Tag Archives: new hampshire

  Your morning cup of wut?

Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He's so sensitive
Do you want some news? We have some news! Food news, bad idea news, and Dick Cheney is still a dick news. (Okay, that’s not exactly news, but we have yet another example for you.) Come on in, the water’s fine. And the pizza’s pretty good too. Read more on Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  He is not the jobs creator of you!

No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
Once upon a time, there was a centerfold named Scott Brown. And he had a truck. And he loved his truck very much. And he also loved his home state of Massachusetts, where he was from and had always been from, almost as much — so almost as much, he wanted to be a senator from his home state of Massachusetts and go to Washington D.C. and give that evil President Obama what-for and save the Republican Party, hooray! And how was he going to do that, exactly? By, according to Scott Brown, “working each and every day to create jobs in Massachusetts.” Read more on No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good morning, everything is terrible again. Hooray, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-His Butt) has a new book out, called How I Learned To Stop Caring What Jesus Actually Had To Say Because I Sure Do Hate The Poors, or whatever he’s calling it, who cares? Courtesy of The Agenda Project Action Fund, please enjoy the original book cover above. You’re welcome. Read more on Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  senator staplecrotch

Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?

This should be fun
Scott Brown, that pretty fella who used to be Massachusetts’s junior senator till he got his ass war-whooped by one Mrs. Perfesser Elizabeth Warren, has some thoughts on that terrible Halbig decision yesterday, the one by the DC Court of Appeals that said “why yes, Republican governors may singlehandedly fuck Obamacare, right in the ear,” because some douche didn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance. And if one douche doesn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance, then nobody gets to pay $216 a year for health insurance. That is just how lawsuits work. So, reacting to this dumbfuck decision — but not the one by the Fourth Circuit court a few hours later that was like “lol DC Court of Appeals drank too many childhood vaccines again” — what thoughts are swimming behind Brown’s dreamy eyes? That the Democrats just took away your health insurance. This is what we in the business call “Scott Brown, go sit on a dick.” Read more on Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?…
  The Full Underwood

Veep Recap: It’s Happening!

Selina’s campaign is sinking, Mike is looking for a lifeboat, and you won’t have POTUS to kick around anymore. It’s all finally happening on the super-special double-feature season finale of “Veep.” Read more on Veep Recap: It’s Happening!…
  i see you griftin

Scott Brown Got Millions To Shill For Gun Company So Fake And Grifty Sarah Palin Probably Turned Them Down

What grifty funtime guntimes is pobrecito loser carpetbagger struggling New Hampshire “candidate” and onetime US Senator (hahaha, remember that?) Scott Brown up to his limpid eyeballs in today? Oh, just taking $1.3 million to shill for a gun company that used to be a “wireless data” firm, and before that was a beauty supply store (no, really), and has “no revenue, no patents, no trademarks, no manufacturing facilities, and no experience developing weapons, according to its most recent corporate filings.” Hooboy, sell us some pennystocks, Global Digital Solutions Inc., we are feeling like we got way too much money to pay people “salaries,” and we would like to be parted from it! Read more on Scott Brown Got Millions To Shill For Gun Company So Fake And Grifty Sarah Palin Probably Turned Them Down…
  it's the big one elizabeth!

New Hampshire ‘Days Without Official Calling Obama The N-Word’ Calendar Set Back To Zero

Well Wonkettenauts, we knew this day would come. We have known it every time some conservative emailed a joke about watermelon patches on the White House lawn, every time some Tea Party nitwit made a sign with a picture of the president dressed as a witch doctor with a bone through his nose. We have felt this certainty not just in our own bones, but in the very marrow contained within. And now the event we have been awaiting for over five years has finally arrived. We can exhale with relief and move on to whatever is next. A white public official called President Barack Obama a nigger. Oh sure, it’s not any of the officials we expected. (If you had Virginia Foxx in the pool, better luck next black president, Gary.) And sure, the official in question is not a national figure of any prominence but just the 82-year-old police commissioner of the small town of Wolfeboro, New Hampshire. But still. Read more on New Hampshire ‘Days Without Official Calling Obama The N-Word’ Calendar Set Back To Zero…
  censor sensibility

Hero Dad Arrested For Trying To Protect Kids From Filthy Sex Book

A hero parent in Gilford, New Hampshire, was thwarted in his brave attempt to turn a school board meeting into a trial of the tyrants at the school when he was arrested after challenging a cop to arrest him. It’s a chilling vision of sex-soaked filthy Nazi fascism in Obama’s America, as a jackbooted police officer brutally smashes the Constitution into the ground and then machineguns Thomas Jefferson’s corpse and the First Amendment means NOTHING anymore. That, or an angry parent who refused to stop interrupting a school board meeting was arrested for disorderly conduct and released on bail shortly afterward. But it’s definitely one of those two. Also, Common Core! Read more on Hero Dad Arrested For Trying To Protect Kids From Filthy Sex Book…
  ladies against women

Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn Denies White House Bid, Maybe, Probably, Who Even Knows?

Is it 2016 yet? Have we inaugurated Hillary Clinton already? CNN BREAKING NEWS: No, it is only 2014. Yet rumors persist about who is and is not running for President to replace Our Dreamy Guiding Star of Socialist Hippie Liberalism Barack HU-SANE Obama. It looks like we may have another contender, and she is a vagina-American, per The Leaf Chronicle: A report over the weekend that Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn might launch a 2016 Republican presidential bid spurred a non-denial denial from her campaign staff. Non-denial denial! Does it get any denialier? And ladies, she is running on the platform, quoted by Huffington Post, “It is Republicans that have led the fight for women’s equality.” Move over Michele Bachmann, and step aside Sarah Palin: the GOP has a new woman to steal headlines and be batshit crazy. Let’s non-denialsplore.  Read more on Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn Denies White House Bid, Maybe, Probably, Who Even Knows?…
  stranger in a strange land

John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA

Drudge Sirens for the culmination of the most unsurprising long tease of the political year, please. It’s finally official: Prettyboy hair-mass Scott Brown has announced that he’s running for Senate in New Hampshire, where he hopes to defeat incumbent Sen. Jeanne Shaheen. And despite the fact that as recently as December, his trusty pickup-truck prop still had Massachusetts plates (a problem he’s since corrected), and even though he once hilariously mangled the state’s motto as “Live Free and Die,” Brown’s supporters want you to know that Scott Brown is a New Hampshire almost-native through and through, and he didn’t really mean it when he was Senatoring for that other state next door. And former New Hampshire Gov. John Sununu wants everybody to know that in moving to New Hampshire to run, Scott Brown is “coming back to his roots” and is definitely not a carpetbagger, while Jeanne Shaheen totally is a complete outsider who is not Of The Body. That should be interesting. Read more on John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA…
  tales of the government teat

Scott Brown Gets His Mouth Shut For Him By Republican Who Loves Obamacare

Scott Brown just knows that you can’t go wrong slagging on Obamacare, because it’s unaffordable and doesn’t work. This is just a given. And so maybe Brown wasn’t quite ready for the reaction he got when he was visiting with New Hampshire state Rep. Herb Richardson, and Brown said that Obamacare was a “monstrosity” that nobody read before passing it, and also executive orders and tyranny and stuff. But instead of nodding and endorsing his (exploratory) Senate bid on the spot, Richardson and his wife Rita explained that the ACA had actually saved their bacon after he was injured on the job and living on Worker’s Comp. The Coos County Democrat reports, Richardson was injured on the job and was forced to live on his workers’ comp payments for an extended period of time, which ultimately cost the couple their house on Williams Street. The couple had to pay $1,100 a month if they wanted to maintain their health insurance coverage under the federal COBRA law. Richardson said he only received some $2,000 a month in workers’ comp. payments, however, leaving little for them to live on. “Thank God for Obamacare!” his wife exclaimed. Now, thanks to the subsidy for which they qualify, the Richardsons only pay $136 a month for health insurance that covers them both. And then Scott Brown apparently replied something along the lines of “Ummmm.” Read more on Scott Brown Gets His Mouth Shut For Him By Republican Who Loves Obamacare…
  Land of the Lost

Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
FRIDAY TWOFER OF SHAME! Part I: Scott Brown, that handsome former Senator fellow who once accused Elizabeth Warren of masquerading as a Red Indian, is expected to “launch an exploratory committee for a U.S. Senate bid in New Hampshire,” which is weird because we thought he already did something like that? And he drew a bigger crowd of protesters than supporters? Bqhatevwr, we’re sure he knows what he’s grifting. But who is Part II of your Handsome Loser twin billing, besides a man called “Joe Miller”? IT IS JOE MILLER, that Alaska stubble-faced frontiersman who went to Yale and once (“allegedly”) wrongfully imprisoned a reporter, for asking him a question! Read more on Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?…
  just like the cartoon penguin: chilly willy

Here Are Scott Brown’s Nipples (Again)

Former CosmoSenator Scott Brown showed up on the front page of the New Hampshire Union-Leader Monday in a story about the annual Penguin Plunge, a charity fundraiser for the Special Olympics. Brown, of course, is exploring a run against Senator Jeanne Shaheen, despite the possibility of an armed revolt against his perceived hatred of the Holy Second Amendment, or perhaps the more serious threat of widespread apathy. Read more on Here Are Scott Brown’s Nipples (Again)…
  live free or high

New Hampshire State Senator Threatens To Narc Out Pro-Pot Student, For Freedom (Updated)

Hey, kids, here’s a new frontier in “constituent service” — when a college student wrote a letter to New Hampshire state Sen. Andy Sanborn (not to be confused with the “dick in a box” guy) arguing for the decriminalization of marijuana, the good lawmaker sent back a personal reply — and even did the student the favor of looking up his name and threatening to report the kid’s pro-weed opinions to the organization that had given him a scholarship. This is the sort of responsiveness and meddling that we so seldom see in our big impersonal government anymore. Read more on New Hampshire State Senator Threatens To Narc Out Pro-Pot Student, For Freedom (Updated)…
  mangled baby ducks

New Hampshire State Rep. Runs Over Ducks, Apologizes, Is Suspended By A&E

New Hampshire state Rep. David Campbell (D) hit and killed several ducks in the driveway of a hotel in Nashua last Monday; he has apologized for the incident but is unlikely to get a reality show out of it. The New Hampshire Union Leader Reported yesterday that Campbell was going about 15 miles per hour when he drove into the ducks: A hotel guest told police that on arriving at the hotel by shuttle from Manchester-Boston Regional Airport, he saw bystanders feeding some 20 ducks near the hotel. Campbell’s vehicle soon turned onto the hotel access road, the witness said. The guest told the newspaper that after seeing Campbell’s BMW sedan hit the ducks, he ran after the vehicle and snapped a photograph of its House-issued license plate. The man also claimed that Campbell suggested to him the ducks should have gotten out of the way. In an apology emailed to the paper Sunday night and printed today, Campbell seemed to dispute the claim that he had blamed the ducks for failing to get out of the way. It’s just like that Japanese movie, Quackomon. Wonkette would never have reported on this story if he’d been a Democrat, of course. Read more on New Hampshire State Rep. Runs Over Ducks, Apologizes, Is Suspended By A&E…
  where is the love?

Scott Brown’s New Hampshire Fundraiser Didn’t Spark Armed Revolt Or Any Interest

Poor Scott Brown. You gotta feel at least a little bad for a guy who gets billed as the headliner at a big New Hampshire Republican fundraiser that actually drew more protesters than supporters. That’s not quite a Westboro Baptist Church kind of turnout, but it’s got to be a comedown from having a bunch of war-whooping supporters who just want to hear you slag that Indian lady professor alla time. Actually, maybe you don’t gotta feel bad for him at all. On the positive side, the 200 or so ardent gun-fondlers and their strange bedfellows, a bunch of dirty hippie Dems, rallying across the street from the official GOP event didn’t boil over into an armed rebellion, so, Huge Success? Read more on Scott Brown’s New Hampshire Fundraiser Didn’t Spark Armed Revolt Or Any Interest…
  live freaked out or die

State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire

In a refreshing change of pace, a gun-fondling wingnut is warning of armed rebellion over the possible political victory of someone other than Barack Obama. New Hampshire state Rep. J.R. Hoell (R-YouNeedToAsk?) told a rightwing blog that if some state Republicans succeed in an attempt to draft Brown into a 2014 Senate run against Jeanne Shaheen, then “firearms and ammo” may be the only means of protecting the state from Brown. You know, because Brown once said he supported reinstating a ban on assault weapons, a view held only by socialists. Read more on State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire…
  atrocities in the granite state

Pro-Obamacare Terrorists Vandalize New Hampshire GOP Office With Jesus Grafitti

Someone spray painted “WWJD Healthcare For Everyone” on the side of the New Hampshire Republican Party office in Concord over the weekend. NHGOP Executive Director Matt Slater was aghast. In a statement released Monday, he said: “Our building was clearly vandalized by liberal political activists who disagree with our fiscally responsible values. Instead of trying to engage in a serious debate about the issues facing our country, these cowardly extremists decided to spread their liberal agenda by damaging our property[.]” Yr Wonkette of course does not endorse property damage. On the other hand, you have to enjoy a Republican saying that “What would Jesus do?” is an extremist statement in opposition to his party’s “fiscally responsible values.” Read more on Pro-Obamacare Terrorists Vandalize New Hampshire GOP Office With Jesus Grafitti…
  not the cantaloupe guy actually

New York’s Peter King Yells ‘First!’ In GOP 2016 Comment Thread

Grumpy owl and New York congressman Peter King (R-IRA) announced this weekend that, having protected America from the Ground Zero Mosque and scary Muslims taking over America, he will now take his bigotry on the road and run for President of the United States. As the first GOP candidate to announce, he wins a special prize, which is for everyone to ask “Is he the IRA guy or the guy with calves the size of cantaloupes?” (Answer: Yes.) Read more on New York’s Peter King Yells ‘First!’ In GOP 2016 Comment Thread…
  what can you do for brown?

Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen

Scott Brown has been wandering the grounds of the Iowa State Fair, telling visitors he is “exploring a possible run” for president in 2016. The Des Moines Register followed him around the fair as he ate a corn dog, “adopted a goofy pose” in front of a prize bull, and introduced himself to voters: ”I’m Scott Brown, the former senator from Massachusetts. I took Ted Kennedy’s seat about 3 1/2 years ago.” Brown neglected to add “And then Elizabeth Warren handed my ass to me last November.” Read more on Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen…
  boobs

This New Hampshire Rep Just Emailed His Colleagues This Very Good Picture Of Boobs

O hai TEXAS! What are you doing? Just cold illustratin’ this list of gun “facts,” as sent around to all his colleagues by New Hampshire Brain Genius Rep. Gary Hopper? Sounds like hard work. You keep bein’ you. So, okay. Nice cans, illustrating some New Hampshire representative’s very well-thought-out gun stuff. But the ENTIRE EMAIL THREAD is full of knockers and horsey sex! Read more on This New Hampshire Rep Just Emailed His Colleagues This Very Good Picture Of Boobs…