Tag Archives: new york times

  It's Baaaaaack

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday Returns, Now With 40% More Racial Tension

Mom always read the Times to us dring the Nixon administration
Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday is back, kids, and of course we have to start our perusal of the Newspaper of Record with its coverage of events overnight in Ferguson, Missouri. Not surprisingly, the midnight curfew declared by Gov. Jay Nixon yesterday didn’t exactly bring peace and quiet — demonstrations continued, the police fired tear gas, and seven demonstrators were arrested. Why the tear gas, after Capt. Ron Johnson had promised that it wouldn’t be used? At a press conference, Johnson Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday Returns, Now With 40% More Racial Tension…
  clipbait

Neil deGrasse Tyson Brings Science, Anti-Sexism Together Like Chocolate And Boobs

You fucking love science. And you hate sexism at the New York Times! Well, here is Neil deGrasse Tyson to bring the two together like chocolate and boobs. See, this lady “scientist” (hahahaha as if) was being interviewed by the New York Times, and they were all like, whyfore no husband you are lesbian? This was a very popular question in the 1890s 1990s and 2000s, when everybody was asking hilariously unqualified W. Supreme Court nominee Harriet Meyers the same thing (to be fair, Meyers did have a mullet once). Read more on Neil deGrasse Tyson Brings Science, Anti-Sexism Together Like Chocolate And Boobs…
  don't fear the reefer

Bill O’Reilly Wants To Keep Pot Illegal For The Sake Of The Blacks And The Children

Pinhead
Giant forehead Bill O’Reilly got very upset with The New York Times this week because the Grey Lady’s editorial board decided to take a sane and rational position in favor of marijuana legalization. This upset old Loofah Bill because of the children, or the liberals, or The Blacks, or something. Bill’s not sure what he’s worked up about, just that if the Times is for it, he’s agin’ it! We think. Read more on Bill O’Reilly Wants To Keep Pot Illegal For The Sake Of The Blacks And The Children…
  go to baby jail go directly to baby jail

House GOP Has Final Solution For Border Children: Keep Them All In Baby Jail

You may be surprised to learn that the GOP wants to repeal and replace a thing, but this time they actually have a replacement for the thing they want to repeal! The thing they want to repeal and replace this time is DACA TVPRA*, the 2008 law signed by George W. Bush that says that children from places that are neither Canada nor Mexico can’t be summarily turned around at the border, but must have their day before an immigration judge to see whether they qualify for refugee status — and that while they’re waiting that year or decade, they can’t be put in Baby Jail, but must be held in the least restrictive way possible. The House GOP would like to know: where is the fun in that? And so they have come up with an alternative to the “president’s” stupid plan to add more guards to the border (which is where the children are being apprehended because of the lax security there) while also paying for some immigration judges, nurse practitioners and cheese sandwiches. Here is the GOP House’s alternative recommendation, you will never guess what it is! While there could be some last-minute changes, one of the recommendations will be that children should be detained until they see an immigration judge. Oh, we guess you probably did guess that. Weird. Read more on House GOP Has Final Solution For Border Children: Keep Them All In Baby Jail…
  persons attempting to find a moral will be banished

Maureen Dowd Is Meh About A Thing

Guys, we’re really sorry we haven’t gotten around to announcing the big tote-bag winners of our most recent photoshop and caption contests; we really will get to those soon, and you should believe us, because we are professional bloggers. But in the meantime, we have a REAL challenge for you: Can you find a point in Maureen Dowd’s Tuesday column about Barack Obama and technology? At least we think that’s what it was about. Maybe it was about him being feckless or something. All we could tell is that it was quite a few column inches of Maureen Dowd being vaguely displeased with how this president does things, but with no real criticism beyond the hazy sense that stage-managed presidential media appearances are insincere, and so maybe it would be better if Barack Obama had a holodeck. We think. Read more on Maureen Dowd Is Meh About A Thing…
  the words you're looking for are "Hey Susan Rice our bad"

Video That Had Nothing To Do With Benghazi Motivated Benghazi, Says Guy Who Led Attack In Benghazi

Now that President O’Bungler has finally had Benghazi mastermind Ahmed Abu Khattala arrested in an obvious bid to distract everyone from the blossoming scandal of daughter Malia landing a patronage job as a PA on a Halle Berry TV show, we can finally put to rest the big mystery of what exactly motivated a bunch of angry moose limbs to attack our consulate in the first place. Sure, the White House might have originally said they thought the attackers were angry over trollish Internet video “Innocence of Muslims,” and sure, the New York Times reported six months ago that the video did play a part in motivating the attack, but we all know the White House is full of lying liars who lie to cover their asses. So what say you, Mr. Evil Mastermind Khattala? Read more on Video That Had Nothing To Do With Benghazi Motivated Benghazi, Says Guy Who Led Attack In Benghazi…
  you can't dust for vomit

Maureen Dowd Just Wants To Get Hiiiiiiigh

Everyone is having a mighty fine laugh over that idiot Maureen Dowd, and how she had a bad trip on “the pot.” Oh ho ho, what an idiot, they are chortling, can’t even eat a delicious marijuana candy bar without curling into a ball and weeping for eight hours. It certainly couldn’t happen to a nicer guy. Except it has happened to a nicer guy, and that nicer guy is me, your Editrix! (Shut up, bitchfuckers, I AM THE NICEST.) I stand with MoDo, today and … today. Only. Seriously, that lady is usually fucking useless. Do you think a Monica Lewinsky monster loomed over her in the pitch black of the Denver Hyatt, smacking its blood red lips? Read more on Maureen Dowd Just Wants To Get Hiiiiiiigh…
  Our Anger Hits New Highs Though

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Ross Douthat Hits A New Low Even For Him Edition

This week’s Times leads, like pretty much every other news source in America, with the release of American prisoner of war Bowe Bergdahl, imprisoned by Afghan insurgents for five years. Rather than be happy that our sole POW got to return to American soil, the GOP took this as an opportunity to whine about Obama. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Ross Douthat Hits A New Low Even For Him Edition…
  best comments since 'lorem ipsum'

Your Comment Of The Day Is Pure Wall-Punching Goodness

Hey, kids, you know what we haven’t done in a while? This very thing here, what we are doing right this moment: Wonkette’s Comment Win of the Afternoon, the feature where we heap praise upon an especially brilliant comment, which is odd, since Wonkette does not allow comments. Let’s see who our lucky winner of an “iPad” is! Read more on Your Comment Of The Day Is Pure Wall-Punching Goodness…
  a history of violence

At The Times, A Violent Wall-Punching Temper Causes Laughter And Joy

We all know Jill Abramson, the former executive editor of the New York Times, is a brusque, mercurial, pushy, difficult woman. And a liar. And sneaky. And a woman. And she had to go. She’d made her managing editor, Dean Baquet, real mad, see, by maybe or maybe not asking his permission to hire someone, which is a thing a lady boss is supposed to do when she is a lady. And, according to Arthur Sulzberger, Jr., the publisher of the Times, there were “patterns in the newsroom.” Pushy patterns. Mercurial patterns. Crazy bitchy broad patterns. And once Baquet made the “severity of his feelings” known, Sulzberger had no choice but to kick Abramson to the curb and give her job to Baquet. After all, Baquet is “likable and funny” and everyone “basically adores him” and “charming” and “funny” and “a class act” and “a calming personality” and he has a “friendly smile and deeply sympathetic soul.” Goddamn, the guy’s basically a saint. Unlike, you know, her. Oh, but then there is this: Yet Baquet acknowledges he too can become intense amid argument. I asked Baquet about maps that reporters said had been tacked up at the Times’ Washington offices to cover several holes he had punched in walls down there. He laughed and said, “it’s true. I should have a lawyer with me for this part, shouldn’t I? “I have a temper,” Baquet said, “In each case I was mad at somebody above me in rank. That’s not an excuse, but it’s a fact.” Gosh. That sure does sound charming and friendly and not AT ALL like the new executive editor maybe has some anger management issues that maybe are not appropriate for the newsroom or the workplace or, like, anywhere. He might have a deeply sympathetic soul, but filling a hole with his tiny fists of rage when he feels “intense” seems sort of … oh, one might say mercurial. Brusque. Dickish. Totally unacceptably violent. But hey, like Baquet says, “Leaders have to make tough decisions.” Guess sometimes walls just need to be punched. Read more on At The Times, A Violent Wall-Punching Temper Causes Laughter And Joy…
  We're Not Even Kidding

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Don’t You Dare Say “Not All Men” Edition

As it damn well should, the Times leads with the horrific shooting in California Friday night, but nothing about the Times’s dispassionate reporting style can capture the godawful misogyny that is at the core of Eliot Rodger’s murderous rampage in Santa Barbara. To its credit (?), the Times does link to Rodger’s full manifesto, which is a document that oozes hate for women, that causes the hair on the back of your neck and your arms to prickle with sick recognition: this might be mental illness, but it is an illness that is not unfamiliar to women who routinely and disproportionately are the victims of harassment, neglect, violence, and death at the hands of men. Rodger’s actions were an extreme manifestation of a cultural view that is not actually uncommon: that women “owe” men attention, that women who don’t put out are bitches, that women who do put out — for other guys, of course — are sluts, and all these women get what they “deserve” — violence from men. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Don’t You Dare Say “Not All Men” Edition…
  With Special Bonus Ronald Reagan Slash Fic

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Let’s Put This Whole Jill Abramson Mess Behind Us Edition

Hahaha you know what is NOT front page news at the Times today? Jill Abramson’s unceremonious departure from said Times, which is still front page news everywhere else. The NYT tucks it back on page 20, and it’s about a self-serving little statement from Arthur Sulzberger Jr., who is slowly digging himself a hole to China. Short version: not his fault, totes her fault, NYT loves the ladies. Shut the fuck up, Pinch. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Let’s Put This Whole Jill Abramson Mess Behind Us Edition…
  dead gray lady

On Internet, A Shrieking Sh*tpile Of Emotional Feminist Hysteria At Totally Non-Sexist New York Times

The New York Times — the august pinnacle of American journalism and beginning headlines with prepositional phrases — has experienced a sad tsuris this week, as a bunch of mouthy broads started giving it a rash of shit just because it fired its top editor, and first woman in the role, in a manner usually reserved for the ex-girlfriends of Kim Jong Un. But it got more shit — demonstrably worse shit, in effect a scalding boiling stinking river of gastrointestinal distress — last night, as the New Yorker’s Ken Auletta printed some cold hard numbers a little birdie gave him. First the Times let its own reporters hang out their asses by repeating to them the seeming untruth that Jill Abramson’s pay was “comparable” to not only her predecessors in various posts at the paper but her own deputy, who in fact earned more than she; the reporters were reduced to interviewing Ken Auletta about his assertions that Abramson complaining about her pay gap was a contributing factor in her firing. Then a Times spokeswoman “conceded” to Mr. Auletta that Ms. Abramson’s lawyering up was seen as too testicular during a time when her bosses were already in a spot of bother over her unladylike ways. The Times spokeswoman immediately denied having “conceded” anything. She does not seem to have been fired yet. When she is, complaining about her pay will presumably not have been a contributing factor*. Read more on On Internet, A Shrieking Sh*tpile Of Emotional Feminist Hysteria At Totally Non-Sexist New York Times…
  #RIPpatriarchy

Male ‘Journalist’ Tucker Carlson Sad There Are No Male Journalists Because Jill Abramson Murdered Them All

Since the suspiciously ungracious and despicably cruel firing of Jill Abramson, the first female executive editor of the New York Times — apparently for no reason other than because she was a “pushy” “mercurial” “polarizing” “brusque” beeeyotch who twice hurt an otherwise super chill dude’s feelings so bad he had to punch a wall, but it’s okay now because the Times ding-donged that witch and gave her job to Mr. Chill Dude — there have been many excellent analyses of what happened at the Times. Like what an inspiration she was to the other women who worked at the Times. And how shocking and discouraging it is that she was fired in the way that she was, unlike, say, former editor Howell Raines, who was given a pretty darned nice send off when he was fired. Or how we will never really know whether and how much sexism played a role in how she was treated, perceived, and ultimately fired. There are many excellent points out there, made by excellent people who are very smart and wise. And then there is Tucker Carlson, who is “enjoying the heck out of this story.” Because he is a dick. Read more on Male ‘Journalist’ Tucker Carlson Sad There Are No Male Journalists Because Jill Abramson Murdered Them All…
  fuck you nyt you unequal-paying piece of shit

At New York Times, A Clusterfuque

Jill Abramson, the first woman editor of the New York Times, fired abruptly, with no official reason given — and the unofficial reasons leaked fast and furious for the rest of the evening to friendly reporters at Politico, each more petty and smaller-seeming than the last? There must be a back story there indeed. Pulitzers all around, Howard Kurtz! Now, we know Jill Abramson wasn’t terminated for having her lawyer approach Times execs about the pay gap she’d discovered — a significant (and since seemingly rectified) chasm between her pay and that of her predecessor, Bill Keller. After all, the Times spokesman explained that her pay was simultaneously not less than, not “meaningfully” less than, and directly comparable to his. (The spokesman did not address The New Yorker’s assertion that as managing editor, she was also paid less than her deputy.) We know it is not those things because the Times says so, and that is good enough for us. Instead it is things like “she went on panels without asking her boss first,” and “she tried to hire someone, which made her male subordinate mad,” and (this is a favorite, as Jill Abramson is universally acknowledged to be like “lol so lazy I don’t even care about standards at all”) “she liked having the title more than the job” and another one, “LOOK OVER THERE!” Read more on At New York Times, A Clusterfuque…
  today we are all sportsball fans

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special NFL Crams Michael Sam Down America’s Throats Edition

You better believe that the St. Louis Rams drafting Michael Sam, the first openly gay football-flavored sportsball player, in the seventh round of the NFL draft, is one of the lead stories in today’s New York Times. The Times does its usual dispassionate bit of reporting about it, but if you’d like to tear up a bit about the whole thing, go watch the video (ESPN had cameras at Sam’s house) of Sam tearing up and hugging and kissing his boyfriend. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special NFL Crams Michael Sam Down America’s Throats Edition…
  suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous writing

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Racism, Religion, And Ross Douthat Edition

You better believe that Sunday’s Times covers the tale of racist fuckwit Donald Sterling, owner of the L.A. Clippers, but you probably do not need to read it because Snoop Dogg already said everything that needs to be said. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Racism, Religion, And Ross Douthat Edition…
  once you see you can't unsee

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Goes Dancing Edition

There is probably no better way to start your NYT Sunday (and no better way to gird your loins against reading Ross Douthat later) than checking out the big piece on how North Carolina Republicans are eating themselves alive as moderately awful candidates battle severely awful candidates in the Republican primary for Senate so that one of them can fling themselves messily against incumbent Democrat Kay Hagan. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special Maureen Dowd Goes Dancing Edition…
  media circus

Nate Silver Whinings Playbook: Why Doesn’t Paul Krugman Love Him No More?

We have complex feels about Nate Silver’s new data driven context providing empire, 538. We like it better than Ezra Klein’s well-funded vanity project, but then Silver slatepitch hired a climate change skeptic. We’re tipping fast towards unlike, however, thanks to Silver’s latest column, which is an extended whine about how Paul Krugman unfriended him. Read more on Nate Silver Whinings Playbook: Why Doesn’t Paul Krugman Love Him No More?…
  the thrill of victory and the agony of maureen dowd

Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special All Olympics All The Time Edition

Maybe you missed that there’s a sporting competition/clash of nations going on, so the NYT will make sure you have one million Olympics words to read. You think you don’t need to read those words because you already saw everything on TV, but you misunderestimate the NYT for their ability to run quirky pieces that get little details no one else does. Take, for instance, their piece on yesterday’s women’s mogul race. Did you watch moguls yesterday? Moguls are ridic, what with the skiing over horrifying enormous bumps and then also too needing to do flippy shit off of ramps mid-run. There was an American favorite in the race, Hannah Kearney, that you could not escape hearing about because American. The NYT covers a bit of that, but then goes on to tell you things like what music they played at the event. Read more on Sunday Bloody NYT Sunday: Special All Olympics All The Time Edition…
  media circus

New York Times Now Holding Up Poor NYU Juniors For Terrible Ridicule, Mockery (By Us)

Why are you doing this, New York Times? Why are you taking what we’re sure is a very nice young woman, and forcing us to mock her horribly, and unkindly — as horribly and unkindly as if she’d put up a terrible Thought Catalog — when all she wanted was to find a reasonably nice apartment near NYU? NYT, are you actually evil? Read more on New York Times Now Holding Up Poor NYU Juniors For Terrible Ridicule, Mockery (By Us)…