Wonkette

This is an actual fat cat named “Chunks” who is, of course, hiding under a chair in the green room of the MSNBC studio. Here’s how this obese monster got famous: “BLACKWOOD, N.J. — Turns out, the economy is the reason a 44-pound cat found lumbering the streets of New Jersey became homeless. The Camden County Animal Shelter said the cat’s owner came forward to say she had to abandon the tubby tabby because her home was foreclosed.” Naturally, no one cares about the owner having lost her home. MORE »

Here is a helpful tip for all you local lawmakers who want to look at porn in your office: DON’T PRINT IT OUT AND THEN LEAVE YOUR PORNOGRAPHY LYING AROUND. Oh, and if it is horrible child pornography? First, quit looking at that shit, and second, DO NOT LEAVE IT LYING AROUND. Sadly, New Jersey Assemblyman Neil Cohen seems not to have mastered this valuable concept. MORE »

Dina Matos McGreevey is still divorcing ex-New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey, because he is a Gay American and she doesn’t like that, even though she reportedly liked getting fucked by Jim’s sexy staffer Teddy Pedersen, while Jim watched and worked up the enthusiasm to fuck Dina with his own penis, after they all enjoyed sexy dinners at (really) T.G.I. Friday’s, in New Jersey. Anyway, Dina still denies the swinging TGIF stuff, and she wants Jim to give her enough money for a helicopter and three houses. MORE »

Poor sad ex-TGI Friday’s gay romancer and New Jersey governor Jim McGreevey is so poor that he lives on cat food and canned beans, so he cannot spare any wooden nickles from his bindle for his betrayed former wife who “should have known he was gay” when she married him. MORE »

Hillary’s election strategy is legendarily flawed, what with it making her lose and all. Look at the classic fable of New Jersey and Idaho on Super Tuesday: Hillary puts all her time into winning the big state, ignores Idaho, while Obama holds one mega-rally in Boise. She wins New Jersey’s delegates 59-48 (+11, for those of you who hate Elite Math) while Obama win’s Idaho’s delegates 15-3 (+12). Was it just stubbornness, or did she think she would win New Jersey by a larger amount? A new Time article reveals that this poor strategy stemmed from the simplest possible explanation: Chief Strategist Mark “Bowser” Penn had no idea what “apportioned delegates” were. He literally did not know the rules of the Democratic party’s nominating process. MORE »

The elitism of Barack Obama has reached new depths. Famous Rock Star Bruce Springsteen, a gay French white wine-sipper, has endorsed Barry on his website, citing Obama’s potential “to lead that project and to lead us into the 21st Century with a renewed sense of moral purpose and of ourselves as Americans.” Blah blah blah, he likes how Hopey is a Communist and that’s all. After the jump, more about Bruce Springsteen’s elitist credentials. MORE »

New York’s ex-Governor Eliot Spitzer and current Governor David Paterson have brought the state two scandal-friendly governors in only the last few weeks. New Jersey, on the other hand, has not had any hilarious sex governors since James McGreevey, a homosexual, resigned at T.G.I. Friday’s in 2004. They are jealous of New York’s sudden lead and are considering recalling Governor Jon Corzine. Not that he has had any T.G.I. Friday’s gay sex prostitution scandals. He just has that aura of need-to-leave, you see. [KYW]

Tired of Ashley Kristen Alexandra Dupre yet? Us too! But not US Magazine! The celebrity weekly has about a thousand pictures of Eliot Spitzer’s allegedly high-class hooker, and they’re all about as bad as this one, and we think the official title of this set is “The Official Seal of the Great State of New Jersey.” Remember that picture of a pretty young Ashley/Kristen in a bikini on a yacht? That was apparently taken in 1978. [US Magazine]

MCGREEVEY CONFIRMS T.G.I. FRIDAY’S THREESOME CLUB: Ex-New Jersey Governor Jim McGreevey has confirmed that he used to have threesomes with his wife and driver, covered in fried green beans and ranch dressing and performed on the Jack Daniels Grill at T.G.I. Friday’s. Hilariously, his wife completely denies it. Aaaaand her divorce cash-in has just dropped like a mozzarella stick into steamy marinara goo. [AP/CBS News]

Now that America is about finished with New York and its terrible sordid sex scandals, a nation turns its lonely eyes to New Jersey for more smut. And New Jersey delivers! Remember that other governor who had to resign because he slept with some non-wife sort of person? It turns out former New Jersey Governor James McGreevey maybe used to have sex with his wife and some other dude, at the same time. Worse yet, these unspeakable acts allegedly followed weekly dinners at T.G.I. Friday’s. MORE »