Tag Archives: nih

  mo money mo problems

Wonksplainer! Congress Unveils Spending Bill That Will Probably Screw You Over Somehow

Hold on to your hats, gentlemen, and clutch your pearls, ladies, because House and Senate negotiators have come up with a … wait for it… COMPROMISE! After you pick you jaws up from the floor, we shall dig through all the nooks and crannies of this funding agreement, forged deep in the depths of Mt. Doom the Capitol Basement. There are tons of goodies in there, including a massive increase to embassy security spending because BENGHAZI BENGHAZI BENGHAZI. It was an increase of… let’s see… carry the 4… multiply by the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow… NEGATIVE $224 MILLION. Yep, sure am glad that 8,634 Congressional hearings into embassy security resulted in LESS funding for embassy security. Let’s wonksplore other nuggets found in the bill.  Read more on Wonksplainer! Congress Unveils Spending Bill That Will Probably Screw You Over Somehow…
  just put it on our tab

GOP Shutdown Final Tally: $2 To $6 Billion Which Was Worth It Because Obamacare Was Totally Repealed

You ever wonder what success looks like? We often wonder, because we are bloggers who sit in unwashed pajamas, drink cheap whiskey and incessantly email BangMeHarder54@altavista.com to please do sex on us, so we don’t know any successes. But we are not Texi-Canadian Senators who have shut down the government to lodge our discontent for a three-year-old law. Folks like that know the sweet sweet smell of success, because they fight for fiscal responsibility and reduced spending, and they get RESULTS, right HuffPo? The federal government shutdown that lasted for 16 days in October is expected to cost the U.S. economy between $2 billion and $6 billion in economic output, according to a report by the Office of Management and Budget released Thursday afternoon. Yep — we saved $2 billi… hold on. WE FUCKING LOST UP TO $6 BILLION!!1! Read more on GOP Shutdown Final Tally: $2 To $6 Billion Which Was Worth It Because Obamacare Was Totally Repealed…
  creature features

Abandoned Research, Lost Opportunities, and Closed Labs, All In This Week’s Government Shutdown Sci-Blog

Hello, Wonketeers! It’s time for another bizarre & disturbing Wonkette Sci-Blog. Get out your phones and come on in — we’re Drunk Dialing Congress! We were looking forward to devoting this week’s blog exclusively to the celebration of one of the year’s most anticipated holiday seasons: Cephalopod Awareness Days. However, as you all know we’re almost two weeks into the meaningless shutdown of the U.S. Federal Government and still careening towards this coming Thursday’s economic default. Now I feel compelled to continue chronicling this international embarrassment of an ongoing crisis in our government. I am truly sorry. It’s hardly the Nice Time post that would make me happy to write about, but these are not nice times. The relatively sane adults remaining in DC are now actually speaking (well, some of them still are) and working with each other to reopen shuttered agencies, restart Federal programs, pay Federal bills and avoid the global catastrophe of U.S. debt default. Whether anyone can talk the House Dumkopf Conference into anything less than total victory remains to be seen — they only listen to their very own tunes. This ridiculous shutdown standoff has to end sometime. If it does end with no capitulation to the radicals’ demands,  removal of the debt ceiling as hostage and ending this cycle of manufactured  governing crises, some will say it was worth it.  They would be wrong. Read more on Abandoned Research, Lost Opportunities, and Closed Labs, All In This Week’s Government Shutdown Sci-Blog…
  3 sheets to the wind

Government Shutdown Leaves Sad Klansmen Unable To Desecrate Gettysburg Battlefield

Here’s your government shutdown feel-good-ish story for the day: thanks to the shutdown, a KKK rally planned for Saturday at the Gettysburg National Military Park has been cancelled. A Philadelphia TV station reports that when the shutdown began, the park rescinded all permits for special events; among the events cancelled was a Saturday march by the “Confederate White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan.” Read more on Government Shutdown Leaves Sad Klansmen Unable To Desecrate Gettysburg Battlefield…
  yeah that makes sense

Mike Huckabee: Kill Obamacare By Increasing Government Funding For Healthcare

This week on “Fox & Friends’ Argle Bargle Hate & Pray in the Morning” show, yo-yo-dieting expert Mike Huckabee wide-angle remoted in to talk to the one guy who is even dumber than Steve Doocy about his sure-fire way to shut up the Pres about how all the GOP wants to do is kill Obamacare, and finally getting down to the business of killing Obamacare once and for all. How would they do this? By letting the GOP go ahead and cure cancer. Huckabee said the GOP should [instead] advocate for a government-funded Manhattan-style project to “focus on a cure [for disease] rather than just focus on a treatment. Hey, now you’re thinking Mike! Let’s go nuclear on cancer’s ass! (Like radiation? Or chemo?) Yes Governor Huckabee, we agree. Someone should really go ahead and start some government funded programs that focus on curing diseases like the cancer. We could call them the “National Institutes of Health” or maybe the “National Cancer Institute” and finally get some fucking research started on curing shit! That could be a thing! Why hasn’t anyone done this? Stupid government. Read more on Mike Huckabee: Kill Obamacare By Increasing Government Funding For Healthcare…
  gangster's paradise

What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar

We tricked you! The nice Libertarian fellows in the Detroit hotel bar at 1:30 in the morning were not nice at all! They were stupid fucking idiots! But we learned a lot from them anyway, like so: * Al Gore invented the Internet. * Al Gore lied about being the basis for the main character in Love Story. * If someone calls out both of these statements as the complete lies of fucking idiots and explains succintly why, all of a sudden the conversation will mysteriously turn to the size of Al Gore’s house. Also, he flies on planes. * If you own a business, that is the same as running the National Institutes of Health, therefore ergo and QED of course you know what the National Institutes of Health does. Did you not just say you run a business? Read more on What We Learned From The Nice Libertarian Fellows At 1:30 In The Morning In A Detroit Hotel Bar…
  important trending topics

Gay Penis Size Today’s Hot Topic In Right-Wing Blogosphere For No Reason But The Obvious One

Good news for all the people at the Traditional Values Coalition who spend most of their days Google-searching “huge gay dongs” through their tears: they accidentally also uncovered a 2009 study about gay men’s penis sizes published by the government-funded National Institute of Health. BUT THAT IS TAXPAYER MONIES?? Type type type go all the conservative news sites, who will now prove to everyone using the words “penis” and “anal insertion” 300 times a page that the government just wants to raise taxes so they can spend money on all sorts of gross things that scare and delight the Jesus people. And yes, that’s just a link to a Google search about the study, which yields pages and pages of right-wing blog entries. So there you have it everyone, gay schlong is now a conservative budget issue, as if you were ever expecting otherwise. Read more on Gay Penis Size Today’s Hot Topic In Right-Wing Blogosphere For No Reason But The Obvious One…
 

National Institute of Health Division Bravely Edits Own Wikpedia Entry

The National Institute on Drug Abuse, one of our nation’s most inept and evil agencies, is waging a war — a war on Wikipedia! After some office lackey noticed that the NIDA’s entry in the online “encyclopedia” was dangerously full of well-sourced “controversy” and criticism, they erased the whole thing and put up a press release. This is called “vandalism” and Wikipedia has robots that fix such things. But the edit wars continued through the late summer, until the Politico picked up the story this afternoon. As of now, the entry reads as it did pre-NIDA involvement. Read more on National Institute of Health Division Bravely Edits Own Wikpedia Entry…