The greatest news for America last week was that unstable, obese radio junkie Rush Limbaugh had snuck his way into a group of investors fixing to purchase St. Louis’ NFL team, the Rams. What a straightforward way to piss off an entire major city! Upon hearing the news, black players in the league were like, “Ah, well, we look forward to never playing for that team or even visiting that city again in our lives.” The problem there is that black players tend to be the ones who are good at football. And so Rush’s investor “friends,” backed by a nervous NFL leadership, have dropped him from the bid. He is not expected to say gracious things about the NFL on his radio show, after this. [ESPN/AP]

• BAD NEWS FOR ST. LOUIS SPORTS ENTHUSIASTS: A certain man wants to buy your awful football team, the Rams, and he’s known for being disagreeable! It is fat weird person Rush Limbaugh, from the radio. As you may recall, Rush was briefly involved in professional football before. ESPN hired him in 2003 to join its weekly pregame show panel. He did this for a full one (1) episode, during which he just said a bunch of racist stuff before quitting. [NBC Sports]

WISDOM IN THE EMAILS: “Wonkette-rs: Just wanted to point out the incredibly flawed logic of the Republican Party staging the final night of their convention — AND the all-important speech by their nominee — on the same night as opening kick-off for the NFL. Not only is football the most popular sport by viewership in the USA, it’s also (supposedly) favored by gun-totin’, red-blooded, all-around good ol’ boys (like Levi Johnston!). — Juan S.” [UPI]

NFL DESTROYS MCCAIN: On September 4, John McCain is set to accept the Republican nomination with a glorious convention speech, most likely about the latest wave of arthritis prescription drugs. This same night, the NFL is kicking off its new season with a big Prime Time football game. This presents a huge obstacle for both the GOP and the NFL, America’s favorite pastimes. When will Al Gore step in as a Neutral Broker and fix this problem too? [Jonathan Martin]

Think about it: Bush has a 31% approval rating. The Dems won the House and the Senate. Iraq? That’s done. So what to do with Fox News Channel? MORE »

According to a new CNN poll, 45% of Americans blame Bush for 9/11. MORE »

• Reliable Source: In the past year, Bush received $17,316 in personal gifts and Cheney netted $39,722 worth. . . Woody Harrelson and Kristin Scott Thomas are filming in Foggy Bottom. . . Dresses worn by “political ladies” hit eBay for Gulf Coast charity. . . Nancy Pelosi seen lunching with Zbigniew Brzezinski. [WP]
• Heard on the Hill: Sen. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) calls CNN’s Joe Johns a “smartass”. . . Gore’s film premieres tonight at the National Geographic Society’s Grosvenor Auditorium. [Roll Call]
• Page Six: Advisors to Katherine Harris may be plotting a tell-all book and documentary. [NYP]
• Cindy Adams: Condoleezza Rice to the NFL?. . . St. Martin’s is throwing a party at the Cosmos Club for Pat Buchanan, Newt Gingrich, and Terry McAuliffe [NYP]

Yesterday we considered the possibility that Condoleezza Rice might apply for the newly vacated post of NFL commissioner. But we concluded that, given the inopportune timing, her taking the job would be unlikely. It turns out we were right: MORE »

After all, Condoleezza Rice’s “dream job” just opened up: MORE »

The NFL announced that it will be instituting a 10-second tape delay for the network broadcast of its Opening Kickoff 2005, the concert-event-multisponsor-clusterfuck slated to be broadcast this year from Giants stadium. Among the performers will be Green Day, which casitgates President Bush’s “redneck agenda” on American Idiot; the Rolling Stones, which calls our leader “a crock of shit” on A Bigger Bang; and Kanye West, who questions the sincerity of Bush’s compassionate conservatism for the other-than-white complexioned. The West and Rolling Stones performances will be taped, in any event, so what this appears to boil down to is that the leaders of America’s most proudly macho sports pastime are afraid of what Billie Joe Armstrong might say. This leaves us wondering a couple of things. Aren’t the Dixie Chicks and Janet Jackson now owed a big apology from some girly-man or other? And which is now more officially dead: Punk rock or pro football? — HOLLY MARTINS MORE »