Did you know all Iowans aren’t inbred racist corn-fucking Jesusy retards? Oh? Well until Barack Obama dismissed this popular misconception Monday on Nightline, how would any of us Coasties have known? MORE »

Suddenly-more-brilliant scary book author Stephen King is suggesting that a fellow member of the literati, Jenna Bush, undergo some “personal investigation” of waterboarding to determine for her father whether it’s torture or not. He mentioned this in a segment for Nightline, which he recounts in Time: “Someone in the Bush family should actually be waterboarded so they could report on it to George. I said, I didn’t think he would do it, but I suggested Jenna be waterboarded and then she could talk about whether or not she thought it was torture.” Oh Stephen, it’s not as easy as that! Waterboarding is torture some days, happy play time others. Our Attorney General can’t even decide if it’s torture, for Christ’s sake. [Time]

Hillary Clinton is dying. Not literally, but on some sort of quasi-micro-day-to-day level, her campaign is completely ruined forever and eternally! Between a new Zogby poll that shows her losing to every major Republican candidate in hypothetical matchups and Obama calling her White House experience complete poppycock, Hillary is a saaaaad wittle panda today. MORE »

• WP politics editor John Harris: “For all its interesting and useful features, some things I don’t like about the on-line crankosphere are its frequent humorlessness and tendency to blow issues way out of proportion.” FUCK HIM!!!! BOYCOTT THE WASHINGTON POST AND ITS BUSH-TOTING TOADY COVERAGE!!! [WashingtonPost.com]
• Dial-a-bite Sabato gets a couplet comeuppance: “need a quote/do not tarry/call U-Va. and ask for Larry.” [WP]
• “JON KLEIN LIKES SHOWTUNES.” [FBNY]
• Please be gentle with Arianna. [Esquire]
• Tom Shales lights into the new Nightline’s faux gravitas: “‘Shorter shorts — a sign of the times?’ Probably not.” [WP]

• The future of television news is “no more anchors.” Just Wolf Blitzer, pacing in front of a drive-in movie theater screen. [NYM]
• Kaus’s verdict on TimesSelect: “Inhibited writers, inhibited linkers, inhibited dialogue.” [Slate]
• CNN operator sees X on Cheney’s face as not so much an accident but an act of God. [NYP]
• The new Nightline went live. Live, damn it. Did we mention it’s LIVE LIVE LIVE? (Please add nude girls.) [TVNewser]
• Howie Kurtz like Katie Couric for her mind. Or close to it: “Hey, I’m way too professional to think about her legs (though it’s hard not to keep track of her ever-blonder hair).” [WP]

• Games for young conservatives: Risk/Balderdash. “Risk all as you move with impunity to achieve world domination. Then, make up all kinds of crazy shit afterwards to justify what you did.” [Mr. Sun]
• Bradgelina moving to Dupont? [Hollywood Rag, HomeVisit]
• Pat Robertson of the Hail Satan Network. [Conspiracy Planet]
• It distresses us that someone is using “Gang of 500″ in a completely unironic or sarcastic way. That it is James Carville does not help. [Chronicle of Higher Education]
• Jean Schmidt called Jack Murtha a coward on the floor of the House because a Marine asked her to. Only he didn’t. [Cincinnati Enquirer]
• “Martin Bashir will not be allowed to wear black leather pants on ‘New Nightline’ when he debuts as one of the ‘Nightline Three’ on Nov. 28.” Whew. [WP]

• Scott McClellan evolves from defenseless puppy to vicious attack puppy. [WP]
• Murrow… Koppel… Bashir. ABC News’ new Nightline line-up holds America hostage to faux Michael Jackson flunky. [ABC, Fox News]
• The New Yorker profiles the next Mike Allen: “My great-grandfather invented an oil drill bit back in the early 1900s and was a pioneer in the oil fields of Spindletop, TX and a co-founder of Texaco…My question is what is the Energy Dept. doing to ward off climate change?” [NYer]
• O’Reilly’s amulets: “Now it’s so bad that I spend an enormous amount of money protecting myself against evil.” Does it work in the opposite direction? [Newsday]
• Gays love CNN. Wonder why. [NYP]

• Page Six: Ted Koppel may ink multi-million dollar deal with HBO when he leaves “Nightline”. . . Rush Limbaugh defines himself as an ubersexual. [NYP, NYP]
• Lloyd Grove’s Lowdown: Chuck Todd apologizes to Richard Bradley after The Hotline repeatedly referenced him as “Ex-Dick Blow.”. . . Juanita Broaddrick, Kathleen Willey will visit the Clinton Library for publicity. [NYDN]
• Inside Politics: Spike Lee says the government may have destroyed the levee in New Orleans to “displace al the black people.”. . . Rick Santorum, Hillary Clinton use U2 concerts to raise money; the band complains. [WT]

• MoDo thinking too hard about “Commander and Chief” to give us insight onto her favorite websites. [E&P]
• Nightline leaving the Beltway for the bright lights of Broadway? [NYO]
• NYer caption contest noms just for media people: “I’m gonna go with a qualified ‘aye’: I think Harriet could take Condi, but only if she wasn’t wearing The Boots.” [FishbowlNY]
• “The sensational accounts [of post-Katrina New Orleans] delayed rescue and evacuation efforts already hampered by poor planning and a lack of coordination among local, state and federal agencies.” If only the President had gotten out of Air Force One to look for himself. [WP]
• Will Dan Rather get his Howard Beale moment? [BC Beat]

• Fox News Corp. psychodrama: mother bears, tattoos, and “iron-clad” things. Like Thursday at the Manhole, we’re telling you. [Fishgirl] MORE »

• Larry King befuddled by purpose of Blackberrys. Aren’t we all. [Media Village via TVNewser] MORE »