Tag: nfl

Donald Trump’s Debate Prep Strategy Mostly Involves Prepping To Weasel Out Of Debating

Donald Trump didn't just spend the weekend beating up on the family of a war hero, oh, heavens no! The man is a master of multi-weaseling, as he demonstrated in his Sunday interview with George Stephanopoulos on ABC's "This...
This is really going awfully well for him, isn't it?

Wonkagenda: Monday, August 1, 2016

You get in here and read your newz breif, RIGHT NOW!

Pat Robertson Doesn’t Understand Why NFL Loves Georgia Buttsex So Much

America's senile grandpa Pat Robertson is having a confuseness in his brain. You see, Georgia Gov. Nathan Deal (The Republican) announced that he would veto HB 757, a bill to protect the "religious freedom" of dongweasel lunatic fundamentalist Christians...

Peyton Manning Hires Ari Fleischer To Ensure No One Believes A Word He Says

Over the weekend, a big thing happened in sportsball, which you know we are always on top of here at yr Wonkette. Turns out that the freedom-haters over at Al Jazeera declared jihad on All-American Hero Denver Broncos quarterback Peyton...
SHE PISSED.

Lesbian Superhero Houston Mayor Wants Gay Rights Ordinance Back Right Now, Dammit

Tuesday night, Houston took one giant leap backward for humankind, as the Jenny Jerkoffs who showed up to vote decided to listen to lying religious right mofos instead of their own good sense, and effectively killed the Houston Equal...
Is nothing sacred?

Houston Astros Hacked, Maybe Should Change Password To Something Better Than ‘LOLSPORTS’

In the Very Serious Business of grown men playing games, for money, here is another shocking tale of corruption in sports. This time, it's our nation's favorite pastime, as wholesome and pure and all-American as mom's apple pie or getting...
The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Will Murder The ATF And Its Jackbooted Thugs

Emboldened by last week's victory for the rights of gun-humpers to be able to ALSO be able to hump bullets, Field Marshall Sarah Palin presses forward. She has offered the Kenyan tyrant Obama clear and simple terms: abolish the Bureau of...
Nothing is sacred anymore

NFL Hires A Girl, Ruins Football

Here's a tragedy for sportsball fans everywhere: The NFL officially hired Sarah Thomas as a line judge Wednesday, making her the league's first full-time female official. Thomas had been working as a college football referee for eight years in Conference...

Tucker Carlson’s Internet Home For Fascists Who Can’t Read Good Blames Liberals For Tom Brady’s Deflated Balls

We were doing our goddamned level best not to care about or pay attention to the sportsball controversy some moron decided to call Deflategate, because everything needs a fucking “-gate” suffix, because every-fucking-thing is just like Richard Nixon ratfucking...
Sad Brazil fan is sad.

Sportsball Year In Review: It Was Mostly Awful!

Sports! Oh man, sports, aren't they great? Shut up, they are too. Here now is your 2014 Wonkette Sportsball Year In Review, because why not? Off-field Hits Plague NFL Sorry to break this to you, Wonketeers, but the NFL remains the...
That's all behind us now

Hooray! Lady-beater Ray Rice Is Free To Play Sportsball Again

Here is some really important news for people who still care a lot about football, but not so much about domestic violence: Ray Rice has won the appeal of his indefinite suspension by the NFL. An arbitrator ruled Friday that his...
Charlotte Allen's worst nightmare

Lady Wingnut Has Had It Up To Here With You Being So Mean To Foot-The-Ball

Here in the Wonkette Los Angeles bureau, we have been enjoying – or rather, “enjoying” – the recent addition to our local paper of the ravings of Charlotte Allen, one of those wingnut writers who constantly complains that women...
Too bad there's no video

NFL Tried So Hard To Get That Video Of Ray Rice Beating His Lady, No Really (Not Really)

The NFL is still trying to convince us that The Big Manly Powers That Be never would have defended Baltimore Ravens sportsball star Ray Rice after he knocked his woman OUT COLD in an elevator, if only they could...
Actual penalty; Holding... the wrong religious beliefs

Stephen Colbert Perplexed By This Muslim Sportsball Man And His Exotic Ways (Video)

Stephen Colbert is just as puzzled as we were about the curious case of the Kansas City player who was penalized for Muslim Tebowing -- especially after the NFL decided, no, that wasn't a penalty after all. It's not...

Islamazoid Sportsball Star Penalized For Praising Wrong Jesus

America is a great country where you can practice any religion you want as long as it's the Jesus kind. It's too bad Kansas City Chiefs safety Husain Abdullah didn't read the fine print in the First Amendment. During a...
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Ladies Flying Planes And Other Tales Of Terror

Yesterday on Fox’s The Five, Kimberly Guilfoyle gave a shout-out to Major Mariam Al Mansouri, the first female fighter pilot in the United Arab Emirates. Mansouri led her country’s contingent of military pilots that participated in bombing ISIS in...