Tag Archives: new hampshire

  wave of mutilation

NH Republican Takes ‘Wave Election’ Metaphor A Bit Far, Wants To Drown Democrats

Metaphor? Why did you think Grover Norquist's 'government small enough to drown in a bathtub' was a metaphor?
Hey, remember that one time Barack Obama repeated a line from The Untouchables and wingnuts all freaked out about his violent thuggish rhetoric? In today’s Civility Update, we have real gem from New Hampshire GOP Chair Jennifer Horn, who got a Manchester audience fired up for Scott Brown with some particularly vivid rhetoric. It’s sort of half come-to-Jesus revival, half Al Capone giving a motivational speech with a baseball bat: Read more on NH Republican Takes ‘Wave Election’ Metaphor A Bit Far, Wants To Drown Democrats…
  It Could Happen

How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not

The first time I set eyes on Nate Silver, I just got that old-fashioned romantic feeling where I'd do anything to bone him.
It looks like Republicans are probably going to control the Senate next year despite how people don’t like them, according to Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog and other respected nerds. In 2012, Silver famously predicted the winner of every Senate race, which was an impressive achievement for him but so boring for us. It was like finding your Christmas/”holiday” presents early. You’ll go through the motions of unwrapping your Regrets Her Abortion Barbie and Nature Despoiled II: The Warmening For Sega SexBox, but there’s no climax. The moment is flaccid; that is to say, unsuited to penetrating intercourse, never mind entertainment. Read more on How Every Endangered Senate Democrat Will Win In November, Because Why Not…
  smashing pumpkins

Jerk Cable Access Reporter Besmirches Honor Of Great Pumpkin Fest White Riot

insert something
Journalists! They are always trying to smear their journa-poo on every last good thing, like Keene, New Hampshire’s, Pumpkin Fest, or Sarah Palin! Here we have one “Jared” “Goodell,” who’d broadcast live from the Pumpkin Fest for eight hours, because we guess there is not a lot else going on in Keene, New Hampshire. But for 20 minutes of those eight hours, he “reported” (AS IF) on the WHITE RIOT that was taking place just outside the Pumpkin Fest’s gates. This is why we can’t have nice things! Because when perfectly nice young white people smash stuff everywhere and overturn dumpsters and cars and rip street signs out of the ground, and there are injuries and dozens of arrests, ALL DAY, some “journalist” has to go “self-promote” himself, by mentioning it! Read more on Jerk Cable Access Reporter Besmirches Honor Of Great Pumpkin Fest White Riot…
  An Orgy Of White-On-Orange Violence

It’s The Great Pumpkin Riot, Scott Brown

Now that he’s running for Senate in New Hampshire, former Massachusetts Sen. Scott Brown is totally A Guy From New Hampshire who would never miss the New Hampshirest of all possible events, the Pumpkin Festival in Keene. Even though this folksy college town was a powder keg of white rage just waiting to explode into pumpkin-splattered violence. While Scott was connecting with law-abiding harvest revelers, mobs of angry white youth wreaked havoc just around the corner. Read more on It’s The Great Pumpkin Riot, Scott Brown…
  bqhatevwr

Scott Brown: We Wouldn’t Have Ebola If Mitt Was President

Nope, wrong again
Roll your eyes with us, won’t you please, at the latest steaming pile of stupid from former Sen. Scott Brown (R-Whatever State Will Take Him): “Gosh can you imagine if Mitt was the president right now?” Brown said. “He was right on Russia, he was right on Obamacare, he was right on the economy. And I guarantee you we would not be worrying about Ebola right now and, you know, worrying about our foreign policy screw ups.” Gosh, Scott, we really can’t imagine that. Because Mitt can’t get himself elected president no matter how many time he tries. Hell, he can’t even get himself elected dogcatcher. In fact, he especially can’t get himself elected dogcatcher. Read more on Scott Brown: We Wouldn’t Have Ebola If Mitt Was President…
  How's that GOP outreach workin' for ya?

Ugly As Sin Republican Dude Finds N.H. Congresslady Not Hot Enough To Win Re-Election

This guy thinks someone else is ugly
It’s a good thing feminists have killed patriarchy forever, or else we might be subjected to hideously ugly men insisting that elections are only for hot chicks. Oh wait! New Hampshire state Rep. Steve Vaillancourt (R-OF COURSE) didn’t get that memo. He recently took to his blog to share his electoral insights on the House race in his states 2nd Congressional District between Republican Marilinda Garcia and Democratic incumbent Ann McLane Kuster. Read more on Ugly As Sin Republican Dude Finds N.H. Congresslady Not Hot Enough To Win Re-Election…
  He is A Expert

Scott Brown Knows More About Lady Stuff Than Dumb Lady He’s Running Against

Scott Brown (R-Insert State Here)
Scott Brown, topless truck-driving Everyman who’s trying to unseat Democratic Sen. Jeanne Shaheen because she’s not as “virtually” from New Hampshire as he is, knows all about women. He has a wife — who is a woman! — and also too some daughters, and they are women too! (Sorry, fellas, they are no longer “both available,” though, as he successfully married off one of them this summer for seven oxen and a she-goat.) Read more on Scott Brown Knows More About Lady Stuff Than Dumb Lady He’s Running Against…
  Primarily Boring

Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!

The nominee and his nipples
The last primaries of 2014 took place last night, and there’s a fun upset-not-upset in the mix! Up in the Commonwealth of Massachusetts (God Save It! © Charles P. Pierce), lantern-jawed newcomer Seth Moulton became the first Democrat in 22 years to unseat a sitting congressman in a primary, beating scandal-plagued John Tierney by eight whole points. Get us up to speed here, Boston Globe, because not all of us are hardy lobstermen living on Boston’s North Shore. Read more on Scott Brown Drives His Man-Truck To Victory In Massachusetts Or Whatever: Your Final Primary Wrap-Up!…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

He's so sensitive
Do you want some news? We have some news! Food news, bad idea news, and Dick Cheney is still a dick news. (Okay, that’s not exactly news, but we have yet another example for you.) Come on in, the water’s fine. And the pizza’s pretty good too. Read more on Scott Brown Will Sue You So Hard, Geek Pizza, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  He is not the jobs creator of you!

No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh

The best man to represent wherever he happens to land
Once upon a time, there was a centerfold named Scott Brown. And he had a truck. And he loved his truck very much. And he also loved his home state of Massachusetts, where he was from and had always been from, almost as much — so almost as much, he wanted to be a senator from his home state of Massachusetts and go to Washington D.C. and give that evil President Obama what-for and save the Republican Party, hooray! And how was he going to do that, exactly? By, according to Scott Brown, “working each and every day to create jobs in Massachusetts.” Read more on No, New Hampshire, Scott Brown Will Not Create Jobs For You, Duh…
  Your morning cup of wut?

Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Good morning, everything is terrible again. Hooray, Rep. Paul Ryan (R-His Butt) has a new book out, called How I Learned To Stop Caring What Jesus Actually Had To Say Because I Sure Do Hate The Poors, or whatever he’s calling it, who cares? Courtesy of The Agenda Project Action Fund, please enjoy the original book cover above. You’re welcome. Read more on Paul Ryan Has A ‘Book,’ Bald Eagle Poop Isn’t Purple, And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  senator staplecrotch

Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?

This should be fun
Scott Brown, that pretty fella who used to be Massachusetts’s junior senator till he got his ass war-whooped by one Mrs. Perfesser Elizabeth Warren, has some thoughts on that terrible Halbig decision yesterday, the one by the DC Court of Appeals that said “why yes, Republican governors may singlehandedly fuck Obamacare, right in the ear,” because some douche didn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance. And if one douche doesn’t want to pay $216 a year for health insurance, then nobody gets to pay $216 a year for health insurance. That is just how lawsuits work. So, reacting to this dumbfuck decision — but not the one by the Fourth Circuit court a few hours later that was like “lol DC Court of Appeals drank too many childhood vaccines again” — what thoughts are swimming behind Brown’s dreamy eyes? That the Democrats just took away your health insurance. This is what we in the business call “Scott Brown, go sit on a dick.” Read more on Scott Brown: Why Are Democrats Insisting On F*cking Obamacare, Right In The Ear?…
  The Full Underwood

Veep Recap: It’s Happening!

Selina’s campaign is sinking, Mike is looking for a lifeboat, and you won’t have POTUS to kick around anymore. It’s all finally happening on the super-special double-feature season finale of “Veep.” Read more on Veep Recap: It’s Happening!…