Tag: new york post

President Psycho Dick Spent His Holiday Weekend Tweeting, Because Of Course He Did

Oh boy, Donald Trump was on a roll!

New York Post Goes On Cletus Safari, Finds This Scrappy Blue Collar … Chief Of Surgery?

He'll take those long nights, impossible odds, keepin' his eye to the keyhole.

Trump Grabs French First Lady’s Arm By Pussy, Then Pervs All Over Her. Diplomacy!

Fred Stein, 'Children reading newspaper' 1936

Wonkagenda: September 15, 2016

You get in here and read your news brief, RIGHT NOW!
Calling occupants of interplanetary craft...

So Who Else Got Shot By Cops This Weekend? And Who Said Stupid Sh*t About it?

Well dear Christ, what a fine little roundup of horrors we have for you this time. Please provide your own kittens. Houston: Hands Up? Maybe. Shot? Definitely. In Houston early Saturday morning, police shot a black man, Alva Braziel, who was...

New York Mayor Bill De Blasio Suggests Not Cramming Your Throat With Gay-Hatin’ Chick-Fil-A

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio suggests you boycott the homo-haters at Chick-Fil-A. Wingnuts, as always, outraged.
Just wake me up when the planet's destroyed.

Barack Obama Won’t Say Magic Words ‘Radical Islamic Terror,’ Must Resign

The post-massacre consensus is in: Paris would be safe today if Barack Obama had the balls to say the magic words "Radical Islamic Terrorism." Or maybe it's that we can't actually win until he says them. Or until we...
Listen up, you Messico losers!

Here Are 12 Of The Stupidest Things Ever To Come Out Of Donald Trump’s Mouth Hole

Hurray, Donald Trump has finally given America Donald Trump what America Donald Trump has always wanted, by running for president of the United Trumps States of Trump America. Since he is perhaps the most ridiculous person to pretend to run...
Actual screen shot from Fox episode

Wingnut Millennial Picks Dumb Fight With Wingnut Boomer On Fox, Hilarity Ensues

So this conservative millennial lady who writes for the National Review picked a fight with this conservative boomer fart guy who "reports" for Fox Business Network, about which of their generations are worse. And we are really struggling because who should we...
Listen up, you Messico losers!

Donald Trump Demonstrates Presidential Restraint By Not Screaming At Crying Baby

Put this guy next to the big red nuclear button, everyone! Donald Trump was speaking to some Iowa Republicans at Wartburg College, and there was a baby, and it was crying, and guess what? Trump did not lose his...
He's got his eye on you now, NYP

Donald Trump: Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. TRUMP!

Fact: Donald Trump gave the very bestest speech at the Iowa Freedom Summit over the weekend. How do we know that's true? Because Donald Trump says so, duh, even though the New York Post is spreading vicious lies, which...
Not so fast, man

This Iowa Cop Knows Everyone Who Plays Frisbee Golf Smokes Weed

There are a lot of stereotypes about people who engage in the inhaling of recreational marijuana, and let's face it, they're mostly all true, aren't they? (Not that we would know, of course. ) Red eyes, slower reflexes, a...
Ha. Ha. Ha.

Chelsea Clinton Had A Baby, Whereabouts During Benghazi Unknown

Unto the child of Billary, a child was born. And the New York Post was ON IT, as only the Post can be: Bill and Hillary Clinton welcomed a brand new Democrat into the fold on Saturday — by sharing...
"Wow, whatta tomato!"

NY Post Writer Wonders Why Dumb Broads Can’t Take A Compliment (Also: Nipples)

The New York Post's Doree Lewak considers herself a funny gal, with her humor recalling a more enlightened time when "gal" was the preferred nomenclature. So we apologize in advance if Lewak's paean to wolf whistles, "Hey Ladies --...

Derp Roundup: Tiger Selfies, Responsible Howitzer Owners, And Open Carry Guitars

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the feature where we turn a pressure-washer on our browser tabs and skim off the weird, just for you. Please read responsibly and do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of Derp. Our...