Tag Archives: new york state

  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
August 1 is quittin’ time for the Sarah Palin Channel, so the gang up in Wasilla is scrambling to move existing inventory. We’ve got three videos for you this week, one on gun rights and scary home invasions, one featuring Ghost Thomas Jefferson, and one exercise in patriotic free-verse over what sounds to Yr Wonket like an old-school Casio synth track. It’s a glorious day here at The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, so let’s dive in. Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Channel Announces Blowout Sale, All Derp Must Go…
  the wages of sin

Mean New York Lady Judge Tells Strip Club Lap Dances Are Taxable

Sorry, New York City strip club aficionados, but you are probably going to be shelling out a bit more coin to naked ladies who pretend to like you for a few moments, because the New York State Division of Tax Appeals recently ruled that lap dances are not artistic performances and are therefore taxable. Read more on Mean New York Lady Judge Tells Strip Club Lap Dances Are Taxable…
  upsets

Democrat Lady Wins Congressional Seat In New York Backwater

Great news for the Democrats: They are once again winning congressional seats in weird rural areas full of old men in overalls plucking banjos from the comfort of sofas placed on sagging wooden porches. Even better news for the Women’s Movement: The Democrat who just won a rural upstate New York State congressional seat is a nice lady who isn’t mostly known for selling her invalid mother’s pain pills in a church’s gravel parking lot. So let’s all congratulate Kathy Hochul, who replaces Rep. Chris Lee, the man who spawned a million online jokes by flexing his abs into a bathroom mirror and then sending a pic of this middle-aged flesh display to a lady on Craigslist who then re-gifted it to the Internet. Read more on Democrat Lady Wins Congressional Seat In New York Backwater…
  end of days

Some Old Gal In Buffalo Puts the Moves On Obama

Barack Obama continued his “give speeches from the ruins of once-great industrial cities” tour today, visiting the stereotypical ruined rust-belt pit of Buffalo. He told the assembled crowd of unemployed people (the entire population of western and upstate New York) that something or other would be “the future,” and he purchased the local food item from the local eatery which sells the gross local food item — “Buffalo wings,” in this case. Greasy throwaway bone-parts of a chicken corpse, slathered with a corn-grease margarine and garnished with mysterious stalks of a cold vegetable that can only be sampled after being used as the “spoon” in a giant bowl of “blue cheese salad dressing.” And then some lady put the sexytime moves on Barack Obama because he’s so damn fine. Read more on Some Old Gal In Buffalo Puts the Moves On Obama…
  nation of slobs

LATEST INSANE NEW YORK EXECUTIVE OFF TO AUSPICIOUS START: Congratulations, failed state New York, you have a new Lieutenant Governor! And isn’t he the consummate professional? “Richard Ravitch, the kind of, sort of lieutenant governor, signed his oath of office at the Peter Luger Steak House in Williamsburg, Brooklyn … On Wednesday night, he spoke to a Times reporter from Peter Luger shortly before his swearing in at 8 p.m., in a brief conversation that was difficult to hear over the noise of the restaurant … Mr. Ravitch said, ‘This is my favorite restaurant, and I wouldn’t take the oath of office anywhere else.'” Uh huh. [NYT] Read more on …