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Tag: news

MSNBC: Let’s Invade San Bernardino Suspect’s Mom’s Privacy, For ‘Journalism’

Hey ALL THE MEDIA, you still having fun investigatin' the San Bernardino terrorist attack? (Yes, we can call it that now, because the FBI confirmed it. See how that works, Fox News?) Have you come up with any new...

Daily Beast Finds Terroristy Name In Phone Book, Solves San Bernardino Case

It's not like none of us in journalism has ever shit the bed on a story before; it's rather a rite of passage. I once made a "dead gay son" joke without realizing Randall Terry's gay son actually was...
I CAN SAY TERRISM YET?

Cops Disappoint Fox News Morons, Still Refuse To Call San Bernardino Shootings ‘Terrorism’

The Fox News Couch of Knicker-Jizzing Hysteria was in full effect Thursday morning. Andrea Tantaros, Meghan McCain, and whatever the other ones' names are yapped at each other, because the latest press conference on the San Bernardino shootings was...

Wussy President Obama Won’t Even Bomb ISIS For San Bernardino Shootings

Despite repeated calls by Fox News on Wednesday night for the president to finally put on his daddy jeans and automatically label acts of violence committed by anyone whose name sure sounds Muslimy "radical Islamic Muslimical extremist jihad holy war...
San Bernardino Police Chief Jarrod Burguan, i.e. the man with the information.

Here’s What We Know About San Bernardino Mass Shooting. The Rest Is Just Noise.

Fourteen people were murdered, and another 17 shot and injured, during a mass shooting on Wednesday, at the Inland Regional Center in San Bernardino, California, a large facility that serves the developmentally disabled. It was the second mass shooting in...
News man.

Bill O’Reilly Knows Why Kids These Days Are Stupid And Dumb, And It Is Facebook

Bill O'Reilly, the world's greatest news reporter, who has never lied about anything at any time, knows who is stupid, and it is millennials. Why? Because they get their news from these silly sources like The Internet. "Reporting" on a Pew...
Doy doy doy doy doy

Fox News: BREAKING! Black Man Shot By Police! Oh Wait, Never Mind

Journalism-ing is tough! You try to get it right, but sometimes, no matter how hard you try, you fuck up. Like you misspell the name of Iran's Ayatollah Khamenei (we did that the other day, doy!), or you report...

Introducing The Weekend Stock Photo Report, A Video Thing From Yr Beloved Wonkette

Here at yr Wonkette, we're always brainstorming new ways to amuse and confound you. In that spirit, we are proud to offer this thing! It is called The Weekend Stock Photo Report With Weekend S. Photo! It is kind...

America Mourns Death Of Snack Food Murdered By Union Thugs

Today is a sad day for Americans because we are losing a quintessentially American dessert, maybe forever. This is mostly the fault of commie liberal "labor" unions who have the NERVE to demand a living wage for their work,...

Fox News Non-Apologizes For Reporting Individual Mandate Unconstitutional

Fox News tried, it really tried, to make lies true, and to expect something so thoroughly, in the deepest crevasses of its soul, that when hearing the opposite it, it just heard its wish, its dream, namely for the...

Mitt Romney Says Something, CNN Writes it Down

Can you type? Or if you can’t type, can you tell like an intern or somebody that you need something typed? Because if you do, you might have a shot at becoming a political producer for CNN, given that...

North Korea Ramps Up Its Social Media Presence

North Korea is so in touch with the times that it is now your Twitter and YouTube friend! State media outlet Uriminzokkiri will provide you fun and interesting tweets about North Korea news here and informative news video here....

1.38% of Fox News’ Audience Is Black People, Which Seems a Bit High

It turns out that America's News Network, Fox News, is not really watched at all by black people, which explains why they are so misinformed that they support this Obama fellow. This "finding" is according to some sort of...

Obama Likes His Reporter-Time to Feel ‘Special’

On the eve of President Barack Obama's first official press conference since 1972, CBS correspondent and numbers cruncher Mark Knoller has just released a follow-up to his groundbreaking report on Obama's golf addiction. This time, Knoller and his abacus...

Congress, Apparently Having Just Started College, Was Really Into Jazz For Like Three Weeks

When you, the constituent, called your local congressperson and were subsequently put on hold sometime in the last three weeks, did you notice anything... offensive? Something syncopated? Something Satan might have on his iPod, in case an attractive woman...

C-SPAN Is Financing Terror Cell Training Camp For Tiny Pirates

A guy was caught selling guns from a potato chip stand in a market. It was as easy as catching a gun salesman at a potato chip stand, said police. Several area Starbucks-brand coffee shops are closing. And what's...