Wonkette

Down is up, up is down, and two plus two is five. In other news, Hillary Clinton had people rolling on the floor of the Hilton ballroom in New York City as she gave a brief, entertaining speech, while Barack Obama gave a “more sedate and lengthy” address full of boring policy crap. Oh God oh God oh God the world has gone MAD, those 18 million voters were right after all and Barack Obama is Nixon in a pantsuit. MORE »

Further proof that Our Media still conceives of Barack Obama as a 27-year-old NBA All Star. Oh man, look at the size of that boner on John McCain! Why won’t Walnuts show any nip action, however? TAKE IT OFF, TAKE IT OFF, SHOW YR NIPPLES. [Photo illustration by Andrew Eccles for New York Magazine]

Thanks, Pareene, for finding this political commentary on Craigslist. We knew about the first two problems, but is this bestiality aversion just a New York thing? Is it because everyone there has genital herpes on their genitalia? [Missed Connections]

• “Love and affection doesn’t have a damn thing to do with counting votes.”
• “We pledged to support her to the end. Our problem is not being able to determine when the hell the end is.”
• “Unless she has some good reasons — which I can’t think of — I really think we ought to get on with endorsements (of Obama) and dealing with what we have to deal with … so we can move forward.”
• And this old chestnut, which has nothing to do with the candidates, but is funny: “Who the hell wants to live in Mississippi?”

Here is nutball Harriet Christian, the “older white woman” and New Yorker famous for ranting on the Internet about how the DNC is giving its nomination to an “inadequate black man.” She tells Fox News icon Neil Cavuto that Obama’s victory is illegitimate because “99% of the blacks don’t even know why they’re voting for him.” Touché! [YouTube]

“WASHINGTON - Hillary Rodham Clinton will concede Tuesday night that Barack Obama has the delegates to secure the Democratic nomination, campaign officials said, effectively ending her bid to be the nation’s first female president.”

But! MORE »

Can Obama do it? Can Hillary force herself to lose? Every reporter in the country is scanning e-mails, harassing sources, divining from “expense reports,” following travel schedules, monitoring clandestine superdelegate meetings, et cetera et cetera and so forth, to see what’s gonna happen tomorrow. Here’s a bulleted list of tea leaves being read. Our guess? Hillary herself has not even considered making a plan yet. MORE »

Back when he was a young pup, Barack Obama went to college. Some of his former classmates remember he was a supernice guy who stood up to menacing bums; others say he was aloof; and still others ask, “Barry who?” Such was the wonderful enigmatic palimpsest of Barack Obama back in the days when he wore “$5 military-surplus khakis and used leather jackets” and roomed with some guy who later became a loser due to his cocaine addiction. MORE »

Even though Eliot Spitzer was a frequent client of illegal prostitution companies — which he spent all his time trying to shut down, when he wasn’t actually using the hooker services — and even though he transported Kristen-Ashley (and probably many others) across state lines for white slavery sex acts, there are still no charges filed against him. But a woman who answered the phone and arranged the meetings between the prostitutes and their customers? She faces up to a quarter century in federal prison. [Reuters]

DRUNK, ILLEGITIMATE BABY-MAKING CONGRESSMAN IS PITIFUL: According to the New York Daily News, still-active Rep. Vito Fossella of New York, who likes to get drunk and make babies with women who aren’t his wife, is “hiding out in a tiny apartment above a garage at his sister’s Staten Island house.” [NYDN]