Wonkette

The loser Republicans who refuse to take their vacation and are holding a Cuddle Party about energy on the House floor instead have employed, who else, Newt Gingrich, to get their message out! Gingrich heads a 527 called American Solutions for Winning the Future, or ASWF. The acronym is pronounced “Ass Whoof,” like a fart, which it is. MORE »

It was quite the star-studded affair in Washington D.C. Saturday evening for the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, perhaps the District’s biggest social night of the year. This is the one where journalists and the politicos they cover congregate in an overt celebration of their inappropriate friendships — you know, the ones that caused the Iraq War. All of America can drink to that! Obviously the public-at-large wouldn’t care about a journalism party — they are not for the soft-at-heart, or people who have lives — if it weren’t for the WHCD’s other strange attraction, the liberal Hollywood Movie Star guests! Your Wonkette’s associate editor and videographer/Polaroidist Liz Glover donned our best church clothes Saturday to witness the proceedings, and all we got were strange memories and a wretched purple umbrella that says “Bloomberg.” The troubling story, below! MORE »

The “official” anniversary of the Lewinsky scandal is Jizzuary 17. But since the man who broke it, Matt Drudge, is already linking to a retrospective, we are forced as writers to follow his lead. After the jump, a celebration in time line form of the famous blowjob scandal. MORE »

The man known around the world as “America’s Diplomat” will not run for president after all, maybe, because he said so on teevee Sunday morning. Known for divorcing his wives while they were in the hospital with the cancer and screwing potential new wives while leading House efforts to get Bill Clinton impeached for getting a blow job, Republican Revolutionary Newt Gingrich now says stupid laws are preventing him from illegally raising the necessary millions to not get the nomination.

Proving he’s still the same vain, hateful prick as ever, Gingrich won’t endorse any other Republican and keeps telling everybody that Hillary’s going to win.

Gingrich Will Not Seek Presidency [BBC] MORE »

Serial-divorcing nitwit Newt Gingrich says he might bless you with his presence in the primaries if you give him $30 million by November 1. Sounds sort of like a threat, doesn’t it? [AP/Yahoo News]

That Newt Gingrich, always with the contrariness! The other day he unleashed a blistering attack on the way American campaigns are run, calling it “stunningly dangerous”, saying that the current endless round of debates that involve seventeen people giving thirty-second sound-bites “aren’t debates” and are “almost unendurable.” He also says that expecting someone to not change opinions based on new knowledge or developments (aka “flip-flopping”) during a two-year campaign is ludicrous and counterproductive. This, combined with his telling a bunch of Young Republicans, while they were on a break from forcibly fellating one another, that the War on Terror was phony, might lead you to believe that Newt has some good ideas! MORE »

Let’s say you’re Newt Gingrich. At the age of 64, you’ve achieved a lot of things in your life. You got called a mindless cannibal on the floor of the House of Representatives, led the election surge that ended decades of Democratic dominance in said house, divorced your first wife on her deathbed, cheated on your second wife with your third wife while spearheading an attempt to impeach the president for lying about cheating on his wife, resigned the speakership in disgrace, and wrote a series of kick-ass alternate history novels. What’s left on your agenda? MORE »

It’s the saddest GOP primary season ever, because nobody likes any of the candidates. Former Republican congressman and NewsMax columnist John LeBoutillier isn’t too impressed by the roster and doesn’t even bother to mention the guys we’ve already forgotten about — Huckleberry Brokeback or something? Anyway, let’s review the candidates’ strengths: MORE »

Finally, a poll for the rest of us: A market-research company asked Americans to rate the creepiest 2008 contenders, both declared and undeclared. MORE »

* Can someone please pay attention to Joe Lieberman for five minutes so he stops threatening to switch parties again? [Political Animal]
* If you watch closely, you can see George Allen’s lost destiny flash in front of him. [CBN]
* One surge, two surge, three surge, more! [MoJo]
* Send Dennis Kucinich some money so he can get a real office and stop standing in front of that “typical American workplace” backdrop. [PrezVid]
* “Most of America” is with Tom Tancredo on his “nuke Mecca” policy. [Liberal Avenger]
* Gingrich is gone ’til November. [Political Insider]
* All President Bush needs is the same “good faith” exit cover Wolfowitz got. [Colbert Nation (PDF)]