New Jersey

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, the feature where we bring you the very best of the worst detritus that’s clung to our browser tabs all week. We find the stories that are too short for a full post but too stupid to ignore altogether and serve them up to you in a delicious […]

In yet another tale of Responsible Gun Owners who were perfectly law-abiding citizens who practiced excellent firearms safety right up until they didn’t, a 34-year-old New Jersey Pennsylvania* man shot his 11-year-old nephew to death over the weekend while demonstrating the cool red dot the laser sight made on the kid’s forehead. We’re guessing he […]

Good job on this ad, Medical Cannabis Network! It is actually funny! Reader, watch it! If you can’t, here is the SPOILER: We join a swarthy fellow with an Orson Welles mustache who is trying to sell us some black market sushi, and being real shady about it, like “Yo. You want sushi? I got […]

Sometimes we like to check in on what entitled little monster teenagers are up to, and oh dear lord this is the best rotten teenager ever until we find a worse one. Let’s go read about Rachel Canning, who is suing her parents to try to force them to pay for her college tuition. All […]

So here is a fine kettle of Ichthys — as we mentioned a couple weeks back, John J. Myers, the Archbishop of Newark — which is a pretty fun title to say, we’ll admit — is building himself a new wing on the Barbie’s Dream Bishop Retirement Home, to the tune of half a million […]

You know what a fate worse than death would be? Paying the fry cook at your local McBurgerQueen slightly more than the shitty wage she is earning today. Weeper of the House John Boehner would rather kill himself than see hardworking Americans be able to earn a living wage. Per The Hill: Speaker John Boehner […]

Hey, remember the story about the German “Bling Bishop” who got suspended after everybody was outraged by the $55 million cost of renovating his personal residence? Right here in U.S. America, we seem to have our own version of an archbishop who’s a little like that, too, though on a smaller scale. Take a look […]

Last night, Malcolm Smith of the Colorado Seabirds won the Super-Ball Much Vaunted Person Certificate for his outstanding achievements in hitting, catching, and running. This gave Malcolm Smith something that somebody else wanted. The something was a microphone, and the somebody else was Matthew Mills, an “independent” “journalist” from Brooklyn, NY. As real journalists gathered […]

When Chris Christie’s Best Friend Forever (Forever), this guy David Wildstein whom he’d never met, went before the hearings on Chris Christie’s shitty petty bullshit nonsense of closing the lanes to the George Washington Bridge as shitty petty bullshit nonsense political payback, he (David Wildstein) pleaded his Fifth Amendment right not to incriminate himself. Like, […]

She had known heartbreak, had Peggy Noonan. Oh yes, the beloved Sister of Our Lady of the Bottomless Julep had known the glorious touch of a lover sullied by the pain of betrayal when it was withheld. She had loved fully, ravenously, had taken up the cup Eros set before her, touched her lips to […]

Hey, kids, this looks like some real news, maybe: Did Chris Christie tip his hand in a speech Thursday that he is not going to run for president in 2016? He just mighta! Here’s what Rachel Maddow noticed in a speech Christie gave in Manahawkin, New Jersey, while he was talking about Hurricane Sandy recovery […]

Chris Christie has lost the Boss, not that he ever really had him. Here for your morning clipbait are Jimmy Fallon and Bruce Springsteen, two broken heroes on a last chance power drive…but mostly just stuck in traffic on the George Washington Bridge. With the lanes out of Fort Lee closed, Wendy had better just […]

Former NYC 9/11 Mayor 9/11 Rudy 9/11 Giuliani is defending his old pal Chris Christie, saying that the New Jersey governor and future former Republican front-runner is definitely not a bully, and that the closure of lanes on the George Washington Bridge last September was merely a “stupid political prank that backfired.” Stuff happens, and […]

In what has to be the easiest wingnut editorial ever written, the online remnants of the New York Sun declared that if Chris Christie’s bridge of sighs was a case of political retribution, then Barack Obama is a bully to put Christie to shame, because he shut down parts of the government during the government […]

Now that the dust is starting to settle on the Biggest Press Conference of His Political Career, let’s see whether Governor Chris Christie saved his political bacon (mmmm, bacon). He did the necessary moves, started out with apologies to the people of New Jersey, the people of Fort Lee, and to the state lege, as […]