new york times

We guess Newark Mayor Cory Booker sighed too much in his presidential debate with Texas governor Jorge Boosh, because the New York Times has decided he is a big giant asshole! Meow, says the Times’ Kate Zernike, Cory Booker spends a quarter of his time out of town (getting $100 million grants for his city [...]

By all appearances, Frederick W. Humphries II, 47, has asked his remaining friends in the Federal Bureau of Investigation to reach out to The New York Times and speak as glowingly of his character as certain other people have spoken of certain other people’s maternal love. Wait, what? Oh, don’t worry about it. You guys, [...]

As we all know (if we are nerds), in the world of fan fiction, a “Mary Sue” is a character who exists solely as a surrogate for the author — it’s the ordinary girl who is a better Quidditch player than Harry Potter, or the super-spy who gets to raid Lara Croft’s secret treasure vault, [...]

Oh, Mitt Romney, Mitt Romney. You know how you can tell that you’ve really stepped in it? A tiny hint of evidence that your problems go well past not being “elegantly stated”? One big hint would be when Conservative Icon William Kristol calls your comments “stupid and arrogant.” Another might be when the terminally equitable [...]

Oh look, the Paper of Record has employed another typist to explain about bootstraps and whatnot, and give us the cold hard truth about why we are all losers who do not have jobs. Is it because of structural unemployment, or maybe something to do with robots? Ha! Ha! Ha! Of course not, says New [...]

Hey, here’s a strategy that’s high on wow-factor but lacking in any sort of long-term sustainability: wrapping oneself in the flag to give authenticity to the demonization of gays, the war on caterpillars women, the alienation of Latino/as, the disenfranchisement of African Americans, and the refusal to raise taxes on anyone, ever, in spite of [...]

Well thank heavens, the Paper of Record is here to valiantly defend a Fortune 500 company from bereaved parents and the internet, which is exactly why we have the First Amendment, of COURSE –to better enable our press corps to write articles like this one, which is literally called  “Progressive’s Side of the Insurance Case [...]

In a very limited way, we feel a little sympathy for the Transportation Security Agency workers at Boston’s Logan International Airport: just like any employees in an organization that’s had the latest managerial fad foisted on them, they had to take a ridiculous system’s unrealistic assumptions about the world and apply them in a real-world [...]

Wonkers are all media elites and State Department retirees, so we don’t need to explain to you that a “beat sweetener” is a puff piece about a person, place, or thing meant to guarantee further access down the line. And that seems to be the purpose of this New York Times piece on Mitt Romney [...]

So! What has New York’s Finest been up to lately? Turns out—quite a lot! We learned a few days ago that the NYPD will be rolling out an all-seeing “Domain Awareness System” sometime this week, which sounds like it would sure keep them busy. But the NYPD is apparently masterful at multitasking, because they have [...]

Oh GOOD, Bill Keller, a millionaire who used to manage the typists at the New York Times, is here to fix the deficit for us by summarizing a report by the Third Way that itself is based on Congressional Budget Office statistics taken completely out of context. But it’s ok, because the Third Way is [...]

Here’s a strange indicator that The Gays are moving closer to full marriage equality: In a New York Times story, we learn that gay couples are now able to attain levels of relationship misery that had hitherto been reserved for straights. It is a dubious achievement, to be sure, but now some gay couples who [...]

When we were in high school we had a friend who claimed his family was really tight with Morgan Freeman’s, and he’d tell us all kinds of hilarious stories about the good times he’d had, just hanging out with Morgan Freeman and having all kinds of deep talks wherein Morgan would generously give him sage [...]

The New York Times has the latest iteration of the beloved media story “What John McCain Is Like Now,” and here’s where it situates the old coot who pretends to be from Arizona along the spectrum: Definitely not the “far-right” monster who ran for Senate reelection in 2010, but also not the liberal fluffer who [...]

Oh LOOK, professional centrist Tom Friedman used his position at the “best job in the world,” which we are all “jealous of,” to share with us some deep thoughts on how we should be fixing the economy. See, the whole problem, you guys, is that we haven’t created enough of something called “startups.” If 2,000 [...]


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