Tag Archives: new york post

  Take that haters

Donald Trump: Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. TRUMP!

He's got his eye on you now, NYP
Fact: Donald Trump gave the very bestest speech at the Iowa Freedom Summit over the weekend. How do we know that’s true? Because Donald Trump says so, duh, even though the New York Post is spreading vicious lies, which we know are vicious lies because Donald Trump said so about that too: Read more on Donald Trump: Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump Trump. TRUMP!…
  Here have some news n stuff

This Iowa Cop Knows Everyone Who Plays Frisbee Golf Smokes Weed

Not so fast, man
There are a lot of stereotypes about people who engage in the inhaling of recreational marijuana, and let’s face it, they’re mostly all true, aren’t they? (Not that we would know, of course. [Okay, yeah we would totally know.]) Red eyes, slower reflexes, a ravenous hunger for whatever crappy pizza will deliver in the middle of the night, perhaps even an involuntary burst of inspiration to write some poetry about the beauty of the universe, man. But that doesn’t mean cops have a right to trick you into waiving your Fourth Amendment rights, does it? Check out this video of Officer Aaron King of the Ankney Police Department in Iowa, maybe crossing the line just a bit. Maybe. Read more on This Iowa Cop Knows Everyone Who Plays Frisbee Golf Smokes Weed…
  Dames These Days

NY Post Writer Wonders Why Dumb Broads Can’t Take A Compliment (Also: Nipples)

The New York Post’s Doree Lewak considers herself a funny gal, with her humor recalling a more enlightened time when “gal” was the preferred nomenclature. So we apologize in advance if Lewak’s paean to wolf whistles, “Hey Ladies — catcalls are flattering! Deal with it,” in yesterday’s Post was a new and highly advanced form of satire that we simply don’t understand. We will allow you to judge for yourselves. Read more on NY Post Writer Wonders Why Dumb Broads Can’t Take A Compliment (Also: Nipples)…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Tiger Selfies, Responsible Howitzer Owners, And Open Carry Guitars

Welcome to another Derp Roundup, the feature where we turn a pressure-washer on our browser tabs and skim off the weird, just for you. Please read responsibly and do not operate heavy machinery while under the influence of Derp. Our Lead Derp is one of those things that we didn’t know was a thing until it was banned: the New York legislature voted last week to prohibit people from getting close enough to big cats to take pictures with them, which has the effect of banning “tiger selfies.” Which is a thing that exists, or existed: Dudebros attempting to attract a mate (and perhaps boost their mana stats) by taking a picture with big captive jungle kitties. Stephen Colbert mentioned it last week, and at first we thought it had to be a hoax, but no, this is real. There’s a collection of Tinder dating photos of Bromeos showing their manliness by cuddling with creatures that might decide to make them a snack. So far, the dudebros have only been potential candidates for the Darwin Award, and New York’s interference has now prevented this experiment from proceeding. Ah well — they can still be the control group. Read more on Derp Roundup: Tiger Selfies, Responsible Howitzer Owners, And Open Carry Guitars…
  you ain't heard nothin yet

School Superintendent Is The Very Best At Racially, Sexually Slurring His Employees, Say Employees

Sometimes, we are grudgingly impressed by the lengths that stupid/awful people will go in terms of their behavior in the workplace. Take for example one Mr. Ronald O. Ross, superintendent of the Greenburgh School District in New York, who managed to call his employees “bitch” in a stunning variety of ways, according to a lawsuit filed by said employees. And listen, you may think you know how to use the word “bitch” to slur people you work with, but this dude has modifiers you haven’t even thought of yet. You guys we are totally putting the list after the jump because it contains so many racist ways of saying “bitch” that you do not want to be gazing at this thing accidentally when your (hopefully non-slur-filled) boss walks by. Read more on School Superintendent Is The Very Best At Racially, Sexually Slurring His Employees, Say Employees…
  suck on this

Sadly, Eliot Spitzer Less Of A Horndog Than Recent Media Reports Indicate

Media, media, why hast thou forsaken us? It’s like you can’t pick up a trashy New York tabloid with wildly unfunny headlines and believe a thing they say anymore! It appears that the salacious NY Post story about Eliot ‘Client 9 Inches’ Spitzer sucking the toes of his topless girlfriend while on vacation in Jamaica was FALSE. We expect this kind of slack journalism from the hacks over at 60 Minutes, but the New York Post!?!? What is this world coming to?  Read more on Sadly, Eliot Spitzer Less Of A Horndog Than Recent Media Reports Indicate…
  hot tub slime machine

Eliot Spitzer Does Toe-Sucking To Topless Lady In Hot Tub; New York Post Is *On It*

We are not sure what is ickier: Eliot Spitzer and his girlfriend Lis Smith doing sexxytime in a hot tub in Jamaica, or the New York Post’s description of same: Sleazy Eliot Spitzer turned a resort hot tub into a steamy love cauldron over the weekend — kissing and sucking the toes of his topless mistress, Lis Smith, in front of families with children, mortified witnesses told The Post. The still-married former Love Gov and Smith, Mayor de Blasio’s ex-mouthpiece, were spied frolicking near the family pool at around 4 p.m. Sunday at the Half Moon family resort in Montego Bay, Jamaica We did not know that anyone really wrote like that, even in a tabloid, and quite frankly we think there is no reason to expose innocent readers to that sort of thing. This isn’t purple prose; it’s well into the ultraviolet spectrum. Read more on Eliot Spitzer Does Toe-Sucking To Topless Lady In Hot Tub; New York Post Is *On It*…
  green balloons

Eliot Spitzer’s Hooker Forgot Their Safeword

The New York Post sure does have a hard-on for Eliot Spitzer lately, which is funny because he does not actually hold any elected position, but that is not stopping them from calling for New York Mayor-elect Bill de Blasio to fire some chick for being porked by Spitzer, consensually, and without (presumably) an exchange involving cash, which we did not even cover because it was so fucking weird. Like, Andrea Peyser is sort of beyond mockery at this point, because we do not like to make fun of the mentally ill. :( Well, everyone laughed at them all week about it, like, what is even your damage, HEATHER, but now they are back with more, and at least this one has some sort of relevancy to something we guess, and that relevancy is that there is a hooker and she is saying way worse things about Eliot Spitzer than that he didn’t like to take off his socks. She is saying, in fact, that he liked to choke her, and we think we are supposed to be very OUTRAGED by this? (Spoiler: we are not very outraged by this.) Read more on Eliot Spitzer’s Hooker Forgot Their Safeword…
  journamalism

Tina Brown As Bad At Charity As She Is At Running Magazines And Websites

Former wunderkind editor and Number One Zombie Princess Di Fangirl Tina Brown has had a Very Bad Week. First came Buzzfeed’s report that Barry Diller will finally push her out on her toned and shapely bottom, and now the New York Post has decided to publish a scurrilous report, titled “Tina Brown’s Charity Gave Out Just $10K,” explaining that her charity, the Women in the World Foundation, only gave out a single $10 thousand grant on its $1.2 million in receipts. That is some Sarah Palin-level grifting right there. OR IS IT? Read more on Tina Brown As Bad At Charity As She Is At Running Magazines And Websites…
  hot pixxx

Today In New York Post Journalism: Woman Has Gross Cellulite

The New York Post is so naughty, you guys! Naughty naughty New York Post! What have they done today? Oh, well, they have just taken a 23-year-old woman, one who maybe is unduly sexcited to be the glamorous younger other woman at the center of a disgraced politician’s unending shame, and they have put her on the beach, and wetted her up, and then posted 23 of the most unflattering Hot Pixxx since that time your mom went to Glamour Shots. Also, she is from Indiana, and therefore her bathing suit is the worst. Guys, let’s all laugh at the dumb fat slut! Haw haw, dumb fat slut! You have bad fashion sense, and are dumb, fat and slutty! Read more on Today In New York Post Journalism: Woman Has Gross Cellulite…
  teen pregnancy don't do it!

Andrea Peyser Wants To Knock Up Your Pre-Teen

New York Post harpie-in-residence Andrea Peyser, what are you shrieking and yowling about this morning? Oh, that teen pregnancy has gone down 25 percent in New York City over the past decade, so we should stop teaching sex ed and giving out birth control? Madam, you are genius. Come, let us listen at Peyser’s gentle murmurs, together! They’ve gone too far. City schools routinely provide mandatory lessons in deviant sex to 11-year-olds. But kids can forget about wrapping their little fingers on a fattening, contraband brownie. Now schools are tinkering with young girls’ bodies at an alarming rate. Read more on Andrea Peyser Wants To Knock Up Your Pre-Teen…
  don't you worry your pretty little head

Negging Women Is The Best Way To Get Them To Vote GOP

From the “Too Little Too Late” Division of the Department of DUH, it has occurred to some Republicans that perhaps they should cultivate some lady votes next time. No idea why being absolute dicks to women voters by calling them sluts (which was, to be honest, one of the more…genteel…insults leveled) was not an awesome campaign strategy!  They haven’t come to this conclusion because of some road to Damascus type of enlightenment, some Amazing Grace-level conversion, though – it’s because they got their asses handed to them in the presidential election when all the wimmens chose the Kenyan socialist pretender instead of Mittens. Please commence with explaining your grand plan, Glenn Harlan Reynolds: Read more on Negging Women Is The Best Way To Get Them To Vote GOP… Read more on Negging Women Is The Best Way To Get Them To Vote GOP…
  today in tabloids

Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post Furious U.S. President Sometimes Visits U.S. Cities

Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post has done some heavy digging, you guys, and it has discovered that the President of the United States of America sometimes go to the biggest city in the nation! Like, he was there just last week, “talking” at “the United Nations” as if that is somehow an important thing that the “president” is supposed to do. Did you know that it costs money for the city to host him? And New Yorkers are stuck picking up the bill (the Post says $2 million so far) when the Prez wants to fly his big fancy plane into JFK? What a dick! Read more on Rupert Murdoch’s New York Post Furious U.S. President Sometimes Visits U.S. Cities…
  journamalism

NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence

The wheezy little shadow humans hovering around in the dank caves over at Rupert Murdoch’s terror pamphlet the New York Post sure are devoting an awful lot of comical reporting to the fabrication of elaborate Jesusween bedtime stories about the Occupy Wall Street protesters. It’s like they’re kind of (very) worried or something! The latest strenuous fiction plucked at random — there are several to choose from on any given day — has a variety of anonymous numbers and sources claiming that shootings across the city have risen two billion percent since the protests started on account of the NYPD having too much fun beating up on peaceful protesters to go beating up on actual criminals with guns anymore. That would be sort of embarrassing for the cops, if it were actually true! Read more on NY Post Blames Peaceful Ocupados For (Fake?) Rise In Gun Violence…
  occupy murdoch

To New York Post, Beans & Rice Donated To #OWS Is ‘Food For a King’

When there’s nothing else to bitch about, count on ignorant scare-sheet the New York Post to find something evil about the peaceful and polite Occupy Wall Street protesters. Maybe they are eating fancy liberal food? A new poll of New Yorkers proves that 67% agree with the growing protest against America’s bank-run corporate-welfare system, and an overwhelming 87% of New Yorkers say the protesters have the right to stay at Zuccotti Park. But to the increasingly mythical Archie Bunker whose mouth moves while he reads the Post headlines and then shakes his fist at the coloreds on NY1 or whatever, those damned dirty hippies are living large like Prince Charles. Read more on To New York Post, Beans & Rice Donated To #OWS Is ‘Food For a King’…
  things that may unleash great puns

Rumor Thing Accuses John Boehner of Boning Lobbyist

It appears that a rumor about John Boehner having an affair with a lobbyist is forming out of thin air after some Daily Kos guy said it was a rumor, so now it is a rumor. The New York Post got to the bottom of this thing: It’s a liberal blogger/media conspiracy to take down Boehner. “‘Catching Boehner with a mistress is the only way to destroy him politically before the election,’ a source said.” Oh yes, that Boehner is rock hard! Nothing can defeat it except an affair, as it is a very good leader. So who exactly is going to take down Boehner? That evil Jew York Times, of course. Read more on Rumor Thing Accuses John Boehner of Boning Lobbyist…
  people who look like groundhogs

MSNBC Guy Ed Schultz Yells Expletives At People, Cries About It

MSNBC’s 6 pm host Ed Schultz and his dumb, boring show have never really seemed to fit the cable news network, and today he finds himself in the New York Post for going crazy at MSNBC headquarters at 30 Rockefeller Center a couple weeks back. This story is made all the better by the fact that the New York Post, despite being disgusting and hateful all the time, apparently does not believe in printing swears. “As astonished MSNBC staff members fell silent, Schultz glared around the room and yelled, ‘[Bleep]ers!'” Oh no! Bleepers! Who still uses a “bleeper” these days? It’s 2009! Read more on MSNBC Guy Ed Schultz Yells Expletives At People, Cries About It…
  headlines in the news

Helen Thomas, ‘White House Crone,’ Resigns

Every now and then, the New York Post shows a hint of its acidic headline genius of yore. This isn’t it, exactly, but the underused word “crone” is perfectly illustrated by a batty old lady cackling weirdly about sending the Jews “back [to] Poland, Germany.” Ugh. But at least the right wing will now purge its actual Nazi-worshiping proud antisemite teevee stars like G. Gordon Liddy and Pat Buchanan, right? Right? [New York Post via Alex Balk/The Awl/Really Bad Camera] Read more on Helen Thomas, ‘White House Crone,’ Resigns…
  the gays sure do love to prance about!

SO MANY MINCING GAYS! That dead-chimp=Obama cartoon is just one part of a rich tapestry of shitty racist/homophobic/just-plain-weird Sean Delonas’ cartoons in the New York Post. [Gawker]
  good god

But You Really Have To SEE the NYPost ‘Obama Is a Dead Chimp Killed by Cops’ Cartoon

Yes, yes, the angry white bitters are pretty racist, surprise, and this impotent minority is just going to fume in the ugliest possible way for the next eight/twelve years, and it gets dull being outraged by the same dumb trash, but this cartoon was not scrawled on the back of a Cheetos box and submitted to World Net Daily, by mail — this was in a major metropolitan daily in New York City. Ugh. [Guardian] Read more on But You Really Have To SEE the NYPost ‘Obama Is a Dead Chimp Killed by Cops’ Cartoon…
  media analysis

‘NY Post’ Vindicated On Kennedy Story

Man, last night all the haters were hating on the Post for breaking the astonishing news that the nice rich lady with important friends had decided not to demand a lifelong appointment to the House of Lords after all. Well, now your precious MSM liberal gray lady of record, the New York Times, says the same thing, so it’s official: Caroline Kennedy will be roasted and eaten by David Paterson, with mint jelly, for lunch. Read more on ‘NY Post’ Vindicated On Kennedy Story…