Tag: new hampshire

Meet Your (Mostly Female, Minority, Democrat) New Kids On The Block: Your Last Senate Sunday!

Hope the cool kids will let them sit down in the cafeteria. Oh. Some of them ARE the cool kids.

Here Is Your ALL-DAY Wonk-tacular Election News Post, Which Will Be Updated ALL DAY!

All the presidential election news your little heart can handle! Keep refreshing this page every 30 seconds all day!

Donald Trump Jizzes Pants Over Hillary Clinton Emails

Looks like Trump may have fucked his chickens before they hatched.
What do you people want from me? Leadership? Pffft.

Donald Trump Will Raise Money For Republicans Just As Soon As He Figures Out How That Benefits Him

Donald Trump doesn't see why he should hold fundraisers for the GOP anymore. What have they ever done for him?

Old Handsome Joe Biden Just Saying Maybe Donald Trump Is Stupid As Hell

JOE BIDEN IS SO ANGRY AND IT IS WONDERFUL.

Donald Trump Preparing For Sunday’s Debate By … Oh Screw It

Debate prep is for LOSERS.

Bernie Sanders Set To Become Total Hillary-Endorsing Sell-Out By Next Tuesday

SOURCES SAY Bernie will endorse Hillary at a rally in New Hampshire on Tuesday, hooray!

Lindsey Graham Two Jameson Shots Away From Shrieking, ‘I’m With Her, Y’all!’

Lindsey Graham is APPALLED, we tell you, APPALLED, by Donald Trump's impolite racism!

Wendy’s Now Serving Frostees With Complimentary Side Of Razor Blades

As if Frostees weren't already gross enough (shut up, it's just half-melted soft-serve in a goddamned soda cup, they're disgusting), customers apparently have a new thing to be concerned with: razor blades hidden like depth charges in their iced...

New Hampshire’s Kelly Ayotte And Maggie Hassan Gonna Lady-Fight For Senate Seat

Happy Easter, Wonkers! We hope you have all been inspired by the annual rites celebrating the rebirth of pagan fertility gods as distilled through Christian cultural hegemony. Or that you'll at least chow down on half-priced chocolate bunnies tomorrow....

Chris Christie Denies Being Held Captive In Donald Trump’s Sex Dungeon Of Shame

This is the moment Chris Christie's political career strapped on cement shoes and drowned itself in the river, never to be seen again: New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie on Thursday addressed those who mocked his stone-faced expression during a press...

New Hampshire Paper Regrets Endorsing Chris Christie, Must Have Been Drunk

Sometimes you do really stupid stuff that seemed like a great idea at the time, but you come to regret: falling in love with a psycho who never returns your black T-shirt, getting a tattoo under your navel that...

Stories Of Customers Who Ate Things They Really Weren’t Supposed To

Welcome back to Off The Menu, where we bring you the best and strangest food stories from my email inbox. This week, we've got more stories of customers who ate the weirdest stuff possible. As always, these are real...
Dear Editor: I have had it up to here with playing second fiddle to a bunch of stupid marshmallow horses...

Deleted Comments: Teen Savant Tells Insane Libtarted Communists, ‘YOUR SICKOS!’

Our Deleted Comments cup fairly runneth over with Derp this week, largely thanks to the efforts of one particularly verbose moron who figured out that once his account was banhammered, he could create a new one. SO CLEVER. All...

Fox News Invades PBS Debate, Begs Democrats To Drown Big Government In Bathtub

In between desperately begging for money and plugging its report on the ancient art of Albanian Weevil Calligraphy, PBS took some time out of its busy debate schedule Thursday night to ask both candidates the question Democratic primary voters surely care about...

Ben Carson Vows To Continue Winning Streak In South Carolina Primary

Oh, to have the utter confidence of Ben Carson. This is a confidence that surpasseth understanding. It is a confidence completely unrelated to any external indicators. In short, it is a confidence completely divorced from reality. You may remember...