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Posts Tagged ‘norm coleman’

Europe Will Buy America For Three Barrels Of Rocket Fuel Water

Tuesday, September 23rd, 2008
  • Europe will not buy worthless America from Hank Paulson, who is selling it for six homosexual Lincoln pennies. [Crooks and Liars]
  • The EPA has been spiking your drinking water with rocket fuel, which means water is now $100 a barrel. [Daily Kos]
  • McCain owns three foreign cars, and the only American vehicles he does have were made for him in a children’s sweatshop in Michigan by Barack Obama. [Marc Ambinder]
  • The only known exchange between Palin and Karzai was Karzai telling Palin his son’s name is Mirwais and Palin responding “Oh nice.” Sarah Palin knows of no other thing on this Earth besides baby-naming and even this she cannot do correctly. [Jonathan Martin]
  • Even Joe Biden thinks Barry’s dumb teevee commercials are terrible. Literally, he called them “terrible.” [CNN Political Ticker]
  • According to Norm Coleman, the federal government will turn a profit from the total implosion of the economy. [Andrew Sullivan]

Senator Norm Coleman Didn’t Pay Utility Bills At Tragic Hovel

Thursday, August 14th, 2008

Get a job and pay your electric bill, bum!It is common knowledge around D.C. that Hobo King Norm Coleman sleeps in a drawer and gives hand jobs for lunch money. But NOW it turns out that he also failed for a whole year to pay the utilities on the 6-cubic-foot basement dungeon he rents from some pal of his. He is truly the most corrupt legislator invented since, who is it, that guy with the astonishing head-merkin. MORE »


Ventura Deprives Minnesota Voters Of Proper Circus

Tuesday, July 15th, 2008

Drat this sexy beast!Jesse Ventura, the former governor of Minnesota, has given the collective electorate blue balls for a whole week. We’ve been anxiously awaiting his declaration of candidacy for Senate against incumbent Republican Norm “Boxcar Willie” Coleman and Democrat Al Franken, who used to be a comedian once. But then Jesse Ventura went on the Larry King last night and said he wouldn’t be running after all, boo. MORE »


Minnesota Senate Race Produces Latest Extraordinary Ad

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

We love the advertisements in this Minnesota Senate race, whether it’s hobo Sen. Norm Coleman editing his Hollywood wife into his kitchen or, well, Norm Coleman editing Al Franken into Minnesota entirely. Here’s a new, campaign-unaffiliated ad in support of Norm Coleman that tackles some issue about private ballots. Some guy in a business suit looks at a cardboard cutout of Norm Coleman and says, “that’s a hero.” Then — NEEDLE SCRATCH — “I hate heroes.” CUE THE BURGLAR MUSIC. Things should get even better when Jesse Ventura steals the show. [YouTube]


Jesse Ventura Running For Senate After All, Probably!

Wednesday, July 9th, 2008

Meet your new senatorNow that he has finally defeated Flash Gordon, the former despised governor of Minnesota looks like he’ll try to be that great state’s next senator. His opponents: Hobo King Norm Coleman, and Michael Kinsley’s boyfriend Al Franken. His chances of winning: pretty much zero. MORE »


Senator Norm Coleman Sleeps In A Drawer

Friday, June 27th, 2008

Senator Coleman is Kearney's kid.Norm Coleman, the hobo senator from Minnesota, rents a basement room from a Republican campaign consultant so he doesn’t have to sleep in the back of a freight car when he’s in Washington. Senator Coleman is supposed to pay $600 a month in rent, but he missed a couple of payments over the past year because he is a degenerate as well as a hobo. MORE »


Best Attack Ad Of The Election Season?

Wednesday, June 25th, 2008

Last week, there was a big controversy in the Minnesota Senate race between Norm Coleman and Al Franken in which some Liberal Bloggers thought that Coleman’s wife, Laurie, was edited into an ad for her husband. Laughable!, responded the Coleman campaign, which has gone so far as to produce a response ad of Al Franken “green-screened” into Minnesota. It is STAGGERING. Your Wonkette has not laughed this hard since the start of the Iraq War. [YouTube]


Is Norm Coleman’s Wife Really In That Kitchen?

Friday, June 20th, 2008

Here’s a new ad for Minnesota Sen. Norm Coleman, who by all accounts should be losing his re-election bid this year but will win because the Democrats have nominated an unfunny hack comedian, Al Franken, to challenge him. None of this changes the fact that this ad is grating on all the usual levels, but there’s a special terrible twist in addition! MORE »


Senator Norm Coleman’s Wife Now Available For ‘BLO & GO’

Thursday, January 10th, 2008

Remember GOP Senator Norm Coleman’s hot model wife? Well she’s back, with the life-changing As Seen On TeeVee product we’ve been waiting for ever since we killed the dog with the FLO-BEE. Laurie Coleman is now selling the amazing BLO & GO. Just blow, and go! So awesome. After the jump, see how she looks almost naked. MORE »


Al Franken Stops Failing at Being Funny

Monday, December 17th, 2007

one of al franken's many hilarious jokesSo Intern Greg Wasserstrom, the longest tenured member of Team Wonkette, finally managed to whisk away posting rights from the New York Overlords and is now contributing a few times a day. All this while I’m still waiting on my fucking coffee. But for serious! We love Intern Greg’s acerbic wit and Nordic heritage. So here’s his first contribution, rife with many hilarious jokes.

Hey, remember that hee-larious Al Franken crack he made about… wait, no, we don’t remember it either. That might be because the Franken camp is finding that being too funny will lead to losing an election, according to this epic Post story. We wonder how much effort that’s really taking. MORE »


Nick Farr Spotted Yelling at Paultards

Friday, December 14th, 2007

This week, Nick Farr, Norm Coleman, and Thomas DeFranck were all spotted being various degrees of famous at various places by our spies and operatives. Voyeuristic fun, as always, is after the jump. MORE »


Wednesday, September 19th, 2007

MN Senator Norm Coleman was caught on tape inadvertently saying something about Iraq informed by reality. [The UpTake]


Pres. Reminds Minnesota That He Cares About Their Collapsing Bridges

Tuesday, August 21st, 2007

President Bush traveled to Minnesota to raise money for dirtbag Senator Norm Coleman, and while he was there he did a little favor for Governor Tim Pawlenty, who hopes to make a career of this whole Republican up-and-comer thing. The weeks-old 35W bridge collapse is now a federal emergency, netting Minnesota instant millions in federal aid, and the help of America’s favorite agency, FEMA. MORE »