newt gingrich
Ever wondered what fairest Cally Gingrich wakes up to every morning? Most mornings? (The occasional morning?) No, you haven’t. But in any event, it’s this face, right here. This is Newt Gingrich, asleep, muttering nonsense about Leon Panetta, while waiting to speak to AIPAC via satellite. But really, him being asleep before the speech — [...]
Why do dumb people always vote for terrible candidates? It’s because they’re dumb! This is according to new scientific studies, according to some website: The research, led by David Dunning, a psychologist at Cornell University, shows that incompetent people are inherently unable to judge the competence of other people, or the quality of those people’s [...]
Have you ever been a “Woman with Newt,” or did you escape your 1990s stint as a female congressional staffer untouched? If it’s the latter, then that’s fine, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make it up and perform your service either now or under the future President Gingrich. See Newt, a famously carnivorous vulva [...]
Is it really already the last debate? Have there even been any before tonight? Wait, the intern telling us something… !!!… okay, so there have been about 20 debates! Thanks, intern. (You’re fired.) Well, this process has certainly made us a better nation. So let’s watch tonight’s CNN debate live from the gay Mexican firecracker [...]
Since Newt Gingrich is a bitter, complaining gasbag who nonetheless half-asses his plans for world domination in the course of putting most of his energy into reminding everyone of his hurt feelings, it makes sense that his new ad trying to appeal to Latino voters is just a cheap video shot in a single location [...]
Reddit user “oldbean” asks the question that would have already been running through all of our heads, if we weren’t such godless scum: Will Rick Santorum and Newt Gingrich have ash on their foreheads in tonight’s [CNN] debate? HUH. Good question! Here are the predictions your Wonkette overlords made in the super double-secret plus cubed [...]
Everyone hates the four big Republican presidential candidates! This is a Historical Fact, which, who knows, may already have made it into recently printed first-grade primers. BUT did you know that the degree to which a given voting individual intrinsically hates each GOP monster is mathemagically related to how long that individual has already had [...]
Looks like there’s some big action today at the few-billionaires-only private dog track more commonly known as the American political system: Nutty Vegas casino warhawk crook Sheldon Adelson — not to be confused with the Santorum-backing “Why are we talking about these slutty sluts when there are Muslim terrorists in Latin America?” eccentric wingnut billionaire [...]
Newt Gingrich is out in Los Angeles scrubbing a few rich peoples’ toilets with his tongue, for their amusement, in order to lock down whatever fat-cat money’s still out there. He got into town yesterday and what happens, of course, the bus gets a flat tire — in West Hollywood, where a great many homosexuals [...]
As a notorious proponent of BIG (any) IDEAS that drift into his head due to its considerable gravitational pull, Newt Gingrich may have just found himself the best of all possible kindred spirits: ONE WHO GIVES YOU MONEY TO SAY IDEAS!!! That’s right. All Newt has to do is publicly and promiscuously glorify something called [...]
Wait, wait, we’ll tell you all about Newt Gingrich’s plans to get laid tonight in just a second — that is what you all want to read about, right? — but first: This Newt Gingrich “Valentine’s Day attack site,” Liberals Love Romney. It points out that Romney and various liberal men are gay for each [...]
Vainglorious turd blossom Newt Gingrich is running out of wealthy dupes to write him checks allowing him to prolong his hilariously doomed book-tour candidacy, so he is out with a tragic new campaign ad, which as one can see from the screen grab mostly features Newt begging for treats like a dazed zoo seal performing [...]
