Tuesday, July 22nd, 2008
LONE REPORTER GREETS MCCAIN PLANE: “In Manchester last night, there was just one reporter and one photographer waiting for McCain as his plane — a white, blue and gold Boeing 737-400 emblazoned with his campaign slogan, ‘Reform, Prosperity, Peace’ — touched down on the Wiggins Airways tarmac. The Vietnam War veteran limped as he made his way down the metal stairway ….” [N.H. Union Leader]
LONE REPORTER GREETS MCCAIN PLANE: “In Manchester last night, there was just one reporter and one photographer waiting for McCain as his plane — a white, blue and gold Boeing 737-400 emblazoned with his campaign slogan, ‘Reform, Prosperity, Peace’ — touched down on the Wiggins Airways tarmac. The Vietnam War veteran limped as he made his way down the metal stairway ….” [N.H. Union Leader]
Now that his wife isn’t running anymore, will Bill Clinton revert to being arguably the most popular Democratic official of the last half-century and, you know, help his party out a bit? Maybe hold a big public endorsement spectacle for Obama? Maybe later! He has finally indicated, however, that he will support the Democratic nominee for president, via a one-sentence statement from his people: “President Clinton is obviously committed to doing whatever he can and is asked to do to ensure Senator Obama is the next President of the United States.” Obviously! Maybe he will appear with Hillary and Obama in 
Gary Dodds was running for Congress in New Hampshire in 2006 when, out of nowhere, he became the saddest person in the history of the world. His campaign was low on funds, he had already spent double what he told his wife he’d spend, he’d taken out two mortgages (for renovations, mostly). He was broke and desperate. That’s when he “disappeared” after a car crash in the snowy woods and was rescued 27 hours later, making him a Common Man and bringing in “campaign” cash. 
This Chelsea Clinton, she’s going places. In the 2044 election she will go straight to the third-place finish in the Democratic primary, with Malia Obama in first and Hillary Clinton in second. This is because she has learned to tell hilarious lies, much like her working-class mother and pink father. She has been going on about how a couple of guys in New Hampshire yelled out at her, “Iron my shirt!” and that they were dead serious, and sexist, and you should vote for Hillary Clinton. But the two dudes (who are probably still awful) were New England radio hosts doing it as a complete prank. They love women after all! Why does Chelsea continue to lie about their INTENTIONS? 
BLUMENTHAL PLEADS GUILTY TO ALCOHOL & CAR PARTY: Political journalist and longtime Clinton adviser Sidney Blumenthal has plead guilty to driving 70 in a 30 MPH zone in New Hampshire the night before its primary. He was driving so fast because he was more drunk than any human has ever been. [
Hillary Clinton was trying to prove she was a tough guy up in New Hampshire last month, so she mocked George W. Bush’s dumb line about looking into Vlad Putin’s sweet sweet soul. 
Hillary Clinton’s staffers have been soiling carpets and leaving mountains of rotting garbage in rented temporary campaign offices — and then not paying the bill when they skip town to move on to the next primary state. 
With Super Tuesday coming tomorrow, and polls showing Hillary Clinton in a dead heat with Barack Obama in states like, let’s see… 
Has Ron Paul’s Internet Brigade been interesting and hilarious? Of course! Has all his silly talk about “freedom” and the “U.S. Constitution” maybe made a few kids interested in those arcane and unprofitable fantasies? Sure! But will the loyalist Paulians ever, uh, acknowledge their guy’s a fringe candidate running an anti-war campaign within America’s Defense Industry Party and he’s not ever going to be president of anything, not even the Internet? Sort of, but not really. Let’s investigate. 
Hey,