• February 13, 2012

new orleans

It’s nice to hear a story once in a while about things finally working out for the world’s corrupt career politicians, isn’t it? Four-time Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards, now 83, was serving an 8-year sentence on bribery and extortion charges when he made a prison pen pal who turned out to be a very attractive [...]

Fringe-right corporate lackey Clarence Thomas has famously kept his mouth shut during most of his 20 years on the Supreme Court, because how could anyone improve upon Antonin Scalia’s insane bullshit? But on Tuesday, Clarence Thomas cheerfully took the opportunity to read the conservative majority’s decision against an innocent black man in New Orleans who [...]

Rev. Grant Storms is apparently well known in New Orleans for wearing stupid Bible-American-flag t-shirts, donning ridiculous 1980s pedophile/hipster glasses, and walking through Southern Decadence, the city’s annual gay festival, with a broom. Apparently, though, he does not do this during the city’s annual boob festival, Mardi Gras, so it’s the gays he has a [...]

Washington’s decadent spending spree is over, motherfuckers! There’s a new House Budget Committee Chairman in town, and his name is Paul Ryan. Maybe you’ve heard of him before, since he is the world’s most famous money-saving wizard? (When cleaning his bunghole, Paul Ryan always uses both sides of a piece of toiler paper — and [...]

From the noble Brownstones of Brooklyn to the hilltop villas of Malibu that fall onto incoming traffic whenever there’s a mudslide, America is full of architectural gems. So it’s rather worrisome that New Orleans officials are planning to rid their city of the last remaining FEMA trailers — national treasures which are widely recognized as [...]

Every year, the President of the United States has to entertain the winners of that year’s Super Bowl, which is an annual contest of America’s real (white) sport, American-football. And so today they showed up at the White House and provided Obama his very own jersey, which he will then hang in his closet with [...]

Supreme Court justice Clarence Thomas’ nephew was allegedly tased and beat up at a New Orleans hospital yesterday after an apparent suicide attempt when he “refused to put on a hospital gown and tried to leave his examination.” Derek Thomas, 25 and a student at Nicholls State University, is epileptic and went into a massive [...]

JUDGE BLOCK DEE-WATER DRILLING MORATIORIUM, say the Associated Presses, all grammatical-like. That’s right! Rand Paul 1, Statists 0. U.S. District Judge Martin Feldman in New Orleans decided New Orleans has not had enough trouble. “What we need, folks, is more oil spills up in here,” he probably said, though who knows because BREAKING NEWS. So [...]

We just finished listening to that BP investors’ conference call — because we are, ultimately, business journalists — and we’re really regretting not going to law school now like all the other poor journalists. That $20 billion in U.S. assets that BP is setting aside? It’s strictly for claims, not for fines, not for any [...]

The current Southern Republican Leadership Conference is famously happening in New Orleans, right within the district of Anh “Joseph” Cao, who only won because his Democratic challenger was a terrible international criminal, and will lose in November, probably. His district is approximately 100 to 200% Democratic, so he voted for the House health care package [...]

Hey, poor black people of New Orleans: Sarah Palin’s speaking live in your ruined city, right now! She called it the “Big Easy,” she’s talking about how “Jonah Goldberg wrote a good piece” (first time anyone ever said that), and she’s talking about the “good, patriotic people,” and ho-ho now she’s going off on Barack [...]

We keep reading this quote from candy-sucking has-been Newt Gingrich and we just can’t decide whether it’s racist or just a pathetic fat person’s terrible anger over a 48-year-old politician in good physical and mental condition. What do you think Gingrich was talking about during his speech to Republicans in New Orleans last night?

Michael Steele’s exclusive fraternity, the GOP “Young Eagles,” just rolls from strip joint to strip joint, blowing two-grand a pop on Kristol and lap dances. And dumb Republican donors pay for all this, while Socialism is the Law of the Land! What are these Young Republicans typing to each other, anyway?

Your Wonkette “made the ACORN Twitter,” hooray! We love ACORN baby! Keep fukkin that chicken! [Twitter]