Here is a photograph of New Jersey Governor Jon Corzine’s greatest accomplishment in the last four years, when he crashed his car. Between his two runs, Jon Corzine has spent approximately $700 million of his own money trying to win one of the least desirable jobs in politics: the guy who has to raise taxes on a populace of constipated slobs who can’t even pump their own gas, by law. Will he luck out and lose tonight to the very fat Chris Christie? The television will tell us. MORE »

Here is a clip from today’s White House press briefing, in which the hairiest man alive grills Robert Gibbs: what do you think your perception of the perception of the political perception of current political politics will be if political things happen for Democrats or Republicans in the political governors’ races in Virginia and New Jersey? Will Obama ultimately win or lose today in the politicals of political off-year politics but then something something 2010 win lose draw? Is Obama’s a failed presidency because of stuff? [YouTube]

• Oh no. Oh no no no. What is this? What … how? Democratic “gangbangers,” gangbanging doors, with flyers? And a video — a terrifying video! — of an anonymous woman, who fears for her dear sweet life … HELP! NEW JERSEY DEMOCRATIC FLYER-GANGBANGERS! [Hot Air]
• Michelle Malkin double-doggy dares you to defend muslins and their so-called sharia law. [Michelle Malkin]
  

• Vote Jonah Goldberg’s brother for NYC City Council! And then read about Jonah Goldberg’s kitten lightsaber fettish — but only if you vote for his brother! [The Corner]
• We now know for sure that waterboarding saved America from shoe bombers and global warming. Q. E. muther-fuckin’ D. [Weekly Standard]
• A very important Arizona Republican correctly points out that Democrats are entirely unfamiliar with the daily suffering of “those brown people.” [Think Progress]

A New Jersey operative, “Leslie,” sends us a couple of scans and writes, “My father just called me and asked if I had read the 500 word essay on the NJ Governor’s Sample Ballot. I just did, and it is such beautiful madness, I had to share it with you.” It is a completely great essay from petition candidate Gary Stein, who is running with his wife on the “Fools Rush In” Party ticket. Let’s see what he has to say, about politics. MORE »

Racist television goblin Lou Dobbs revealed a very scary story earlier this week on his radio show (he’s on the radio, too?). Three weeks earlier, he claimed, his New Jersey mansion was shot at while his wife was standing outside, and this came after “weeks and weeks of threatening phone calls.” Never one to rush to judgment about anything, Lou Dobbs… immediately started freaking out about Mexicans and Mexican-supporting liberals again, adding, tastelessly, for ratings, “if anybody thinks that we’re not engaged in the battle for the soul of this country right now, you’re sorely mistaken.” We don’t really know how some douche or another hitting Lou Dobbs’ mansion with a bullet is indicative of a “battle for the soul of this country,” but we do know that “battle for the soul of this country” is not very tension-defusing rhetoric. Especially when there are still many, many questions about the nature of the incident! MORE »

Holy baloney, the “2009 Elections” are in less than a week! QUICK BRIEFING: Bloomberg will win, McDonnell will win, New Jersey is a toss-up, the end. The only issue that matters in the New Jersey governor’s race right now is about how astonishingly fat Republican candidate Chris Christie is and whether his insatiable, non-stop search for food will ever get so dire that he resorts to eating New Jersey children, en masse, from a Frito’s bag. His opponent Jon Corzine has been suggesting this as a possibility, and has risen in polls accordingly. Chris Christie is very sensitive about this, so he challenged Corzine to an honesty contest this morning on whatever new thing Don Imus is hosting. MORE »

Meet, Chris Daggett, the hidden third candidate running for governor of New Jersey. Oh but get this: He made the silliest mistake ever the other day when he went to return his rental Acura and forgot that he left his loaded gun in the car. Cupholders! The gun apparently belonged to his driver, a retired state trooper, and “Daggett’s spokesman, Tom Johnson, said the candidate was not even aware of the gun having been in the car.” Daggett has been far, far too busy tending to his gratuitous consonants collection and secretly running for public office to notice any loaded firearms. [NJ.com]

The — THE — most important and objectively true and super necessary ironclad rule in Washington Politics is that if someone powerful tries in any way to help a fellow human win something but then that fellow human ends up losing for whatever reason, the powerful person is ergo very very weak and disgraceful and had better resign out of humiliation. David Broder himself etched this rule into the original Bible. And so Barack Obama will campaign for Gov. Jon Corzine in New Jersey, where the race is deadlocked, but only record a a dinky phone message or two (at least for now) in Virginia for Creigh Deeds, who is going to lose. MORE »

JON CORZINE IS TAKING “NEW JERSEY” SO LITERALLY: “Asked directly if he thought [Chris] Christie was fat, Corzine touched his bare head, smiled and said, ‘Am I bald?’” By default Jon Corzine is now automatically governor of eighth grade and certain parts of the South Shore of Long Island. [Ben Smith]

Oh, how we are looking forward to the midterm elections! They’re the most fun: dozens of close races where we couldn’t care less about who wins, each defined by some hilarious racist remark or decades-old hotel affair or nutty family member. OR — as is the case in this rare 2009 election, for New Jersey governor — weight. “Political experts” monitoring the race between Jon Corzine and Republican Chris Christie have been wondering for a while now whether Christie’s campaign will sink under his massive massive super-fat insanely obese body. The Fats have rarely done well in elections — it’s true! — at least in the modern era, when male fatness stopped being a symbol of wealth and power and Land. So, is Corzine playing the “fat card” against his fat opponent, in his new ad? MORE »

Hooray, it’s time to indoctrinate the school children at the government-run anti-choice public school-prisons. But how will we best teach these weak lumps of young shit how to be Nazi-Socialists for the Black Panthers? WITH THE TEEVEE, obvs. And that’s why the no-good Hawaiian-Chicago street hustler, Barry Nobama, will speak to the childrens on the closed circuit today, old school, and of course oh good gravy there are some WHITE folks who heard about this, and they are not so happy about a common African Slave telling kids to “stay in school.” Look what happens when black kids stay in school and go to Harvard and all that …. BLAM, black dude is president. Not good. MORE »