Wonkette

In a power play that dramatically alters the Republican presidential playing field, actor/ninja Chuck Norris, most famous for his role as a karate mentor in the delightful Sidekicks, has endorsed Mike Huckabee for president. (*Much fanfare!*) The seismic announcement came in a WorldNetDaily exclusive commentary in which he lowers the boom early on: “I won’t leave you in suspense…. I believe the only one who has all of the characteristics to lead America forward into the future is ex-Arkansas Gov. Mike Huckabee.” After the jump: How Chuck Norris determined that Mike Huckabee isn’t a tutu-wearing Mexican pussy. MORE »

• Oprah’s not running, gives Larry King her “O-face” tonight, wants Obama in ‘08. [The Swamp]

• Pervez “Perv” Musharraf to announce on The Daily Show tonight that’d he’d gladly give up his nuclear arsenal to get in “the sheets with Angelina Jolie.” [The Corsair]
• White House plans to declassify National Intelligence Estimate, but just that part that says, “we’re safer, bitches.” [Shakespeare's Sister]
• George Allen’s two favorite words on display together at the Zoo. [Andrew Sullivan]
• Vote for Montana Senate candidate Jon Tester because he’s a hunka hot man, also because he’s not Conrad Burns. [Boozhy]
• Trendsetter Hugo Chavez inspires Jerry Falwell to return to his roots making sure we all know who the devil really is. [Think Progress]
• The counter-terrorism plan Bill Clinton claims he left in place? It had to be scrapped because the ninja’s inability to get security-clearances after 9/11. [IMAO]
• Bloggers invited to the Coburn-Obama signing! Luckily, not us.[TPMMuckraker]

* As a resident in the state of Pennsylvania, I want to take this opportunity on behalf of all Pennsylvanians to say…. HELP! PLEASE! CALL THE UN! CALL IN THE NATIONAL GUARD! ORGANIZE SOME SORT OF COMMISSION! PLEASE HELP US! It’s bad enough that we have to deal with Santorum’s crazy ass, but Chris Matthews? If that were to happen I would have to give up all hope and move to Jersey *shiver*
* The whole Katherine Harris things is starting to make me feel dirty.
* Someone should seriously start something called “WonkettePAC,” whereby we raise money then go around supporting only the most bat-shit-crazy pols. Seriously, it would do a lot for democracy by making it a hell of a lot more entertaining. Just imagine… a country with more Ada Smiths, Cynthia McKinneys, and… dare I wish… Rep. Adele Fergusens???
* AAAAHHH! That iFrist graphic IS NOT A SPOOF, REPEAT, NOT A SPOOF! IT’S ACTUALLY FROM FRIST’S WEBSITE! Which also ACTUALLY USES THE WORD “IFRIST!” Sweet Jesus, I hope Steve Jobs sues.
* The funny thing is (and I know this because I’m the dude in the blue shirt/grey slacks pretending to send text message in order to get closer to the action) through the whole takedown, the ninja just kept repeating “My hair is not an issue. And it shouldn’t be an issue.” over and over again.
* [The entire Brian Doyle post comments clusterfuck is worth your perusal, but we particularly liked:]*taps nose twice to alert FBI. Does a double ear-lobe pull and nods in the general direction of illotus and his explorer “history” file.
* i guess the atf votes pirate?