nfl

Have you been trying to sort out the complex distinction between Whoopi Goldberg’s “rape rape” and Todd Akin’s “legtimate rape” and plain old rape? Well now here is Very Famous Allegedly Rapey Former NFL Sportsball Player Darren Sharper to make this even more nonsensical: he was having some good old non-consensual sex but that isn’t […]

Hey ladies. You know how the GOP is all wanting you to like them? And not just like them, but like them like them, because of how you are all slutty whoremonsters who vote for Democrats? Well, the Wisconsin State Assembly GOP Majority Leader is seeking to give ‘women’s outreach’ his personal touch. Unfortunately, he […]

Look at us going all sportsball! It’s a new vertical synergized avenue of thought leader growth, mainly because there are many sports-related things that bring the funny and/or stupid. Today, we have lobbyist Jack Burkman floating a bill to ban gays from the NFL because that is the most pressing political issue of the day. […]

When Michael Sam is drafted — it should be a matter of when not if, because if Sam liked lady bits, there would no question he would get drafted — Sam would be the first openly gay professional athlete in a major American team sport. But Sam’s draft status is an open question because, after he […]

Somehow, it’s hard to focus on sportsball’s magnificent athleticism when it seems like there are always stories about athletes doing murder — ALLEGEDLY — and raping women across America — ALLEGEDLY — and domestic violencing the ladies and all manner of breakin’ the law. All of that somehow gets a pass because SPORTSBALL, while Richard […]

If you were anywhere near a news source last night, you learned that University of Missouri defensive lineman and SEC [Southeastern Conference] co-defensive player of the year Michael Sam came out as gay. There was no teasing of the story for a million years at the national level, so the piece was a surprise to […]

We wish we could say we were surprised by the fact that pro football cheerleaders earn wages that make McDonald’s workers look well-compensated, but we aren’t. Finally, one squad — the Oakland Raiderettes — has stepped up and sued their team because they are as mad as hell and they just aren’t going to take […]

Hi, Wonkaloonies! Yr Doktor Zoom really enjoyed “sleeping in” this week! But we are back from vacation now, and ready for another Derp Roundup, our weekly Sloppy Joe of news trimmings that were too stoopid to ignore altogether but not quite enough to make a full post out of. We have to use ‘em before […]

Oh LOOK who is suddenly on the side of organized labor, now that a bunch of scab refs are messing with his precious football? (Hint: it is Scott Walker, the union-busting asshole of a governor from Wisconsin.)

Oh, guess we sort of answered our own question there, duh, it is because they are black! Christopher Johnson and Nathaniel Claybrooks are two hot black guys who are also football players, and they wanted to be on television but they never got chosen for the wildly popular television program “Bachelor Wives” because of blackness […]

Here’s an interesting sales pitch from some super PAC supporting Michele Bachmann which we will now (pretty closely) paraphrase for you: “Professional football player Tim Tebow is not very smart, he has a problem with accuracy, and his holier-than-thou Christian shtick is incredibly irritating to many observers — which makes him exactly like Michele Bachmann.” […]

The birther hobbyists at WorldNetDaily would have liked NFL fans watching some game in Texas to notice their screamy ad, but shit, who knew they’ve been putting domes on the professional football stadiums these days? [WND]

Diaperman David Vitter sent this bizarre, victimized email to our inbox explaining to the negative four people who care that he will not be able to host a Saints football game in Louisiana because of Harry Reid being a horrible tool who forces him to do his job occasionally. David Vitter is so mad he […]

Barack Obama’s fickle mistress the American teevee viewing public sure has a lot of demands. FINE, he’ll move the jobs speech one day later so she can watch the Republican presidential candidate horde tear each other’s throats open. FINE, he’ll move the jobs speech to an early hour on Thursday so she can watch the […]

In preparation for tonight’s big crest-falling at the hands of the Baltimore Ravens, the New York Jets reportedly “made passes at” (literally!) TV Azteca sports reporter Inez Sainz, who came all the way up from Mexico City. The result is that now there really will be a War with Mexico and this is NOT EXCELLENT […]