Tag Archives: new hampshire

  censor sensibility

Hero Dad Arrested For Trying To Protect Kids From Filthy Sex Book

A hero parent in Gilford, New Hampshire, was thwarted in his brave attempt to turn a school board meeting into a trial of the tyrants at the school when he was arrested after challenging a cop to arrest him. It’s a chilling vision of sex-soaked filthy Nazi fascism in Obama’s America, as a jackbooted police officer brutally smashes the Constitution into the ground and then machineguns Thomas Jefferson’s corpse and the First Amendment means NOTHING anymore. That, or an angry parent who refused to stop interrupting a school board meeting was arrested for disorderly conduct and released on bail shortly afterward. But it’s definitely one of those two. Also, Common Core! Read more on Hero Dad Arrested For Trying To Protect Kids From Filthy Sex Book…
  ladies against women

Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn Denies White House Bid, Maybe, Probably, Who Even Knows?

Is it 2016 yet? Have we inaugurated Hillary Clinton already? CNN BREAKING NEWS: No, it is only 2014. Yet rumors persist about who is and is not running for President to replace Our Dreamy Guiding Star of Socialist Hippie Liberalism Barack HU-SANE Obama. It looks like we may have another contender, and she is a vagina-American, per The Leaf Chronicle: A report over the weekend that Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn might launch a 2016 Republican presidential bid spurred a non-denial denial from her campaign staff. Non-denial denial! Does it get any denialier? And ladies, she is running on the platform, quoted by Huffington Post, “It is Republicans that have led the fight for women’s equality.” Move over Michele Bachmann, and step aside Sarah Palin: the GOP has a new woman to steal headlines and be batshit crazy. Let’s non-denialsplore.  Read more on Tennessee Rep. Marsha Blackburn Denies White House Bid, Maybe, Probably, Who Even Knows?…
  stranger in a strange land

John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA

Drudge Sirens for the culmination of the most unsurprising long tease of the political year, please. It’s finally official: Prettyboy hair-mass Scott Brown has announced that he’s running for Senate in New Hampshire, where he hopes to defeat incumbent Sen. Jeanne Shaheen. And despite the fact that as recently as December, his trusty pickup-truck prop still had Massachusetts plates (a problem he’s since corrected), and even though he once hilariously mangled the state’s motto as “Live Free and Die,” Brown’s supporters want you to know that Scott Brown is a New Hampshire almost-native through and through, and he didn’t really mean it when he was Senatoring for that other state next door. And former New Hampshire Gov. John Sununu wants everybody to know that in moving to New Hampshire to run, Scott Brown is “coming back to his roots” and is definitely not a carpetbagger, while Jeanne Shaheen totally is a complete outsider who is not Of The Body. That should be interesting. Read more on John Sununu Just Loves Scott Brown’s Virtual New Hampshire DNA…
  tales of the government teat

Scott Brown Gets His Mouth Shut For Him By Republican Who Loves Obamacare

Scott Brown just knows that you can’t go wrong slagging on Obamacare, because it’s unaffordable and doesn’t work. This is just a given. And so maybe Brown wasn’t quite ready for the reaction he got when he was visiting with New Hampshire state Rep. Herb Richardson, and Brown said that Obamacare was a “monstrosity” that nobody read before passing it, and also executive orders and tyranny and stuff. But instead of nodding and endorsing his (exploratory) Senate bid on the spot, Richardson and his wife Rita explained that the ACA had actually saved their bacon after he was injured on the job and living on Worker’s Comp. The Coos County Democrat reports, Richardson was injured on the job and was forced to live on his workers’ comp payments for an extended period of time, which ultimately cost the couple their house on Williams Street. The couple had to pay $1,100 a month if they wanted to maintain their health insurance coverage under the federal COBRA law. Richardson said he only received some $2,000 a month in workers’ comp. payments, however, leaving little for them to live on. “Thank God for Obamacare!” his wife exclaimed. Now, thanks to the subsidy for which they qualify, the Richardsons only pay $136 a month for health insurance that covers them both. And then Scott Brown apparently replied something along the lines of “Ummmm.” Read more on Scott Brown Gets His Mouth Shut For Him By Republican Who Loves Obamacare…
  Land of the Lost

Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
FRIDAY TWOFER OF SHAME! Part I: Scott Brown, that handsome former Senator fellow who once accused Elizabeth Warren of masquerading as a Red Indian, is expected to “launch an exploratory committee for a U.S. Senate bid in New Hampshire,” which is weird because we thought he already did something like that? And he drew a bigger crowd of protesters than supporters? Bqhatevwr, we’re sure he knows what he’s grifting. But who is Part II of your Handsome Loser twin billing, besides a man called “Joe Miller”? IT IS JOE MILLER, that Alaska stubble-faced frontiersman who went to Yale and once (“allegedly”) wrongfully imprisoned a reporter, for asking him a question! Read more on Handsome Losers Scott Brown, Joe Miller Running For Office Again, But Where Is Christine O’Donnell?…
  just like the cartoon penguin: chilly willy

Here Are Scott Brown’s Nipples (Again)

Former CosmoSenator Scott Brown showed up on the front page of the New Hampshire Union-Leader Monday in a story about the annual Penguin Plunge, a charity fundraiser for the Special Olympics. Brown, of course, is exploring a run against Senator Jeanne Shaheen, despite the possibility of an armed revolt against his perceived hatred of the Holy Second Amendment, or perhaps the more serious threat of widespread apathy. Read more on Here Are Scott Brown’s Nipples (Again)…
  live free or high

New Hampshire State Senator Threatens To Narc Out Pro-Pot Student, For Freedom (Updated)

Hey, kids, here’s a new frontier in “constituent service” — when a college student wrote a letter to New Hampshire state Sen. Andy Sanborn (not to be confused with the “dick in a box” guy) arguing for the decriminalization of marijuana, the good lawmaker sent back a personal reply — and even did the student the favor of looking up his name and threatening to report the kid’s pro-weed opinions to the organization that had given him a scholarship. This is the sort of responsiveness and meddling that we so seldom see in our big impersonal government anymore. Read more on New Hampshire State Senator Threatens To Narc Out Pro-Pot Student, For Freedom (Updated)…
  mangled baby ducks

New Hampshire State Rep. Runs Over Ducks, Apologizes, Is Suspended By A&E

New Hampshire state Rep. David Campbell (D) hit and killed several ducks in the driveway of a hotel in Nashua last Monday; he has apologized for the incident but is unlikely to get a reality show out of it. The New Hampshire Union Leader Reported yesterday that Campbell was going about 15 miles per hour when he drove into the ducks: A hotel guest told police that on arriving at the hotel by shuttle from Manchester-Boston Regional Airport, he saw bystanders feeding some 20 ducks near the hotel. Campbell’s vehicle soon turned onto the hotel access road, the witness said. The guest told the newspaper that after seeing Campbell’s BMW sedan hit the ducks, he ran after the vehicle and snapped a photograph of its House-issued license plate. The man also claimed that Campbell suggested to him the ducks should have gotten out of the way. In an apology emailed to the paper Sunday night and printed today, Campbell seemed to dispute the claim that he had blamed the ducks for failing to get out of the way. It’s just like that Japanese movie, Quackomon. Wonkette would never have reported on this story if he’d been a Democrat, of course. Read more on New Hampshire State Rep. Runs Over Ducks, Apologizes, Is Suspended By A&E…
  where is the love?

Scott Brown’s New Hampshire Fundraiser Didn’t Spark Armed Revolt Or Any Interest

Poor Scott Brown. You gotta feel at least a little bad for a guy who gets billed as the headliner at a big New Hampshire Republican fundraiser that actually drew more protesters than supporters. That’s not quite a Westboro Baptist Church kind of turnout, but it’s got to be a comedown from having a bunch of war-whooping supporters who just want to hear you slag that Indian lady professor alla time. Actually, maybe you don’t gotta feel bad for him at all. On the positive side, the 200 or so ardent gun-fondlers and their strange bedfellows, a bunch of dirty hippie Dems, rallying across the street from the official GOP event didn’t boil over into an armed rebellion, so, Huge Success? Read more on Scott Brown’s New Hampshire Fundraiser Didn’t Spark Armed Revolt Or Any Interest…
  live freaked out or die

State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire

In a refreshing change of pace, a gun-fondling wingnut is warning of armed rebellion over the possible political victory of someone other than Barack Obama. New Hampshire state Rep. J.R. Hoell (R-YouNeedToAsk?) told a rightwing blog that if some state Republicans succeed in an attempt to draft Brown into a 2014 Senate run against Jeanne Shaheen, then “firearms and ammo” may be the only means of protecting the state from Brown. You know, because Brown once said he supported reinstating a ban on assault weapons, a view held only by socialists. Read more on State Rep. Warns Of Armed Revolt If Scott Brown Shows His Fuzzy Carpetbag In New Hampshire…
  atrocities in the granite state

Pro-Obamacare Terrorists Vandalize New Hampshire GOP Office With Jesus Grafitti

Someone spray painted “WWJD Healthcare For Everyone” on the side of the New Hampshire Republican Party office in Concord over the weekend. NHGOP Executive Director Matt Slater was aghast. In a statement released Monday, he said: “Our building was clearly vandalized by liberal political activists who disagree with our fiscally responsible values. Instead of trying to engage in a serious debate about the issues facing our country, these cowardly extremists decided to spread their liberal agenda by damaging our property[.]” Yr Wonkette of course does not endorse property damage. On the other hand, you have to enjoy a Republican saying that “What would Jesus do?” is an extremist statement in opposition to his party’s “fiscally responsible values.” Read more on Pro-Obamacare Terrorists Vandalize New Hampshire GOP Office With Jesus Grafitti…
  not the cantaloupe guy actually

New York’s Peter King Yells ‘First!’ In GOP 2016 Comment Thread

Grumpy owl and New York congressman Peter King (R-IRA) announced this weekend that, having protected America from the Ground Zero Mosque and scary Muslims taking over America, he will now take his bigotry on the road and run for President of the United States. As the first GOP candidate to announce, he wins a special prize, which is for everyone to ask “Is he the IRA guy or the guy with calves the size of cantaloupes?” (Answer: Yes.) Read more on New York’s Peter King Yells ‘First!’ In GOP 2016 Comment Thread…
  what can you do for brown?

Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen

Scott Brown has been wandering the grounds of the Iowa State Fair, telling visitors he is “exploring a possible run” for president in 2016. The Des Moines Register followed him around the fair as he ate a corn dog, “adopted a goofy pose” in front of a prize bull, and introduced himself to voters: ”I’m Scott Brown, the former senator from Massachusetts. I took Ted Kennedy’s seat about 3 1/2 years ago.” Brown neglected to add “And then Elizabeth Warren handed my ass to me last November.” Read more on Scott Brown To Simultaneously Run for President, Governor, Senate, Homecoming Queen…
  boobs

This New Hampshire Rep Just Emailed His Colleagues This Very Good Picture Of Boobs

O hai TEXAS! What are you doing? Just cold illustratin’ this list of gun “facts,” as sent around to all his colleagues by New Hampshire Brain Genius Rep. Gary Hopper? Sounds like hard work. You keep bein’ you. So, okay. Nice cans, illustrating some New Hampshire representative’s very well-thought-out gun stuff. But the ENTIRE EMAIL THREAD is full of knockers and horsey sex! Read more on This New Hampshire Rep Just Emailed His Colleagues This Very Good Picture Of Boobs…
  20 percent will vote yes to hitler

Senators Who Voted Against Gun Background Checks Very Unpopular In Home States Now, How Weird

That is so weird, how when you vote against something that has a nearly 90 percent approval rating, all of a sudden no one likes you anymore! (Here is how hard it is to get 90 percent of the populace to agree on something, and our favorite statistic that we will still be using on our deathbed, 411 years from now: after the Bush v. Gore merde sandwich, California had a proposition that would mandate that every legally cast vote be counted. Twenty percent of Californians voted against it.) So anyway, everyone’s like, yay background checks! Let us make sure we are not selling semiautomatic weapons to Squeaky Fromme! And no matter how many times the NRA said idiot things about how ensuring that guns are only sold to law-abiding citizens discriminated against law-abiding citizens, hardly anybody fell for it! (Approval did drop to the 70s in a lot of states after the sustained yapfest about NOBUMMER FEMA CAMP BULLETS DUSCREMINASHUN, but still: 70s!) YAY AMERICA! And now Jeff Flake, Lisa Murkowski, Mark Begich, Rob Portman, and Dean Heller have seen their approval ratings fall into the — how you say — shitter. Oh, also What’shername, Where’s the Girl, also too, but she’s not in this poll. Read more on Senators Who Voted Against Gun Background Checks Very Unpopular In Home States Now, How Weird…
  keep fucking that chicken

Three New Hampshire GOP Reps Want To Impeach Everyone Else, Because Tyranny

The Nashua, New Hampshire, Telegraph ran an editorial yesterday that started with a sigh of relief that the current session of that state’s legislature appeared to be just a bit more sane than previous years, which featured such delights as a birther bill to remove Barack Obama from the ballot and a proposal that would have required all legislation to cite the Carta Blanca or some other Messican beer, because the Constitution wasn’t originalist enough. But those days are gone, say the editors, with an audible “whew!” No more getting mocked as the “Arizona of New England!” And then, if you hold your ear close to your monitor, you can literally hear the editors sobbing into their beer as a sad trombone blasts from above. Because now, three GOP members of the New Hampshire House have filed an “emergency petition” to have 189 other members of the House expelled from office for “breaching their oath,” and to seek criminal charges against them for “violating federal law,” because those filthy traitors voted to repeal the state’s 2011 “Stand Your Ground” law. The bill to repeal the law passed 189-184 on March 27, and so of course the three latest candidates for Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year are facing an EMERGENCY requiring that over half of the voting members of the New Hampshire House of Representatives be removed from office. It only makes sense. Read more on Three New Hampshire GOP Reps Want To Impeach Everyone Else, Because Tyranny…
  teach your children well

Adorable Child Brings Semi-Automatic Weapon To New Hampshire Gun Rally

At least he wasn’t a prop. Organizers said the event, which happened to fall on the birthdate of Thomas Jefferson, was not a “gun rally.” But that didn’t stop 11-year-old Hunter Cogswell of Concord from bringing an AR-15 and a big white flag with black lettering: “Come and Take It.” The boy said he was there to “stand up for gun rights.” “I believe in gun rights. It’s our constitutional right,” he said, adding the gun was real but “not loaded.” Read more on Adorable Child Brings Semi-Automatic Weapon To New Hampshire Gun Rally…
  live free or get beaten by your spouse

N.H. State Rep. Has Refreshingly Non-Judgmental Views On Wife Beating, ‘Cause Some People Are Into That, He Guesses

Hey, kids, looks like another candidate has tossed his asshat into the ring for our Legislative Shitmuffin of the Year contest! The newest contendah is New Hampshire state Rep. Mark Warden (R-Fuck This Guy), who was one of four members of an NH House committee to vote in favor of reducing the penalty for some cases of simple assault from a misdemeanor to a “violation-level offense.” Speaking in support of the reduced penalty, Warden explained it’s merely a matter of accommodating different lifestyle choices, you know, to be considerate of the wife-beaters. Read more on N.H. State Rep. Has Refreshingly Non-Judgmental Views On Wife Beating, ‘Cause Some People Are Into That, He Guesses…
  oh girl please

A Woman’s Prerogative: Transgender Lady Felon New Hampshire Rep Changes Mind (Again)

Stacie Marie Laughton, recently elected to the New Hampshire statehouse after years of grifting (not “allegedly”) and campaigning for every office in the Live Free or Die state, got found out about her felonry and said she would resign her office. But now she has exercised her woman’s prerogative and changed her mind again, and will be taking her seat in the legislature after all. (This will probably change in the next half hour, or maybe even already did.) But we have a question, and we are trying to be as sensitive about this as is possible for your Wonkette, because we do not feel like wading through a bunch of waiting-to-be-moderated Jezebel-style comments about looksism, heteronormativity, and cisgender bias: Do male-to-female transgendered people have to try to look like women? Or could any bald dude with a beard put on a shmatte (like, not even bothering to put on some pearls, Klinger-style) and yell, gutturally, “HELLO I AM A LADY NOW”? Is “HELLO I AM A LADY NOW” yet another of Stacie Marie Laughton’s grifts? Let us consider (and remember our manners). Read more on A Woman’s Prerogative: Transgender Lady Felon New Hampshire Rep Changes Mind (Again)…
  let's go do some crimes!

Awesome First Transgendered Elected Lady And City Councilman Wife Did Awesome Crimes Back When She Was A Man

UPDATED BELOW! Hey, remember the election? Tons of cool stuff happened that we didn’t write about because we were busy laughing at WND or whatever, and most of that cool stuff was stuff like LEGAL MARIJUANA and GAY PEOPLE AND BUDDHISTS ALL OVER THE PLACE. There was a hot bi lady, there was a cool transgendered chick. It was all quite rad and a fine day for Kenyan Anti-Imperialist Communist Nazis, it was! But oh dear! The good people of New Hampshire are finding now that the cool transgendered chick they elected to their statehouse, Stacie Marie Laughton, is a total career criminal (because of course she is) who totally DID CRIMES with her then-wife, while they were both frauding everyone, stealing credit cards, gypping (THAT’S RACIST!) cabdrivers, and running to be ward selectmen (whatever that is, we are guessing like a city council?) together. It’s kind of sweet, really, if you think about it. Read more on Awesome First Transgendered Elected Lady And City Councilman Wife Did Awesome Crimes Back When She Was A Man…
  new sheriff not in town

Unsuccessful Sheriff Candidate Who Promised To Arrest All Abortions Moves To Chile To Be Next Pinochet Maybe

People of Hillsborough County, New Hampshire! You have done a great disservice to yourself and this nation by failing to elect Frank Szabo as sheriff. Now who will protect you all from federal agents and abortions? In an interview with the Monitor ahead of the primary, Szabo pledged to protect citizens against rogue federal bureaucrats if elected, arresting government agents if he thought it necessary to protect property and personal rights. In an earlier interview with WMUR, he had said he might use deadly force to stop abortions but later retracted that statement, saying that he would simply arrest abortion providers. NEW HAMPSHIRE WHY DO YOU HATE FREEDOM? Read more on Unsuccessful Sheriff Candidate Who Promised To Arrest All Abortions Moves To Chile To Be Next Pinochet Maybe…
  blowvember

Anti-Gay Christian Lawyer Lady Spread Gospel, Teen Girl’s Legs With (Alleged) Cross-Border Child Porn

It has been at least a week since someone involved in an anti-gay Christian group was found with a hooker’s penis in his bottom or (allegedly) diddling a child, and a week is five years in Blowvember-time. Luckily, Lisa Biron, a New Hampshire lawyer associated with the “Alliance Defending Freedom,” has gotten herself into a doozy of drugs and weapons and taking teenage girls across international borders, the better to star them in child pron! But wait! Is that even illegal? Read more on Anti-Gay Christian Lawyer Lady Spread Gospel, Teen Girl’s Legs With (Alleged) Cross-Border Child Porn…