Oh, gross! It’s a “viral marketing scheme” designed to shanghai you into taking a blood oath in support of Barack Obama’s socialist revolution. Just watch this video by the new fake David Plouffe, sign some dumb little online petition, and voila, you will be spared a personal “visit” by Obama’s praetorian guard. [Organizing for America Pledge Project, Ben Smith]

Dagnabbit we were assured in no uncertain terms that Barack Obama was an unrepentant Marxist who would “spread the wealth around” and socialize medicine, plus other valuable American industries such as porn and sports teams. Everybody was going to win/get rich with virtually zero effort, except for the hard-working white Americans we would enslave for the Cause! Obama rode this wave of pro-Socialist sentiment to become President of our Second Great Depression. Only now have many proud netizens realized that our beloved Muslim Marxist was actually just some lousy centrist moderate type with a sober, pragmatic approach to governing and no intention of socializing anything, not even Major League Baseball. MORE »

You know how Barack Obama’s people have the whole “Fight the Smears” thing, where you copy and paste some text that says, “I’m very disappointed in you, Barack Obama does not worship the Shark God even though he is from Hawaii” and you spam it all over the place? Well, about FOUR MILLION YEARS after the Democrats came up with this crazy idea that they could “harness the power of blogs” or whatever, John McCain’s Internet wizards have finally unveiled their own version called, let’s see, Spread the Word. Because they are Capitalist Pigs, they offer material incentives to their “volunteers,” such as three minutes in heaven with Miss Buffalo Chip in exchange for spamming 4,000 liberal blogs with claptrap. MORE »

* Hillary Clinton is in it to win it. [WP, NYT]
* But why is Bill Richardson in it? [WP, NYT]
* President Bush zones out 25 minutes into interview, refuses even to talk baseball. [USAT]
* White House speechwriters preparing for SOTU learn the President doesn’t like flowers in his mouth, does like World’s Greatest Hamburger. [NYT]
* Presidential candidates pat themselves on the back for knowing what the internet is. [WP, WSJ]
* Nancy Pelosi to use giant cartoon “heavy hands” for smashing marble ceilings, Republican proposed legislation, and David Obey’s teeth. [WP]
* Taking back $5.5 billion in subsidies from oil companies is like jacking someone for their bubble-yum and a little pocket lint. [LAT]

God knows where they’re pulling these numbers from — we suspect somebody’s ass — but CNN is calling Connecticut for Lamont. MORE »

So, it turns out that Michigan had its own little centrist-incumbent-felled-by-activist-wing-of-its-party-in-the-primary thing going last night. Joe Schwarz, a moderate Republican, currently represents the 7th district, which includes the city of Battle Creek and thus America’s strategic breakfast-cereal manufacturing facilities, but he was felled by right-wing challenger Tim Walberg. There are many potential reasons why the liberal media seems to have no interest in this story while it’s slobbering all over Lieberman’s defeat: Schwarz is a lowly Representative, not a Senator; he has no harebrained schemes of running as an independent; he was only a one-term incumbent; and he was never his party’s vice presidential candidate. MORE »