and then run home to his father, Joe Biden. Ha ha! DAMN KIDS. [AP, YouTube]

Whoa. This response to Liddy’s Dole’s “Kay Hagan once attended a fundraiser where she talked to some guy who was involved with an atheist organization that actually killed Jesus” ad is probably one of the best of the year — direct, succinct, zippy, and unusually sexy. This Kay Hagan is pretty great and we hope she beats that old dingbat crow. Then she can go to Congress and release videos to Osama saying, “Now listen sir, you just stop this nonsense and get with the program, we expect your surrender by morning, the end.” And he’ll do it! [YouTube]

Here’s a very controversial ad from Liddy Dole in North Carolina, where she will probably lose her Senate seat for being annoying. Oh and look, the exact O.E.D. definition of “desperation” just happens to be this video’s YouTube description: “A new ad from U.S. Sen. Elizabeth Dole attacks Kay Hagan for attending a fundraiser hosted by people tied to an atheist group.” The end of this video asks, “She hid from cameras, took godless money. What did Hagan promise in return?” …to kill Jesus?? [YouTube]

Here is a cute little GOTV video out of North Carolina. North Carolina is wonderful place full of halibut fishermen, drug addicts, and anti-same-sex hog coupling activists. [News & Observer]

Here’s a fun “treasure” map for everyone who wishes to know where the real Bitters in this country dwell: take any wide East Coast state — North Carolina, Virginia, Maryland, Pennsylvania, New York — start at the ocean, move directly west through the beaches and the cornfields, then the cities and centers of commerce, the suburbs, the exurbs, more fields, and after a few hours you’ll reach some foothills, and it is there, in any of these states, that you’ll find places like Cullowhee, North Carolina, where dead bloody grizzly black bears [oh now we get it! -- Ed.] are left on college campuses and covered in Obama signs for no reason at all beyond meth, moonshine, racism, inbreeding, and a complete break with the unwritten rules of basic decency that supposedly govern a civilized society. MORE »

In North Carolina there is a famous old liberal named Dean Smith, who coached the Tar Heels for a million years before retiring to become a bleeding heart. He has officially endorsed Barack Obama for president which, according to Wonkette reader Kelsey, means “It’s over in NC.” Coach Smith’s exciting email after the jump. MORE »

NEW STATE POLLS!: From Time/CNN, conducted Sept. 14-16, in Battleground States. Florida: Obama 48, McCain 48; Indiana: McCain 51, Obama 45; North Carolina: McCain 48, Obama 47; Ohio: Obama 49, McCain 47; Wisconsin: Obama 50, McCain 47. Residents of these states should expect to see an steady influx of lawyers over the next six weeks. Lawyers! And awful lawyers at that, shipped wholesale from outer space in toxic cartons of live rats. [The Page]

DID JOHN EDWARDS HAVE MORE SEX WITH LADIES?: Intrepid blog reporter Choire Sicha hears that a New York Times Metro reporter is digging into “a story about John Edwards and a Duke graduate.” We are Ethical and don’t want to spread scurrilous rumors, but maybe John Edwards has been fucking a Duke graduate? Maybe John Edwards has been fucking seven Duke graduates and had like 20 babies with each of them, who knows, there must be more information out there. [Radar]

Here’s a new thing from MoveOn.Org, which links vaguely troubled North Carolina Senator Elizabeth Dole to that bastard John McCain, who is leading in North Carolina. They give money to oil companies! And in case someone saying “in the pocket of Big Oil” is not stark enough of an image, this ad actually shows a man in a suit whose tie says “Big Oil” carrying photographs of each John McCain and Liddy Dole in his hanky pocket. The image would’ve been much stronger (and more adorable!) if it was an actual Fat Cat wearing the suit. [YouTube via The Plank]