Tag Archives: newsweek

  More Guns Always Help

Armed White ‘Oath Keepers’ Descend On Ferguson, Will Definitely Calm Everything Down

She clearly feels protected
In case you were concerned that the situation in Ferguson, Missouri, might get unpleasant as people mark the one-year anniversary of the fatal shooting of Michael Brown, you can put those worries to rest now: The Oath Keepers have brought their message of paramilitary peace through superior firepower to the streets. But unlike last December, when they invited themselves to perch on businesses’ roofs like snipers, for “security,” this time they say they’re only in Ferguson to protect a “journalist” from Alex Jones’s nutbag website Infowars.com. It’s not clear whether they’ll also try to find some federal jackboots to have a standoff with, or flee when they get “intel” warning of a drone attack. Read more on Armed White ‘Oath Keepers’ Descend On Ferguson, Will Definitely Calm Everything Down…
  Glad we solved that problem forever

2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously

Our thoughts exactly
In the early days of 2014, the world was a simpler, happier place. Bill Cosby was still a kindly, grandfatherly funnyman and not a horrible monster rapist, and we all enjoyed playfully teasing him about his sweaters and Jell-O Pudding Pops until the joke was entirely played out and stale and not funny anymore, seriously, enough. Read more on 2014: The Year All Rape Ended Forever Because It Never Existed Obviously…
  newsbeast is dead long live newsbeast

Tina Brown To Leave Daily Beast, Now Free To Ruin New Publication

Today we bid farewell — or prepare to bid farewell, if “a source with direct knowledge” has given the straight dope to Buzzfeed — to Tina Brown as editor of The Daily Beast, and maybe, who knows, to the Beast itself: According to a source with direct knowledge of the situation, The Daily Beast parent company IAC owned by media mogul Barry Diller does not plan to renew Brown’s contract when it expires in January. The decision has been made for the two sides to part ways, said the source, but precise details of the separation are still being worked out. Yr Doktor Zoom is not what you’d call a media insider, but he reads enough to know that Tina Brown has kind of a reputation for… well, shall we say, flashy crap over substance? Like those charming Newsweek covers of ragey Muslims and Zombie Princess Di? So what’s next for the woman who is to media properties what the 9/11 hijackers were to office buildings? Read more on Tina Brown To Leave Daily Beast, Now Free To Ruin New Publication…
  "Me & Julio Down by the Schoolyard" To Be Even More Obscure

Filthy iPads Finally Murder Newsweek Print Edition

We hope you damn hipsters with your Kindlepads and iNookies are happy. Newsweek, a bastion of middle-brow media culture since its 1933 inception, will convert to an all-digital format in 2013, according to an announcement today on Tina Brown’s Internet Tendency. Read more on Filthy iPads Finally Murder Newsweek Print Edition…
  journamalismz

Newsweek Puts Another Insane Shrill GOP Female Politician On the Cover

“Congratulations” or whatever you say these days to shameless political tabloids when they use a horrorporn photo of Michele Bachmann’s vacant stare to terrorize America’s grocery store checkout lines. Here is the strange part: this is a photo of Michele Bachmann totally asleep! Haha, just kidding, we do not know what she is doing here, but that probably isn’t far off. She is most likely just enjoying the morphine drip and fistful of “migraine pills” that she is always mainlining on any given day. She is also apparently “full of rage” in this photo according to the caption, which strangely is probably the only emotion we would not attribute to Michele in this photo. Our first thought was more like, “brain dead.” Read more on Newsweek Puts Another Insane Shrill GOP Female Politician On the Cover…
  hypotheticals

BREAKING Newsweek Cover Story: Sarah Palin Still Not Running

We applaud Newsweek on the headline “I Can Win” for their cover story about Sarah Palin, a person who is not actually in competition for anything and does not care to change out of her jogging outfit for a cover story photo shoot. If only there were something for Sarah Palin to compete at, to win? Palin said this “I can win” line to the reporter in Iowa, where there are certainly no competitions happening, so that’s too bad, but Sarah Palin would win if she were in Iowa, competing at something.  So, thanks Newsweek for that breaking update. Here is the rest of the interview in one sentence: Sarah Palin is upset the price of beef jerky has gotten so high, she does not want Piper to get her hair cut, and she cannot show up for one single thing on time or tell anybody where she is. Hooray, we knew all those things. Read more on BREAKING Newsweek Cover Story: Sarah Palin Still Not Running…
  if you don't watch this you hate israel

Here Is Video Evidence of Jane Harman With Her ‘Boyfriend’ Ahmadinejad

Here is California Republican Mattie Fein and a person playing Rep. Jane Harman, her opponent in this year’s midterm / contest to see who can make dumber cultural allusions. So this is what the Newsweek offices look like these days? [YouTube] Read more on Here Is Video Evidence of Jane Harman With Her ‘Boyfriend’ Ahmadinejad…
  the new charles foster kane

Jane Harman To Be Newsweek’s Sally Quinn

Ever since you first learned that Newsweek was being sold, you have wondered: who will buy this money-losing magazine? Will it be someone hilarious, like the Politico or NewsMax? Today, at long last, the answer was revealed, and it is … Sidney Harman, 91-year-old speaker impresario and husband of Congresslady Jane Harman? Sure, why not, we can’t see any conflicts of interest arising from that tie-up! Read more on Jane Harman To Be Newsweek’s Sally Quinn…
  it's father's day and everybody's wounded

Remind Your Dad Why He Sucks With This Ronald Reagan Father’s Day Outrage

Is your dad an angry old wingnut? Is he also still alive? Well here is a gift for the upcoming “thing after Mother’s Day” occasion, “Father’s Day.” It’s from NewsMax, the great online Internet webzine/old-people newsletter that will soon own Newsweek if the Kaplan School Testing Company is run by people with a sense of the absurd. And nothing says, “Dad, you are a cold, dumb jerk” like giving him a six-year-old copy of the NewsMax newsletter with the cover story by Michael “Reagan,” the unwanted adopted doorstop that Nancy and Ronnie somehow wound up with, following a hilarious mishap while trying to order some Harry & David baskets for their lawyers. Read more on Remind Your Dad Why He Sucks With This Ronald Reagan Father’s Day Outrage…
  almost as glamorous as blogging

It’s Not Too Late To Buy Newsweek!

Are you interested in being “part of the national conversation” and owning a still living relic of a bygone publishing ecosystem? Well, you still have a few hours left to put in a bid on Newsweek, if you have a few million dollars lying around. Don’t worry, Kaplan Test Prep’s unprofitable publishing arm will probably take on most of the thing’s debt, just so its high-level officers don’t have to have the experience of spotting the magazine mouldering in a gutter somewhere and thinking “Fuck, do we still publish that?” But believe it or not, you might have some competition for your bid. Who could possibly want this desiccated magazine-corpse? Read more on It’s Not Too Late To Buy Newsweek!…
  the future of investimagative journamalism

THE POLITICO Enters ‘Newsweek Sweepstakes’

Your Wonkette was impressed with Newsweek editor Jon Meacham’s eloquence on an episode of The Daily Show last week, where he was discussing the need for society to decide whether it wants to keep paying fine journalists the good salaries they deserve, or let the whole enterprise crater. And Newsweek does employ some of the best young reporters out there today; it’s just hard to find them buried beneath all the George Will crap. So Newsweek should probably not sell itself to THE POLITICO, ARE YOU SERIOUS? ARE YOU SERIOUS. Reuters sounds cool though. [NY Observer] Read more on THE POLITICO Enters ‘Newsweek Sweepstakes’…
  america's greatest magazine

Kaplan College-Test Company Selling Loser Newsweek Magazine

Famous college-testing company Kaplan is now racing to get rid of all its loser “print journalism” properties, with forgotten newsweekly Newsweek now officially being handed to some broker who will put it out of its misery. (Kaplan also owns the Washington Post, the struggling youth-blogging consortium and holding pen for insane old neo-cons.) But Newsweek is an important media brand, right? Read more on Kaplan College-Test Company Selling Loser Newsweek Magazine…
  Declarations of Independence

Texas Is Famous This Week

Texas has arrived! Just look at the Newsweek cover, which blasts the state’s new marketing slogan, “Don’t Mess With Texas,” and features a picture of America’s oldest teenaged runaway, Rick Perry, showing off his indigenous footwear. (Free snake farm tickets for anyone who can decipher the boot hieroglyphics.) Inside there’s a bunch of articles about Texas, like this one about the wingnut-deluxes who always try to remove all the brown people from the social studies textbooks, and another that says everyone is moving to Texas now because it’s become America’s Camelot, MINUS state income taxes and PLUS independence. “‘I’m willing to tell anyone that will listen that the land of opportunity still exists in America, and it’s in Texas,” Newsweek reports Perry as saying all the time. Read more on Texas Is Famous This Week…
  today in journalism

Newsweek Forgets To Put Image Of Captain America Fighting Commies On Patriotic Cover

Don’t worry about your taxes, America! The Newsweek claims we are “back,” as in “who got lotsa money, we the Americas do, fap fap.” Attend the most exquisite restaurants and order only the choicest hares, tonight! Bathe in condor blood filtered through gold doubloons! BOOM! [Barry Ritholz] Read more on Newsweek Forgets To Put Image Of Captain America Fighting Commies On Patriotic Cover…
  irony ended on 9/11 you idiot

YOU KNOW YOU’RE IN FOR A JUICY FOLLOW-UP ARTICLE WHEN IT BEGINS: “Regular readers of Newsweek.com are probably aware that sometimes we deploy sarcasm or irony to make points.” Oh god. [Newsweek] Read more on …
  our flourishing magazine industry

BARACK OBAMA NOW JUST ANOTHER CRAPPY NEWSWEEK WRITER: In his latest wacky P.R. move, insane Newsweek editor Jon Meacham has hired an impoverished freelancer named Barack Obama, the president of America, to write his next cover story. It will be about Haiti, and we’re guessing that Barack Obama will not have enough time in his next couple of days to research and write an entire magazine cover story by himself. Good luck, Jon Favreau! [WSJ] Read more on …