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Posts Tagged ‘new york times’

JUST SOMETHING ONE DUDE SAYS ABOUT ANOTHER

Friday, November 13th, 2009

C’MON! SINISTER DAVID BROOKS CAN’T BE THE ONLY ONE WHO NOTICED JOHN THUNE (R-SD) IS “SUN-CHAPPED” IN A “PRAIRIE” SORT OF WAY: “The first thing everybody knows about him is that he is tall (6 feet 4 inches), tanned (in a prairie, sun-chapped sort of way) and handsome (John McCain jokes that if he had Thune’s face he’d be president right now). If you wanted a Republican with the same general body type and athletic grace as Barack Obama, you’d pick Thune.” [New York Times]


THE WAR IN AFGHANISTAN

Thursday, November 12th, 2009

BLAZING SADDLES IS LIKE OBAMA’S STAR WARS FOREIGN POLICY, YEAH?: So exactly how little power does Obama have over Hamid Karzai?: “‘You know that scene in the movie Blazing Saddles, when Cleavon Little holds the gun to his own head and threatens to shoot himself?’ asked Ronald E. Neumann, a former ambassador to Afghanistan.” [New York Times]


THE POORS

New York Times Explains This ‘Ten Percent’ Concept

Friday, November 6th, 2009

Look kids, this is what 10% unemployment looks like — one Men’s Room sign out of ten is filled with warm piss! The very important New York Times graphic adds, “That’s 15.7 million people. If the unemployed lived in one state, it would be the country’s fifth largest.” Great! Move ‘em all to one state, nuke it a few times, problem solved. [NYT]


THINGS THAT ARE IMPOSSIBLE TO OVERSTATE

It Is Impossible To Overstate How Sexist The Obama White House Is

Monday, October 26th, 2009

Just look at the sexism radiating from these Obama officialsIn today’s edition of “Things That Are Impossible To Overstate, According To The News Media,” we return to that years-old question of whether Barack Obama either modestly dislikes women, or hates every single woman’s fucking guts. This was a hot topic last year when Barack Obama defeated a woman in a presidential primary, a heinous display of chauvinism. Why not crap on Susan B. Anthony’s grave and punch Lucretia Mott in the boob, while you’re at it? And now Obama has done something far worse: played various sports with coteries of men, instead of women. This is the very definition of being “pro-life.” MORE »


AMERICA'S GREATEST CONTROVERSY

Misogynist Neck-Beard: When Obama Accepted That Prize… Let’s See… It Was Terrible For Everyone

Monday, October 12th, 2009

I am terribleNow New York Times conservo-bot Ross Douthat DOESN’T THINK it was the worst thing ever for Obama to accept that Nobel Peace Prize, like those ideological conservatives do — those conservatives are so crazy and nuts;, he’s not like them! — but he does think, you know, maybe they have a point?? Maybe they’re on to something? It’s another Monday with Ross Douthat! MORE »


DINGUSES

Monday, September 21st, 2009

JOHN EDWARDS WANTED HIS WIFE TO DIE CONSTANTLY: The New York Times obliterated John Edwards this weekend, with its report about how he’s preparing to FINALLY be like, “yeah that’s mah baby.” Most terrifying part: “In the [book] proposal, which The New York Times examined, [former aide Andrew] Young says that he assisted the affair by setting up private meetings between Mr. Edwards and Ms. Hunter. He wrote that Mr. Edwards once calmed an anxious Ms. Hunter by promising her that after his wife died, he would marry her in a rooftop ceremony in New York with an appearance by the Dave Matthews Band.” Ace job, bro! [NYT]


SWAMP MONSTERS

Tuesday, July 14th, 2009

UhhhhhhSHUT UP, CLOWN-MOOSE: Erratic wingnut Sarah Palin is ready to rehabilitate her comical image! Only 23% of Americans approve of this fame-crazed snowbilly grifter — Hi, Republican base! — so it’s time for Palin to “write” an op-ed for the important neo-con pamphlet The Washington Post. It’s an unfunny collection of super-short paragraphs about how Obama will destroy America by, uh, let’s see, how about that cap-and-trade stuff nobody in this country understands, even though it might help the Earth, as far as the Melting? Thank Allah the entire WaPo copy desk spent a few days on this thing, so it wouldn’t read like Sarah’s late-night dumbass Twitters. [Washington Post]


THE DAILY BEAST

Actorvist Schadenfreude: A Multimedia Spectacular From the New Republic

Saturday, July 11th, 2009

The glasses keep the seriousness from spilling out.Ha ha ha, Graydon Carter’s defunct satirical monthly The New Republic has produced a comical slide show titled “Celebrities With Thoughts.” Apropos of Bono’s most recent instant-classic New York Times editorial — a poetic intellectual exercise, the thrilling denouement of which is: “Could it be that all Americans are, in that sense, African-Americans?” — TNR has aggregated some quasi-contextualized gems from the nation’s op-ed pages. Each and every one is absolutely required summer beach reading. [TNR's The Plank]


ELITISTS

Obamas Make Terrible New York Fancy Restaurant Choice, Politically

Monday, June 1st, 2009

Frank Bruni, food critic (for now??) at the New York Times and former George W. Bush 2000 campaign reporter, is very upset with the Obamas’ choice of fancy restaurant for their date in New York City over the weekend, where they saw a lite romantic comedy about the horrific aftermath of slavery. Bruni writes, “Well, of course the Obamas went to Blue Hill,” for the five or six humans on Earth, ever, who might understand what he means. Apparently this is what he WOULD do, because he’s too cool & safe or whatever? No one knows. MORE »


BAHHHH

These ‘Distractions’ Are Making The Terrorists Want Terrorism More

Thursday, May 21st, 2009

We have scanned the YouTubes for the snarliest of snarly Dick Cheney quotes this morning, because THAT’S ALL THERE IS TO COVER TODAY, ugh, and decided this part was better than the ones in which he insults the New York Times and the United States Senate and the “left-wing of the president’s party” and whatever else. Cheney argues that these LEGAL DEBATES are making America look like fags to the Terrorists, so we need to stop it with the “distractions,” which do not include mean old Dick Cheney going on the teevee every day, bitching about how Obama won’t release certain documents he needs to spice up his memoirs. [YouTube]


WHITE MAN'S BURDEN

Nicholas Kristof Feeling Kind of Guilty

Tuesday, May 19th, 2009

You should probably talk to Bono about this.
Looks like New York Times columnist and globe-trotter Nicholas Kristof is feeling kind of shitty about being so rich and the Africans being so poor. It is a noble (banal) sentiment, but in our limited experience, the spiritual poverty of the wealthy may suck but at least you aren’t fucking hungry all the time, and you can go to the doctor and get some mood pills, and you’re probably not going to die before your twentieth birthday, of AIDS. [Twitter]