New Jersey

Happy Saturday, Wonquistadores! Every week, our web browsers overflow with a fetid slop of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth full posts of their own. Then we mop up the mess and wring out the smelly excess into a big old bucket we call the Derp Roundup. Add grain […]

When we first learned that Gov. Chris Christie was being accused of ordering the closure of two of Fort Lee, New Jersey’s access lanes to the George Washington Bridge because the town’s Democratic mayor had refused to endorse his re-election, we were like “Eh, maybe, seems far-fetched.” But then we kept reading.

Welcome to yet another Derp Roundup, the weekly feature where we hose off our browser and serve up a cocktail of stories that were too stoopid to ignore altogether, but not quite worth a full post of their own. We’ll start with a seasonal sampling of the War On Christmas, with American Patriarchy Association president […]

So here’s some high-octane Nightmare Fuel — you may want to remove any kids from the room before viewing — from something calling itself “St. Mary’s At Large.” The ad’s producers claim it has been airing on MSNBC and Fox News in the New York/New Jersey region. In it, a vaguely Burl-Ives-ish voice intones, “This […]

Marvel, the comics company that has built its franchise on superheroes with human problems — like Peter Parker’s lonesome quest to find something good on TV — will build a new comic book around a 16-year-old Pakistani-American girl named Kamala Khan, who has to balance superheroics with being a high school student and a first-generation […]

Election 2013 is all over but the shouting, which is mostly Chris Christie’s job anyway, so let’s review: New Jersey: Christie reelected, and a bunch of other people won elections, too. Have you heard of any of them? Neither have we. Should we care? We have a nagging feeling that we probably should. Virginia: Not […]

Chris Christie was spotted today by CNN’s Jake Tapper and photographer Eric Marrapodi wearing cufflinks imprinted with “Don’t Panic,” the signature slogan from Douglas Adams’s Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy. However, one should not necessarily assume from this that the New Jersey Governor is a hoopy frood or that he has the slightest idea what […]

She was tired of her suite of rooms high above the roiling island of Manhattan. She was tired of the same walls every day, the heavy reek of Clairol Nice ‘N Easy and stale gin that permeated the air. She had lately found herself hallucinating, talking to long-dead Republicans who shocked her by talking back. […]

There’s a very simple explanation for why Steve Lonegan lost last week’s special election for U.S. Senate to Cory Booker: The government shutdown. OK, that, and Lonegan’s being a loathsome asshat, maybe. But mostly the government shutdown, Lonegan told the Star-Ledger in an interview published Monday: “There is no doubt in my mind or in […]

Here’s your Nice Time video for the day: Newark Mayor and Senator-Elect Cory Booker officiating at the city’s first same-sex weddings, marrying nine couples just after midnight, when New Jersey joined the rest of the 21st century. Did everything go seamlessly? Of course not: some asshat protester decided to Make A Statement, and was crushed […]

Steve Lonegan (R). Known mostly for having an aide with very forward-thinking, sex-positive thoughts on ladies what got hot knockers, Lonegan is just some poor sad schmuck. And this is how he treats his wife when she tries to comfort him during his concession speech :( [Malware at Happy; Link blocked for now]

Well, everyone is saying that there were no winners last night, just because the GOP caused about $24 billion in economic harm so that John Boehner could get more MyFace friends from the Tea Party. Worth it. Well, everyone is WRONG. There was a clear winner last night, and it was the Strippers Union! Per […]

Tucker Carlson’s Daily Caller, everyone’s favorite home for racists who can’t read good and stuff, has quite the little scoopty scoop, and that is that Cory Booker, who is a better human being than you, is NOT a better human being than you, because of how he is LYING about living in Newark, according to […]

An aide to New Jersey Republican senatorial candidate Steve Lonegan got himself fired yesterday following a bizarre, obscenity-filled rant against Democratic candidate Cory Booker. When are political types going to realize that bizarre, obscenity-filled rants are serious business, and should best be left to professionals like Yr Wonkette? In the interview with Talking Points Memo’s […]

Chris Christie wants America to know that Barack Obama caused the government shutdown by “not bringing people together,” and if Chris Christie were in charge, he’d run this railroad a heck of a lot better, by golly: “My approach would be, as the executive, is to call in the leaders of the Congress, the legislature, […]