Here is your annual bit of foreign news from the foreign country of France! France’s “President”—think: the equivalent of America’s “minority whip”—Nicolas Sarkozy posted a Facebook photo on his French Facebook in which he is shown personally destroying the Berlin Wall with a Nicolas Sarkozy-sized ax. Except according to historical evidence dating back to November 9th, 1989 A.D., Sarkozy was actually in Paris at the time. According to European-style geography, it would have been impossible for Sarkozy to be both in Paris and also knocking down the Berlin Wall, located in Berlin. MORE »

The Obamas have a terrible relationship with the Queen of England, Elizabeth Windsor. This is known. When they visited the Queen a few months ago, Barack Obama gave Her Majesty a “Touch iPod” loaded with hardcore interracial pornography films and swine flu. Michelle Obama, meanwhile, grabbed the Queen’s boobs for at least 30 minutes. The whole affair was vulgar. And now look what’s up: Gordon Brown didn’t invite the Queen to a Normandy party in Nicolas Sarkozy’s country, and she is pissed. Why did Barack Obama insult the Queen like this? MORE »

• The Junior Senator from France, Nicolas Sarkozy, has started up with some anti-imperialist rhetoric in Prussian capital of Munich of all places. On the bright side, this new WWI with France and Germany will save the economy for sure. [Matthew Yglesias]
• Jeb Bush will offer Constructive Criticisms regarding the stimulus bill in the form of pop quizzes about Latin conjugations directed toward a single Miami Herald reporter. [Ben Smith]
• Schadenfreude is on the way: Failed criminal Bernie Madoff and the SEC have probably reached a deal in which Madoff won’t be given back his fortune and he will have to pay a fine. All this plus those criminal charges you were hoping for. [The Daily Beast]
• Michelle Obama will be on the cover of March Vogue. She was photographed wearing Billy Ray Cyrus’ soiled duvet cover by Edgy lesbian Annie Leibovitz. [NYT Caucus]
• Obama will not stop his horrible provocations until influential Canadians — both of them — convince the Chinese to join them in initiating bloody Trade Crusades against America’s hardworking middle class. [RedState]

Barack Obama and French President Nicolas Sarkozy had been engaging in some “heavy petting” during this Congressional Trip, until this moment. During their joint press conference, CNN’s Christiane Amanpour asks Sarkozy if he feels awkward praising black Obama when, only a few years ago, he was calling black French rioters “scum,” the worst word in the world. MORE »

Oh George Bush is having quite a grand time at the annual G8 conference in Japan. He’s not molesting Angela Merkel this time, but he is embarrassing everyone: “The American leader, who has been condemned throughout his presidency for failing to tackle climate change, ended a private meeting with the words: ‘Goodbye from the world’s biggest polluter.’ He then punched the air while grinning widely, as the rest of those present including Gordon Brown and Nicolas Sarkozy looked on in shock.” Punched the air? Best George W. Bush imagery ever. NEED SECRET VIDEO. [Telegraph]

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the French First “Babe,” is prepping her new musical album for release, and some newspaper has already gotten a preview! The collection is titled Comme si de rien n’était, or as Native Americans call it, “maize.” It features all sorts of great songs about how she’s slept with 30 people, and how husband Nicolas is like heroin. As in, he’s wonderful! MORE »

France’s glamorous first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, went with her husband to Tunisia. She put this thing on her head and then she went into a mosque. Then her husband signed some nuclear-power dealy with the North Africans, and later this week he is expected to give them a hard time about their crappy human rights record. [VOA News, AP Photo]

Here is a photo of France’s new First Lady arriving in England with her midget husband. Her outfit speaks diplomatic volumes: flats, so as not to tower over M. Sarkozy; modest tweed, so as to remind Camilla of her youth back in the Depression. (In turn, Camilla wears a trashy befeathered nightmare hat because she is a tart.) But the real question is, why would a rail-thin former model be sporting a little belly pooch? We smell shotgun wedding. [The Sun]

French “first lady” Carla Bruni made her living by being photographed partially or completely naked for 20 years, so nude photographs of the supermodel/singer are extremely rare. There are only 32,800 such images currently available for free on the Internets, which is why lonely old Englishmen are expected to bid up to £2,000 ($1 billion U.S.) for this old picture of Naked Carla Bruni, which also appears in the Telegraph article about the auction. Christie’s will next auction an exclusive image of “LOLcats” for £100 Zillion. [Telegraph]

French president and ladies man Nicolas Sarkozy has bought a new toy, for killing Lobsterbacks. Today he inaugurated “Le Terrible”, which the AP caption describes as “a new generation nuclear-armed submarine.” Rowr! What a perfect complement to his “new generation” wife. [AP Photo]

Thrice-married French President Nicolas Sarkozy went to the annual farm fair in Paris this weekend and insulted the crap out of some guy who didn’t want to shake his hand. A journalist caught the whole miserable exchange on video, so now the whole world can hear Sarkozy saying something that sounds just wonderful but apparently means “Get lost, dumbass.” Shocking video footage, after the jump! MORE »