Tag Archives: new york times

  document dumps

Hillary Clinton’s Emails Are Sexplosion Of Benghazi Lies, Betrayal And Glamour Shots

Giving the orders for BENGHAZI?????!?!!!!?
The day has finally come, where we get to begin feasting at the buffet of Hillary Clinton’s emails! Will we find the underage sex slaves and the Russian blackmail? Will we finally find a bad thing for Rand Paul to use against her, because he is too lazy to find one himself? Will we find the email confirmations from Travelocity, for a quick there-and-back trip to Benghazi, so she could personally murder the American ambassador herself??? Read more on Hillary Clinton’s Emails Are Sexplosion Of Benghazi Lies, Betrayal And Glamour Shots…
  fuck this guy

Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal Will Screw The Gays All By Himself, You’ll See

Bless his dumb heart.
On Tuesday, a Fuck The Gays bill, HB 707 — similar to the Religious Freedom Restoration Acts (RFRAs) that passed, and were subsequently “fixed” like common dachschunds, in Indiana and Arkansas — died in a Louisiana House committee in a 10-2 vote. Gov. Bobby Jindal will not stand for this act of gay activist democracy, so he decided that if the House won’t do its duty, to Jesus and America, and pass the bill, he will just write his own version of the bill and pass it with an executive order, like a common power-grabbing tyrant: Read more on Louisiana Gov. Bobby Jindal Will Screw The Gays All By Himself, You’ll See…
  If it sounds too good to be true

Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’

Fancy ain't free
Do you live in New York and love getting your nails did, but for real cheap, like $10.50? Sure, it’s SUPER awesome that you can pay practically nothing for someone else to spend an hour scraping off your callouses and massaging your aching joints and painting your fingers all pretty, but on the other hand, according to a series of reports by the New York Times — and also math — that bargain price means the person beautifying you all up, often an undocumented immigrant with zero protections, is getting paid practically nothing, or even literally nothing, or even literally negative dollars, since she actually paid her boss to let her work there. Plus, also, they are working with hazardous chemicals 27 hours a day (for real, salon owners make them work pretty much every hour of the day, every day of the week), suffering from respiratory problems, higher risks of miscarriage, and god only knows what else because there has been little research on the effects of long-term exposure to the chemicals used in nail salons. So maybe, like, not so super awesome for them? Read more on Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’…
  low hanging fruit

Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President

Yours for only $19.95, bitches.
Republican presidential “candidate” Mike Huckabee is in trouble with liberals like CBS’s Bob Schieffer for, among other things, appearing in infomercials hawking “Diabetes Solution Kits” (yours for just $19.95!), which encourage healthy eating, exercise, oh and also curing diabetes with cinnamon. Because that’s totally real. Appearing on “Face the Nation,” Huckabee got ALL KINDS of defensive, because first of all, you are not his real mom and you can’t tell him what to do: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President…
  yes but does he eat arugula?

New York Times Very Concerned Jeb Bush Isn’t A Gross Enough Fatty To Be President

The New York Times is such a lovable whackjob sometimes. They apparently are having all kinds of fun doing profiles of the GOP presidential candidates! Wednesday, we learned that smug prick Ted Cruz was also a smug prick when he was in college, and that he gets all defensive when you make jokes about him. Today, it is Jeb Bush’s turn. What jewels of knowledge does the Times have for us, about Jeb? Oh, just that he really wants to be president, but he can’t because he’s not a big fatso anymore, which means he won’t be able to relate to Trans Fat-Americans. You see, Jeb Bush has lost weight, because he has gone on the trendy Paleo diet, and also he does crunches or something: Read more on New York Times Very Concerned Jeb Bush Isn’t A Gross Enough Fatty To Be President…
 

Ted Cruz Doesn’t Like Gays, Does Like Their Money

Just being a good Christian
Ted Cruz has made his position on gays quite clear: He’s against ’em. His record of opposition to equality is extensive because if they want to be treated like human beings, they can just choose to Don’t Be Gay. He’s even called for a constitutional amendment to prevent the Supreme Court from ruling on marriage equality cases. When asked by radio host Hugh Hewitt whether he’d attend a gay wedding, he confessed that he’d never been invited to one (shocker), and then insisted that because he’s a Christian and loves everyone, just like the Bible says, the real issue is not how much he hates homos, but that the Constitution makes clear marriage is best left to the states, so long as those states don’t permit gay marriage because as a “constitutionalist,” he doesn’t believe in equality — or, as he calls it, the “radical gay marriage agenda” that’s persecuting Christians everywhere. Read more on Ted Cruz Doesn’t Like Gays, Does Like Their Money…
  Letters from a jilted lover

Bobby Jindal Is Being Bullied By The Gaywads, And He’s Not Gonna Take It Anymore!

Dang, still looks nothing like him.
Bobby Jindal, wingnut governor of Louisiana, is whining in a very public way. Why? Gays. Where? The New York Times. Jindal has penned an op-ed to let everybody know that, unlike those Republican pussies in Arkansas and Indiana, who caved to the unholy alliance of Big Business and Big Sodomy and signed watered-down Religious Freedom Restoration Acts (RFRA’s, as the kids call them on Snapchat) that don’t explicitly allow people with Sincerely Held Religious Beliefs to discriminate against gays and lesbians any old damn way they choose, he will be “holding firm against gay marriage.” In fact, that is the headline of his piece! Show us on the doll where the gays are bullying you, Governor Jindal: Read more on Bobby Jindal Is Being Bullied By The Gaywads, And He’s Not Gonna Take It Anymore!…
  journamalism

Judith Miller Knows Who To Blame For Her Crap Iraq War Reporting (Hint: Not Judith Miller)

Pure gender-neutral evil
Judith Miller, disgraced former propagandist for the Bush administration (and also former reporter for the New York Times) — now a Fox News contributor, OF COURSE — is still defending herself and the blood on her hands, with a new book, GRRRR. As if it weren’t bad enough that she spent a good part of last year defending poor Dick Cheney from the mean liberal media who can’t just get over that whole “they lied us into war” thing already, she also wants the world to know whose fault it was that she was in on the con job: Read more on Judith Miller Knows Who To Blame For Her Crap Iraq War Reporting (Hint: Not Judith Miller)…
  Finally somebody is giving him the respect he deserves!

Rick Santorum: Nobody Gets Me Like ISIS Gets Me

Rick Santorum has finally found a media source that hasn’t been hijacked by the gay-loving liberals, one that quotes him accurately and nicely and conveys the true heart of his messages. WorldNetDaily? NO, not that commie rag. It is ISIS! Read more on Rick Santorum: Nobody Gets Me Like ISIS Gets Me…
  Here have some news n stuff

House GOP Finally Looking Into How Hillary Clinton Did Benghazi, With Her Email

Still won't find anything, but knock yourselves out
At last! Republicans now have the smoking gun that proves Hillary Clinton did Benghazi!!! Except for how they don’t and never will, but darn it, they are going to try to find it. Again. Now that they finally have a reason to investigate her. For the first time ever: Read more on House GOP Finally Looking Into How Hillary Clinton Did Benghazi, With Her Email…
  Eyes On the Prez

NYT Deletes America’s Real President, George W. Bush, From Selma Photo

Don't you see the outrage?
Some Conservatweeters are very, very upset with the New York Times for a cover photo of Barack Obama at Saturday’s 50th anniversary commemoration of the 1965 civil rights march in Selma, Alabama. You see, the Times photographer, Doug Mills, had “cropped” his photo by focusing on President Barack Obama and Rep. John Lewis, instead of being a completely different photographer standing somewhere else and taking a completely different photograph with a wider angle that included former President George W. Bush: Read more on NYT Deletes America’s Real President, George W. Bush, From Selma Photo…
  Clintongate Part Whatever

Hillary Clinton Did An Email Thing That May Or May Not Be Wrong, And The NYT Is ON IT

Maybe not so ready for planet Hillary yet
The New York Times reported an explosive breaking exclusive ZOMG! Clinton scandal on Monday night, so turn on the Drudge Siren and grab your splooge sock because CLINTON SCANDAL!!!! Hillary Rodham Clinton exclusively used a personal email account to conduct government business as secretary of state, State Department officials said, and may have violated federal requirements that officials’ correspondence be retained as part of the agency’s record. Read more on Hillary Clinton Did An Email Thing That May Or May Not Be Wrong, And The NYT Is ON IT…
  It's Obama's fault

Paul Ryan So Mad At Obama For Inventing Poverty

lying liar who lies
We know what you are thinking, and it is that you haven’t seen enough of Rep. Paul Ryan (R-WI)  in the news lately. What has he been up to? Oh, nothing much, just saying lies about President Obama’s new budget proposal in his best sanctimonious voice, but it doesn’t really matter, because he is only the extremely powerful chairman of the House Ways and Means Committee, which is in charge of tax legislation. Read more on Paul Ryan So Mad At Obama For Inventing Poverty…
  He'll free speech you right in the face

Deadbeat Pro-Lifey Loser Ex-Congressjerk Joe Walsh Can’t Wait For Terrorists To Kill Everyone On TV

Joe Walsh (R-Actual Human Scumbag)
For a guy who loves Life and Freedom as much as he supposedly does, the former congressman and forever-scumbag Joe Walsh has a real neat Life-y and Freedom-y suggestion for the terrorists: Read more on Deadbeat Pro-Lifey Loser Ex-Congressjerk Joe Walsh Can’t Wait For Terrorists To Kill Everyone On TV…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ted Cruz Just Gonna Wage A Little All-Out Civil War In The Senate, No Big

But who is he REALLY?
Don’t you just love the smell of Republican civil war in the morning? Actual Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is desperate to show everyone just how grown-up and leadership-y and Get Things Done he can be, but Not-Actual Senate Majority Leader Ted Cruz has other ideas, and he’s not wasting any time enlisting senatorial newbies to help him show those wimpy RINOs who the REAL boss of everyone is: Read more on Ted Cruz Just Gonna Wage A Little All-Out Civil War In The Senate, No Big…
  Here have some news n stuff

At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs

Take a nap on your own time
It would seem the editorial writers of the usually sedate New York Times are a tad miffed about a thing. And it’s not how hard it is to find good help these days to make organic artisanal vegan food for Little Junior, or how the ladies need to stop being more successful than the menfolk and just marry whatever Tom, Dick, or Harry is interested. Nope, the Times is, in fact, righteously and justifiably a tad miffed — and by “a tad miffed,” we mean AS MAD AS HELL at New York’s “finest” — and they are NOT going to take it anymore: Read more on At The Times, A Call For New York Cops To Do Their F*cking Jobs…
  Grey Lady To Be Renditioned To Black Site

New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System

The New York Times editorial board ran an editorial Monday calling for the prosecution of those who ran the CIA’s torture program, proving that they are a bunch of hopeless romantics who believe in justice. They aren’t especially hopeful, noting that President Obama has shown virtually no interest in actually prosecuting anyone for torturing some folks, but bless them, they make the case anyway: Read more on New York Times Calls For Extradition Of Dick Cheney To Any Planet With A Justice System…
  anals of journamalism

Chuck C. Johnson Had Busy Weekend Looking Even Stupider, If That’s Possible

It was either a pic of a cute orange kittie or a pic of a not-cute orange assclown.
Scabrous taint weasel Chuck C. Johnson was at it again this weekend. And by “at it again,” we mean falling for Internet hoaxes and old parody newspaper stories, threatening to sue people for libel, giving interviews so full of narcissistic self-regard we wonder how the interviewers could hear him with his head so far up his own ass, and generally making himself the most pathetic media spectacle since Howard Hughes’s diaries turned up in a burlap sack in the desert near Las Vegas. Read more on Chuck C. Johnson Had Busy Weekend Looking Even Stupider, If That’s Possible…
  Here have some news n stuff

Thomas Jefferson Cosplay Will Not Save Your Job

Shockingly, this outfit is not a persuasive argument
Remember when we told you about one Ira Dennis Hawver Esquire JD, who appeared before the Kansas Supreme Court dressed up as Thomas Jefferson? And no, he wasn’t kidding. He was there to beg the court not to disbar him for being a terrible, awful THE WORST lawyer, and he figured if his words didn’t sway the court, surely the wig would. (How terrible? Terrible enough to admit that he didn’t even bother trying to appropriately defend his client facing the death penalty, because he didn’t understand how cell phones work. So instead, he tried to reverse-psychology the jury by claiming his client was SO badass, if he had killed anyone, he would have killed off any witnesses too. Ergo, innocent!) Turns out, despite ye olde costume, the court was unpersuaded: Read more on Thomas Jefferson Cosplay Will Not Save Your Job…
  #RIPpatriarchy

Hero Dads Who Are Heroes Cook Dinner Sometimes Like Total F*cking Heroes

Sometimes he helps, no, no really
Sure, in old-timey days the women did all the housework and the childcare and the cooking and the shopping and the every other damned thing including the wiping of their husbands’ precious bottoms, but ever since the feminists killed patriarchy — well, it’s stayed pretty much the same. Except for a handful of Hero Dads Who Are Heroes. Get your hankies, folks, because you are going to be soooo moved by this touching tale of dads lifting a finger. Sometimes two! Read more on Hero Dads Who Are Heroes Cook Dinner Sometimes Like Total F*cking Heroes…
  The Revisionist Thing

Rightwing Reads NYT Headline, Declares Bush Was Right About Everything

Miss him yet?
As we noted Wednesday, the New York Times has discovered that, after invading Iraq to keep Saddam Hussein from killing everybody with his huge Weapons of Mass Destruction program, which definitely included an ongoing program of building new chemical and nuclear weapons, the Bush administration did everything it could do to cover up the actual chemical weapons — relics from the Iran-Iraq war — that they did find. Read more on Rightwing Reads NYT Headline, Declares Bush Was Right About Everything…
  its a gas gas gas

U.S. Found Chemical Weapons In Iraq, All Right (The Ones We Gave Saddam)

Oh, never mind: It says 'Made in USA'
The New York Times has a huge Pulitzer-bait story by C.J. Chivers about injuries to U.S. military forces from old, unstable chemical weapons in Iraq, and how the Bush administration and the Pentagon covered it all up. It’s big, it’s a jaw-dropping exposé of shoddy treatment of soldiers, and you should read it. Read more on U.S. Found Chemical Weapons In Iraq, All Right (The Ones We Gave Saddam)…