Right now we’re seeing about… one? two? Two more days of caring about this John Ensign sex affair, tops. First of all, it was with a woman, presumably of age. Did this guy forget what party he’s in? Second, when he had the affair, he was separated from his wife. That’s just a sledgehammer to the comedic possibilities here. Does that even count as “cheating?” Maybe some of you married fools can explain. The only good part of this scandal is that this lady was married to another campaign staffer of his. But without PIX… well maybe we will never write about this scandal again. Back to IRANIAN TWITTER we go… [YouTube]

Mormon crickets: If you live, say, anywhere in the American West, you know these horrifying animals as a persistent cannibal scourge that can form a phalanx a mile across and two miles long, marching through the desert in search of food. If you are a senator “from” Arizona who grew up in Virginia and spent most of his life in Washington D.C., they are a punch line to a terrible joke. MORE »

An actual 10,574,901 national and state polls have been conducted today, did you know that? No you didn’t, because you people cannot count that high. So here’s what you “need to know,” according to our fancy data robots at Wonkette. MORE »

RACIST NUTS: Check out Palin’s crowd in, gulp, Las Vegas! Actually, this video was shot in the white-trash tract-home foreclosed stucco ghetto of Henderson, so it all makes sense. Seriously, you have ONE MORE WEEK to buy guns, for protection, from these people, when the Black Arab becomes president. UPDATE: Video now embedded, after the jump. MORE »

REMEMBER DRUNKY McRAPEY? Jim Gibbons is this incredibly dull/stupid cretin-crook Republican congressman who somehow became governor of Nevada, in the middle of some awful cheap sex-assault scandal. Now his wife has finally left him, the Feds are investigating all his crookedness, people are noticing that he hasn’t actually shown up to work this year, and the Vegas cocktail waitress he (allegedly) threatened to rape and murder has just filed a federal lawsuit against him, for being a scumbag. [Reno and its Discontents/Las Vegas Gleaner/Las Vegas Review Journal]

AMERICA’S WORST GOVERNOR: “Gov. Jim Gibbons has become a fleeting presence in Carson City, rarely showing up at his Capitol office and making few public appearances.” [Las Vegas Sun]

AMERICA’S WORST GOVERNOR CAUGHT HUMPING OLD PLAYMATE: Drunken lout and serial cheater Jim Gibbons took a break from ruining Nevada to get caught cheating on his soon-to-be ex-wife Dawn, again, in the parking lot of the Reno Rodeo. Stay classy, Jim. [AOL Political Machine]

Everyone knows that John McCain hates his wife and calls her a “cunt” almost all the time. Everyone also knows that John McCain is a famous comedian, which is why his best friend is Jon Stewart, from television. And that’s why he made a “wisecrack” yesterday about beating up his wife in Las Vegas. Ha ha, because if he actually did beat up his wife, his chances of becoming president would be limited! MORE »

Dawn Gibbons has been living in the Nevada Governor’s Mansion alone since earlier this year. Jim Gibbons, the moronic alcoholic waitress-assaulting sex criminal who was comically elected governor in 2006 and took a secret midnight oath of office in his Reno living room, has moved back to that Reno house. He served Dawn with divorce papers, but she says he won’t tell her why he’s divorcing her. MORE »

With nothing better to do these days, Ron Paul and his crazed followers bum-rushed the Nevada Republican Convention in Reno on Saturday — and they upended the whole process, which was supposed to be an “Oh well let’s give our Romney support to McCain since he is apparently the nominee.” They voted to change the party’s rules and seize the state’s delegates for Dr. Congressman Ron Paul! Hilarious! Then, convention chairman Bob Beers shut down the whole event, claiming the Peppermill Casino was going to kick them out for continuing beyond 5 p.m., which was a total lie, so the Paultards tried to kill him, and he barely escaped with his life! MORE »

The divorce gossip is basically true! Halfway through a disastrous scandal-ridden first (possibly fictional) term as Nevada’s governor, rat-eyed corrupt paranoid-schizophrenic alcoholic cocktail-waitress-assaulting Jim Gibbons is having a “family meeting” this weekend to make a divorce deal with Dawn Gibbons, his long-suffering yet power-mad wife. This is according to the Reno Gazette Journal, quoting Gibbons’ own office. Congratulations, Dawn! Maybe your settlement will include that briefcase full of bribe money and poker chips the lobbyists brought you on the cruise ship!

Future of Gibbons marriage uncertain [RGJ]