Mexican-hating hill troll Tom Tancredo vanished from America the day Barack Obama became the black president with two mommies (Hawaii and Kansas). MORE »

• Gay marriage is not legal in New Hampshire after all, thanks to its House of Democrats who were all, ehh no thanks, apparently. [Reuters]
• Newt Gingrich has admitted to having “fantasies” about being the GOP nominee in 2012. Except: are these alleged fantasies a ploy to boost book sales, or do they perhaps relate to something sexual-like, involving his wife, a one Callista Gingrich? Maybe!/ew! [Daily Intel]
• Not to be outdone by Barack Obama, the President, Dick Cheney will also be giving a talk about National Security tomorrow, because… his standing as… current Vice President… presupposes his ability to influence policy… [Gawker]
• Eric Holder is not going to let Congress or whatever ruin Barry’s plans to close down Gitmo. [First Read]

When Mitt Romney nears an election of his — only four more years-ish! — he transforms into his super-funny lying clown alter ego, “Mittens,” who literally believes in nothing and will simply invent exquisite lies or make fun of Bob Dole if that’s what’s demanded of him in the very short term. He’s harmless and terrible. Now he is selling all of his residences, because having lots of houses was embarrassing for John McCain for about hmm, a week?, last year. Which house is he keeping? The summer vacation home in… New Hampshire, of course! Why he just woke up one morning and decided he wanted to “winter” in the summer home from now on! [Hotline]

Just imagine our very private and humble Supreme Court justice sitting in his secluded shack in the woods, looking out the window, only to find some nut lurking behind two trees with a macro zoom lens. Next, the NYT will boil his bunny and put him down a well, for fattening purposes. [New York Times]

Yay a new era has dawned in Washington, bipartisanship forever, etc! After Barack Obama’s pudgy comic foil had to renounce the Latino Consolation Prize due to a corruption investigation, people wondered who could possibly replace Bill Richardson. And then the name “Judd Gregg” was floated, and people said, “well, he was pretty good in Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” plus he was a Republican, which meant that sneaky Barack Obama could get Gregg’s Democratic governor to appoint a Democrat to replace him in the Senate without a single Republican noticing! MORE »

Did you hear about how Barack Obama might appoint a Republican senator to Commerce Secretary? Such brilliance and political genius! It has never occurred to another human on the planet, ever, that some political advantage might be gained by eliminating an opposition-party Senate seat from a state controlled by a sympathetic governor. MORE »

• RON PAUL MIGHT RUN IN 2012: Wouldn’t want to disappoint the Internet, would he? Paul’s spokesman and “grandson-in-law” Jesse Benton says that a decision would have to be made in the next six months, so as to set up early ground ops in Iowa and New Hampshire if the answer’s “yes.” Could Ron Paul be the next John Edwards? [Reason]

The ceremonial (but real!) first votes are in from the spooky midnight rites in Dixville Notch, New Hampshire, and Barack Obama is officially winning the presidential election, 15 votes to 6. Also, this is a comical sentence: “Independent Ralph Nader was also on the ballot, but received no votes.” Curses! We had just bought $5k worth of “Nader” on Intrade. [AP]

An actual 10,574,901 national and state polls have been conducted today, did you know that? No you didn’t, because you people cannot count that high. So here’s what you “need to know,” according to our fancy data robots at Wonkette. MORE »

America’s most unemployed blogger, Meghan McCain, has made a pledge to the independent white northern trash of New Hampshire: if her father, the illustrious “John,” wins the presidency and carries New Hampshire in the process, she will get a fithy “Live Free or Die” tattoo inked into her. WTF is she even talking about? If McCain loses or doesn’t carry New Hampshire, she’ll still get a tramp stamp, except over her pelvis. It will say “NASCAR DAD” backed with a full-color flaming bald eagle chugging a lukewarm Bud Lime. [Union Leader]

Hmm, here is an interesting video clip sent to us by a Wonkette New Hampshire Primary Operative. It shows John McCain last November talking with some nice New Hampshire newspaper editors about economic things and good christ, maybe everything he said was rubbish, but this was possibly the first time we saw him looking not grumpy or confused or ghoulish in… ever. The six-minute segment is sort of interminable for those of you watching at work so here is a sad/lovely quote: MORE »