It is a fact of Washington politics and future Washington politics that Newt Gingrich will be forced to run as the GOP’s Presidential candidate in 2012. You can tell this is most definitely the case because, um, A. Tim Pawlenty B. Bobby Jindal, C. Mitt Romney and D. Others (??). Anyway, how stoked is Newt Gingrich?? “Callista and I are going to think about this in February 2011. And we are going to reach out to all of our friends around the country. And we’ll decide, if there’s a requirement as citizens that we run, I suspect we probably will. And if there’s not a requirement, if other people have filled the vaccum, I suspect we won’t.” No one tell Sarah Palin about Gingrich’s funsy new campaign slogan: “If You Insist!” [Political Wire]

We don’t even want to know the mechanics of this: “Washington, DC – To celebrate the launch of Newt Gingrich (@newtgingrich) and Bill Forstchen’s new book, To Try Men’s Souls, about the Christmas Night 1776 crossing of the Delaware River and attack on the Hessians stationed in Trenton, NJ, St. Martin’s Press and Gingrich Communications are excited to announce the first ever twitter reenactment of the crossing!” Intern Riley will be liveblogging this on Sunday! Yes, Riley, it’s true! [Newt.org]

Good gravy, the GAZONGA COLLECTORS are after former California Biddie of the Year CARRIE PREJEAN! Poor Carrie signed a six-month lease on her enormous ta-ta job, but now she doesn’t want to make the monthly payments because seriously, what is DONALD TRUMP going to do, repossess her boobs? Like the Good Book says, The Trump giveth and The Trump taketh away … MORE »

You know you are scraping the bottom of the barrel, wonk-wise, when the most famous person on your “spotted around DC” list is Wolf Blitzer. Such is the state we find ourselves in this mid-July. But let’s check out the roster and see who was nearly run over in a parking garage, who was seen joking about his ex-wives, and who stumbled upon a hidden squad of lesbians in Alexandria! MORE »

American Solutions for Winning the Future is one of a handful of weird Newt Gingrich enterprises formulated to help him win back the presidency in 2012, by teaching us all to laugh again. Did you know that the exhumed skeleton of Liz Taylor’s ex-husband still serves proudly in the Senate? MORE »

• Lindsey Graham doesn’t want you to see those photos from Joe Lieberman’s surprise Abu Ghraib birthday party, especially the one where Joe forces a prisoner to give him a special birthday enema, because then the anus of every American soldier would be in grave danger. [HuffPost]
• Newt Gingrich is making up all sorts of silly names for Sonia-Maria, like “Racialist” and “Whinoceros,” since the teacher won’t let him call her a Mexican anymore. [Think Progress]
• The Wall Street Journal thinks Hank Paulson is “a national hero” and should be rewarded with an endless cornucopia of “Veuve Clicquot and upscale prostitutes.” This angers Matt Taibbi very much, which is why he twittered an angry letter to the editor reminding everyone that Hank Paulson basically invented expensive champagne and hookers and he doesn’t need more of either, thank you. [Matt Taibbi]
• After the Government buys Health Care, Barack Obama will tally up all the abortions you ever had and then will call you on his BlackBerry to offer his congratulations, if you’re in the top ten. [RedState]
• Michelle Malkin cordially invites you to open up MS Paint and doodle funny things about Obamacare! Those who do not partake will be considered pinkos and will likely face investigation by the Committee of Un-American Activities. [Michelle Malkin]

Twitter has proven to be the most crippling public relations device in history, allowing Republicans to instantaneously and embarrassingly freak out about their distinguished resumes and secret candidacies for Attorney General and, most recently, how the first Hispanic nominee for the Supreme Court is a terrible racist. Now Newt Gingrich says maybe he shouldn’t have put it in such inartful terms, but seriously dudes, this gal … RACIST MUCH??? MORE »

These days you can tell which Republicans would like to keep their jobs as elected officials and which ones just want to make a living bleating on the talk radio by how they have reacted to the Sotomayor nomination. With no irritating constituents to answer to,Tom Tancredo, Newt Gingrich, and Rush Limbaugh have all gone Full Crazy, while people like Texas Senator John Cornyn have demonstrated a troubling lack of zeal by not shouting RACIST LA RAZA ABORTIONIST LESBIAN for the past 72 hours. MORE »

WIN OF THE AFTERNOON: In response to this post about bulbous adulterer crybaby Newt Gingrich twit-bitching about Sonia Sotomayor while he was visiting Auschwitz (!) today, Wonkette commenter GuruKalehuru offered this sad assessment of America’s dumbest fad for old people: “This twitter thing is going to be like the new ‘It was the alcohol talking.’ Or it should.”

CBS White House correspondent Chip Reid, who famously loves Dick Cheney so much, brought a very important News Question to today’s briefing with Robert Gibbs: hey Gibbs, you seen this racism deal on Newt Gingrich’s “blog,” you know, the thing he wrote on his blog about the racist Supreme Court? (He is referring to the web-based application Twitter.) Gibbs says no, who cares about Newt Gingrich’s mobile phone blog. [YouTube]

Hmm, yeah, why *didn’t* Barack Obama pick George Allen instead, since racism seems to be the soup o’ the day? No person in history has been shat upon more than the white land-owning male. [Twitter]