news
America Mourns Death Of Snack Food Murdered By Union Thugs
Today is a sad day for Americans because we are losing a quintessentially American dessert, maybe forever. This is mostly the fault of commie liberal “labor” unions who have the NERVE to demand a living wage for their work, which makes the whole thing double plus sad. Of course, it isn’t actually the fault of [...]
Fox News Non-Apologizes For Reporting Individual Mandate Unconstitutional
Fox News tried, it really tried, to make lies true, and to expect something so thoroughly, in the deepest crevasses of its soul, that when hearing the opposite it, it just heard its wish, its dream, namely for the Obamacare individual mandate to be ruled unconstitutional. But it was, oddly, upheld! So now The Worst [...]
Mitt Romney Says Something, CNN Writes it Down
Can you type? Or if you can’t type, can you tell like an intern or somebody that you need something typed? Because if you do, you might have a shot at becoming a political producer for CNN, given that these skills are a prerequisite for the job, which seems mainly to consist of typing things [...]
1.38% of Fox News’ Audience Is Black People, Which Seems a Bit High
It turns out that America’s News Network, Fox News, is not really watched at all by black people, which explains why they are so misinformed that they support this Obama fellow. This “finding” is according to some sort of math or science stuff, however, so it is probably a lie (and also Jesus has provided [...]
Congress, Apparently Having Just Started College, Was Really Into Jazz For Like Three Weeks
When you, the constituent, called your local congressperson and were subsequently put on hold sometime in the last three weeks, did you notice anything… offensive? Something syncopated? Something Satan might have on his iPod, in case an attractive woman were to ever browse through said iPod? This is called “jazz” and henceforth it is banned—BANNED—from [...]
C-SPAN Is Financing Terror Cell Training Camp For Tiny Pirates
A guy was caught selling guns from a potato chip stand in a market. It was as easy as catching a gun salesman at a potato chip stand, said police. [Washington Examiner]
Levi vs. Sarah, TeeVee’s Longest Running Snowbilly Reality Show
This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends [...]
Sam Donaldson To Retire
Youngsters know Sam Donaldson as one of the geezers on This Week who’s always yelling at George Will. But those of you over the age 15 might also recall that Sam Donaldson has been in the news business for several centuries and is prone to marvelous, sweeping and generally wrong predictions, like how Bill Clinton [...]
Special Time-Wasting 2006 News Quiz!
Happy No News Day!
The New Press Secretary Tony Snow News Conference
blog advertising is good for you
