Wonkette

* Send a Valentine to FCC Chairman Kevin Martin. It’s the least you can do after he went A2M with all those lobbyists for you. [Free Press]
* The Iranian weapons doing all the blowing up in Iraq? Yeah, not so much. [Informed Comment]
* ExxonMobil executives too hacky to be funny. [My DD]
* The Divine Mrs. C … [Sweetness & Light]
* … Gets her MySpace page deleted by Rupert Murdoch. [Passport]
* Dan Finkelstein doesn’t read Noam Chomsky so you have to. [Comment Central]
* Political bloggers are boring. This is a fact of the universe. [Althouse]

* Sam Brownback figures if he spends the night in jail, he’ll have to get some nutsack to butt-crack lovin’. [Political Ticker]
* Donald Rumsfeld is even in denial about the American Civil War. [Think Progress]
* “Experts” are now “evaluating” Ted Haggard’s gayness. [Pandagon]
* Laura Bush is too classy to slap the bitch that was wearing her same dress — she just had highly trained Secret Service agents go and fetch her another one. [Boozhy]
* “The greatest actor, ever” shares his wisdom on how to defeat terrorism, and defeat it the F.A.G. way. [HuffPo]
* Everything William Jefferson does is shady as shit. [MyDD]
* Noam Chomsky “could fart and it would smell like wisdom.” [Power, Seduction and War]

Pssst, Hugo: Never apologize, never explain. That’s from a book, too! MORE »

A screengrab for posterity, because you will never see it again and your children will surely want to know about the day Noam Chomsky outsold John Grisham. MORE »

We loved the Hugo Chavez show. And then he pulls out the Chomsky … incredible! Sadly, Hugo didn’t fulfill our second prophecy: Guatemalan friendship bracelets handed out to all the brothers and sisters at the UN … except for the Devil guy. MORE »

• Now they’re blaming Bush for everything! [Eschaton]

• A summary couldn’t do it justice. You should probably just watch this. [C&L]
• This is fairly useful — which Presidential contenders want to let the queers have their dirty, dirty marriages? Answer: very few. [RedState]
• Chomsky Loves Terrorists! [Powerline]

Editors’ note: Don’t miss Ana Marie Cox’s Washington Post live chat, starting today at 11:30 AM. You can access it here, where you can also find a link for submitting questions to the Original Wonkette about BlackBerry disaster averted. Happy chatting!

Chatology this week slightly enlivened by the appearance of Stephen Colbert, though it was offset by Chairman of Joint Chiefs Peter Pace doing a half-Ginsburg; he has the kind of whispery monotone that made us fall asleep during filmstrips in health class. Most notable segment: Bill Kristol channeling Arianna Huffington in his disappointment in the administration, causing massive freakout on the Fox set and Chris Wallace to utter the Quote of the Week: “My whole universe has been rocked.”

Top topics: Potential (or ongoing?) civil war in Iraq; Katrina tapes; Dubai port deal.

One hit wonders: Two hits for the criminal investigation into Pat Tillman’s death (MTP and FNS); Oscar talk on “This Week”

Quotes to live by:
• Stephen Colbert on his Oscar expectation: “a lot of jokes [about] abortion… it’s a funny word, like guacamole.”
• Peter Pace moderates his view on Iraq: “I wouldn’t put a great big smiley face on it.”
• Juan Williams on DHS/FEMA infighting: “I’m going to put that off to two big boys having something in the back yard.” Well, someone saw “Brokeback Mountain.”

Full coverage continues after the jump.

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