Europe Will Buy America For Three Barrels Of Rocket Fuel Water
Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
- Europe will not buy worthless America from Hank Paulson, who is selling it for six homosexual Lincoln pennies. [Crooks and Liars]
- The EPA has been spiking your drinking water with rocket fuel, which means water is now $100 a barrel. [Daily Kos]
- McCain owns three foreign cars, and the only American vehicles he does have were made for him in a children’s sweatshop in Michigan by Barack Obama. [Marc Ambinder]
- The only known exchange between Palin and Karzai was Karzai telling Palin his son’s name is Mirwais and Palin responding “Oh nice.” Sarah Palin knows of no other thing on this Earth besides baby-naming and even this she cannot do correctly. [Jonathan Martin]
- Even Joe Biden thinks Barry’s dumb teevee commercials are terrible. Literally, he called them “terrible.” [CNN Political Ticker]
- According to Norm Coleman, the federal government will turn a profit from the total implosion of the economy. [Andrew Sullivan]
- Europe will not buy worthless America from Hank Paulson, who is selling it for six homosexual Lincoln pennies. [Crooks and Liars]
- The EPA has been spiking your drinking water with rocket fuel, which means water is now $100 a barrel. [Daily Kos]
- McCain owns three foreign cars, and the only American vehicles he does have were made for him in a children’s sweatshop in Michigan by Barack Obama. [Marc Ambinder]
- The only known exchange between Palin and Karzai was Karzai telling Palin his son’s name is Mirwais and Palin responding “Oh nice.” Sarah Palin knows of no other thing on this Earth besides baby-naming and even this she cannot do correctly. [Jonathan Martin]
- Even Joe Biden thinks Barry’s dumb teevee commercials are terrible. Literally, he called them “terrible.” [CNN Political Ticker]
- According to Norm Coleman, the federal government will turn a profit from the total implosion of the economy. [Andrew Sullivan]
It is common knowledge around D.C. that Hobo King Norm Coleman sleeps in a drawer and gives hand jobs for lunch money. But NOW it turns out that he also failed for a whole year to pay the utilities on the 6-cubic-foot basement dungeon he rents from some pal of his. He is truly the most corrupt legislator invented since, who is it, that guy with the astonishing 
Jesse Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, has given the collective electorate blue balls for a whole week. We’ve been anxiously awaiting his declaration of candidacy for Senate against incumbent Republican Norm “Boxcar Willie” Coleman and Democrat Al Franken, who used to be a comedian once. But then Jesse Ventura went on the Larry King last night and said he wouldn’t be running after all, boo. 
Norm Coleman, the hobo senator from Minnesota, rents a basement room from a Republican campaign consultant so he doesn’t have to sleep in the back of a freight car when he’s in Washington. Senator Coleman is supposed to pay $600 a month in rent, but he missed a couple of payments over the past year because he is a degenerate as well as a hobo. 
Remember GOP Senator Norm Coleman’s hot model wife? Well she’s back, with the life-changing As Seen On TeeVee product we’ve been waiting for ever since we killed the dog with the 
So Intern Greg Wasserstrom, the longest tenured member of Team Wonkette, finally managed to whisk away posting rights from the New York Overlords and is now contributing a few times a day. All this while I’m still waiting on my fucking coffee. But for serious! We love Intern Greg’s acerbic wit and Nordic heritage. So here’s his first contribution, rife with many hilarious jokes.
President Bush traveled to Minnesota to raise money for dirtbag Senator Norm Coleman, and while he was there he did a little favor for Governor Tim Pawlenty, who hopes to make a career of this whole Republican up-and-comer thing. The weeks-old 35W bridge collapse is now a federal emergency, netting Minnesota instant millions in federal aid, and the help of America’s favorite agency, FEMA. 