Tag Archives: nevada

  pick a bale of cotton

Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)

Grazing fees scofflaw Cliven Bundy must be feeling pretty confident now that the Bureau of Land Management has backed down on seizing his cattle, he’s surrounded by his own armed militia and his heroism has earned him a three-week-long blowjob from the wingnut media. So confident, in fact, that he decided to expound on some other issues that have been on his mind, apparently since at least the 1950s. “I want to tell you one more thing I know about the Negro,” he said. Mr. Bundy recalled driving past a public-housing project in North Las Vegas, “and in front of that government house the door was usually open and the older people and the kids — and there is always at least a half a dozen people sitting on the porch — they didn’t have nothing to do. They didn’t have nothing for their kids to do. They didn’t have nothing for their young girls to do. And because they were basically on government subsidy, so now what do they do?” he asked. “They abort their young children, they put their young men in jail, because they never learned how to pick cotton. And I’ve often wondered, are they better off as slaves, picking cotton and having a family life and doing things, or are they better off under government subsidy? They didn’t get no more freedom. They got less freedom.” Yeah, why didn’t those poor blacks in North Las Vegas teach their young ‘uns to pick cotton and then send them to work the fields in some cotton-producing region of the United States? They could have a family life, all sitting around together in a barn or a tarpaper shack at the end of the workday, rubbing their blisters while they sing uplifting songs. Those families that haven’t been sold off piecemeal to other cotton plantations, anyway. Read more on Cliven Bundy Has Some Thoughts About Negroes (Hint They Are Bad Thoughts)…
  media circus

Sean Hannity Does Not Care For Jon Stewart’s Unseemly Criticism Of Sean Hannity

Professional Conservative Victim Sean Hannity shared his tears with the nation Tuesday night, carefully debunking Jon Stewart’s satirical commentary on Hannity’s coverage of the Great Cow Freedom Movement. You see, Jon Stewart is a “hack comedian” who is among the “chief apologists for the Obama administration.” In a prolonged rant and panel discussion that lasts a couple minutes longer than Stewart’s full segment on Bundy (of which four minutes were about Hannity), the Fox News host gets super-even with Stewart, conveniently editing out Stewart’s main point, which is that Cow Hero Cliven Bundy is exactly the kind of moocher who wants something for free, and who wants to pick and choose what laws to obey, that Sean Hannity usually likes to mock. The true takeaway, of course, says Hannity, is that John Stewart is “kind of obsessed” with Sean Hannity. Oh, Sean, we don’t know how to break it to you, but honey, Jon Stewart is obsessed with idiots in the media, and you are just one of many, dear. Read more on Sean Hannity Does Not Care For Jon Stewart’s Unseemly Criticism Of Sean Hannity…
  remember when checking land records was step one? us neither

Hero Rancher’s Family Has Been On Nevada Land Since Forever Or At Least 1948

So you remember how Cow Freedom Hero Nevada Rancher Cliven Bundy’s family has been on the land that they stole fair and square from the Indians since the 1870s and therefore all of his rights to graze his cattle predate any dumb “Bureau of Land Management” or “grazing fees” or “federal interference in Our Freedom”? Some bright smartasses at Las Vegas Teevee Station KLAS decided, very unfairly we should add, to go and look in the Clark County records, just to be communist troublemakers, and they discovered that in reality, Clark County property records show Cliven Bundy’s parents moved from Bundyville, Arizona and bought the 160 acre ranch in 1948 from Raoul and Ruth Leavitt. Water rights were transferred too, but only to the ranch, not the federally managed land surrounding it. Court records show Bundy family cattle didn’t start grazing on that land until 1954. There is almost certainly a very good logical explanation for those records that doesn’t involve Cliven Bundy being a goddamned liar, and we can hardly wait for Fox News and Sean Hannity to find it. Read more on Hero Rancher’s Family Has Been On Nevada Land Since Forever Or At Least 1948…
  clipbait

Jon Stewart Reviews Box Office Sensation Cliven Bundy’s ‘Apocalypse Cow’ (Video)

Jon Stewart is back from break, and not a moment too soon, because we’ve needed his sanity on the Great Nevada Cow Freedom Standoff of 2014. Or as Stewart calls it, “your standard boy has cow, boy breaks law for 20 years, boy loses cow story.” And then came the militia, and a clip of former Arizona Sheriff Richard Mack, the guy with the genius “show the women getting shot first” plan. Just in case there’s any doubt that the Daily Show staff read Yr Wonkette, an astonished Stewart can only say, “He seems nice.” Read more on Jon Stewart Reviews Box Office Sensation Cliven Bundy’s ‘Apocalypse Cow’ (Video)…
  50 shades of graze

Watch Jedi Nevada Legislator Use Vulcan Voodoo Logic On MSNBC’s Chris Hayes (Video)

Meet Nevada Assemblywoman Michele Fiore, who traded the second “l” in her first name for the magical ability to never accept the premise of any question asked by a member of the Liberal Media. Hayes asks her if she agrees that SuperFreedom CowActivist Cliven Bundy is in violation of the law and owes a million dollars in grazing fees, and so of course, rather than address whether Bundy’s a lawbreaker, Fiore focuses in on the amount of the fees, because no one on “Harry Reid’s side” has ever shown us the bill. (Just like the birth certificate!!!!)  “No one’s seen it, the media’s goin’ crazy. If he owes the bill, he’s willing to pay it, he has said that.” Which, you know, is sort of what we in the Far Left Big Government-Loving Establishment might call a “baldfaced lie.” Then Hayes points out that Cliven Bundy has said that he doesn’t even recognize the authority of the government to bill him, and asks Fiore, “Do you agree with that stance? Do you recognize the authority of the federal government?” What a biased, left-wing question, clearly designed to trap a freedom-loving Patriot in a logic pretzel! And so Fiore answers the question she’d far rather address: I recognize our federal government overstepped and overreached in our state of Nevada, that’s what I recognize. I recognize we have a lot of issues to conclude … I’m recognizing what I’ve seen. This is my sixth day on the ground here in Bunkerville, and I’m recognizing that this was handled totally incompetent; I’m questioning the BLM and I’m also going to request either a resignation or termination of the person that had ordered this to be done. Nicely derped! And for this performance, wingnut blogs are praising her insistence on “driv[ing]the conversation back to a few key points like a jackhammer.” Read more on Watch Jedi Nevada Legislator Use Vulcan Voodoo Logic On MSNBC’s Chris Hayes (Video)…
  the hiefer of liberty

Deleted Comments Of The Day: How Dare You Call Bundy Ranch Freedom Warriors Names, You Pig Bitch?

The ol’ comment queue is in need of a good hosing-out, so let’s see what detritus is in there. Looks like our stories on the Cletus Cliven Bundy and the Big Cattle Freedom Uprising generated a lot of interest among new visitors to Yr Wonkette, to whom we say Hello, welcome, and thank you for your interest! We’ll start with this enlightened American’s brief email to Yr Editrix from an anonymous reader who did not care for the description of Mr. Bundy’s militia pals as “insurgents,” even though we included a definition of that very term right in the lede. All spelling and spacing verbatim from the original: You should shut your piece of shit blog down you scum sucking pig bitch. Calling a group of Ameriucans fighting for your fucking rights “insurgents”. Gol ive in china you commie bitch He (?) seems nice! We especially like the notion that a bunch of armed anarchists who want to enable a guy’s deliberate refusal to comply with laws, land use fees, and court orders are “fighting for our rights” somehow, and that, simultaneously, we should be deported because we publish stuff this dunderwhelp disagrees with. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: How Dare You Call Bundy Ranch Freedom Warriors Names, You Pig Bitch?…
  militias intent

Militia Heroes At Bundy Ranch Had Winning Plan: Use The Women As Human Shields

Here’s an interesting little detail of the Bundy Ranch Revolution That Wasn’t, out in Nevada or British Columbia or wherever: at least some of the geniuses who claim they were running things had plans — if things came to a shootin’ war with the Feds — to put all the women out front, so they could bravely get shot first, to prove what monsters the jackbooted federal thugs are. This sounds like the sort of perfectly sane thing a great strategic thinker might come up with, and turns out to be the brainchild of former Arizona Sheriff Richard Mack, who has a thriving business speaking to assorted wingnut groups and telling them that the true Constitutional power in this country is vested in county sheriffs, not the Federal Government. Apparently it was like a Who’s Who of rightwing idiots out there last week. Read more on Militia Heroes At Bundy Ranch Had Winning Plan: Use The Women As Human Shields…
  law and ordure

Arizona Tea Party Lady Shocked By Parallels Between Bundy Ranch, Tiananmen Square

Today’s winner of the “At Least You Didn’t Say Hitler” award goes to Arizona state Rep. Kelly Townsend, who said she was shocked to see video of police using a stun gun on one of the sons of Hero Nevada Scofflaw Cliven Bundy. How upsetting was the video, exactly? “Watching that video last night created a visceral reaction in me,” Townsend told the Las Vegas Review-Journal. “It sounds dramatic, but it reminded me of Tiananmen Square. I don’t recognize my country at this point.” She apparently doesn’t recognize China, either, where in 1989 People’s Liberation Army troops killed hundreds of peaceful protestors, possibly upwards of 1,000, depending on whose estimates you use. But apart from that, yes, the stunning of one guy and the seizure of a couple hundred cattle is almost exactly the same. Once again, however, we do wish to congratulate Ms. Townsend on not comparing the action to the Nazis. Read more on Arizona Tea Party Lady Shocked By Parallels Between Bundy Ranch, Tiananmen Square…
  the revolution will be tasered

Bundy Ranch Insurgents Physically Fight Federal Agents In Dispute Over Cows (VIDEO)

This is video of part of a confrontation between federal agents from the Bureau of Land Management and insurgents who reject the federal government’s claim of sovereignty over federal lands in Nevada. in·sur·gent noun \-jənt\: a person who fights against an established government or authority We covered the Bundy Ranch insurgents yesterday, focusing mostly on the rhetorical side of the struggle as enunciated on right-wing hate radio by rebel leader Cliven Bundy, a local strongman. Since that time, the fight has escalated as federal agents moved to confiscate several of Bundy’s cattle after the rancher refused to remove them from federal lands following a court order. Bundy’s cattle have for decades been metabolizing publicly owned plant matter into edible flesh, which Mr. Bundy has sold to enrich himself and his clan.  Read more on Bundy Ranch Insurgents Physically Fight Federal Agents In Dispute Over Cows (VIDEO)…
 

Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax

If there’s anything the right loves, it’s Law & Order, because if you don’t respect the law, you’re a lawless criminal. Barack Obama, for instance, is a lawless renegade who thinks that the executive branch can make changes to how the Affordable Care Act is administered without asking permission from the Tea Party. And violators of immigration law all need to be deported — what part of “illegal alien” don’t you libs understand? And so it makes perfect sense that the rightwing media are calling for firm action in the case of a Nevada scofflaw who thinks the law doesn’t apply to him. Except that they are on the scofflaw’s side because in this case the scofflaw is a rancher named Cliven Bundy who says he doesn’t have to pay grazing fees or comply with a federal court order — which he’s been ignoring since 1998 — telling him to remove his cattle from federal land. In fact, they’re all but urging him to take an armed stand, agreeing with him that he’s in a fight against an out-of-control tyranny. Media Matters sums up the highlights of Bundy’s beef with the tyrants in the federal government: In 1993, Bundy began refusing to pay government fees required to allow his cattle to exploit public lands. In 1998, the government issued a court order telling Bundy to remove his cows from the land, as part of an effort to protect the endangered desert tortoise located there. And in July 2013, a federal court ordered Bundy to get his cattle off public land within 45 days or they would be confiscated. The confiscation began this month, and the cattle will be sold to pay off the $1 million in fees and trespassing fines Bundy owes. It’s got everything — a romantic hero rancher/business man, an irrational bureaucracy that wants him to pay to run cattle on his family’s ancestral grazing land (OK, it’s federally owned land, but shut up), a stupid useless endangered species endangering a man’s livelihood, and the threat of confiscation. No wonder the guy’s the greatest folk hero since Randy Weaver. Here’s hoping he doesn’t have a bunker. Read more on Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax…
  'kumbayah' is so divisive

Nevada Congressional Candidate Won’t ‘Segregate’ Gays By Protecting Them From Discrimination

From the beautiful state of Nevada, we bring you the imaginative linguistic stylings of congressional candidate Cresent Hardy, a member of the state Assembly who would very much like to replace first-term Democrat Steven Horsford in the 4th District. On Tuesday, Hardy gave an interview to the Las Vegas Sun in which he shared some of his innovative ideas, one of which is that he opposes the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which would prohibit discrimination based on sexual orientation or gender identity. Now, your average wingnut might just say they oppose ENDA because businesses should be free to discriminate, but Hardy has a far more philosophical objection: “When we create classes, we create that same separation that we’re trying to unfold somehow,” he said. “By continuing to create these laws that are what I call segregation laws, it puts one class of a person over another. We are creating classes of people through these laws.” You see, there are no differences between people, only those we create in the mind, and so any attempt to prevent discrimination actually creates discrimination, by naming a group of people as “different.” And yet we have a feeling he still checks to see whether he’s using the men’s or the ladies’ restroom. Read more on Nevada Congressional Candidate Won’t ‘Segregate’ Gays By Protecting Them From Discrimination…
  still obtuse

Sharron Angle Pretty Sure She Is The Senior Senator From Nevada, Actually

We all had a bit of a sad when crazy Sharron Angle and her Second Amendment solutions lost her challenge to Harry Reid back in 2010. Oh, sure, Harry’s competent and an effective Majority Leader and, significantly, not full-bugfuck crazy. But Sharron Angle was entertaining, with her nutso call — long before the election of course, not after — for armed insurrection if she lost, and her fear that Harry Reid would unleash cocaine-crazed monkeys upon the populace, and her charmingly casual ethnic slurs about those Messican kids who look Asian to her. Happily, she’s just as unhinged as ever, and in an appearance on the Nevada Newsmakers teevee show Thursday insisted that voter fraud is rampant, just completely rampant in U.S. America, and for all she knows, maybe she really won in 2010. It’s just a rhetorical question, mind you. But maybe that happened? Because even though study after study shows that voter fraud is extremely rare, she knows better than to trust studies, because for one thing, they downplay all the voter fraud she just knows is out there. Read more on Sharron Angle Pretty Sure She Is The Senior Senator From Nevada, Actually…
  o brothel where art thou

So Far, Only Hookers Seem To Like Obamacare

Here’s another story about sex workers who are happy to get insurance under the Affordable Care Act. Combine that with wingnut Noel Sheppard’s freakout over san Francisco hookers signing up for the ACA, and it is now officially a Trend. of course, in this case, the women signing up are legally employed at a Nevada brothel, the Moonlight Bunny Ranch, so at least there’s none of that “criminal” stigma, right? Aha, well, not so much; The Blaze simply says “It’s come to this” and shakes its head sadly. So get ready for HookerCare to become a wingnut meme. Read more on So Far, Only Hookers Seem To Like Obamacare…
  the enda the world as we know it

Nevada Sen. Dean Heller (R) Will Support Gay Non-Discrimination Bill ‘ENDA’ So It Can Go Die In House

Good news! Nevada Senator Dean Heller, a Republican, announced today that he will support the Employment Non-Discrimination Act (ENDA), which would ban discrimination on the basis of sexual orientation or gender identity, likely giving the bill the 60 votes it needs to pass the Senate. After that, it will go to the House of Representatives, where it faces the same fate as immigration reform, the budget, and the Barack Obama Loves Motherhood and Apple Pie act of 2013. Still, maybe there’s a chance that if the Senate passes it, the House will, too? Yeah, we like to think nice thoughts on Monday morning. Read more on Nevada Sen. Dean Heller (R) Will Support Gay Non-Discrimination Bill ‘ENDA’ So It Can Go Die In House…
  what if a national majority wants gun control?

Nevada Pol Was Definitely Just Joking About Hypothetically Voting For Slavery, So Shut Up Already

Nevada State Assemblyman Jim Wheeler wants to make it absolutely clear that he is not in favor of slavery, OK? He was just trying to make a point, and all you smartasses in the media took what he said he believed and acted like he believed what he said. What happened was that back in August, Wheeler told a group of Storey County Republicans that if his constituents wanted him to, he would vote to reinstate slavery: “If that’s what they wanted, I’d have to hold my nose, I’d have to bite my tongue and they’d probably have to hold a gun to my head, but yeah, if that’s what the citizens of the, if that’s what the constituency wants that elected me, that’s what they elected me for,” he said. “That’s what a republic is about. You elected a person for your district to do your wants and wishes, not the wants and wishes of a special interest, not his own wants and wishes, yours.” See, it’s just that he’s so committed to the principle of representative democracy that he’d throw out all his other principles to serve his constituents. Isn’t that what the Founders wanted, instead of people in Congress who think for themselves? Read more on Nevada Pol Was Definitely Just Joking About Hypothetically Voting For Slavery, So Shut Up Already…
  the loneliest little amendment

Ghost Andrew Breitbart Returns To Pay Attention To Sad Neglected Third Amendment

Well how’s this for a weird confluence of unlikely events? A Nevada family is suing a local police department for alleged violations of the rarely invoked Third Amendment. Not only that, but it’s being reported — accurately! — by Ghost Breitbart’s Internet Tendency, and we agree with pretty much everything Breitbart’s Ken Klukowski says about the fuck-tussle that played out in Henderson Nevada in July 2011. Can we have a chorus of civil liberties Kumbayah in here? Read more on Ghost Andrew Breitbart Returns To Pay Attention To Sad Neglected Third Amendment…
  Joint Legislative Fatherhood Fail

Congressional Offspring Remind Us That Father’s Day Is Coming

Everyone knows that only Republicans understand real family values. That’s just, like, a fact, man. Check Wikipedia or something. It’s because of liberals and feminists and commies and Hillary Clinton’s stupid “it takes a village” nonsense that our society is in decay, which leads to all sorts of untoward behavior — like hate-filled rants on the Twitters, by young men who are clearly lacking decent manly role models. Young men like this kid, for example: A review of tweets by Joey Heck, 16, dating to August of last year shows numerous examples in which Heck used words like “faggot” and “nigga.” For instance, on Sept. 11 Heck tweeted “Fanny pack = fag bag,” and on August 23 he retweeted a tweet that read, “There are gays everywhere. Maybe that’s gods way of thinning out the population because faggots can’t have babies.” Heck’s twitter feed also included numerous racial slurs. During a Sept. 16 Jets football game, the younger Heck tweeted “[Mark] Sanchez can hop the border faster than he can throw the ball.” […] In an exchange with a friend during the debate on October 3rd, Heck asked rhetorically, “I would like somebody to tell me one good thing Obama did in these past 4 years…. I got nothing.” Later in the conversation he said “yeah like spear chucking and rock skipping. The sports they do in his home country…” Wait a minute … Joey Heck? He could not possibly be related to Joe Heck, the Republican congressman from Nevada, could he? Read more on Congressional Offspring Remind Us That Father’s Day Is Coming…
  20 percent will vote yes to hitler

Senators Who Voted Against Gun Background Checks Very Unpopular In Home States Now, How Weird

That is so weird, how when you vote against something that has a nearly 90 percent approval rating, all of a sudden no one likes you anymore! (Here is how hard it is to get 90 percent of the populace to agree on something, and our favorite statistic that we will still be using on our deathbed, 411 years from now: after the Bush v. Gore merde sandwich, California had a proposition that would mandate that every legally cast vote be counted. Twenty percent of Californians voted against it.) So anyway, everyone’s like, yay background checks! Let us make sure we are not selling semiautomatic weapons to Squeaky Fromme! And no matter how many times the NRA said idiot things about how ensuring that guns are only sold to law-abiding citizens discriminated against law-abiding citizens, hardly anybody fell for it! (Approval did drop to the 70s in a lot of states after the sustained yapfest about NOBUMMER FEMA CAMP BULLETS DUSCREMINASHUN, but still: 70s!) YAY AMERICA! And now Jeff Flake, Lisa Murkowski, Mark Begich, Rob Portman, and Dean Heller have seen their approval ratings fall into the — how you say — shitter. Oh, also What’shername, Where’s the Girl, also too, but she’s not in this poll. Read more on Senators Who Voted Against Gun Background Checks Very Unpopular In Home States Now, How Weird…
  fapfapfap

Your Morning Nice Time: Nevada To Have Gay Marriage Maybe, Hot Gay Senator Definitely

Well hellloooooo Nevada Senator Kelvin Atkinson! You are a super handsome black man, a state Senator, and during last night’s (successful!) debate over letting Nevada open up its quickie wedding industry to homosexers, you came out as a big old gay! (Also, one Republican and one Mormon dude voted in favor of repealing the gay marriage ban, so good on you, er, “Ben Kieckhefer” and “Justin Jones.”) Now let us get to the important part, which is more pictures of Kelvin Atkinson, the State Senator We’d Like to Gay Fuck. Read more on Your Morning Nice Time: Nevada To Have Gay Marriage Maybe, Hot Gay Senator Definitely…
  everything is funny to you wonket

Totally Not Crazy Nevada Assembly Dem Arrested (Again) Trying To Grab Cops’ Guns

Nevada Assemblyman Steven Brooks is having a very bad year. First the North Las Vegas Democrat was arrested with a loaded weapon after (ALLEGEDLY!) threatening the life of the Democratic Speaker-elect, Marilyn someone or other. Then he gave a buckwild shirtless interview, with his attorney, Dr. Gonzo, explaining that he wasn’t crazy (INSTITUTION) you’re the one who’se crazy (INSTITUTION). Then (and we missed this one) he was put in for a psych hold after some mishigas at his grandma’s house. And now he has been arrested again, after fighting with both his mom and some cops, whose service revolvers he attempted to grab. It is a good thing he is an elected official and not, say, a random brown person in Los Angeles, or his breathing might have been permanently impaired! Read more on Totally Not Crazy Nevada Assembly Dem Arrested (Again) Trying To Grab Cops’ Guns…
  meth is a hell of a drug

‘I’m Not Crazy,’ Says Nevada Gun-Threat Pol In Shirtless Interview, ‘You’re The One Who’s Crazy’

Nevada Assemblyman Steven Brooks (a Democrat!) did not threaten to murder Nevada Speaker Marilyn Kirkpatrick with a loaded gun that he was carrying, said Nevada Assemblyman Steven Brooks. Instead, Nevada Speaker Marilyn Kirkpatrick is trying to kill him! What else should we know about Brooks’s interview with the Las Vegas Review-Journal? A) It was “disjointed.” B) He was shirtless through most of it. And C) He does not seem to have a very good “attorney,” since said attorney (reinstated to the bar after being suspended for “51 professional conduct rules violations”) did not shut him up while he said INCREDIBLY SANE SOUNDING things like this! Read more on ‘I’m Not Crazy,’ Says Nevada Gun-Threat Pol In Shirtless Interview, ‘You’re The One Who’s Crazy’…
  guns don't kill people assemblymen do

Will NRA Agree This Assemblyman Should Not Have A Gun? Probably, He Is A Democrat

Nevada Assemblyman Steven Brooks is in jail for threatening to shoot his fellow Democrat, Speaker Marilyn Kirkpatrick, with the loaded gun he was carrying. We are assuming this will be the first case of the NRA and Gun Owners of America agreeing that this law-abiding citizen should not have access to a gun! Read more on Will NRA Agree This Assemblyman Should Not Have A Gun? Probably, He Is A Democrat…