Tag Archives: nike

  Blowback? What Blowback?

Defending Baby-beater Adrian Peterson Costs Money So Never Mind About Due Process

Yes, asshole, it was something you did
By Mike Morbeck [CC-BY-SA-2.0], via Wikimedia CommonsIt’s sarcasm-funny how only two days ago, the Minnesota Vikings announced that while “we take very seriously any matter that involves the welfare of a child,” there was no reason running back Adrian Peterson shouldn’t be allowed to kick the sportsball on the field while after being indicted for beating the ever-lovin’ crap out of his four-year-old son with a tree branch, leaving bloody welts all over his FOUR-YEAR-OLD body. (Or as certain internet scumbags and sportsball stars and “comedians” called it, good old-fashioned parenting like how they were raised and they turned out just fine so what’s the big deal?) The Vikings agreed that beating kids is bad, sure, but on the other hand, “due process and we should allow the legal system to proceed.” Read more on Defending Baby-beater Adrian Peterson Costs Money So Never Mind About Due Process…
  if it makes you happy

You Deserve A Break Today With Some Happy Nice Time

Whittle away at your afternoon by sneaking over to Happy Nice Time People and reading about how some lady sportsball runners are protesting Nike being evil, how you really probably shouldn’t see 300: Rise of an Empire even though it stars an impressive set of boobs, and how Thurston Moore is both a cheatmonster and a crybaby. Also don’t forget to check out our super intuitive and completely right guess about how “True Detective” will end, our taking a bullet for you and watching yet another children’s dance competition reality show, and of course, sideboob. Read more on You Deserve A Break Today With Some Happy Nice Time…
  just do it (unless it involves taxes)

Nike Will Trade You 500 Jobs for Billions of Dollars in Tax Revenue

Nice local economy you have there, Oregon. Wouldn’t want anything to happen to it would you? Good, then you’ll surely trade us billions of dollars in tax revenue, for, say, 500 jobs. Isn’t that a sweet deal? Sure it is, it’s a great deal: Under pressure from Nike, Governor John Kitzhaber took the extraordinary step Monday of summoning lawmakers for a hurry-up special session to give the giant sportswear company greater tax certainty. Doing so, Kitzhaber said, would spark a big expansion by Nike in Oregon. It’s unclear where the company plans to grow, but construction alone would tally $440 million, he said. Also too, did you notice the very first sentence in the very first paragraph of this article? “Under pressure from [corporation], the elected representative of [given group or constituency] summoned a meeting like a fire had been lit under his ass to MAKE SURE he could meet [unstated demands] of [corporation] according to [unspecified] time table to provide [financial incentives] in exchange for [some vague thing corporation hasn’t defined or committed to].” Also, “tax certainty” is usually a euphemism for “not paying any taxes,” but you probably already knew that. Read more on Nike Will Trade You 500 Jobs for Billions of Dollars in Tax Revenue…
 

Nike Plane Mania!

So all the nets were going full coverage of that Nike plane, and now it’s finally landed. What’s that adage about why most news is about tragedy? “Planes take off and land safely everyday“? But it’s news when the plan happens to be owned by Nike. Pity the Amalgamated Widget Corp execs that get stuck in a holding pattern. Yet it could be better: Fox News commentators are currently talking about how exciting it would have been had the plane not landed safely. “I was expecting to see nothing but emergency trucks,” says one. Sheppard Smith looked on the bright side: “It had to have been at least somewhat scary” for those on the plane, but he was hoping for something more “after this three hour ‘just do it’ commercial.” Read more on Nike Plane Mania!…