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Hold on to your hats, gentlemen, and clutch your pearls, ladies, because House and Senate negotiators have come up with a … wait for it… COMPROMISE! After you pick you jaws up from the floor, we shall dig through all the nooks and crannies of this funding agreement, forged deep in the depths of Mt. […]

You ever wonder what success looks like? We often wonder, because we are bloggers who sit in unwashed pajamas, drink cheap whiskey and incessantly email BangMeHarder54@altavista.com to please do sex on us, so we don’t know any successes. But we are not Texi-Canadian Senators who have shut down the government to lodge our discontent for […]

Hello, Wonketeers! It’s time for another bizarre & disturbing Wonkette Sci-Blog. Get out your phones and come on in — we’re Drunk Dialing Congress! We were looking forward to devoting this week’s blog exclusively to the celebration of one of the year’s most anticipated holiday seasons: Cephalopod Awareness Days. However, as you all know we’re […]

Here’s your government shutdown feel-good-ish story for the day: thanks to the shutdown, a KKK rally planned for Saturday at the Gettysburg National Military Park has been cancelled. A Philadelphia TV station reports that when the shutdown began, the park rescinded all permits for special events; among the events cancelled was a Saturday march by […]

This week on “Fox & Friends’ Argle Bargle Hate & Pray in the Morning” show, yo-yo-dieting expert Mike Huckabee wide-angle remoted in to talk to the one guy who is even dumber than Steve Doocy about his sure-fire way to shut up the Pres about how all the GOP wants to do is kill Obamacare, […]

We tricked you! The nice Libertarian fellows in the Detroit hotel bar at 1:30 in the morning were not nice at all! They were stupid fucking idiots! But we learned a lot from them anyway, like so: * Al Gore invented the Internet. * Al Gore lied about being the basis for the main character […]

Good news for all the people at the Traditional Values Coalition who spend most of their days Google-searching “huge gay dongs” through their tears: they accidentally also uncovered a 2009 study about gay men’s penis sizes published by the government-funded National Institute of Health. BUT THAT IS TAXPAYER MONIES?? Type type type go all the […]