Tag Archives: new york

  sure why not

Former RINO Gov. George Pataki Remembers 9/11, Can He Be President Too?

So George Pataki was governor of New York once upon a time, and he’s always kind of wanted to run for president one day maybe. Being a semi-sentient being with nothing better to do, he figures since he’s a Republican and everyone else is doing it, this is his chance, so on Thursday, he released a video announcing he’s also running too. Sure, he knows he probably (definitely) cannot win, but then, none of the other Republicans in the race can win either, so what the hell. YOLO! But Pataki at least has a special kind of can’t-win quality: he’s not nearly as fire-breathing, Bible-humping INSANE as the rest of the Republican field: Read more on Former RINO Gov. George Pataki Remembers 9/11, Can He Be President Too?…
  with militias intent

Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity

Those aren't crazy eyes at all, no sir
Let’s meet Robert Doggart, who ran last year as an independent for Tennessee’s 4th Congressional District (and lost rather badly, getting just 6.4 percent of the vote). But he’s not the sort of guy to just dabble in politics as a fringe candidate; he decided to face America’s problems head on, plotting to lead a militia attack on a Muslim community in New York, a bit of patriotic direct action that could get him five years in prison, which seems maybe a little light for planning an act of terrorism, but it’s not like he’s a jihadi or anything. Besides, we all know there are no rightwing terrorists. Read more on Failed Congressional Candidate Planned To Kill Some Muslims As Love Offering To Sean Hannity…
  Here have some news n stuff

Sore Loser Mitt Romney Loses Again, Like A Loser

Loser. Again.
Shocking news! Perpetual loser Mitt Romney, who swears he’s done losing presidential elections but we’re not sure we believe him because he is Mitt Romney and he loves losing and we love watching him lose, did not win his charity pretend boxing match against actual boxer Evander Holyfield. Holyfield graciously did not grind his bones into dust and even allowed Romney to land a punch, out of pity we guess, before Romney — who has apparently named himself “The Glove,” how original — surrendered, maybe so he could wrap up the night and put his apparently drunk wife to bed. Romney also delivered some “jokes” after the match, we guess because he’s still trying to prove he has a personality, sigh: Read more on Sore Loser Mitt Romney Loses Again, Like A Loser…
  If it sounds too good to be true

Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’

Fancy ain't free
Do you live in New York and love getting your nails did, but for real cheap, like $10.50? Sure, it’s SUPER awesome that you can pay practically nothing for someone else to spend an hour scraping off your callouses and massaging your aching joints and painting your fingers all pretty, but on the other hand, according to a series of reports by the New York Times — and also math — that bargain price means the person beautifying you all up, often an undocumented immigrant with zero protections, is getting paid practically nothing, or even literally nothing, or even literally negative dollars, since she actually paid her boss to let her work there. Plus, also, they are working with hazardous chemicals 27 hours a day (for real, salon owners make them work pretty much every hour of the day, every day of the week), suffering from respiratory problems, higher risks of miscarriage, and god only knows what else because there has been little research on the effects of long-term exposure to the chemicals used in nail salons. So maybe, like, not so super awesome for them? Read more on Nice Time! New York Gov To Save Manicurists From Your Spa, We Mean ‘Sweatshop’…
  Hell Is Other Small Town Politicians

New Jersey Town Councilwoman Flips ‘P.O.S.’ Mayor Double Birds, Because New Jersey

She seems so nice
A town council meeting in Mahwah, New Jersey, turned ugly last Thursday as the Council reacted with both pique and indelicacy to … we don’t know, some horseshit that small-town people get het-freakin’-up about. We do know Councilwoman Lisa DiGiulio let out her inner Scalia with all manner of bawdy gestures and a Tony Soprano-style gutter mouth full of terrible cusses, impeach. Read more on New Jersey Town Councilwoman Flips ‘P.O.S.’ Mayor Double Birds, Because New Jersey…
  E Plebnista Redux

New York School Profanes American Flag With Arabic Pledge, Burn It All Down!

These are Yang worship words! You will not say them!
Remember when you read in your high school history books about the wave of anti-German hysteria in America during the first World War, when publishers of German-language newspapers were hounded out of business, German street names were changed, some schools stopped teaching the German language, and idiots reportedly stoned dachshunds to death for being traitorous foreign doggies? Remember how quaint and provincial and xenophobic those people seemed? Read more on New York School Profanes American Flag With Arabic Pledge, Burn It All Down!…
  A Noun A Verb A Dogwhistle

Rudy Giuliani: Hey, Did You Ever Notice Obama’s Not One Of Us? If You Know What I Mean?

Screw you too, pal
Apparently tired of being associated with competent mayoring on 9/11 and then never shutting up about it, former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani seems determined to reframe his legacy. Why he’d decide that acting like the Second Coming of Lester Maddox is a bit of a mystery, though. At a private dinner for Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker Wednesday, Giuliani shared his suspicion that Barack Obama doesn’t really love America because he’s a weirdo foreigner. Giuliani was careful to note that he only pointed this out because he cares. Read more on Rudy Giuliani: Hey, Did You Ever Notice Obama’s Not One Of Us? If You Know What I Mean?…
  Don't believe the lies -- or the snow

Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings

His weather is just fine, thanks
While conservatives usually love a good snowstorm because it proves global warming is a hoax and Al Gore is fat, truth-seeking climatologist Rush Limbaugh is too smart to buy into the lies of such lefty media outlets as AccuWeather and the National Weather Service. He’s heard about this so-called Worst Snow Storm Ever, but he’s got a brilliant question about that, which you know is brilliant because he says his own self that “it is a brilliant question.” Are you ready for some brilliance? Brace yourselves: “How in the hell can a snow storm that hasn’t happened be historic?” Read more on Rush Limbaugh: Big Government Nanny State Controlling You Through Weather Warnings…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Snowmageddonghazigate Hits New York, Impeach … Someone

'I can't feel my hands'
Monday’s Rachel Maddow Show was of course all Snowmageddonghazigate, and they started the hour with Rachel freezing outside at Rockefeller Center. Happily, unlike Chris Hayes, who had to do his whole show outside, Rachel has enough star power to get herself back inside after the first commercial break, and so here she is telling us that she can’t feel her hands, and then getting down to the serious business of talking about how the only time one of America’s three biggest cities had a female mayor (Jane Byrne in Chicago) came to office largely because her predecessor just plain couldn’t handle the giant snowstorm of 1978. And so there is much talk of snow and politics, as well as file footage of then-Governor Michael Dukakis in a perfectly darling sweater. “He’s a Von Trapp!” Read more on Morning Maddow: Snowmageddonghazigate Hits New York, Impeach … Someone…
  Nice time except for anti-vaxxers

Second Circuit Court: No, The Devil Did Not Make Your Vaccines

  Well, look who’s all “public health is still a thing!” A three-judge panel of the Second Circuit just upheld a New York state requirement that kids attending public schools must be vaccinated. Nice going, Second Circuit! But it is a tiny bit obnoxious that we are still discussing this issue, so let’s please grab onto some science and hang on to it really tightly! Read more on Second Circuit Court: No, The Devil Did Not Make Your Vaccines…
  Notorious BDB

NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It

Thanks to the NYPD’s recent unofficial work stoppage, it’s a great time to be a public urinator in New York. Loiterers are going shockingly unticketed and jaywalkers are free to ply their trade with impunity. There is, however, one suspected criminal in the city who’s getting plenty of police attention: Mayor Bill de Blasio. Read more on NYC Mayor Bill De Blasio Does The Pot Like A Common Jazz Criminal, And The NYPD Is On It…
  Time to hide under the bed again

You’ll Never Guess Who Fox News Thinks Is Guilty Of Terrorisming The United States Of Paris

Wimpy tyrant dictator doormat Obama is refusing to call the terrorist attack in Paris a terrorist attack — except for how he did do that — but the omnipotent experts at Fox “News” know better. Not only was it a terrorist attack, but it was political correctness and New York Mayor Bill de Blasio what done it, because of political correctness and communism, THANKS OBAMA. Read more on You’ll Never Guess Who Fox News Thinks Is Guilty Of Terrorisming The United States Of Paris…
  Quiet Dignity Redux

NYPD Cop Peeved At Reporter Disrespectfully Covering Cops’ Solemn, Funereal Disrespect

The quiet dignity of a political stunt
Photo by Aymann Ismail, Animal New York Hundreds of NYPD police officers came together Sunday for the noble purpose of very publicly giving the finger to Mayor Bill de Blasio again, and we suppose they were also there for the funeral of murdered officer Wenjian Liu, too. As they had done last week at the funeral of Liu’s partner Rafael Ramos, large numbers of police standing outside the funeral hall turned their backs to video monitors as de Blasio began his eulogy. Police have decided that they hates the nasty de Blasio, hates him, because he personally ordered the deaths of Ramos and Liu by telling his son, who is black, to be very, very careful around police. Read more on NYPD Cop Peeved At Reporter Disrespectfully Covering Cops’ Solemn, Funereal Disrespect…
  Here have some news n stuff

Farewell To Democrats’ Favorite Imaginary Presidential Candidate Mario Cuomo

Mario Cuomo, the former governor of New York and the Cuomo Democrats actually really like, died on Thursday at the age of 82. He was from what kids these days might call the Democratic wing of the Democratic Party, before that was officially a thing: Read more on Farewell To Democrats’ Favorite Imaginary Presidential Candidate Mario Cuomo…
  If You Love Someone Let Them Go Wild

Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!

Fox & Klanz
Fox News resident Psychopath psychiatrist Keith Ablow has Thoughts on the murder of two policemen in New York City this weekend. (We’re quite certain you were waiting to hear from him before deciding what you think of the horrific killings.) In addition to calling on New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio to admit his personal responsibility for the murders, Ablow also insightfully diagnosed calls for police to be equipped with body cameras and to be trained in methods for de-escalating tense situations as signs of a sick society, calling it insulting to the good judgment of Our Protectors, who have done such an excellent job of protecting us from whatever criminals aren’t in blue uniforms. Read more on Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!…
  Dicktember Surprise

New York Pol: Hackers Made Me Follow That Porn Star On Twitter! HACKERS!!!

We were in a hurry, but you can still photoshop the sex toy of your choice in there.
Here’s a Dicktember item for your Likely Explanations bin: A county official in New York knows exactly why he’s “following” a porn star on his Twitter account: He was hacked! Suffolk County Executive Steve Bellone, a Democrat, explained to the New York Post that nefarious hacker activity was the only possible reason his Twitter account shows him following porn actress Belle Knox’s twitter stream (link NSFW if you look around for a while. Message: we care). Read more on New York Pol: Hackers Made Me Follow That Porn Star On Twitter! HACKERS!!!…
  How About Nobody Kills Anyone? We Could Get Behind That

Rudy Giuliani To Obama: Stop Personally Murdering All The Cops, Right Now!

Screw you too, pal
Former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani placed the blame for the murders of two New York City policemen Saturday squarely where it belonged: on President Barack Obama, who had personally whispered “Go kill some cops” into the ear of Ismaaiyl Brinsley, a Baltimore man who killed himself after shooting the two officers, plus his girlfriend. (A lot of people keep forgetting about the girlfriend.) In an interview on Fox & Friends Sunday, Giuliani explained that the President and others had pretty much been calling for the killing of police ever since the August shooting of Mike Brown in Ferguson, Missouri: Read more on Rudy Giuliani To Obama: Stop Personally Murdering All The Cops, Right Now!…
  All The Derp What's Fit To Herp

Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?

Back away, little pony. These are not nice people.
Time for another roundup of the dumbest of the worst of the unfathomably stupid! We scrape the mishegas off our browser tabs, puree it into a frothy mess, and serve it up to you with a warning to not overdo it on the brain bleach. Proceed with caution and gin. Read more on Derp Roundup: Fans Of Killer Cops Can Breathe Just Fine, Why Do You Ask?…
  The Poor Is Coming from Inside the Building

NYC Developers Not Losing Any Opportunity To Be Total Dicks

New York Post Times are tough for developers of luxury housing towers, with killjoys on city councils and planning commissions saying they can’t get massive tax breaks for building concrete-and-glass citadels for the wealthy without including some symbolic “affordable housing.” But who wants to pay three times as much for stainless appliances and rainfall showers only to take the elevator with coupon-clippers? Read more on NYC Developers Not Losing Any Opportunity To Be Total Dicks…
  You know who the REAL racists are?

New York Mayor Bill de Blasio Wants To Keep His Black Son Alive, What A Racist Jerk

Bunch of racists
Photo via Bill de Blasio Hippy-dippy socialist communist gay-loving crime-enabling New York Mayor Bill de Blasio just cannot stop being terrible for New York, the greatest nation that ever lived. Because de Blasio hates America, and New York, and police officers obviously, he has declared a race war in New York by giving his biracial son some riot-inciting advice about what to do in the highly unlikely event that he is ever stopped and/or frisked for blacking while black. Read more on New York Mayor Bill de Blasio Wants To Keep His Black Son Alive, What A Racist Jerk…