Wonkette

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the French First “Babe,” is prepping her new musical album for release, and some newspaper has already gotten a preview! The collection is titled Comme si de rien n’était, or as Native Americans call it, “maize.” It features all sorts of great songs about how she’s slept with 30 people, and how husband Nicolas is like heroin. As in, he’s wonderful! MORE »

France’s glamorous first lady, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, went with her husband to Tunisia. She put this thing on her head and then she went into a mosque. Then her husband signed some nuclear-power dealy with the North Africans, and later this week he is expected to give them a hard time about their crappy human rights record. [VOA News, AP Photo]

Here is a photo of France’s new First Lady arriving in England with her midget husband. Her outfit speaks diplomatic volumes: flats, so as not to tower over M. Sarkozy; modest tweed, so as to remind Camilla of her youth back in the Depression. (In turn, Camilla wears a trashy befeathered nightmare hat because she is a tart.) But the real question is, why would a rail-thin former model be sporting a little belly pooch? We smell shotgun wedding. [The Sun]

French “first lady” Carla Bruni made her living by being photographed partially or completely naked for 20 years, so nude photographs of the supermodel/singer are extremely rare. There are only 32,800 such images currently available for free on the Internets, which is why lonely old Englishmen are expected to bid up to £2,000 ($1 billion U.S.) for this old picture of Naked Carla Bruni, which also appears in the Telegraph article about the auction. Christie’s will next auction an exclusive image of “LOLcats” for £100 Zillion. [Telegraph]

French president and ladies man Nicolas Sarkozy has bought a new toy, for killing Lobsterbacks. Today he inaugurated “Le Terrible”, which the AP caption describes as “a new generation nuclear-armed submarine.” Rowr! What a perfect complement to his “new generation” wife. [AP Photo]

Thrice-married French President Nicolas Sarkozy went to the annual farm fair in Paris this weekend and insulted the crap out of some guy who didn’t want to shake his hand. A journalist caught the whole miserable exchange on video, so now the whole world can hear Sarkozy saying something that sounds just wonderful but apparently means “Get lost, dumbass.” Shocking video footage, after the jump! MORE »

Serious political sites everywhere are presenting this political photograph so that readers might help solve this great political mystery: Is French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s girlfriend, model and songwriter Carla Bruni, pregnant from Sarkozy’s center-right sperm? Or did she just have a small bit of food recently? [Huffington Post]

• Reliable Source: Our very own Liz Glover charms the pants off most, terrifies Tim Russert with her Barbie camera… also some other things. [WP]
• Yeas and Nays: Karl Rove makes the astute observation that Americans want to elect a woman or a black man, thinks Obama’s not beefy enough… Mike Gravel tries to sell High School students his painkillers… Virginia wants to make it a felony to steal an animal. [Examiner]
• In the Know: Nancy Pelosi snubs her biographer… MSNBC’s Norah O’Donnell reported from New Hampshire without shoes on, like a dirty hippie… The middle schooler lobby pushes Arizona Rep. Rick Renzi to criminalize homework. [The Hill]
• Shenanigans: John Cornyn’s re-election campaign has some free advice for his Democratic rival… Mark Foley’s former chief of staff is going to save the Everglades. [Politico]
• The Sleuth: Someone stuck Hillary Clinton with the task of schlepping Chelsea’s dog around… Barrack Obama’s musical pick might indicate that he didn’t expect to, um, lose. [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Larry David makes New Hampshire ladies swoon… Nicolas Sarkozy shares something in common with Donald Trump… Keith Olbermann explains the nature of his crusade. [NYDN]
• Fishbowl DC: The White House starts a thrilling blog on their Oriental Adventure… Election spam is annoying… Tim Russert knows how to pick a winner. [Media Bistro]

Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Last week started off exciting with an OMG SURPRISE trip to Iraq and a luv connection with Sarkozy. But then along came the Grinch who stole the week before Xmas, John Bolton! Ew! All this and Black Leather Condi Glove Turkeys after the jump!

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Are the moms of the world listening? Here’s an easier way for you to become an political protester than camping outside Bush’s house in Crawford, Texas: Get better at bridge. Then you can play in the world bridge championships, win, and post a sign expressing your geopolitical opinions! According to the New York Times, one sassy mom-type did just that in Shanghai last month. After winning some lady championship, the victorious American team held up a sign saying “We Did Not Vote For Bush,” in Paultardian budget fashion. And now everybody’s pissed off, up is down, black is white etc. etc. MORE »