newsmax

Donald Trump, America’s leading advertisement for burning all rich people to death in vats of poison waste oil, has bravely decided to follow all the GOP candidates for president by dropping out of the clown-show Republican debate he was scheduled to host. This is an unmitigated tragedy for political comedy and the “post-Xmas doldrums,” but […]

Remember a few months ago when the Republicans were excited about … right, Donald Trump? And then something happened, we never knew exactly what, and he was “no longer a viable candidate.” His multi-million ill-gotten fortune couldn’t have been the problem, because Mitt’s still in. The serial adultery and divorces and tacky new wives? Nope, […]

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don’t want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn’t she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed that the only thing she cares about is getting media attention for Sarah Palin. Could the […]

Fun webzine NewsMax mostly sends the Wonkette tips line weird spam about timeshares and sex pills, but it also posts lots of made-up news about middle-aged pinups Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. Apparently, there can be only one sexy grandma in the Republican Party — it’s kind of just for old white dudes who completely […]

If you wonder whether Donald Trump is serious about running for president, tune in to the finale of “The Celebrity Apprentice” on May 15. Trump plans to say on the NBC show that he will be holding a press conference a few days after the May 15th show. At that press conference in the Trump […]

Disgraced Newsmax “reporter” (government neo-con lie re-spewer) Judith Miller is also on Fox News, it turns out, because they hire commentators based on how many war crimes they’re responsible for. (Even though nobody on Fox & Friends can understand what Genghis Khan is saying.) According to Miller, who yes, blindly spread the lies given her […]

Judith Miller was once an important war reporter person at The New York Times, but then she was sent to jail. But not for writing up fake stories about weapons of mass destruction that helped the Bush administration wage an illegal war! No, it was because she protected Scooter Libby’s telling her the name of […]

The Teabagger Caucus’ Dear Leader Michele Bachmann was on Newsmax.TV (hah!) and was asked about Tom Tancredo’s suggestion that President Obama should be impeached for not securing the border. So obviously she shrieked, “Yea! Yea! He hath betrayed us! Throwen he in ye dungeon!” EXCEPT SHE DIDN’T. “Whether or not this is an impeachable offense […]

Is your dad an angry old wingnut? Is he also still alive? Well here is a gift for the upcoming “thing after Mother’s Day” occasion, “Father’s Day.” It’s from NewsMax, the great online Internet webzine/old-people newsletter that will soon own Newsweek if the Kaplan School Testing Company is run by people with a sense of […]

Are you interested in being “part of the national conversation” and owning a still living relic of a bygone publishing ecosystem? Well, you still have a few hours left to put in a bid on Newsweek, if you have a few million dollars lying around. Don’t worry, Kaplan Test Prep’s unprofitable publishing arm will probably […]

Conservative granny-porn outlet Newsmax has discovered the greatest technological device ever conceived and would like to give it to you for free, because the terrorists are coming, and how else are you going to listen to Rush Limbaugh for crucial security updates from your family’s burrowed hole in the backyard? Just crank this gizmo a […]

Beloved Connecticut monster Joe Lieberman is relieved. He hasn’t felt comfortable all year with these massive majorities for the party that nominated him for vice president in 2000, the same party with which he caucuses and which grants him numerous chairmanships and senior positions on valuable committees. And that’s why he’s thankful that the Great […]

Want to make sure next year is awful, too? Then why not book your passage today on the March 2010 NewsMax.com Love Boat! For as little as $1,349 per person, you can share a tiny claustrophobic inside cabin for seven fucking days and nights on some hideous cruise ship, and during the day you will […]

#1 maximum news place, Newsmax, thought twice—or, you know, once—about its new article today that suggested Obama’s socialist and leftist advisers, or “pests,” should be somehow “exterminated.” The piece has since been removed from the Internet and sent to a camp in Poland. Newsmax has won the morning!

Absolutely hysterical right-wing war newsletter Newsmax, which recently opined that a military junta should overthrow the executive branch of the United States Government, because of “spending,” is now very seriously concerned about Barack Obama “declaring war on Fox News.”