Tag: newark

Mean Judge Sentences Pretty Blonde Lady to Prison for Bridgegate, UNFAIR!!!

Christie aides sentenced to jail for Bridgegate scandal? But this lady is blonde! UNPOSSIBLE!!!

Oh, Like Republicans Would Ever Try To Suppress The Black Vote, Just Kidding!

Turns out it's not OK to encourage Trump supporters to go to THOSE PLACES to watch THOSE PEOPLE vote!
Trump can't help it if his reality is yooger and more interesting than anything on record

Donald Trump Rejects Chuck Todd’s 9/11 Reality, Replaces It With His Own

On NBC's Meet the Press Sunday, Donald Trump and host Chuck Todd had a spirited debate about the nature of reality, which left us wishing we could live in an alternative reality in which neither had been born. Todd...
He remembers things.

Ben Carson Forgot To Never Forget New Jersey Muslims Celebrating 9/11

Oh Ben Carson, your brain needs another operation. We learned just recently that the esteemed presidential candidate's advisers have been having a mighty tough time re-programming his brain to be un-stupid about foreign policy, and it showed yet again...
How odd that a volunteer for Doctors Without Borders isn't a Republican

Left-Wing Nurse Knows Too Much About Ebola To Have Opinions About Ebola

Since Barack Obama stubbornly insists on listening to public health experts instead of Fox News, it's become quite clear that wingnuts' favored non-solution, a ban on travel from West Africa, isn't going to happen. Happily, a few governors figured...
Thank goodness you can't get Ebola from spittle

Chris Christie Wants To Play Doctor With Nurse Lady, Mostly By Yelling At Her

With no teachers immediately available to yell at, New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie has taken up yelling at nurses, we guess. In the latest twist on Chris Christie's War On Health Care Workers Who Volunteer To Fight Deadly Diseases,...

New Jersey Parishioners Will Teach Bling Bishop A Lesson By Slapping Poors

So here is a fine kettle of Ichthys -- as we mentioned a couple weeks back, John J. Myers, the Archbishop of Newark -- which is a pretty fun title to say, we'll admit -- is building himself a...

Could New Pope Please Cancel This American Remake Of ‘Bling Bishop’?

Hey, remember the story about the German "Bling Bishop" who got suspended after everybody was outraged by the $55 million cost of renovating his personal residence? Right here in U.S. America, we seem to have our own version of...

Cory Booker Marries All The Gays, Destroys Good Christian Heckler In Two-Fer Of Evil (Video)

Here's your Nice Time video for the day: Newark Mayor and Senator-Elect Cory Booker officiating at the city's first same-sex weddings, marrying nine couples just after midnight, when New Jersey joined the rest of the 21st century. Did everything...

Cory Booker Draws Short Straw, Must Serve Minimum One-Year Sentence In U.S. Senate

Well, everyone is saying that there were no winners last night, just because the GOP caused about $24 billion in economic harm so that John Boehner could get more MyFace friends from the Tea Party. Worth it. Well, everyone...

Daily Caller Shocker: Carpetbagging Cory Booker Does Not Even Live In Newark Maybe, Conspiracy Goes All The Way To The Top

Tucker Carlson's Daily Caller, everyone's favorite home for racists who can't read good and stuff, has quite the little scoopty scoop, and that is that Cory Booker, who is a better human being than you, is NOT a better...

Cory Booker Refuses To Douse Hopes That Everyone Can Sleep With Him Maybe

OMG you guys, did you hear that Cory Booker might be gay? Well, actually, what he said was that he wasn't necessarily ruling out the possibility that he may or may not be gay, or straight, or something! In...

Cory Booker Deflects Bullet Of Emo Liberal Peevishness, Will Leap U.S. Capitol In Single Bound

Newark Mayor Cory Booker, the caped-crusading, embattled-cat recovering, amateur fireman, Mr Plow come to life, twitter-master and media darling, won the Democratic primary for New Jersey's open Senate seat yesterday despite a big ol' Hate-On from liberal writers everywhere,...

New York Times Cory Booker Takedown Just Got A Lot More Embarrassing For The New York Times

Over the weekend, we told you about a New York Times hit piece on Tall Column of Chocolate Love Cory Booker, and how reporter Kate Zernike did not seem to be doing herself any favors by ending it with...

Cory Booker Is The New York Times’ New Al Gore

We guess Newark Mayor Cory Booker sighed too much in his presidential debate with Texas governor Jorge Boosh, because the New York Times has decided he is a big giant asshole! Meow, says the Times' Kate Zernike, Cory Booker...

Newark Tries To Murder Cory Booker

America, have you enjoyed your Cory Booker? He has been your American superhero, your bright shining full-of-integrity star in the awful firmament of American politics. He saves ladies from burning buildings. He has a Gosling-style tumblr dedicated to him....