Wonkette

• HOW TO MAKE DEMOCRATIC CONVENTIONS LESS TERRIBLE: “All [Democratic conventions since 1976] have just been television shows, scripted, fake, and boring, the American political equivalent of Olympic opening ceremonies, without the panache. And so when the editors of TNR asked for 500 words on how to improve them, I offered just two. Tear gas.” [The Plank]

Important news from the Wonkette Inbox(!): “Today on TNR.com, Dayo Olopade offers the definitive fact-check of Paris Hilton’s energy recommendations in her new ‘campaign’ video. While Hilton’s video is perhaps a humorous response to McCain’s recent ‘celebrity’ ad featuring her likeness, Olopade concludes that even Paris, alas, gets the facts wrong on offshore drilling.” While this seems like the perfect setup for a Rick Roll, or a blinking screen that says “No Shit,” Mr. Olopade did, in fact, write this article challenging Paris Hilton’s claims. What’s next? Jamie Kirchick’s imaginary response? UPDATE: Oh dear, someone e-mails to say that it is actually “Ms.” Olopade, which we strongly considered Googling to confirm, but now we’re just racist. [TNR]

Chip Pickering, the Mississippi Congressman who’s retiring to spend more time with his divorced family and mistresses, participated in last night’s annual Roll Call Congressional Baseball Game one last time, for the fans. If you would like a recap of last night’s game that cannot go three words without divining about what it portends for the election, we recommend The New Republic. We’re more interested, however, in an alleged incident that an eyewitness tells us about, involving our friend Chip: that he let go of his aluminum bat during a practice swing in the on-deck circle, letting it soar into the crowd and destroy some man’s face. MORE »

The new issue of the New Republic has a monster on the cover. It is a pre-pubescent Space Kangaroo that harvests on liberal misery. The New Republic says that we cannot make this “thing” the Democratic nominee for president; instead we have to choose either the lady or the black guy, still, for months. The Space Kangaroo will be burned and buried near Yucca Mountain, along with Mark Penn. [TNR]

Have you seen how many articles have been in the New York Times these past few months? Thousands, for Christ’s sake! What is wrong with the Times when they won’t explain the process behind each one? Fortunately we have the New Republic’s Gabriel Sherman, who first told us why the Times printed a story about John McCain and now explains how the newspaper made a political endorsement, of Hillary Clinton. Why isn’t the Times more transparent? Who cares? Gabriel Sherman can fill us in on all the secret editorial “decisions.” MORE »

Last night, the New Republic teased that they were working on a story about those crippling newsroom politics at the New York Times surrounding the John McCain sex corruption story. The insidery tale is up on TNR’s website now, and it has launched a massive journalism nerd flock to read the details. When did executive editor Bill Keller talk to John McCain, and did McCain solicit corrupt lobbyist sex with him too? How do the paper’s Washington and New York bureaus resolve their competing agendas? Does David Brooks look as stupid in person? All is revealed! MORE »

Who would have guessed that Ron Paul is running the kind of campaign where he would avoid being photographed with a supporter who also happened to be a prostitute. This is what I take away from Tucker Carlson’s surprisingly thoughtful New Republic piece on the Good Doctor. Oh, that and Ron Paul must actually be changing the world because I read something Tucker Carlson wrote and not only did I not want to remove my own eyeballs with something blunt, I almost even enjoyed it. MORE »

The Giuliani campaign has enlisted another questionable “asset” to the team, continuing what it started with Norman Podhoretz, Bernard Kerik and, well, Rudy Giuliani. Last week, Giuliani stopped in Philadelphia with the most innovative Philadelphia campaign idea ever: Eating a cheesesteak. He went to Geno’s Steaks, one of South Philly’s iconic grease factories and where owner Joey Vento has posted a sign for customers saying “This is America — When Ordering, Speak English.” Vento is an ardent Giuliani supporter and speaks much like that sign reads. An article from the New Republic today (via Attytood) quotes Vento’s self-defense for his uncouth comments as “I say what everybody’s thinking but is afraid to say.” After the jump, check out some examples of what everybody’s thinking.

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* The waiting is over, Mitt Romney is now officially “Satan.” [Wizbang Politics]
* Gay inmates in California are hoping the ACLU can get them conjugal visit rights, uh, lickity split. [SFGate]
* Getting a picture with the president is cheaper than ever, but still worthless. [Newsweek]
* Army’s elite “graffiti corps” created for the express purpose of sending Neck Face and Borf to Iraq. [Passport]
* New Republic editors are porn stars on the weekend. [TNR]
* OH NOEZ, this is Intern Nick’s last day! Tell him good-bye in the comments, and NEVEH FOGET! [NM.com]

They hired a Foer, they refuse to institutionalize Marty Peretz, and now they’re owned by the McKenzie brothers. A “Canadian media giant” has purchased a majority stake in the New Republic, that venerable 92-year-old joke. MORE »