Wonkette

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Last week started off exciting with an OMG SURPRISE trip to Iraq and a luv connection with Sarkozy. But then along came the Grinch who stole the week before Xmas, John Bolton! Ew! All this and Black Leather Condi Glove Turkeys after the jump!

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Are the moms of the world listening? Here’s an easier way for you to become an political protester than camping outside Bush’s house in Crawford, Texas: Get better at bridge. Then you can play in the world bridge championships, win, and post a sign expressing your geopolitical opinions! According to the New York Times, one sassy mom-type did just that in Shanghai last month. After winning some lady championship, the victorious American team held up a sign saying “We Did Not Vote For Bush,” in Paultardian budget fashion. And now everybody’s pissed off, up is down, black is white etc. etc. MORE »

Oh, Sarko! I know that your arched little eyebrow and sideways look hides a world of macho, Gallic pain! I am sorry that your trip left so little time for you to seek solace from the pain caused by that woman — solace I would have happily provided, had the Secret Service not kept me so far away from you the last couple of days! MORE »

Oooh Sarko get so mad sometimes! On last night’s 60 Minutes, French President Nicolas Sarkozy, who George Bush likes or something, walked out of an interview with the charming Lesley Stahl after being asked about his split with wife Cécilia (it was taped a few weeks ago, before France announced their divorce). As the New York Times describes the scene, Sarkozy “was shown standing up muttering in French” before peacing.

60 Minutes [CBS]

Conservative sensation Nicolas Sarkozy was recently elected as president of France thanks to his promises to be a total Republican by helping millionaires, hurting the poor people and hating on Muslims. So far, his presidency has been a great success. But his wingnut backers in America (who previously hated France more than anything in the world, except for Muslims) were heartbroken over his failure to get arrested cruising for gay sex in a public bathroom, or at least get divorced. Today, the world is rejoicing: Sarkozy just divorced his wife, while in office, making him the first French president to be a divorced guy and the first French president to get divorced while being president. Liberté, égalité, Giuliani! MORE »

The election of Nicolas “Reagan” Sarkozy was a rare happy moment for American wingnuts who until that exact second had hated France with all of their tiny bitter might. Finally, a pro-American French president would restore America’s global glory and make the lazy communist book-reading French weirdos start putting on the pounds, watching more teevee and bombing all the Muslim countries! MORE »

New French President Nicolas Sarkozy is in New Hampshire this week, for mysterious reasons that can only lead to his nomination as the Republican candidate for U.S. president. And tomorrow, Sarkozy will meet with George W. Bush (and, probably, Bush’s sad old dad) at the Bush Regime Compound in Kennebunkport , Maine. MORE »

Can you imagine a scenario where some reporters were taking unwanted pictures of the President of the United States while he was on vacation in a foreign country? Of course not, because they’d immediately be stuffed into burlap sacks by a team of NSA black ops commandos and taken to a secret prison in Uzbekistan where they’d be tortured to death. But not every world leader hides behind his security services like a little girl. MORE »