newsmax

Thanks a lot, BARACK NOBAMA and his New Black Panther Attorney General No-Eric Holder! First you came for the Democrats, sure, but Michelle Malkin was right: that was just a smokescreen for when you would eventually try to arrest Pat Boone! Now, we hate to criticize our partner in crime and giving us money, Newsmax, […]

Our good friends at Newsmax — please click their linkies on the right side of your screen, to give Yr Wonket moneez — are going to be starting up an exciting and important cable teevee channel in June that we will never ever watch. (Who are we kidding, we will probably find all sorts of […]

So here is your big serving of racial transcendence for today: Kevin Jackson, author of a book with the subtle title The BIG Black Lie: How I Learned The Truth About The Democrat Party, explaining to Newsmax’s Ron Christie that he is just sick and tired of whiny American blacks and all their racism and […]

All of us here at Yr Wonkette have a singleminded devotion to pursuing the news, finding the truth of the day’s events, sifting the truth from the lies, and then making a bunch of peener jokes about all that. And what better source of news, incidental revenue, and right-wing peeners than Newsmax, with its rich […]

Hey, did you guys hear this not at all completely hypothetical and fictional and made up (that is what “fictional” means) story about how Barack Obama is personally going to tear down Ronald Reagan’s childhood home with his bare black hands? So he can put his presidential library on it? Why would he even need […]

It has been a month since the Presidential election exposed the rotting flesh of Dick Morris’ underbelly, and he won’t stand by idly while people call him a fool! Morris has just released a super in-depth analysis of why Mitt Romney lost on his ultra snappy website, and it’s not that same old “he got […]

By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have spoken of certain other people’s maternal love. Wait, what? Oh, don’t worry about it. You guys, […]

What have our rightwing torture chamber pals at Newsmax been up to lately? Well, according to “chief Washington correspondent” Ronald Kessler, they’ve just cold been getting leaks from disgruntled Fibbies about retired spook-in-chief David Petraeus’s office boffings since October. Ronald Kessler is very outraged about the national security implications of this! Oh wait, no. Ronald […]

Jeb Bush, the former Florida governor and brother of greatest US American president in the history of the world, George W. “W.” Bush, thinks one certain current US American president Barack Q. Nobummer is a childish 10-year-old child — a “boy,” if you will — who uses barnyard words like “bullshitter” and thus has demeaned […]

What is it with these Democratic First Ladies? First Hillary Clinton put dildoes and crack pipes all over the White House Holiday Bush, and now Michelle Obama is decorating her Holiday Bush with pictures of drag queens and Mao Tse Tung! What is next? Jars with rapebortions in them? PROBABLY. From the fever dreams of […]

Humanesque check-kiting shit-pie fraud Newt Gingrich has had an embarrassing day. Where he should have been eating pouty dick Rick Santorum’s brains to garner his fallen opponent’s powers, instead he is busy getting laughed at for bouncing a $500 check for Utah’s ballot filing fee. Newsmax.tv got to EXCLUSIVELY INTERVIEW His Corpulence, but shockingly they […]

Donald Trump, America’s leading advertisement for burning all rich people to death in vats of poison waste oil, has bravely decided to follow all the GOP candidates for president by dropping out of the clown-show Republican debate he was scheduled to host. This is an unmitigated tragedy for political comedy and the “post-Xmas doldrums,” but […]

Remember a few months ago when the Republicans were excited about … right, Donald Trump? And then something happened, we never knew exactly what, and he was “no longer a viable candidate.” His multi-million ill-gotten fortune couldn’t have been the problem, because Mitt’s still in. The serial adultery and divorces and tacky new wives? Nope, […]

A new Fox News poll says 71% of Republicans don’t want quitter-grifter Sarah Palin in the 2012 race. But why? Isn’t she still fun? No? Apparently not. She is a worn-out old circus hag, and even teabaggers have noticed that the only thing she cares about is getting media attention for Sarah Palin. Could the […]

Fun webzine NewsMax mostly sends the Wonkette tips line weird spam about timeshares and sex pills, but it also posts lots of made-up news about middle-aged pinups Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann. Apparently, there can be only one sexy grandma in the Republican Party — it’s kind of just for old white dudes who completely […]