What happens when you’re super angry about a Negro somehow becoming president, but there are no longer specific laws against a Negro becoming president? Make up something else! Better yet, make up something that can never be disproved, to you, because you can just dedicate yourself to saying, “Nah, that is FAKE somehow!” Perfection. And guess who just joined the “Birther” club? Once-famous right-wing asshole and talentless fruitsack Pat Boone, who made a living half a century ago stealing the black man’s music, that’s who. MORE »

OH GOD: “Republican John McCain’s campaign has begun holding regular conference calls with leftwing bloggers and blogs that focus on single issues such as healthcare and the environment.” Hey, do we get a call, or have all the references to Cindy McCain being a pill-popper and John McCain being the Antichrist kind of nixed that? Give us a call, WALLLLLLNUTS! [Newsmax]

NewsMax just shot out a breaking news e-mail bulletin: USS Gerald Ford Needs Your Help! Of course, there is no USS Gerald Ford, which is why it needs your help so bad. MORE »

Forgotten scumbag Dick Morris has finally given us a reason to support Hillary in ‘08: He says he’ll leave the country if she wins! MORE »

Is there a better War On Christmas gift than a remaindered $4.99 copy of Ann Coulter’s latest jabberings? Why yes, there is! NewsMax is now offering these beautiful old-people pajamas — or coats or jogging suits or? — free with a subscription to NewsMax! MORE »

What if you hate your relatives in a more direct way? Then here’s the “War on Xmas” gift that will make your sentiments perfectly clear: an old Ann Coulter book from the remainders warehouse. Plus, this gift totally keeps on giving, because NewsMax will also mail your victim four crazy newsletters about Mexicans. MORE »

It’s like Godzilla vs. Mothra, only it’s even less clear who to cheer against! MORE »

Respected online journal NewsMax recently spoke about the war in Iraq with noted foreign policy expert Gary Sinise. In the “wide-ranging interview,” Sinise: MORE »

Thank god someone’s demonstrating a little skepticism. Thunderbird also warns us when you send in ridiculous rumors about real celebrities moving here. MORE »

As subscribers to wingnutty NewsMax.com’s “newsletter,” we’re used to a fair amount of spam that seems spawned from late-night talk radio and the back pages of comic books: Mostly ads for Regnery books and gold investments scams. Today, however, delivered something a little different:

Gives a certain, not-entirely-surprising insight into the NewsMax demographic, no? As for the advice itself, it seems targeted to either the kind of guy who lives alone in a cabin in the woods with a collection of firearms or the kind of guy who wishes he lived alone in a cabin in the woods with a collection of firearms. Both kinds of guys would like a pretty, pliant ladyfriend to keep the cabin tidy:

Have you ever noticed that the really attractive women never seem to be attracted “nice” guys?…I realize that this doesn’t make a lot of logical sense, and it’s hard to ACCEPT… but GET OVER IT.

More Dr. Bonner’s-type screedy “advice” after the jump.

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