newt gingrich
Newt Gingrich Is All Out Of Whore Diamonds
We have had a lot of fun over the years pointing and laughing at Ol’ Yeller, Newt Gingrich. One of the things we have liked best is laughing about how very bad he is with money, because of how he is a common hustler who rips off everyone within a 26,000-mile radius. But today, Reuters [...]
Daily Caller Explains James O’Keefe’s Sting Of ‘Democrat-Friendly’ Vote Fraud By GOP Kids Voting GOP
James O’Keefe has a new video, you guys, and it is super-exciting because it shows how those horrible Ivy Tower LIEBERALS at the University of North Carolina didn’t fink on a “Democrat-friendly election fraud scheme” of a kid voting for both Romney and Gingrich! Huh? What it says, dudes. The first part of the video [...]
Newt Gingrich Drops Out To Spend More Time With His Creditors
Newt Gingrich was just on the teevee talking about the moon, jobs, Kaiser Wilhelm, Mitt Romney, Barack Obama, cocaine and methamphetamine, amnesia, his grandchildren, Ellis the Elephant, dropping out of the Republican presidential nominating contest, and everything else he has ever thought about for half-a-second since 1968. He has had a marvelous run. What now? [...]
Newt Gingrich Sends Bizarre Message from Outer Space of His Mind
Space commander Newt Gingrich has issued a special sad secret video communique from space with terrifying news from the future: “I want to take this opportunity to give you an insider advance notice that…” — WHAT IS IT, WE HATE SUSPENSE — “…on Wednesday, I’ll be officially suspending the campaign.” Oh no, that is terrible. [...]
Oh Yeah, Apparently Newt Gingrich Dropped Out of The Race Today?
Just kidding, no he hasn’t. The Internet merely ran one of its “Newt Gingrich will suspend his campaign any day now” stories that it has run once every other week since February. Even these were starting to dwindle due to a pressing lack of media interest, so a Newt spokesman had to go and swear [...]
Hello Beggars, Here Is Your Newt’s Last Chance Liveblog
New York, come on down! Pennsylvania! Connecticut! Rhode Island! DELAWARE! Politico says Scientology founder L. Newton Hubbard has a chance to win in Delaware, but mostly the article is like haha madeyalook! Newt is done. Roasted. On a spit with an apple. Make sure to turn him evenly, to give the skin that lovely crackle. [...]
Newt Gingrich Will Reassess His Plan To Declare Himself American Emperor
Newt, Newt, our hero Newt, what are you talking about? Weren’t we supposed to ride this train all the way to Tampa and fuck shit up at the convention? Now you’re saying you’re going to reassess the campaign after tonight. Weak, Newt. The Newt of ’78-’94 wouldn’t have caved like this. That Newt would’ve castrated [...]
Gingrich Plumps For Anti-Gay Amendment: Marriage Between A Man And A Women Until She Gets Sick
Sup North Carolina? Yer gettin’ ready to vote on Amendment 1, which bans gay marriage (which is already banned) in addition to straight and gay civil unions and domestic partnerships? Sounds like a fun amendment! Good job, you guys, way to stick it to … well, your 200,000 straight citizens who are in domestic partnerships [...]
MN GOP Takes Fiscal Conservatism To Logical Conclusion, Is Evicted For Not Paying Rent
One thing we at Wonkette HQ don’t “get” is the inescapable conclusion in American life that being “fiscally conservative” is somehow synonymous with being “fiscally prudent.” Case in point numero one: deadbeat Tea Party Congressman Joe Walsh, who is so fiscally conservative he lives in his office and refuses to pay child support! Case in [...]
Newt Gingrich Makes World’s Actual Most Pathetic Campaign Ad
Leading small-animal snuff film auteur Herman Cain has taken a brief respite from murdering rabbits to bring us this late-breaking newsflash that Newt Gingrich is now too awful to keep company with people who murder rabbits: “I even endorsed Newt Gingrich at one point because I thought that he had a shot. Well, not now. [...]
Former GOP Presidential Candidates Still Struggling Through Kubler-Ross Stages Of Grief
Man you guys, all the former GOP presidential candidates, like Herb Cain and Newt Gingrich and Ol’ Smegma Lips over there, are having such a hard time dealing with the cold FACT that they are losers, who lost, because people like them even less than they like Mitt Romney! Herb Cain is trying to keep [...]
Patriot Zoo Animal Attempts To Eat Newt Gingrich Alive
The number one greatest reason for Newt Gingrich to continue to fill up precious air time in the nation’s collective unconscious is so we can still come across newswire ledes like this one: “At least one penguin at the St. Louis Zoo appears to be a feisty opponent of Newt Gingrich.” This is great because [...]
In Embittered Lovers’ War Of Words, Fox Slams Newt Gingrich For Two-Timing With CNN
It was recently reported that Newt Gingrich and Fox News had a tiff. Newt likes attention and Fox had plenty to give, but not to Newt. Fox met a new man. His name is Mitt. He was everything Newt couldn’t be. Newt tried to get Fox to return by opening up his heart and writing [...]
Bitter Newt Gingrich’s Mouth Writes Fox A Check His Ass Can’t Cash
Newt Gingrich was in Dover having a meeting with 18 Delaware Tea Party leaders. At such a crucial moment in his campaign, he did what any potential chief in command would do. He talked shit about his former boss Fox News for divorcing him for Mitt Romney once he proved to be cancerous to the [...]
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