Tag: nicolas sarkozy

Former French President Nicolas Sarkozy: Hurry Up And Wait For Jail

America let George W. Bush return to his quiet, private life so his undocumented workers he could clean up dust bunnies in his suburban McMansion even though he tortured us all (some of us, literally) for eight years playing...

Oh No France Is Socialist Again

Last night at 8pm not-your-time, two hours after the Belgian and Swiss media had already published election results and 30 minutes after Nicolas Sarkozy deleted his Facebook page, the French media announced that socialist François Hollande (great NYT bio)...

Losing French Person Sarkozy Red-Faced And Flailing In Debate With Commie Marxist Kenyan Socialist

Here's l'update for those of you who are bedazzled by the French presidential election. The two candidates had their only debate on Wednesday night. We have written many, many words about it below, but if you prefer, you can...

Nicolas Sarkozy In Bedouin With Gaddafi

With only seven days to go until the final round of voting in France's presidential election, some lefty terrorist media organization published documentary evidence that Nicolas Sarkozy was promised 50 Million freedom fries in campaign contributions from snappy dresser...

French Resistance Encodes Election Results On Twitter: The Dwarf Has Pawned His Rolex

In the land of perpetual ennui, where humor is not a cultural norm, the French had their first round of presidential elections yesterday, and also their second revolution. This time, they didn't have to show up at the Bastille...

George W. Bush Had Top Secret Prior Info That Obama Would Win in 2008

New reports out of France suggest that George W. Bush had prior knowledge of the evil librul plot to destroy America by electing an overwhelmingly centrist politician to succeed him. Let's have the dirt, Buzzfeed: "George W. Bush told...

Obama Writes Op-Ed With Friends Promising Never To End Libya War

Oh this is cute! Barack Obama got together with his friends David Cameron and Nicolas Sarkozy at the war treehouse, pulled out some construction paper, and wrote an op-ed together in blood-colored crayon. so long as Qaddafi is in power,...

Obama Makes Arrangements For Less Death, More Money

In his State of the Union Wednesday, Obama will announce a spending freeze for many of America's domestic programs. As these programs do not include Lost, no one will care. The US is holding a conference at the UN...

Nicolas Sarkozy Might Have Sadly Photoshopped His Facebook Photo!

Here is your annual bit of foreign news from the foreign country of France! France's "President"—think: the equivalent of America's "minority whip"—Nicolas Sarkozy posted a Facebook photo on his French Facebook in which he is shown personally destroying the...

Barack Obama Basically Punches Queen Of England

The Obamas have a terrible relationship with the Queen of England, Elizabeth Windsor. This is known. When they visited the Queen a few months ago, Barack Obama gave Her Majesty a "Touch iPod" loaded with hardcore interracial pornography films...

Everyone Loves A Wartime Economy!

The Junior Senator from France, Nicolas Sarkozy, has started up with some anti-imperialist rhetoric in Prussian capital of Munich of all places. On the bright side, this new WWI with France and Germany will save the economy for sure....

Frenetic Muppet Sarkozy Does Not Think Obama Is Black ‘Scum’

Barack Obama and French President Nicolas Sarkozy had been engaging in some "heavy petting" during this Congressional Trip, until this moment. During their joint press conference, CNN's Christiane Amanpour asks Sarkozy if he feels awkward praising black Obama when,...

George Bush Jr. Makes Annual ‘National Embarrassment Joke’ At G8

Oh George Bush is having quite a grand time at the annual G8 conference in Japan. He's not molesting Angela Merkel this time, but he is embarrassing everyone: "The American leader, who has been condemned throughout his presidency for...

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy Pens Glorious Ode To Husband: ‘You Are My Junk’

Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, the French First "Babe," is prepping her new musical album for release, and some newspaper has already gotten a preview! The collection is titled Comme si de rien n'était, or as Native Americans call it, "maize." It...