Wonkette

Here’s the fourth paragraph in today’s offering from New York Times “lightning rod conservative” columnist Bill Kristol: “The Siegessäule is an impressive structure (especially if you have a militaristic bent). It’s a large fluted sandstone column on a base of polished red granite, topped by a golden statue of winged Victory. Completed in 1873, it commemorates Prussia’s victories in the previous decade over Denmark, Austria and France. The column was lengthened and relocated to its present site in 1939.” Well now you know more about the large cock in the middle of Berlin from which Barack Obama will deliver his Speech this week. This is what Kristol does to us. MORE »

How much will Marcus Brauchli get to leave the Washington Post in a year or two? Nobody knows, yet! But Brauchli is the new WaPo editor and is expected to make dramatic changes, such as “Maybe the paper should not lose so much money” and “Free stickers in every copy!” Welcome to town, Marcus! Nobody else much likes Washington, either, so don’t feel weird about how D.C. is like some fourth-world slum city run by rats, Russian bodyguards and the Park Service Police. [NYT/Fishbowl DC]

Ed Hale’s majestic website, Ex-Hillary Clinton Supporters For John McCain, has already conquered the Internet several times over, and is now looking towards new, uncharted waters: “print newspapers.” The next step in Evolution, avast! Here’s Ed’s rallying cry in the “plans” section of his site: “Ok, it is time to get serious and let the DNP know that we are not coming home in the fall. One of our member said it was time to take action and I agree.” PREPARE FOR THE NUCLEAR OPTION: a single half-page ad in one local tabloid newspaper. Appearing once! Ed’ll show these “shifty-eyeds” indeed! MORE »

The most exciting event of the century, the current century and the last one too, is on the Internet’s teevee right now: Barack Obama meeting with the INDIANAPOLIS STAR’S EDITORIAL BOARD, HUMMA HUMMA HUMMA! See how well we sell that shit? You Hopefarts can watch the live feed after the jump. He just said we can’t be “patsies” in trade with China! What a FUR-BRAIN. MORE »

As you can see, the Hillary Clinton campaign was so excited about the endorsement from Penn’s Daily Pennsylvanian — your associate editor’s former college newspaper — that it sent this “MUST READ” release to the press. Meanwhile, the only Philadelphia newspaper endorsement pathetic Barry Obama could muster this morning was the Philadelphia Daily News. [DP via Philadelphia Will Do]

The Ottawa Herald (of Franklin County, Kansas, not Canada) became a national sensation this morning when it taught us that Barack Obama is actually a dangerous Muslim extremist who will destroy our precious values with his “change” and “hope.” But now the paper seems to be meekly backtracking from the crazy-ass ignorant rant written by the paper’s own printing-press operator! MORE »

The Los Angeles Times endorsed Barack Obama for the Democratic nomination today, as well as John “The Liberal Who Proudly Wants To Occupy Iraq Permanently” McCain for the Republicans. Barack, the editorial board notes, is “a man of African descent, born in the nation’s youngest state, with a childhood spent partly in Asia, among Muslims.” Indeed, his time “among Muslims” is precisely why he’s a fundamentalist Islamic Muslim terrorist today. MORE »

You know how every newspaper in the world (of New Hampshire) endorsed WALNUTS! and then he bragged about it in an ad? Well apparently in Michigan — where he’s in a tight battle for the republic with Mittens — its particular flavor of dying print journalism also loves the crazy old man. McCain brags about this, too, in a new ad that is the exact same thing as the New Hampshire ad, just with different words.

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The Record Enterprise. The Littleton Courier. The Baysider. The Keene Sentinel. What do these massively important New Hampshire newspapers (newsletters?) all have in common? They know that John McCain would be the best president of all time. Such is the message of WALNUTS! in his latest New Hampshire ad — that “20 newspapers all across New Hampshire” have endorsed him! And I guess that’s important, but what about the other -18 newspapers in New Hampshire? [JohnMcCain.com]

In Fred Thompson’s new campaign spot, he takes the time to put down his newspaper and talk Amerkan like ’bout teh illegals. As he folkily-dolkily opines, you may wonder whether Fred Thompson ever has met a minority in his life — or at least in that coffee shop thing. Anyway, sorry to interrupt, Fred! Feel free to go back to your newspaper.

Fred Thompson: No Amnesty [YouTube]