Not sure if this nightmarish requiem is official, but “sources say” that America’s mayor, Rudy Giuliani — who recently ran the worst presidential campaign in American history, centered around his major career accomplishment of having the worst terrorist attack in American history strike New York City’s two tallest buildings under his watch — is planning to run for Senate in next year’s special election, to fill the last two years of Hillary Clinton’s term. This will be the snarling beast’s stepping stone to the presidency, once and for all! (No, that’s really his plan.) Everyone loves a guy who was mayor of a city 10 years ago! MORE »

Glenn Beck’s wingnut bitch, Doug Hoffman, the Conservative Party’s losing candidate in the NY-23 special election several weeks ago (remember that whole thing??), is so clueless about his current station in life that he has “unconceded” defeat to Democrat Bill Owens, who was sworn into the House on November 6 — just in time for a health care vote! He was losing by 5,000 until some late ballots were counted a few days ago, which brought the margin down to about 3,000. And yeah, sure, maybe Al Gore famously unconceded to George Bush Junior in 2000, BUT LIKE AN HOUR AFTER CONCEDING, JESUS. About 10,000 absentee ballots remain, and Hoffman has like a 0.2% chance of winning. It was Glenn Beck who ordered him to unconcede, which makes sense, because Doug Hoffman is Glenn Beck’s wingnut bitch. [The Hill]

Celebrated chief birther and dentist-lawyer Orly Taitz held a protest outside the Fox News building in New York City today, for publicity. Supposedly Bill O’Reilly called the birthers crazy, and this was very offensive to Orly Taitz. Approximately four people showed up for the protest! Here’s Orly talking to a nice fellow from Africa. CAPTION CONTEST. [Gawker]

We all know that the ACORN organization — which has nothing better to do — is actively trying to steal the NY-23 special election from God’s candidate, Doug Hoffman, and give it to a randomly selected black aborted fetus on welfare, so it should come as no surprise that certain “local Democratic officials” (ACORN thugs) are calling the cops on Hoffman supporters outside polling locations for all sorts of ginned-up charges, as part of its ACORN Fear Campaign. MORE »

Now why’d he do this: “Political observers across New York are asking today whether Erie County Executive Chris Collins has irreparably damaged his prospects for statewide office after he compared Assembly Speaker Sheldon Silver to Adolf Hitler and an Antichrist during a Saturday speech in Buffalo.” The best part is that Sheldon Silver is a Jew, and Jews are terrified of Hitler and Christians calling them Antichrists. No, wait. The best part is that Chris Collins meant this as a “joke,” when he called the Jew those awful names. No, wait. The best part is after the jump! Oh ho ho! MORE »

How do we know for sure that the secret third half of the Lucianne/Jonah Goldberg conspiracy is not actually K-Lo? Because Joshua actually wrote to Wonkette on Friday night, when we all know perfectly well that Fridays are Jonah and K-Lo’s “Moral Netflix & Fish Sticks Night.” MORE »

There are important rumors afoot that prosaic Slate columnist Eliot Spitzer will maybe try to hold an elected position again sometime soon. But which one? Any of them, really! State comptroller, let’s say. That’s a thing. Or maybe Kirsten Gillibrand’s Senate seat, because who even is she? MORE »

Anthony Weiner, the Democrat who infuriated many libtards by refusing to run for New York mayor and saying mean things about Jon Stewart once, can infuriate them all over again by officially taking one of the cutest, most shiny-haired Clinton staffers off the market. He proposed to Hillary Clinton’s best girlfriend Huma Abedin in late May and we just found out about it, because of … secrecy? Anthony Weiner is Dick Cheney in a pantsuit. [AP]

Time for a post about the New York Senate coup! QUICK BACKGROUND: Two Democratic state Senators made a “deal” ($$$$$?) to switch to the Republican side, giving the Republicans a majority, hastily. The Democrats then locked the Senate and claimed this was illegal, and it has been locked — as in, physically locked –for days, and the Republicans are threatening to hold session in a field or something if the Senate sergeant-at-arms doesn’t let them in, even though they have their own set of keys now. There was no (intended) simplification in this post. Oh, and the gays caused all of this, by wanting to get married. [Daily Intelligencer, NYT]

President Obama, in addition to his many duties as Illegitimate Muslin Overlord of the United States, runs a secret and lucrative sideline business importing the international meat delicacy known as “Guantanamo Bay manflesh.” His first import arrived in New York this week, and John Boehner does not like this one bit. MORE »

HE BELONGS TO THE ‘RE-ELECT MAYOR BLOOMBERG’ PARTY, OF COURSE: Nobody in New York knows which political party the chameleon plutocrat Michael Bloomberg belongs to, perhaps because he has slutted around with every party short of the LaRouchies. At various points Mayor Bloomberg has been registered as a Democrat and then as a Republican; these days he votes as a proud Green Party Communist Lesbian Furry, which is to say, an “independent.” [City Room]