BLAST YOU JIM McGREEVEY. Once upon a time the former governor of New Jersey was so funny, with his exotic “gay American” ethnicity and his alleged sexyhot TGI Friday’s Three-for-Alls with his wife and another dude. But now he is just some nice seminary student trying to help ex-cons re-enter the workforce, and you can’t really wring a lot of comedy out of that. Read the interview anyway! He seems like a nice man! Nicer than shitty old Jon Corzine. [Inside Jersey Magazine]

Maurice Carroll, director of the Quinnipiac University Polling Institute, says that two-thirds of New Jerseyites “feel personally embarrassed to live in a state where politicians are pictured in handcuffs.” The remaining one-third are imprisoned politicians. [Quinnipiac University]

Were you in northern New Jersey this morning? Ha ha, now you are in jail, maybe! Seems the FBI arbitrarily decided that today would be a good day to just arrest every powerful person for their obvious, constant corruption crimes, and so they did, and now most mayors, rabbis, and “men from Brooklyn” are in jail — for doing business with the Israelis! MORE »

Silly Jon Corzine once abandoned his comfy job as a United States Senator in order to waste all of his money on a bid for Governor of New Jersey, that scorching slab of rocks and trash soundtracked to the din of furious rats screaming about property taxes. But as Corzine would soon discover, trying to balance the budget during a Great New Depression that your state’s top earners spent years engineering at their day jobs across the Hudson will make you VERY UNPOPULAR. And now that Corzine’s trailing by double-digits in his bid for reelection this November, his magic 8-ball of Despair has recommended selecting 38-year-old Randal Pinkett, winner of NBC’s The Apprentice, Season 4, as his running mate — “to energize the African-American base.” Politics is easy! [The Awl]

Once upon a time there was a city called “Jersey City,” and people moved there to live when Manhattan got too expensive. A gentleman politician from this fine city made headlines this weekend when he urinated in a grand and public fashion on a crowd of people in Washington D.C. MORE »

This is an actual fat cat named “Chunks” who is, of course, hiding under a chair in the green room of the MSNBC studio. Here’s how this obese monster got famous: “BLACKWOOD, N.J. — Turns out, the economy is the reason a 44-pound cat found lumbering the streets of New Jersey became homeless. The Camden County Animal Shelter said the cat’s owner came forward to say she had to abandon the tubby tabby because her home was foreclosed.” Naturally, no one cares about the owner having lost her home. MORE »

Here is a helpful tip for all you local lawmakers who want to look at porn in your office: DON’T PRINT IT OUT AND THEN LEAVE YOUR PORNOGRAPHY LYING AROUND. Oh, and if it is horrible child pornography? First, quit looking at that shit, and second, DO NOT LEAVE IT LYING AROUND. Sadly, New Jersey Assemblyman Neil Cohen seems not to have mastered this valuable concept. MORE »

Dina Matos McGreevey is still divorcing ex-New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, because he is a Gay American and she doesn’t like that, even though she reportedly liked getting fucked by Jim’s sexy staffer Teddy Pedersen, while Jim watched and worked up the enthusiasm to fuck Dina with his own penis, after they all enjoyed sexy dinners at (really) T.G.I. Friday’s, in New Jersey. Anyway, Dina still denies the swinging TGIF stuff, and she wants Jim to give her enough money for a helicopter and three houses. MORE »

Poor sad ex-TGI Friday’s gay romancer and New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey is so poor that he lives on cat food and canned beans, so he cannot spare any wooden nickles from his bindle for his betrayed former wife who “should have known he was gay” when she married him. MORE »

Hillary’s election strategy is legendarily flawed, what with it making her lose and all. Look at the classic fable of New Jersey and Idaho on Super Tuesday: Hillary puts all her time into winning the big state, ignores Idaho, while Obama holds one mega-rally in Boise. She wins New Jersey’s delegates 59-48 (+11, for those of you who hate Elite Math) while Obama win’s Idaho’s delegates 15-3 (+12). Was it just stubbornness, or did she think she would win New Jersey by a larger amount? A new Time article reveals that this poor strategy stemmed from the simplest possible explanation: Chief Strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn had no idea what “apportioned delegates” were. He literally did not know the rules of the Democratic party’s nominating process. MORE »

The elitism of Barack Obama has reached new depths. Famous Rock Star Bruce Springsteen, a gay French white wine-sipper, has endorsed Barry on his website, citing Obama’s potential “to lead that project and to lead us into the 21st Century with a renewed sense of moral purpose and of ourselves as Americans.” Blah blah blah, he likes how Hopey is a Communist and that’s all. After the jump, more about Bruce Springsteen’s elitist credentials. MORE »