According to several popular children’s ghost stories books, centuries ago Dick Cheney created another in the image of himself. He called it “Liz,” for he liked to draw out the zzzz and allow the vibrations produced by the humans’ language tickle his tongue-organ. According to legend, when little boys and girls don’t listen to their parents, the Liz Monster will emerge from the bowels of hell to waterboard them to death, or until they produce actionable intelligence. WELL: Everyone must have been on their absolute worst behavior lately, as the Liz Monster has materialized to not-torture us all! MORE »

Guess what Satanists? The honeymoon period is OVER and your Barack Obama is now going to actually have to work to manipulate crucial “swing voters” and “independents” and “actual human adult retards” that he has no plans to involve our troops in another war… against JESUS CHRIST!! This is no longer a given. [The Washington Independent]