Tag Archives: newtown shooting

  Our Cold Dead Hands

Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup

Guten Tag, liberal Wonkstaffel! With the upcoming holiday when all good God-fearing Americans celebrate the founding of the Greatest Nation in the History of Ever™, we thought it a good opportunity to check up on the continued efforts to protect/eviscerate that most sacred of all American freedoms, the right to vote the right to own as many death-dealing penis substitutes as you need to feel safe and secure in your own home. Specifically, we were wondering about our old friend Steamin’ Adam Kokesh and his plans for this glorious Fourth of July now that he has canceled his Million Armed Lunatics March on our nation’s capital. In its place Adam had called on his followers to march in small groups on all fifty state capitals in an event he is calling the Final American Revolution, and we wanted to reassure ourselves that our decision to be nowhere near Sacramento or even Phoenix this Thursday was a good one (really this is a good decision for any day of the year.) Read more on Celebrate Independence Day By Shooting Off Your Gun: A July 4th Gun Fun Times Roundup…
  blah blah tragedy blah

Would The Parents Of Newtown Shooting Victims Just Shut Up Already

You know what’s annoying? People who stand up for things. People who think something should be a certain way, and when their state’s lawmaking body holds a public hearing, they show up and try to explain what they want, like idiots. The Connecticut General Assembly put together one such gathering of Believers In Things yesterday, on the topic of gun control. You would not believe it, but one of the people who had an opinion about gun control was the parent of a child killed at Newtown. THE NERVE. There was only one course of action, obviously: Heckle him. Read more on Would The Parents Of Newtown Shooting Victims Just Shut Up Already…
  a visit from the truther squad

Newtown Truthers Approach Center Of Conspiracy: This Nice Old Man Dog-Walker

Here is a quick glimpse at a little slice of American culture at the moment. There was a shooting in Newtown, Connecticut, in which more than two dozen children and teachers were assault-rifled to death, but you know that already. You might not know, though, about 69-year-old pet-sitter Gene Rosen, who lives near the school. According to Salon, here’s what happened the day of the shooting, when six kids showed up with a bus driver: “We can’t go back to school,” one little boy told Rosen. “Our teacher is dead.” He brought them inside and gave them food and juice and toys. He called their parents. It warms the cockles, Rosen’s kindness does. But that is not the glimpse we are glimpsing at today, no. The heartwarming story we’re gathered to hear together is how Sandy Hook conspiracy theorists have been wrecking Rosen’s life, for truth! Read more on Newtown Truthers Approach Center Of Conspiracy: This Nice Old Man Dog-Walker…
  word vomit

Tea Party Nation Knows What Causes Shootings: Unions, Loud Stereos and Sluts

There was a pretty bad shooting on Friday, and the only thing anybody can talk about is Why It Happened. Logical folk (i.e. us) have been saying it probably had something to do with guns and mental health, but people who don’t want that to be true have been saying there isn’t any evidence for it, despite all the evidence for it. In their stead, however, they have been providing all sorts of other factors that are much more obvious, and do not require evidence. This is lucky because they do not have any. The gun-massacre by the guy with seriously questionable mental health was not exacerbated by guns or mental health care, see, it was abortion pills, obviously. Also to blame: children who do not bum-rush gunmen, because they’re stupid. Also, courtesy of Mensa Brain-Astronaut Glenn Beck: Fisher-Price toys. DEFINITELY NOT GUNS. But there is more. There is sooo much more, and it was decided by Tea Party Nation, so you know it’s real, and not a petty, steaming pile of Puritanical extremist propaganda that travels so far afield from the issues at hand that one can’t help but wonder what they think the issues actually are. Tell us, Tea Party Brain Timothy Birdnow, what are we to do, to stay not dead? Read more on Tea Party Nation Knows What Causes Shootings: Unions, Loud Stereos and Sluts…
  Stand Your Playground

Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee GOP Lawmakers Want More Guns In Schools; Utah 6th Grader Decides Not To Wait

Good news, everyone! We are having a national dialogue on guns! Unfortunately, it seems to be just about as coherent as our national dialogue on race. In Minnesota, Oklahoma, and Tennessee, GOP lawmakers plan to introduce legislation that would arm public school teachers in those states. Meanwhile, in Utah, a sixth-grade boy brought a handgun to school because he was worried about being a victim of a Newtown-style shooting, then pointed it in the face of other students, threatening “to kill them if they told the teacher.” We at Wonkette urge the President to move forward on authorizing a Federal Department of Jesus Will You People Just Calm The Fuck Down Already, I Mean Really. Read more on Minnesota, Oklahoma, Tennessee GOP Lawmakers Want More Guns In Schools; Utah 6th Grader Decides Not To Wait…
 

Earnest Wonkette Think Piece Here

We’re going to talk about it. We’re going to talk about it because our thoughts and prayers are not enough. They were not enough after Columbine (15 dead), or the Amish schoolhouse (6 dead), or Virginia Tech (33 dead), or Tucson (6 dead), or Aurora (12 dead), or the Wisconsin Sikh temple (6 dead), and they are not enough now that another 28 once living, breathing people have been added to the tally. To offer only thoughts and prayers is to say “Well, that’s a damn shame. Sure hope it doesn’t happen again.” We have done this every time. And every time, it’s happened again. So we’re going to talk about it. We’re going to talk about guns. Read more on Earnest Wonkette Think Piece Here…