Tag: New Jersey

Jilted Lover Chris Christie Takes Trump’s Name In Vain, Gonna Get A Spankin’

Somebody is still upset about losing the VP slot to that sexy vixen Mike Pence.

Fox News’s Gretchen Carlson Allegedly Fired For Refusing To Bang Roger Ailes On His Penis

Carlson shockingly alleges in a lawsuit that Fox News is a really sexist, bad place for women. Who knew???

Wonkette Ranks Hillary’s VP Picks By Hotness, Because We’re Shallow Like That

This is important journalism, you MUST CLICK NOW.
As predicted by Nostradamus and anyone who knows Donald Trump

How Can Donald Trump Cut Taxes When He Already Doesn’t Pay Any?

Donald Trump appears to have a long history of income tax avoidance. Yeah, you could knock us over with a feather.
Have I got an idea for the furshlugginer national debt!

Deadbeat Donald Trump: A Cheap Sociopath Who Doesn’t Pay His Bills, Bet You Didn’t See That Coming

For a hugely successful businessman, Donald Trump seems to have a serious problem with paying his bills. Yeah, we're just as surprised as you are!
Same as it ever was, same as it ever was...

New Jersey Likes Indicted Senator Crook Man Better Than Chris Christie. Hmmmmm!

Chris Christie is less popular in New Jersey than the state legislature, an indicted senator, and the zika virus. We made one of those up, but it might still be true.

Trump Snatches Oreos From Chris Christie’s Slavering Maw

Donald Trump is now dictating the snacks Chris Christie can and can't eat, because he wants all his WASPy spokes-whores to look absolutely stunning and marvelous when they strut their silicone this summer. How can we make Make America...

Alabama Governor Didn’t Bone That Lady, Sexism Boned That Lady!

Oh great, now it's time to hear from the woman Republican Alabama Gov. Robert Bentley DID NOT have physical relations with. Honest! He may have penis-lusted after her in his brain, but he did not brain-lust her with his...

Sneaky Chinese Millionaires Ruining America, Making Trump Family Richer

If there's anything that makes Donald Trump angry, it's how the Chinese have gamed the world economy to their advantage, which means America never wins anymore. The other thing that really cheeses Trump off is people gaming our immigration...

Chris Christie Denies Being Held Captive In Donald Trump’s Sex Dungeon Of Shame

This is the moment Chris Christie's political career strapped on cement shoes and drowned itself in the river, never to be seen again: New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie on Thursday addressed those who mocked his stone-faced expression during a press...

Republicans SO MAD They Made Trump Happen

So Donald Trump had a pretty super Super Tuesday, huh? What with all of that winning he did, from hippy-dippy socialist Vermont and only-slightly-less liberal Taxachusetts, to the deep red down-there regions of the Confederate states of AmeriKKKa. He let Ted...

Dear God, Chris Christie, What’s Become Of You?

So, what did everybody do last night? Did you make history by being some sort of lady girl Vagina-American who won Super Tuesday? Did you give a speech at the Mar-a-Lago resort about how your name is Donald J. Trump...
It's like a beautiful rusty rainbow!

Don’t Be Jealous Of Flint, America, You Probably Have Poison Water Too!

Almost every time we write about the multiple bureaucratic and political failures that led to the poisoning of Flint, Michigan's water supply with incredible amounts of lead, we pour ourselves a nice cold glass of clean water from our...

Chris Christie Tells Himself To Sit Down And Shut Up

Remember when New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie was going to bully his way to the White House with his stellar platform, "It's time to start offending people"? Boy did that get shut down faster than you can say "George...

New Hampshire Really, REALLY Loves That Racist Jerkhole Donald Trump

Donald Trump finally redeemed himself after his humiliating weak-baby L-O-S-E-R loser defeat in corn mazes of Iowa last week, by winning the holy OMG hot dayum bejesus out of the New Hampshire primary Tuesday night. He whoop-assed the eleventeen other Republican...