This Chelsea Clinton, she’s going places. In the 2044 election she will go straight to the third-place finish in the Democratic primary, with Malia Obama in first and Hillary Clinton in second. This is because she has learned to tell hilarious lies, much like her working-class mother and pink father. She has been going on about how a couple of guys in New Hampshire yelled out at her, “Iron my shirt!” and that they were dead serious, and sexist, and you should vote for Hillary Clinton. But the two dudes (who are probably still awful) were New England radio hosts doing it as a complete prank. They love women after all! Why does Chelsea continue to lie about their INTENTIONS? MORE »

BLUMENTHAL PLEADS GUILTY TO ALCOHOL & CAR PARTY: Political journalist and longtime Clinton adviser Sidney Blumenthal has plead guilty to driving 70 in a 30 MPH zone in New Hampshire the night before its primary. He was driving so fast because he was more drunk than any human has ever been. [The Caucus]

Hillary Clinton was trying to prove she was a tough guy up in New Hampshire last month, so she mocked George W. Bush’s dumb line about looking into Vlad Putin’s sweet sweet soul. “He doesn’t have a soul,” she said of the beloved ex-KGB agent.

But Putin’s even colder and meaner than Hillary herself. Asked about her dumb line, Putin said, “At a minimum, a head of state should have a head,” Putin said. What exactly does this mean? We are pretty sure this is one of those misogynist Russian “ha ha the woman lacks a penis” jokes. [Politico]

Hillary Clinton’s staffers have been soiling carpets and leaving mountains of rotting garbage in rented temporary campaign offices — and then not paying the bill when they skip town to move on to the next primary state. MORE »

With Super Tuesday coming tomorrow, and polls showing Hillary Clinton in a dead heat with Barack Obama in states like, let’s see… Connecticut… it seemed like a good opportunity to CRY again. Not that this has anything to do with anything, but HIllary Clinton did cry in New Haven today while discussing children’s health care, one of the various things that she cares about. We’re ashamed at Hillary for this: If she had planned it around mid-afternoon, it might be a fresher topic for the evening news cycle. [The Swamp]

Has Ron Paul’s Internet Brigade been interesting and hilarious? Of course! Has all his silly talk about “freedom” and the “U.S. Constitution” maybe made a few kids interested in those arcane and unprofitable fantasies? Sure! But will the loyalist Paulians ever, uh, acknowledge their guy’s a fringe candidate running an anti-war campaign within America’s Defense Industry Party and he’s not ever going to be president of anything, not even the Internet? Sort of, but not really. Let’s investigate. MORE »

Hey, remember when Polaroid Liz asked Ron Paul if she could ride the Paultard blimp and he was like, “I dunno lady”? Well, it seems Paultard blimp central has finally caved in and offered her a ride above Dixie in the majestic “Beer Goggle Ron Paul” hovercraft. MORE »

The well-behaved supporters of Dr. President Ron Paul are determined to get a recount in New Hampshire because of Eeyore the Diebold Machine turning all Paul votes into sad, non-existent pandas. A group of them called the “Granny Warriors” — perhaps a play on “Granite State,” although that took several hours to determine and may still be wrong — raised $55,600 to turn over the NH Secretary of State’s office for a recount. But then their PayPal account was MYSTERIOUSLY AND PERHAPS INTENTIONALLY frozen right before the transfer of funds. So the Granny Warriors missed the deadline, and now there’s no recount! Internet to explode in 3… 2… 1… MORE »

In 2008, what would post-primary analysis be without a dose of Chris “Rangoon” Matthews getting faux-snippy with a guest? Why it wouldn’t be post-primary analysis at all, you see! Check out Tweety getting into it with older-than-ever Pat Buchanan on MSNBC last night. Pat oh-snaps Chris for being wrong about New Hampshire, Chris adorably defends himself, and then Pat shouts about Mitt Romney being able to win everything.

NBC’s appeal to keep Dennis Kucinich out of tonight’s MSNBC debate in Vegas was set for a 4:30 ET hearing in Nevada’s Supreme Court (the majors!). Word should come out shortly whether our favorite hobbit makes the grade or not. Also, Liz “Polaroid” Glover did not go with Ken to Vegas. This is just a leftover from New Hampshire, and THEN THAT’S IT. [The Caucus]

For some reason, Mittens posted this New Hampshire Cummer vacation video on his YouTubes the day after the New Hampshire primary. For shame! The real Mitt shines here — making smores, calling his kids “morons,” taking his shirt off (you only see his back, no nip) — on his, you know, luxury New Hampshire estate. Coulda be a winner. Coulda, woulda, won’t. [YouTube]