FRANKEN-COLEMAN DEATH MATCH STILL IN COURT: Minnesota’s single senator says she expects this will be resolved when the polar ice caps melt; meanwhile, the secretary of state says any hope of a revote is “pure fantasy, pure baloney.” Suggestion: Appoint Roland Burris as interim senator. [Time]

Al Franken! Norm Coleman! Who will win this epic battle for the Senate? And more importantly, who cares who will win this epic battle for the Senate? The answer is both sides, equally. This is why the Senate stalemate is so goddamned stale. MORE »

We are very fond of the Talking Points Memo, and their many auxiliary sites that do reporting-type things for us to parasitize. So it is in the spirit of great love and affection that we must point out to David Kurtz, who wonders why the endless Coleman/Franken recount drama “still seems to be flying below the national political radar,” that nobody cares because it’s boring and complicated and both candidates are lame, the end. [TPM]

Oh look, Norm Coleman’s still trying to be a Senator. Well, what does he want now? Here are his Republican friends telling us how important it is for Norm Coleman to keep his Senate seat. Uhh isn’t that up to the courts to decide? Then, at :58, Sen. Jim Inhofe gets to the point, that we should give Norm Coleman lots of money, presumably for his legal funds. Get to it, America! You may not have a job or a house or savings or even a SINGLE AMERICAN DOLLAR, but Norm Coleman needs some cash ASAP! [YouTube]

Wow, this is a kind of a weird thing to say: Norm Coleman told the AP that anybody besides Al Franken would have really kicked his ass in that Senate race. Why is Norm Coleman pointing out that he could have been an even bigger loser than he already is, locked in an endless recount with a retired comedian who didn’t even live in Minnesota for 30 years? MORE »

Norm Coleman, the humanoid Flowbee and lizard-king who represented Minnesota in the Senate, once, would like to be a senator again but the nasty courts are still legislating from the bench. So while he waits for whatever legal stuff to confirm that he is, in fact, a loser, he has taken a(nother) new, awesomer job. MORE »

Norm Coleman is the apparent loser of a thirty-year war in Minnesota against the unfairly diapered comedian Al Franken. Coleman does not believe he has lost, though, so Democrats are doing their best to drive that message home by totally fucking with him in a million petty little ways. MORE »

Well, the Minnesota state canvassing board is set to certify Al Franken the winner of the Senate race against Norm Coleman. But maybe because it is Minnesota and the cold slows everything down (?), it will take a week for those certified results to show up … on a certificate. That gives Coleman the opportunity to file many lawsuits challenging the results, which were, in truth, probably bullshit anyway. MORE »

Your faithful Star-Tribune has a little ticker dealy on their front page and look, Al Franken is ahead by nearly 250 votes! The Coleman v. Franken recount has been going on since when, the Carter administration or so? Are both of these people even still alive, or have they been replaced yet by Adam Sandler and a Flowbee? [Star-Tribune]

By now you have heard the very silly story of the jokester who wrote in “Lizard People” on his ballot, singlehandedly derailing the very complicated Senate election in Minnesota. Witness this group of Deciders trying to figure out if Lizard People is a known individual or not. What is sadder, the American election system or the American legal system? (Thanks to “An annoyed (& entertained?) Minnesotan” for sharing. We are doomed.) [YouTube]

Let’s check in with our favorite state, where an unfunny television performer is locked in a Mexican Death Match with St. Paul sleazebag Norm Coleman’s wife’s legs. In other words, LIZARD PEOPLE FTW! A judge somewhere in Minnesota, this state where voters treat their ballots like kids’ menus, just ruled that Franken will not get the vote of this one goofus who also wrote “LIZARD PEOPLE,” twice, on a ballot that also featured the choice of Franken over Coleman. MORE »