Tag: newsmax

How Is Obama Murdering Ronald Reagan With His Bare Black Hands Today?

Hey, did you guys hear this not at all completely hypothetical and fictional and made up (that is what "fictional" means) story about how Barack Obama is personally going to tear down Ronald Reagan's childhood home with his bare...

When Dick Morris And Newsmax Love Each Other Very Much …

It has been a month since the Presidential election exposed the rotting flesh of Dick Morris' underbelly, and he won't stand by idly while people call him a fool! Morris has just released a super in-depth analysis of why...

Ladies And Gentlemen, We Present To You: ‘The Shirtless F.B.I. Guy’

By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have...

Newsmax Reporter: Petraeus Affair Endangered National Security, Per Egregious, Totally Fine FBI Leak

What have our rightwing torture chamber pals at Newsmax been up to lately? Well, according to "chief Washington correspondent" Ronald Kessler, they've just cold been getting leaks from disgruntled Fibbies about retired spook-in-chief David Petraeus's office boffings since October....

Brother Of George W. Bush Simply Does Not Care For Childish Cuss-Monger Barack Obama ‘Coarsening’ Presidency

Jeb Bush, the former Florida governor and brother of greatest US American president in the history of the world, George W. "W." Bush, thinks one certain current US American president Barack Q. Nobummer is a childish 10-year-old child --...

Fringe Catholic Nut-Job Says Michelle Obama Got Hillary’s Christmas Tree Decoration Crack Pipes

What is it with these Democratic First Ladies? First Hillary Clinton put dildoes and crack pipes all over the White House Holiday Bush, and now Michelle Obama is decorating her Holiday Bush with pictures of drag queens and Mao...

Check-Kiting Swindler Newt Gingrich Says He Is Rocky And Reagan On ‘Newsmax.tv’ (VIDEO)

Humanesque check-kiting shit-pie fraud Newt Gingrich has had an embarrassing day. Where he should have been eating pouty dick Rick Santorum's brains to garner his fallen opponent's powers, instead he is busy getting laughed at for bouncing a $500...

Parody Human Donald Trump Drops Out of His Own Dumb GOP Debate

Donald Trump, America's leading advertisement for burning all rich people to death in vats of poison waste oil, has bravely decided to follow all the GOP candidates for president by dropping out of the clown-show Republican debate he was...

Donald Trump To Moderate Holiday Republican Debate

Remember a few months ago when the Republicans were excited about ... right, Donald Trump? And then something happened, we never knew exactly what, and he was "no longer a viable candidate." His multi-million ill-gotten fortune couldn't have been...

Fox News: Americans Overwhelmingly Want Sarah Palin To Disappear

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don't want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn't she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed...

Right Wing Website Fantasizes About Palin Colliding Into Bachmann

Fun webzine NewsMax mostly sends the Wonkette tips line weird spam about timeshares and sex pills, but it also posts lots of made-up news about middle-aged pinups Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. Apparently, there can be only one sexy...

Newsmax Says Trump Will Announce On His TeeVee Show He Will Announce

If you wonder whether Donald Trump is serious about running for president, tune in to the finale of “The Celebrity Apprentice” on May 15. Trump plans to say on the NBC show that he will be holding a press conference...

Lying Warmonger Judith Miller Blasts Assange For Not Verifying Info

Disgraced Newsmax "reporter" (government neo-con lie re-spewer) Judith Miller is also on Fox News, it turns out, because they hire commentators based on how many war crimes they're responsible for. (Even though nobody on Fox & Friends can understand...

Disgraced Iraq-Enabling Reporter Judith Miller Winds Up At Newsmax

Judith Miller was once an important war reporter person at The New York Times, but then she was sent to jail. But not for writing up fake stories about weapons of mass destruction that helped the Bush administration wage...

Michele Bachmann Being Coy About Impeaching Obama

The Teabagger Caucus' Dear Leader Michele Bachmann was on Newsmax.TV (hah!) and was asked about Tom Tancredo's suggestion that President Obama should be impeached for not securing the border. So obviously she shrieked, "Yea! Yea! He hath betrayed us!...

Remind Your Dad Why He Sucks With This Ronald Reagan Father’s Day Outrage

Is your dad an angry old wingnut? Is he also still alive? Well here is a gift for the upcoming "thing after Mother's Day" occasion, "Father's Day." It's from NewsMax, the great online Internet webzine/old-people newsletter that will soon...