news

Today is a sad day for Americans because we are losing a quintessentially American dessert, maybe forever. This is mostly the fault of commie liberal “labor” unions who have the NERVE to demand a living wage for their work, which makes the whole thing double plus sad. Of course, it isn’t actually the fault of […]

Fox News tried, it really tried, to make lies true, and to expect something so thoroughly, in the deepest crevasses of its soul, that when hearing the opposite it, it just heard its wish, its dream, namely for the Obamacare individual mandate to be ruled unconstitutional. But it was, oddly, upheld! So now The Worst […]

Can you type? Or if you can’t type, can you tell like an intern or somebody that you need something typed? Because if you do, you might have a shot at becoming a political producer for CNN, given that these skills are a prerequisite for the job, which seems mainly to consist of typing things […]

North Korea is so in touch with the times that it is now your Twitter and YouTube friend! State media outlet Uriminzokkiri will provide you fun and interesting tweets about North Korea news here and informative news video here. We are not exactly sure what news is going on in the news segment above, as […]

It turns out that America’s News Network, Fox News, is not really watched at all by black people, which explains why they are so misinformed that they support this Obama fellow. This “finding” is according to some sort of math or science stuff, however, so it is probably a lie (and also Jesus has provided […]

On the eve of President Barack Obama’s first official press conference since 1972, CBS correspondent and numbers cruncher Mark Knoller has just released a follow-up to his groundbreaking report on Obama’s golf addiction. This time, Knoller and his abacus have come to some Interesting Conclusions about presidential encounters with the press. The numbers not only […]

When you, the constituent, called your local congressperson and were subsequently put on hold sometime in the last three weeks, did you notice anything… offensive? Something syncopated? Something Satan might have on his iPod, in case an attractive woman were to ever browse through said iPod? This is called “jazz” and henceforth it is banned—BANNED—from […]

A guy was caught selling guns from a potato chip stand in a market. It was as easy as catching a gun salesman at a potato chip stand, said police. [Washington Examiner]

This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends […]

MILESTONES  5:18 pm February 16, 2009

Sam Donaldson To Retire

by Sara K. Smith

Youngsters know Sam Donaldson as one of the geezers on This Week who’s always yelling at George Will. But those of you over the age 15 might also recall that Sam Donaldson has been in the news business for several centuries and is prone to marvelous, sweeping and generally wrong predictions, like how Bill Clinton […]

BRIAN WILLIAMS  12:40 am April 29, 2008

by Ken Layne

IRAQ  3:06 pm July 3, 2006

Happy No News Day!

by Alex Pareene