Tag Archives: newsweek

  important political histories

A Children’s Treasury Of Comically Predictable Wacky Joe Biden Campaign Stories From Some New Book

Sprightly silver-painted ex-Newsweek hobbit Richard Wolffe, who is also on the teevee sometimes, talking about politics, has released a new book titled Renegade: The Making of a President. It is supposedly a well-reported account of Life with Obama during the 2008 election, and it’s in bookstores today, so be sure to… not buy it and just spend a few minutes googling around for the key “cocktail party conversation” excerpts! Here’s one: Obama called Bill Clinton a liar! More: Barack and Michelle Obama basically hated each other until recently! MORE: Obama had wanted Hillary for Secretary of State for like 500 years! Thank you for the edifying pornography, Richard Wolffe! Meh. BUT WAIT… What hilarious things did Joe Biden do all the time? Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Comically Predictable Wacky Joe Biden Campaign Stories From Some New Book…
  wait what?

Because TIME Fired Him, Michael Kinsley’s Pretty Disappointed With This ‘New’ Newsweek

Michael Kinsley, the dignified journalist and dinner companion to David Denby, starts his review of the new Newsweek reboot with this: “Having recently been dumped by Time, I naturally had great hopes for this week’s much-anticipated makeover of Newsweek.” And 2,000 annoying words later — including a long bit about masturbating to a large photograph of the homophobic idiot Miss California — he closes with this: “Don’t forget to cancel your subscription to Time while you’re at it.” Read more on Because TIME Fired Him, Michael Kinsley’s Pretty Disappointed With This ‘New’ Newsweek…
  from hack to flack

Richard Wolffe Sells Out

Print journalism and punditry are officially dead, because Richard Wolffe killed them. He has quit his job at Newsweek and will go work for Public Strategies, the PR outfit helmed by Dan Bartlett that also employs our beloved sad cowboy Mark McKinnon. Basically, any journalist who is sufficiently competent to pen a press release is fleeing to PR now because there are no news/media jobs of any sort left anymore, except at Wonkette, the NAMBLA house blog. [Austin Business Journal] Read more on Richard Wolffe Sells Out…
  important economic analysis

EVERYONE CHUG THIS CUP OF SADNESS: Here’s a great and brilliant article from the new Atlantic about how the United States is a banana republic after years of terrible policies and stuff. It is probably too long for “blog readers” so just read a paragraph or two every night before sleep and someday you’ll finish! Also, Newsweek has a cover story about how Paul Krugman hates Obama but remains LOYAL for he is the king, after all. It includes a very funny picture of Krugman complaining about the rain. [Atlantic, Newsweek] Read more on …
  sociamalism

56% OF AMERICANS ARE SOCIALIST COMMIE MARX-MAOIST STALINFURRIES: Hey looky here, the Newsweek magazine says that 56% of Americans support “nationalizing large banks at risk of failing,” while only 29% support the Responsible Centrist option of giving crappy insolvent banks run by actual hell demons all the money they want forever, on their own terms. Who knew that a majority of Americans are in favor of gay abortions and giving AIDS to our children? [Newsweek] Read more on …
  slimy double-crossing no-good swindlers

Is Obama’s Attorney General Secret Space Pirate?

The new Attorney General for President Hopesalot is Eric Holder, who was the deputy AG back when Bill Clinton was doing whatever slimy stuff, etc., this is what you get, but wait! Doesn’t this character look exactly like a convicted space monster from the early 1980s? Newsweek reporter Michael Isikoff suggests Holder is actually a smuggler who ran spice out of Bill Clinton’s Mena Airport in Arkansas. Read more on Is Obama’s Attorney General Secret Space Pirate?…
  more hope action

Meet Obama’s Fancy Black Attorney General!

Newsweek‘s Michael Isikoff reports that Washington lawyer and former deputy attorney general Eric Holder, who also co-led Obama’s vice presidential selection process, has flushed a Koran down the toilet. No! (Maybe?) But it’s really that Holder will serve as Obama’s attorney general. The first black attorney general ever, and first minority attorney general since the known Mexican Alberto Gonzales! The first attorney general generally speaking since Michael Mukasey! Read more on Meet Obama’s Fancy Black Attorney General!…
  dorks

Poll: Americans Reject Maverick Heroes

Proving that Obama’s 15-point lead in last week’s Newsweek poll was a liberal hoax, a hot new LA Times poll has Obama’s lead diminishing to a statistically insignificant 12 points, or 15 if you include fictional losers Bob Barr and Ralph Nader. Also, among voters who said they’d vote for McCain, only 45% are “enthusiastic” about doing that (Mexican vs. Muslim, pick your poison etc. etc.), while that figure is 81% for Obama. This just goes to show how screwed the Democrats will be come November. Sooner or later these Obamatards will realize that in the Real World, you don’t “like” politicians or presume they’ve got anything good to offer; you vote for the schlock you completely fucking hate, because why set yourself up for disappointment? [LA Times] Read more on Poll: Americans Reject Maverick Heroes…
 

Our Second Annual ‘Hopefully The Last White House Correspondents Post Ever’

It was quite the star-studded affair in Washington D.C. Saturday evening for the annual White House Correspondents Dinner, perhaps the District’s biggest social night of the year. This is the one where journalists and the politicos they cover congregate in an overt celebration of their inappropriate friendships — you know, the ones that caused the Iraq War. All of America can drink to that! Obviously the public-at-large wouldn’t care about a journalism party — they are not for the soft-at-heart, or people who have lives — if it weren’t for the WHCD’s other strange attraction, the liberal Hollywood Movie Star guests! Your Wonkette’s associate editor and videographer/Polaroidist Liz Glover donned our best church clothes Saturday to witness the proceedings, and all we got were strange memories and a wretched purple umbrella that says “Bloomberg.” The troubling story, below! Read more on Our Second Annual ‘Hopefully The Last White House Correspondents Post Ever’…
 

Is Texas D.A. Chuck Rosenthal The Worst Person On Earth?

Harris County, Texas District Attorney Chuck Rosenthal resigned on February 15 after a lawsuit brought against him claimed official misconduct, incompetence, and drinking on the job. This follows a series of other minor scandals, for millions of years, including naughty e-mails and mean racism. According to Newsweek, the Republican may be in further trouble yet for e-mails he deleted when he wasn’t supposed to. Is Chuck Rosenthal actually the Worst Person on Earth — even worse than Barack Obama? Let’s examine his “file.” Read more on Is Texas D.A. Chuck Rosenthal The Worst Person On Earth?…
 

NM State Employee Penalized For Hilarious Obama Bashing

An employee of New Mexico’s “State Land Office” is facing reprimand for sending a scurrilous office e-mail sliming Barry Hussein’s obvious Muslim heritage. It was sent from the e-mail account of John Maes, the office’s “royalty revenue accountant.” Anyone else smell a Tory plot at play? Burn his children! Read more on NM State Employee Penalized For Hilarious Obama Bashing…
 

Newsweek Celebrates America’s Hottest Powerful Women

Newsweek salutes Powerful Women! Like Blog-empress Arianna Huffington, Atlanta Mayor Shirley Franklin, and, uh, Rachael Ray. All fine examples of modern female leadership! One went from successful pundit/author to head of one of the most influential lefty sites on the internet, one is the first female mayor of Atlanta (and the first black woman to be elected mayor of any major southern city), and one is a busty television personality whose Wikipedia page currently describes her as “this hot ass beautiful, young womens.” Just as Arianna proved that you can marry a gay Republican and still amass political power and influence (on the internet), Rachael Ray proved that you can overcome the adversity of being an attractive woman without any training or ability in cooking and still end up the breakout star of a tv network dedicated ostensibly to the culinary arts. In All Their Glory [Newsweek] Read more on Newsweek Celebrates America’s Hottest Powerful Women…
 

Newsweek Shares Intimate Knowledge With U.S. Readers

Check the diaper — the ones without the dicks are girls. Oh, and what do the international readers get this week instead of a handy primer for new parents unaware of the whole boys/girls thing? Usual bunch of international news and culture and such, plus a cover story about how nice it is to be rich and take monthlong vacations — you know, the stuff of no interest to your average American mystified by anatomy, because his own dick has been hidden by the flaps of his stomach for 15 years. Read more on Newsweek Shares Intimate Knowledge With U.S. Readers…
 

TIME Joins Newsweek In Mocking America’s Idiocy

TIME magazine is cherished by seniors who can’t turn on the computer because they got a virus from the Earthlink modem in 1998 — in other words, “American voters.” But what if TIME was consciously trying to keep the elderly misinformed? Read the rest of this post, after the jump. Read more on TIME Joins Newsweek In Mocking America’s Idiocy…
 

Newsweek Protects American Readers From George Clooney Interview

There is a war on — a war for the hearts and minds of Americans. Newsweek is constantly protecting innocent Americans from the stories they can’t handle. Is the world melting? Did the White House betray a deal with North Korea? Did we lose that war in Afghanistan, too? That’s for Newsweek’s international readers to know and for you to not find out. Sorry, dummies! Read more on Newsweek Protects American Readers From George Clooney Interview…
 

Friday Night Funnies: Rove & Bartlett Get Subpoenas

The Scooter Libby trial might get interesting next week. Michael Isikoff just posted a short-yet-confusing thing on MSNBC.com that attempts to explain this latest twist. Our interpretation: * If Karl Rove testifies, it may prove the White House is a den of vipers and not the team of patriotic Bushbots we so desperately need to concentrate on wrecking America and the whole world. * If Dan Bartlett testifies, it may make people realize he has a powerful role in the Bush Administration. * Tim Russert is still plotting against us. * Ari Fleischer has been claiming he’s so not involved that he doesn’t even have a lawyer, but in truth Fitzgerald has given him immunity after he pulled a Fifth on Fitz. * Scott McClellan never said one truthful thing in his entire White House career, not even in response to seemingly innocent questions as “Is today Tuesday?” and “How was your weekend?” Read more on Friday Night Funnies: Rove & Bartlett Get Subpoenas…
 

BREAKING ON CNN: DAN QUAYLE NOT RUNNING FOR PREZ

Where is that handgun we keep around the office for emergency suicides? CNN just “teased” the big story that Dan Quayle — apparently still alive — is not running for president. Well, gosh! And how about Jeanne Kirkpatrick, is she officially out of the race? What about I Dream of Jeannie star Barbara Eden, or TV’s Murphy Brown? Read more on BREAKING ON CNN: DAN QUAYLE NOT RUNNING FOR PREZ…
 

Chuck Schumer’s Book to End With M. Night Shyamalan-esque Twist

The new Newsweek features an excerpt from New York Senior Senator Chuck Schumer’s book, Pay Attention to Meeeeee. In it, he offers a surefire method for Democrats to win the presidency in 2008, based on hard-earned lessons learned by running as a Democrat in a state that will probably not go Republican again in our lifetimes. Well, we think he offers such a method. We stopped paying attention after this paragraph: Read more on Chuck Schumer’s Book to End With M. Night Shyamalan-esque Twist…
 

‘Newsweek’ Basically Guaranteeing Obama’s Early Death

Barack Hussein Obama has a lot in common with a certain other Senator who wanted to be President, according to Newsweek: * Both relatively inexperienced. * Both young. * Both “ethnic.” * Both wrote best-selling books. * Both attractive to ladies, possibly gays. * Both Ivy Leaguers * Both give good speech. Read more on ‘Newsweek’ Basically Guaranteeing Obama’s Early Death…
 

Everybody’s Heard About the Surge

The White House finished its background briefing on tonight’s Iraq SURGE speech a couple hours ago. Unsurprisingly, it impressed the National Review! Mona Cheran reveals — exclusively! — that the speech will call for “five new American brigades” in Baghdad and that the Prez will “ask for a larger army.” But Cheran either didn’t pick up on or didn’t bother to report what Newsweek learned at their background briefing: the Surge is a complete joke. Read more on Everybody’s Heard About the Surge…
 

Crazy Web Claims Pretty Much Confirmed By Newsweek

We found this insane story last week about James Baker III shouting down Cheney and Bush 43 (in a fetal position) in some Godfather-style Oval Office takeover meeting right before the election. It was allegedly told by Newsweek’s Richard Wolffe to Chris Matthews during Election Night coverage, live on MSNBC at 4:30 a.m. — of course there are no transcripts, no YouTube evidence, etc. But now that Newsweek has pretty much confirmed the whole story, we might as well repeat it here, after the jump. Read more on Crazy Web Claims Pretty Much Confirmed By Newsweek…
 

It’s a Mandate!

Buried in this Newsweek story is the news that 51% of American voters want Bush impeached — 28% say High Priority, 23% say Low Priority, 44% against, 6% undecided or don’t know what a president is. And only 78% of Republicans oppose impeachment, proving something or other. Read more on It’s a Mandate!…