New Jersey
Screeching New Jersey Fat Man Snags Five Million YouTube Hits
Have you seen those comical YouTubes of the fat man in New Jersey berating people, on YouTube? They’re gold. Usually they’ve got a teacher, a unionized teacher, and this teacher asks the fat man a question and the fat man goes, “DIE YOU AWFUL TEACHER, DIE NOW, DIE DIE DIE,” and the teacher’s all like, [...]
Who Is Chris Christie Yelling At Today?
More like who ISN’T Chris Christie yelling at! It is why America loves him. For reminding us all of an abusive stepdad! Also who doesn’t want to just yell at everybody, all the time? Especially any reporter who would be so stupid, such a moronic idiot, as to actually ask a question that was not [...]
Bruce Springsteen Won’t Even Give Superfan Chris Christie a Handsie
Chris Christie has been to 129 Bruce Springsteen shows, dancing, singing along, jiggling, right up there in the front, while the absolute most overrated musician of all time “The Boss” sings his tunes about 9/11 and the farms and stuff. And over the course of these 129 concerts, how many times has Springsteen climbed down [...]
Very Sane Website Explains: English-Only Driving Tests Protect Against Bigotry, Racism, The Pope
Hey Americaphile, what’s new in Jersey? Anything interesting going on with respect to driving tests at whatever New Jersey calls the DMV? Could you please answer in the form of everything in bold and ALL CAPS? Republican Sens. Gerald Cardinale of Cresskill and Michael Doherty of Warren/Hunterdon offered a bill to require both portions of [...]
New Jersey Mayor Arrested for Trying to Make Internet Quit Saying Mean Things About Him
What comical attempts at cliché villainy do we have out of New Jersey’s ranks of local crony politicians today? Here’s one: the FBI has hauled off West New York’s Democratic mayor Felix Roque and his son on charges of hacking into a website associated with a movement to recall the mayor and then calling up [...]
Nobody Will Let Poor Chris Christie Save Your Pussy From That Tree
Haha, here is a “funny” video from Governor Sammiches, Chris Christie, about how he is so jealous of perfect angel Newark Mayor Cory Booker, last seen breaking and entering into a burning building and abducting the woman therein. Except that it is actually funny? It’s okay dudes, you can still hate him afterwards. Nobody’s here [...]
Chris Christie Sends Obamacare Back To Kitchen
The rightful good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, after weeks of speculation about whether he would veto a bill setting up Obamacare health exchanges in his state, has obviously done that. Now hundreds of thousands of people in New Jersey, lest the feddy gov step in, will have to continue receiving health care by their [...]
Hero Lady Cop Will Probably Be Fired For Stopping Police Beatdown, Because Duh
Bogota, New Jersey, police officer Regina Tasca responded to a call about a young man who was being erratic. She was supposed to transport him to the hospital. Two of her fellow officers, though, thought they were more supposed to jump on him and kick him in the head and shit — you know, the [...]
Don’t Worry, Chris Christie’s Gay Friends Know He’s ‘Not Bigoted’
In case you were concerned about Chris Christie and his social life, post-gay marriage veto, he’s gonna be just fine. [Think Progress]
Chris Christie To Rich Old Liberal: ‘Shut Up,’ Rich Old Liberal
Cantankerous Jersey Shore nightclub bouncer Chris Christie found a new IDIOT [SIGH] to holler at yesterday, for being so STUPID. And it wasn’t even a public school teacher or elderly Iowan (very close, though!) or generic constituent politely asking a question. It was Warren Buffett, the scary old billionaire liberal investor who keeps whining about [...]
Chris Christie Looks Forward To Screaming Down Gay Marriage Bill
New Jersey’s Senate passed a gay marriage bill today! Now it will go to the state Assembly, which will pass it, because Assemblies pass everything. Then it will hit the desk of the good Governor Sandwiches of New Jersey, Chris Christie, who will veto it and then curse out some teachers, for his breakfast dessert.
Donald Trump Now Planning To Bury People In His Tacky Golf Course
Why is Donald Trump in the news again? Wasn’t he banished for the rest of 2012? Guess not. Besides the dingle-dongle Endorse Newt vs. Endorse Mittens moment of this morning, vulgar hair-weave troglodyte Donald Trump is also planning to bury people in his tacky country club golf course graveyard in New Jersey. Give Trump some [...]
Michelle Obama’s ‘Let’s Move!’ Receives Critical Endorsement From Fat Joe
“Why hello, 2004, we had almost (thankfully) forgotten about you,” was our first reaction to the news that Michelle Obama’s anti-obesity campaign has a new “celebrity” champion in Joseph Antonio “Fat Joe” Cartagena, who at one point made a lot of suburban middle school dance chaperones nervous with his funny lyrics about the act of [...]
NJ Strongman Chris Christie Will Not Share Pie with Obama or Anyone Else
Apparently since dull turd Mitt Romney’s campaign message “Comrade Barack Obama is only here to steal yer munnies” comes across like he is just some anxious unlikable rich guy worrying over his fortune, hahaha which he is, Mittens’ sweaty-shiny new campaign trail attack frog Chris Christie will polish it up with something a little bit [...]
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