Wonkette

Have you guys ever heard of a bigger loser than Barack Hussein Obama?? Here’s a clip of his inspiring Hopespeak from last night. Although it’s mostly Liz trying to freak out a Secret Service guy. He totally flinches first! Haha, good luck not getting assassinated, Barry, with this wuss defending you.

Goodbye, sweet Granite State! Thanks for picking two giant assholes in your primaries; we’ll see you in 2016 when 80-year-old WALNUTS! and Chelsea Clinton run away with the victories. Until then, some anecdotes from the No Hope New Hampshire Primary Tour 2008. MORE »

Aww, Obama Girl couldn’t bring in the votes for poor Barry yesterday. At least she helped one assistant jerk off right next to her.

Hahaha holy crap, did you see that Kenyan guy lose tonight? What IS that? So much for Hope. Haha Hope is funny too! Here’s a picture and then some more pictures from Barry’s loser speech. Maaaaaajor fuck up for this stooge. Anyway, New Hampshirianites — Strange Brew in 30 minutes! Be there! MORE »

The big Obama party’s press room (imagine the orgy of a century, except you can only watch it on a big screen surrounded by 3,323,231 HuffPo reporters) has a SNIFFING DOG that has to search your bags for bombs, because Barack is more black than your average presidential candidate and will likely be assassinated by Ron Paul. Anyway, Liz stupidly threw away all her drugs and alcohol before I could say “no, THAT dog doesn’t care!” My, how a moment becomes a lifetime! So we’re here in this gym, and that’s Liz playing with Obama’s bomb-sniffing dog. Over.

SORRY THIS WAS BROKEN, EARLIER. NOW IT’S FIXED, HOORAY!
OK boys (plus women and curious gay men), here’s your Liz Kucinich video. Oh, and Dennis, talking about why he should win some poll. Let me just say that these two — and Dennis’ campaign team — have been infinitely more polite and available than any of the others. And not just because he’s losing his ass off — Duncan Hunter is IMPOSSIBLE to find! Although he might be dead in a ditch somewhere. Hahahaha, that would be too funny, if Duncan Hunter died.

Hey look fellas, Johnny “I motivate people by talking about insurance companies” Edwards has won the New Hampshire town elections! Wait — how can 100% of precincts be reporting? Isn’t this election supposed to go on for a while, like at least several more years? Something here smells like bullshit… and this Politico results map is also false. Although Hillary’s 5.9% seems just a tetch too REAL. Anyway, what else is going on in Manch Vegas today? MORE »

Notorious consultant Steve McMahon — Howard Dean’s media advisor in the 2004 election (yikes!) — walks, talks and dresses like the asshole he apparently is. This asshole appeals to the boys at the Independent Film Channel (IFC), who have a “news” team here. Does anyone think this IFC guy might want to give McMahon a “Dean Scream” of his own tonight?

Your Wonkette traveled to the mysterious ghost town of Rochester, NH, this afternoon to hear Barry Obama talk about Change. As you may know, Barack Obama is the candidate of Change, and some anti-abortion people interrupted the beginning of his Change speech to to heckle him for Changing living fetuses into trashcan filler. MORE »

Wow, we thought we’d have to search a *little* to find an obnoxious and misdirected Paultard rally, but here we are working at the Radisson in Manchester — where Fox News is not hosting any Paul-excluding forums tonight — and the shit starts raining. They’re chanting about some document called the Constitution. We hear New Hamphshire’s is working out swell for all parties, balanced budgets and the like, so maybe they mean to say the Articles of Confederation.

Yeah yeah, Ronald McPaul, we know it’s an “independent expenditure,” but surely you can pull some strings since the blimp is for you? Or do you have no control over these illegal alien spambots!? Jesus. With leadership like this, we’ll never get the fascist 14th Amendment overturned.